If you and your sister often fight, this problem can actually be solved. Getting to know your sibling is an important aspect of developing a close, long-term relationship. Have positive interactions with your sibling. Try to be polite and nice to him. Treat him as a friend. Appreciate the positive things that he has. Think about what makes him attractive and likable to others. If there is a conflict, resolve the issue by discussing it, rather than fighting or arguing. With a little effort, you can build a good relationship with your sibling. If he is angry with you, give him time to calm down. Apologize to him. Make him feel calm. Buy a gift as your apology. You can also take him to the mall. If you feel angry at him, try to tell him how you feel. Make sure you speak calmly. Try interacting with him. If that doesn't work, ask someone you can trust for advice. Try to improve your relationship and get to know your sister as much as possible. He is part of your family. Deep down, he loves you as much as you love him.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Interact Positively With Him
Step 1. Support the achievement
If you want a good relationship with your sister, make her feel supported. Instead of being jealous of his achievements, be an encouragement to him. Your attitude will make him feel appreciated and strengthen your relationship with him.
- If your brother gets an achievement, congratulate him sincerely. For example, you could say, “Congratulations! I'm so proud!” when he got a perfect score at the semester report card distribution event. If you're supportive, there's a good chance he will be supportive of you too.
- Remember that it's natural to feel jealous sometimes. Sometimes, you wish you were the one getting the achievement. However, just because you feel negative emotions, doesn't mean you need to show them. Try to put negative emotions aside and sincerely congratulate him.
Step 2. Set boundaries with respect
Boundaries are important in a healthy relationship. Without strong boundaries, positive relationships will be difficult to build. You deserve your own physical and emotional space. When your sibling intrudes on your personal space, warn him/her politely, and not with anger.
- If he upsets you, you have the right to ask him to stop his behavior or actions. Sometimes it's hard for siblings to recognize each other's boundaries, and your sister inadvertently makes you feel uncomfortable. In situations like these, show appropriate and wise responses.
- Ask him to stop his behavior, but do it maturely. Don't say, “Get out of my room! I don't want you here!" Instead, you could say, "Sometimes I need to be alone and I don't like it when you come into my room when I want to read." If your sibling is still bothering you and tends to disrespect you, you can talk about the matter honestly with your parents. Alternatively, you can also stop talking to him by walking away for a while until he learns to treat you with respect.
- Sometimes, he doesn't understand that you are setting boundaries. Don't hesitate to ask your parents for help if your sibling doesn't respect your boundaries.
Step 3. Do the homework together
One way to improve your relationship with your sister is to work together. Try to help him with household chores, and ask for his help in return. For example, if the two of you wash the dishes together, a team spirit and a sense of community can be built.
Make homework more fun to strengthen your relationship. If you feel tired while washing the dishes, try making a song while you finish your work to make the time more fun
Step 4. Treat your sister like a friend
Many people tend to underestimate their siblings. You can't see him as an individual if you're used to seeing him as a member of the family. Try treating him as a friend. Often, brothers and sisters end up being best friends.
- Think about how you treat your schoolmates. It's possible that you don't bully or torture them, as you might with your brother. Try to give your brother the same kindness.
- Spend some time with him once in a while. Just because he's part of your family, doesn't mean you two can't spend time together like friends. Go shopping. Take him on a bike. Play board games together. Activities like this can build a positive relationship between the two of you.
Part 2 of 3: Changing Your Attitude to Him
Step 1. Don't be jealous of his talent
Jealousy is common in sibling relationships and can lead to great tension. For example, if your brother is a book lover, he may get a lot of attention from other relatives. Instead of feeling envious, praise and admire his talent.
- Remember your own talents and abilities. Your brother may have read all of Andrea Hirata's works, but you are a good basketball player. He may be good at ice skating, but you may be good at horseback riding.
- Remember that everyone is unique. There's no point in comparing yourself to your brother because you two are different. It doesn't matter if you have different skills.
Step 2. Appreciate the positive aspect or character
When you feel angry with him, it helps you remember the character or positive aspects that are in him. Instead of focusing on the things he does and annoys you, think about the things that make you appreciate him.
- Throughout the day, take time to show appreciation for her. When he does something you like, don't hesitate to share your opinion.
- For example, you could say, "Ani, I appreciate your help with my math homework."
- If you are able to appreciate it, you will not feel so upset when conflicts arise. You can remember the good or the positive aspects that are even greater or more than the negative aspects.
Step 3. Think about the future
It may be difficult for you to bond with your sibling while still living at home, especially if the two of you share the same room or items. You will be annoyed with him more often. In a situation like this, think about the future. Remind yourself that you may not be able to see it every day. This kind of thinking helps you to appreciate it more.
- Many siblings eventually become best friends as adults. Even though the situation is tense right now, one day you may think of your sister as your closest friend.
- Think about this when you're upset. Remember that one event or situation does not necessarily describe your relationship with him as a whole. Having a wiser perspective can help you dispel any resentment you feel.
Step 4. Don't label it
If you live with someone else, sometimes it's hard for you to see them as an individual. You may view him as a member of the family. For example, you may feel, "My sister is the smart one at home" or "My sister is the good kid." Try to see her as a different person, and not according to the labels you put on her. Push yourself to see her as a different person..
- Hold on when you start labeling it. Question the correctness of the label you give. Does he see himself that way? Is there something that doesn't match the label?
- Focus on aspects of his personality that don't match your label. For example, you may feel that your sister is an athlete with not much intelligence. Hold on and remember that he can at least finish his chemistry test and get good grades.
Step 5. Find free time to spend with him
It's important that you spend time with him so you can learn to appreciate him. You two can bond with each other while doing and enjoying the same activities. Try to get to spend time with him every week.
- Attend a basketball game that your sibling joins after school. Accompany him to his piano class. Ask him to accompany you in return. For example, you can invite him to your art show.
- Make time on school days. Watch a movie with him after school. Play games together. Chat about movies, books and music.
Part 3 of 3: Managing Conflict with him
Step 1. Think before you act
Immediately reacting when a conflict occurs is not a good thing. If he hurts your feelings, restrain yourself before you act. Take deep breaths and do something to calm yourself down, like counting to five. That way, you won't yell at or scold your brother and make things worse.
Step 2. Get your message across in words
Use speech to deal with conflict. Don't shout or swear because you just can't get your message across properly. Never do physical violence because the condition will only worsen. You also shouldn't hurt your sibling while fighting.
- Let him know that he has hurt your feelings or upset you. Use simple language to explain that his behavior is unacceptable, rather than scolding him.
- For example, you could say, "Eli, don't pinch me. It hurts." Sayings like this are more effective than cursing or retaliating.
Step 3. Avoid topics that trigger conflict
Some topics can lead to contention. Maybe your sibling doesn't like discussing school-related matters. There may also be something you don't agree with. If there are certain topics that tend to trigger conflict, it's a good idea to avoid those topics. Not everyone always agrees on something.
Step 4. Discuss the problem with the parents
If you're having trouble dealing with your sibling, talk to your parents. They want you and your brother to get along. Of course, your parents will be happy to intervene if you two have a problem.
- Don't talk about your problem in a negative way. Don't let your parents feel that you want to argue or be rude. Show that you really want to solve the problem at hand, and not make your parents side with you.
- For example, you could say, “Dad, I have a problem with Sofia. Can I get some advice on how to talk to him to get him to stop reading my diary?"
Tips
- Find things you both like to do together. Take this as a special time together.
- Make him laugh! Humor can bring everyone together and relieve tension in certain situations.
- If your sibling seems upset, ask him what made him angry. Show concern to strengthen your relationship with him.
- When you two fight, stay away. You two may need to get away from each other for a while.
- Try making cupcakes together because everyone loves it, right? You can also have fun in the kitchen. If he doesn't want to do it, don't be discouraged. Maybe he wasn't in the mood to bake. You can bake cakes with other people and try to invite your sibling at another time.
- Ask and record things or activities that he enjoys. After that, the two of you can try the activities you noted down.
