Relationships with teens can be frustrating. Adolescence is known as a time to rebel and the child usually feels insecure so that his relationships with other people feel tense. However, listening, refraining from judging, and being willing to make time for him when needed can help mend your broken relationship with him.
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Part 1 of 2: Improving the Relationship between Parents and Teenagers
Step 1. Notice the pattern of his behavior
Teenagers tend to be very insecure. He doesn't like being judged for the choices he makes. Instead of blaming him when you talk to him, pay attention to his behavior patterns that are important to the health of your relationship. Correcting this pattern is more effective than punishing him for his behavior.
- Try to see the situation from your teen's perspective. Why do you think he refuses to have a healthy relationship with you? What is his involvement in this conflict like? Is there anything you did ineffectively communicating with him?
- Don't think about who's right. Look for patterns of behavior. What kind of behaviors make a situation at home negative and how can you work together to overcome this behavior problem? Try starting a conversation like this: "I'm asking you to put the dirty dishes in the sink. Even though you said you would, often you don't and you have to remind you again. You get angry. What do you think we can do about this problem? more effectively?"
Step 2. Focus on the present
When you feel frustrated with a family member, you are prompted to look back on past interactions. It's a way of gathering evidence, believing that you are right and your teen is wrong. Strategies like this can have dire consequences if you're trying to mend relationships with your teen. You try to overcome the problems that exist in order to move on with life while if you continue to dwell in the past, you also have a hard time forgetting the negative things that have happened. When interacting with your teen, try to focus on the present and the problems you are currently facing.
Step 3. Make time for your child
You can't force him to want to talk to you. If you insist, your child might even withdraw. However, if you make the effort to spend time with him, your child will come to you when he is having problems.
- Let your child know that he can talk to you if he needs to. Don't force her or make her feel obligated to share her feelings with you. You could say, "If you need to talk, I will always be there for you."
- Make sure your teen knows when he can talk to you or when you're not ready for him. Provide the office phone number for emergencies. Message him if you can't answer his phone.
Step 4. Limit judgmental actions
Teenagers are known to be in a period of insecurity. If for him you are often judgmental, he might stay away from you. Try not to be too judgmental when communicating with him.
- Usually people start exploring new behaviors in adolescence. Sexual feelings begin to emerge and your teen may also be curious about aspects of the adult world, such as starting to drink alcohol. Allow your teen to express himself to you without you judging him, but try to keep gently reminding him that it's important to keep him safe. Don't be afraid to discuss the dangers of drinking alcohol and having sex before marriage. Make sure your child knows that you are telling this because you want him to be safe and happy. Don't say it in a judgmental tone.
- Try saying, "You know that as a teenager we wanted to try new things, but I want you to stay safe and happy. Maybe we can talk about drinking and drug use this week?"
Step 5. Try to focus on trying to get the end result
When trying to repair a relationship that has been damaged, sometimes people just get hung up on the outcome they want. And this makes him very focused on the result. This obsession with achieving this goal makes it difficult to focus on what is important. Channel your energy and thoughts towards achieving the goals that are best for all.
Step 6. Try to learn to communicate with your teen
Many parents find it difficult to talk to their teens. If you want to build a healthier relationship with your teen, try to communicate with him or her effectively.
- Resist the urge to be judgmental when talking to her, but be honest. If some topics make you unintentionally judgmental and seem cruel, stop the discussion by saying, "I don't think we should talk about this."
- Make time for casual conversation. If the only topic in your conversation is the problem you are facing, the conversation will feel heavy and forced. Try talking about fun and light things like movies, television shows, celebrity gossip, and other fun topics.
- Slowly try to have a pleasant conversation with your teen. You can't expect him to open up and befriend you right away. Take small, slow steps when trying to mend a broken relationship.
Step 7. Listen
Parents sometimes make the mistake of not really listening to their teens. Having a healthy relationship with your teen means listening to his needs and wants and taking them seriously.
- Listen to your child actively. Teenagers want to be heard and recognized. Give non-verbal signs such as nodding your head and smiling at appropriate times to show that you are listening. Briefly repeat what your teen just said. For example, if your teen said he felt his friends were ignoring him when they got together last weekend, say, "So you feel like you're being ignored because they don't seem to want to spend time with you?" This shows that you pay attention to what he has to say and care about him.
- Active listening prevents misunderstandings from occurring, a factor that can damage any relationship. It also forces you to listen and think about what your teen has to say.
Step 8. Watch for signs of depression and anxiety in him
Mental health problems such as depression or anxiety can affect your relationship with your child. These problems can look different in teenagers than adults, so try to understand the signs that can confirm this mental health problem.
- Feeling sad, often crying loudly, tired, no longer interested in activities that they used to enjoy, and difficulty concentrating are symptoms of depression in both teens and adults. There are some symptoms that are more often shown by teenagers who are depressed, when compared to adults who are depressed. These symptoms are a mood filled with anger or a tendency to feel irritated, complain about the pain they are experiencing, be sensitive to criticism, and withdraw from friends and family.
- Teenagers can act out when they are depressed and feel anxious when dealing with emotional pain. Maybe he's having trouble at school, be it academic or behavioral, and he's addicted to spending time online or escaping to alcohol and alcohol. It could also be that your child's self-confidence is compromised, he engages in high-risk behavior, and sometimes becomes violent to others.
Part 2 of 2: Improving Relationships Between Teenagers
Step 1. Try active listening
If you want to improve your relationship, try to improve your listening skills. When someone is trying to communicate with you, do your best to show that you are listening.
- Active listening means giving verbal and non-verbal signs that you are paying attention to what is being said. Nod from time to time and say "Yes" and "I see." Try to smile and laugh at the right times.
- When it's your turn to speak, take the time to emphasize what the other person has said. Try to summarize the points that have been conveyed. You might say something like, "I understand when you feel…" or "What I get, you feel very…"
Step 2. Try to apologize
If a friend or partner feels hurt by what you did, apologize to them. Teenagers are often too busy with their thoughts to find it difficult to apologize. However, whether you feel guilty or not, you should sincerely apologize if you hurt someone's feelings. Apologies can go a long way in trying to mend a broken relationship.
Step 3. Don't judge
Resisting the urge to judge is essential to repairing a broken relationship. Try not to think about the situation and the debates that exist between you. Continue the conversation without judgment, even if negative things have happened in the past. Try to see the situation from the other person's perspective. Even if you feel hurt, what do you think prompted this person to behave in this way?
Step 4. Think of positive things like what a friend has
Ask yourself if this relationship deserves to be repaired. Teenagers often make bad decisions about their relationships because of self-confidence issues. Make sure you know what kind of positives a good friend should have.
- Think about past positive friendships and your relationship with your family. What do you like about this relationship? Do you feel supported and safe? Does a broken relationship give you this sensation too? If so, why? If not, why?
- Find friends who encourage the best in you. If you don't like your attitude in front of a certain person, then your friendship doesn't seem worth keeping.
- Only repair relationships with people who treat you with respect. Some relationships break down for good reason. If you feel disrespected, it's okay if you want to end the relationship.
Step 5. Know the signs of a damaging relationship
Violent relationships can be friendships or romantic relationships. Teenagers are often unaware of the dynamics of a healthy relationship because they are still exploring themselves and the world. Try to figure out what a bad relationship looks like so you know what kind of people to avoid.
- People who enjoy violence tend to be very jealous. A violent friend or lover can get jealous easily and fear abandonment. These people don't believe your words when you try to convince them and tend to ignore your words.
- People who enjoy violence can suddenly get angry. He may berate you, yell at you, or blame you for problems that are beyond your control. This anger can turn violent. It's best not to stay around someone who could physically hurt you.
