You can build good relationships with other people if you can free yourself from judgment and try to understand them without judging. Take time to talk to people in various areas of your life, and use the following suggestions so you can take advantage of opportunities to build good relationships. Success in having a relationship with someone will make your life happier and more fulfilling.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Build Relationships with Friends or Partners
Step 1. Make time to see each other
The following steps will be useful if you want to build a relationship with someone who is close to you, but you find it difficult to understand them. Especially if your friend is introverted or shy, and they don't feel comfortable talking about serious or personal things in public.
Step 2. Listen actively
Let them talk about their problems, how they feel, or what is weighing them down. Try not to get distracted in your conversation and pay close attention to them. This is called active listening, and continue to develop this ability with practice. Turn off your cell phone first, face the person who is talking and occasionally nod or say yes to show that you hear what they are saying. Keep practicing so you can focus on what they are saying, not how you respond to what they say or plan your response.
Your friends may not be ready to discuss personal topics even if you are ready to listen to them. Let your friends talk about everyday experiences as they wish, but it's a good idea to continue practicing listening and relationship-building techniques
Step 3. Ask questions about what they just said
Build a connection and show that you are listening by referring to the points they just talked about. Asking is the best way to do this while engaging the other person and asking for clarification on what you don't understand. Try the following examples while adapting the content of your question to the topic at hand:
- "When you told me about a job that made you stressed, was it because of the workload, or was there some other reason?"
- "If my understanding is correct, you are worried that your father will be disappointed because you want to move to another city?"
Step 4. Pay attention to your body language
While listening, pay attention to their facial expressions and body cues, or other movements. If they cross their arms, move away, or perform repetitive, nervous-sounding movements such as brushing their hair, they may feel uncomfortable. Invite them to talk about simpler topics.
Learn more about reading body language
Step 5. Pause to understand the other person's point of view
Postpone your urge to respond immediately with the answer that first comes to mind, and try to imagine how they might feel. Even if you think they are interpreting the situation in the wrong way, try to put yourself in their shoes and have the same view of what is going on. Can you see yourself responding in the same way, or at least feeling the urge to respond in that way?
For example, your friend alleges that you deliberately kept them out of the party, but actually you tried to contact them to invite them but failed. Instead of immediately defending yourself or feeling attacked, try to imagine how you would want to be treated yourself if you really felt that they wanted to avoid you. It might be a good idea to invite your friends to another event to let them know that you still want to be friends instead of arguing about small things from the past
Step 6. Don't say anything you don't agree with
Building relationships isn't just about winning an argument or even expressing your opinion. Stay honest, but don't bring up every negative argument or response without giving it a second thought. Respect your friends by letting them have a different opinion from yours.
Discuss openly if there are differences of opinion that could lead to problems or negative emotions. Disagreements that don't have much of an impact on your relationship can be ignored. For example, differences in political views usually don't affect the day-to-day interactions between friends, as long as they don't constantly argue about it
Step 7. Focus only on the issues that matter
Deal with differences of opinion or conflict with a critical perspective and do not need to rush to find a solution. Could this problem be straining the relationship, or is it just a minor annoyance that you can ignore or work on? One aspect of building a relationship is allowing the other person to do what you don't agree with as long as it's good for them.
- Often times, the two of you can make an agreement not to get involved in certain activities or events. For example, watch television alone if other people don't like the show you choose or let your partner meet up with friends you don't know.
- Sometimes even seemingly overwhelming problems can be solved by making a mutually respectful agreement. For example, maybe the two of you can appreciate each other by attending religious ceremonies together if there are important celebrations or activities on certain days, but agree not to attend weekly worship together.
Step 8. Forgive the other person's actions if necessary
Forgiveness is easier said than done, but if there is animosity between you and your friend, resolve the issue amicably, either by involving them or yourself. You don't need to understand the motives for your friend's actions, but if you want to build a relationship with them forever, try to forget your hatred.
Be prepared if it turns out that your friend is not ready to admit that he was wrong, and they may even get angry when you say you want to forgive them. Just keep this sorry in your heart if the situation is like this
Step 9. Express gratitude
Create a closer relationship if someone does something for you. Thank them for their praise, help, and kindness. Having an emotionally positive relationship will make it easier for you to understand them, or at least can prevent you from jumping to negative conclusions about their actions.
Method 2 of 2: Building Relationships with Others in General
Step 1. Be careful with the ratings you give
Many of us immediately make judgments when we hear information about someone. This doesn't mean that we have to take action against them or that we become bad people for thinking about them. However, it's good to admit that judgment can get in the way of us building relationships with other people. First of all, be aware of it when you make this judgment.
- Don't you want to discuss certain topics with your friends because you assume they won't be interested?
- Do you get irritated or worried when you see someone you don't know on the road or on public transportation, before they've said or done something worth judging?
- Don't you like people with quirky personalities like getting a tattoo or choosing certain activities?
Step 2. Don't criticize "short-sighted" behavior
A common complaint from people who are having a hard time when they want to build a relationship is that the other person is being petty, immature, or even stupid. Staying away from someone in such degrading ways will only make you never able to find the other side of their personality.
- Fun-loving people often irritate others who don't understand the reason for their fun. If someone likes to party more than you, or is acting excessively and annoyingly in your group of friends, try to see the possibility that you could still be on good terms with your friend if things were calmer.
- Your choice of fashion, make-up, or even activity is often more polished than one might think. Don't allow yourself to be involved in judgmental conversations.
- Open up your horizons about other people's lifestyles. Activities you don't enjoy may be enjoyable to other people, or may provide benefits that you don't derive from your lifestyle. Even if someone admits their "fun is wrong" and doesn't seem helpful, try to view their habits as stress-relieving or energy-boosting activities before they return to more productive, more challenging activities.
Step 3. Try "translating" another accent or writing style into your own language
It's easy to judge someone by their accent, use of "terms," or even certain phrases that irritate you. Before you respond, imagine that you or a friend you respect say the same statement in a different tone or choice of words. Does this method sound more reasonable?
Step 4. Try practicing how to start a conversation
If you want to meet new people, find ways to start a conversation. It's easier to know the other person's personality more precisely once you've chatted with them. Try doing some of these easy ways:
- Ask simple questions to get started. If you smoke, ask if they have a lighter. Ask someone you don't know in a big city if they're from this city or from somewhere else.
- If something funny or shocking is happening near you, leave a comment or make eye contact and smile at them.
- Bring conversation starters like a dog or wear something eye-catching and unique.
Step 5. Read more literary fiction
One study suggests that reading "literary fiction" or real-life fiction can improve your ability to build relationships with other people. This may be because these works can explain the motivations of the characters in the story or express their experiences in more realistic situations so that readers can understand the motivations of other people in everyday life.
This method probably won't work until you've read a story that makes you feel emotionally involved. If you find reading a story just like doing household chores, then stop and try to find another work of fiction that is more enjoyable
Step 6. Watch movies and television without sound
Try practicing to read body language and facial expressions by turning off the volume and text of the conversation while trying to understand what's going on. If you're having trouble, try watching a movie with a friend who can read body language, and ask them to explain their interpretation to you. If you've been practicing more, continue watching alone.
