Marriage is not only a union of two people, but also two families. From research, it is estimated that one in four wives dislike their mother-in-law. Before you make a fuss with your mother-in-law, take this three-step progressive approach to repairing your relationship with her.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Changing Your View
Step 1. Respect the mother-in-law's love for her child
Many parents feel that their child's spouse has to prove that they are worthy. This usually stems from affection or insecurity.
Step 2. Give it time
It may take your in-laws years, not weeks, to accept you into the family. Patience is your greatest ally in this process.
Step 3. Take a Buddhist approach
Accept the things you can't change, such as how other people think. Don't try to control the actions and emotions of others, control yourself.
Step 4. Think of your in-laws as family
As the saying goes, "You can't choose your family." You cannot change or choose your in-laws, and not having a relationship with them is a rare option.
Step 5. Consider that your mother-in-law probably grew up in a different environment
Political, religious, and social conflicts are common and difficult to remedy. In most cases, it's better to avoid discussing the topic in a one-on-one face-to-face.
Step 6. Find common ground
Talk about the common interests you have with your in-laws. These little similarities will grow and transform your relationship.
Step 7. Pour it out to others who are not in the family
Don't complain to your spouse, mom, dad, or siblings unless you're ready to get kicked. These people are often on the defensive and make new family ties even weaker.
Step 8. Handle requests for grandchildren gracefully
Try saying “We'll make sure you're the first to know when we're ready to start a family.”
Method 2 of 3: Discuss Your Feelings
Step 1. Talk to your partner about what's bothering you
Use phrases like “I feel” and always avoid insulting your own mother. Children become defensive about their parents, especially when they have close relationships.
Strong communication skills between partners will allow you to deal with many difficult problems long after you have found the right solution to deal with your Mother-in-law
Step 2. Establish family boundaries with your partner
Discuss topics you don't want to share with your parents, such as finances, sex, and family plans. Agree to uphold them together as a family unit.
Step 3. Talk to the in-laws as a team, rather than alone
Big problems, news, and plans must be faced together in the same unit.
Step 4. Try saying, “I respect your opinion, but in this case I don't agree
You can also try, “We have to agree to disagree.” While they may feel soft or clichéd, they are the best way to disagree and try to move on
Step 5. Deal with the in-laws directly
Do the same tactics as you would with your partner, and speak with feelings rather than accusations. Try saying, “I realize you're trying to help; but, when you criticize me, it hurts my feelings.”
Honesty can make someone careless, but you have to be brave to face the backlash
Method 3 of 3: Limiting Communication With Him
Step 1. Be aware when your in-laws become dangerous
If his humiliation has had a major impact on your self-esteem or your relationship with your partner is still strained, it's time to take action or distance yourself.
Step 2. Split the holidays
If your in-laws don't get along with your family, remember that they don't have to spend the holidays together. You and your partner can determine a schedule that divides all major holidays and summers.
Step 3. Try not to meet him if there is no need
Seeing your own partner's mother is fine with you. Try not to lie, but respectfully decline invitations from time to time.
Step 4. Allow your in-laws to bring their problems out in the open
If you've tried everything and they still don't respect you, you may want to ask them to share their feelings. This allows them to feel respected, or it can deepen the gulf between you, so wait until you've tried something else.
Step 5. Talk to your partner again if you feel disrespected, manipulated, or harassed
It's better to explain how you feel before you cut off all communication with your mother-in-law. Hopefully the other methods and over time will make your Mother-in-law more manageable.
