Living life with someone who is difficult will feel like hell, especially for the people who have to be with them all the time. If you're constantly dealing with people who behave in a negative way, such as a cruel boss, a criticizing friend or a demanding family member, you're probably going to be afraid and want to know how to change things. You'll be better able to deal with these situations if you know how to stay positive and deal with their bad behavior. If things get worse, limit your time with them or cut off the relationship altogether. You can find out more about how to deal with people who are giving you a hard time right now by reading the following steps.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Coping With The Circumstances
Step 1. Stay calm and in control
It's hard not to get angry or lose control when someone is criticizing, nagging, or being rude. People who like to make things difficult for others seem to deserve to be humiliated once in a while. But a negative attitude attracts negativity, and if you put yourself down like these troublesome people, you give them more energy and make the situation worse. By being calm and being able to refrain from attacking or defending yourself, a tense situation will soon subside.
- Try applying the proverb "think before you speak." If you want to talk, take 10 seconds to decide what you want to say instead of saying something without thinking about it. This way, you won't say things you'll later regret.
- Don't let your emotions control you. You may feel angry and hurt by what people say to you, but things won't improve if you yell or yell at them.
Step 2. Try to understand what their reasons are
Even if it seems difficult, try to see things from the other person's point of view. This difficult personality is often the result of bad experiences that have distorted their perspective. Try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what it would be like if you were them. With empathy, you'll be able to understand why they're acting this way and be able to respond understandingly, rather than trying to defend yourself. Sometimes smiling and treating them kindly can be the best way to deal with their bad behavior.
- For example, maybe you are friends with someone who constantly criticizes other people. People like this usually like to criticize themselves. Knowing this, you'll realize that the best way to avoid troublesome behavior from your friend is to offer a nice compliment, or to help your friend see the best in herself and in others.
- Research shows that people who like to bully others usually have experienced bullying. People who are cruel and like to put other people down may have experienced the same thing in their lives. If you are able to see what is causing a person's bad attitude and understand that he or she is suffering, you may be able to find a positive way to deal with the situation.
- While empathy and showing kindness can be great ways to improve a relationship, there are times when their problems are so big that they won't be affected much by your positive attitude. Of course you can give them a try, but don't expect them to go through a big change and suddenly become someone nice.
Step 3. Don't take them personally
In general, someone's behavior is not really because of you, but rather because of themselves. It may not be easy, but try to ignore it as much as you can. If they're in a bad mood and they're talking with the same impatient tone to everyone else, you have no reason to feel personally attacked. Instead of feeling the need to defend yourself or being hurt, try to ignore their negative comments.
Sometimes, there are comments that really feel very personal, and really hurt your feelings. In this case, you should face the situation head-on instead of simply ignoring it. If you are being antagonized, this means that you are facing abuse, and this is different from the treatment of someone who treats others harshly, but is equal to everyone
Step 4. Change the subject
If you have to deal with someone who likes to dominate a conversation in a negative way, such as complaining, criticizing, or accusing, try to control the conversation instead of following it. Change the subject of the conversation to a more interesting topic, or switch it if the conversation is getting more and more unpleasant.
If you have to deal with someone who's been very rude, you should say it directly, for example, "This topic makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don't want to talk about it anymore," or say "We'd better talk about something else." Hopefully he will respect your wishes and not impose his own
Step 5. Find out if you played a part in this problem
Does this troublesome person feel disappointed in you? Are you being ignored or belittled because he is angry at your words or actions? While there is no good reason to treat someone badly, there is a possibility that this person's behavior was caused by certain events. If so, you can make things right by apologizing.
Step 6. Use humor to divert negativity
There are times when grumpy people don't even realize that their bad mood can affect other people. Telling a funny story is a great way to lighten the load and entertain this person. Make sure that the jokes you tell don't make this person feel laughed at.
Method 2 of 3: Confronting Bad Behavior
Step 1. Speak
If someone's behavior is disrupting your life and happiness, it's time to come face-to-face with them. Tell me honestly what's bothering you. For example, if your sister constantly complains about her parents, say that her negative attitude makes you uncomfortable, and that you don't want to hear anything about it anymore. It will not be easy to have this kind of conversation, but it may be all that is needed to create a better atmosphere in your relationship.
- Don't confront this person in front of other people because he or she will feel embarrassed and cornered, so find a time and place where you can talk about the matter in private.
- Try not to show anger during the conversation as this can throw the situation out of control and the outcome may not be what you expected.
Step 2. Distinguish between the behavior and the person
This technique allows you to give an honest critique of this person's behavior without attacking them personally. The goal is not to make this person feel condescending, but to stop the destructive behavior from affecting you (and possibly others.) Point out certain examples of problematic behavior.
For example, if your boss never gives you positive feedback, and this discourages you from working, see your boss for feedback on a job you've done well. Say that it helps a lot if you know what went well besides the things you need to fix
Step 3. Define your expectations and explain the consequences
Under certain circumstances, you can tell this person in no uncertain terms what to change, and what the consequences will be if you don't. While this may not be appropriate at work-because giving an ultimatum to your boss won't solve the problem well-it can be used to deal with your family members or friends. Set certain limits and explain that if he violates them, there will be consequences.
- For example, if you used to visit your aunt twice a week, and she spends her time complaining about her life and that of your family members, say that you can't visit as often unless she can break her habit of talking about negative things.
- For this tactic to work, you have to actually do what you say. This means if your aunt continues to complain, you should skip your scheduled visit once or twice until she understands that you mean it.
Step 4. Don't give in to criticism
If someone makes you uncomfortable, state your point of view and don't just give up. If someone accuses you of doing something you didn't do, say "That's not true" and prove otherwise. If someone criticizes your appearance, say "I like my hairstyle" or "I don't agree with your opinion." Don't sit still, and don't apologize for things you can't control. Critics usually grow up in weakness, and they will be satisfied if you just give up when they tell you that something is wrong with you.
Step 5. Take action against oppression
Bullying is not to be taken lightly, whether it is at school or at work. Bullies usually like to bully themselves, but there is no excuse for their evil actions. Over time, victims of bullying can develop depression and low self-esteem, so address these issues as soon as you find out.
- Face the bully without losing control. Bullies always want to dominate their victims, and like to humiliate those they think are weaker than them. Don't show that you are angry or sad in this situation.
- If confronting the bully doesn't work, you should take steps to protect yourself, such as cutting off ties with this person.
- At work, consider telling your manager about this situation. If you have an abusive boss, you may need to find a new job.
Method 3 of 3: Protecting Yourself
Step 1. Don't despair
Dealing with people whose attitude is difficult can be problematic because their negativity is contagious. While positive people always share their joy with others, troublesome people will spread gloom into other people's lives the next time they come. If you have to meet a lot of difficult people, and the problem is insurmountable, do your best not to get carried away with negative feelings.
- Try to stay positive throughout the day. It's okay to vent your anger, but resist the urge to talk about the matter too much. Don't let negativity rule your life, and if you can, leave the habit.
- Try not to hold grudges against people who make things difficult for you. Keep in mind that this person may have hidden burdens to deal with that have nothing to do with you. Focus on the good things in your life and be happy that you are not a person who makes things difficult for others.
Step 2. Fill your time with positive people
Here's how to ward off troublesome people. Make the most of your time hanging out with loving, kind, and happy people who can bring out the best in you. Increase your energy supply if needed to meet people who usually only drain your energy.
Step 3. If you can, avoid them
You may not always be able to stay away from these troublesome people, especially if they are members of your family or co-workers. If the situation gets really bad or there is excessive violence (eg you are being bullied,) avoid this person as much as you can. In reality, you may have to cut ties with them altogether. Even if you want to try to change them, or you hope that things will get better someday, face the reality and find out if this is really doable.
- Set a definite limit on how much time you want to give them. For example, if your mother is very difficult and always scolds you, it's a good idea to set a time limit when you visit, maybe only 1 hour a week. If it's still too much, reduce it again.
- If this person was physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive to you, and this pattern keeps repeating itself, you should prioritize your physical and mental safety by not seeing this person again.
Tips
- It's important to remember that if you don't also notice a change in their behavior, it's best to step back rather than continue to be frustrated but futile.
- In a situation like this, it's better that you don't interact with them because you will face difficulties that you cannot overcome.
- Speak calmly and politely to them.
- Don't let their comments influence you.
- If you think this person has gone too far, or is deliberately bullying you, share this with someone you can trust, such as your parent or teacher.
Warning
- Don't let them get angry or try to hurt/make them sad.
- If you think they might be in trouble, don't push yourself to help unless they're willing to accept your help.
