Falling in love is a million times. If you are experiencing this turmoil too, chances are you won't know what to do around that person, right? Well, at this time the role of parents, especially your mother, is needed. A mother always has the power to help her child deal with difficult feelings. In addition, your mother can also determine various basic dating rules that can be your guide in the future. Start the conversation by finding the right time and place. then, listen and appreciate whatever your mother said afterward. If a conflict arises in the middle of a conversation, try to deal with it wisely. Remember, getting angry or being defensive will only hinder a smooth conversation!
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Part 1 of 3: Starting a Conversation
Step 1. Take the conversation calmly
You can't avoid being nervous and awkward when you have to tell a very private topic to your parents. Also, you may be worried about receiving scolding or anger from your mother. However, try to stay relaxed and in control!
- It's very natural, if you feel nervous and awkward when you have to enter the topic. However, understand that your mother has been with you since you breathed for the first time in this world. This means that he is likely to be able to provide you with excellent and useful advice! After all, most parents would be happy to have their children asked for their opinion. Therefore, take advantage of this moment to get closer to your mother, OK!
- Chances are, your mother also liked someone when she was young. This means that he definitely understands your feelings and understands that you too sometimes need adult guidance. So, never hesitate to tell him your situation!
- Remember, your mother may look worried or worried when she hears your confession. In addition, he may also voice hidden worries and questions. Don't take this reaction as a rejection because your mother just wants to make sure you're always safe and happy.
Step 2. Choose the right time and place to chat with your mother
First of all, make sure your mother is not busy or unfocused. Then, find a location that is also in line with your mother's activities.
- If you want, you can invite him to chat in a public place even though the actual chat will be easier to do in a private location such as in your room, or in a room with minimal disturbance in your home.
- Consider your mother's routine. If your mom is always busier on Wednesday and Thursday nights, don't talk to her at that time. Instead, pick a time on the weekend when your mom usually isn't going anywhere.
Step 3. Think about the things you want to say
Planning ahead before initiating a conversation can reduce the stress that may arise in your mind. Therefore, it never hurts to take the time to do some planning before approaching your mother.
- If you want, you can also make a list of things to discuss, even about the emotions you are currently feeling. You can also summarize the feelings that arise in a letter or diary, you know!
- If you feel very nervous, practice your words first in front of the mirror aloud. Even though it sounds stupid, this action is actually really needed to prepare yourself better!
Step 4. Start a conversation
Approach your mother and convey your desire to talk to her. If you're haunted by nervousness, try taking a few deep breaths beforehand.
- There is no need to start the conversation with a sentence that is too complex. Instead, just say that you want to chat with him.
- Try saying, "Can we talk, ma'am?" or "There's something I want to tell you, ma'am."
Part 2 of 3: Have Productive Conversations
Step 1. Be honest with your mother
Never keep any information from it! Remember, you want to build a relationship based on trust and honesty, especially if you need your mom's permission to date. Therefore, always tell everything honestly so as not to break your mother's trust.
- Talk about a person you like. Tell us about your initial introduction to him and what his character was like. If there's something your mom doesn't seem likely to like, keep talking about it. It's better for your mother to know it from your mouth than to find it out on her own as time goes on.
- Remember, your mother's refusal may be based on a variety of reasons. Even though it's not easy, try to always tell the truth. Be careful, lying can damage your relationship in the future, you know! So if there's anything your mom might not like, try saying something like, "I know you might not like hearing this, but Mason is actually two grades above me."
Step 2. Bring up the topic
Getting those words out can be difficult, but try to stay calm and in control. Explain your feelings slowly, then also explain the reason behind the emergence of these feelings. Trust me, telling the truth is always the best option!
- Take deep breaths if you start to feel nervous. Then, try saying, “Hey Mom, I've been thinking about Mason lately. I think I have a crush on him, okay?"
- In fact, the conversation will go more smoothly if you don't give your mother a chance to guess. In other words, admit your feelings right away without beating around the bush.
Step 3. Listen to your mother's opinion
If you think that your mother has forgotten what it's like to be young, understand that this is not true. Therefore, even if your mother's words sound unpleasant to your ears, still listen carefully.
- If you don't agree with his words, try to understand his perspective. Maybe, the person you like is your senior at school. As a result, that older age and possibly richer experience makes your mother more wary. In addition, he may also be worried about your feelings. If next year that person graduates, you will most likely be left with a deep heartache.
- Listen to his words as best you can. Don't interrupt, even if your mother says something uncomfortable to hear.
Step 4. Identify your mother's views on dating
In many cases, children and parents often have different views on dating activities. Therefore, try to identify the dating rules that your mother enforced. Pay close attention to his words so that there are no misunderstandings between you.
- If you're still in middle school, chances are your parents haven't allowed you to date. Even if they are allowed, they will most likely apply very strict rules to you. For example, you may only date at school events, such as dance parties and sports competitions, and you may not go out on a date together without supervision.
- If you're still in elementary school, it's natural for your parents to be against your desire to date. Even if the decision upsets you, understand that your mother is doing it for your own good. After all, you are still very young and have a lot to pursue or realize.
Step 5. Be willing to compromise
At this point, you and your mother may not agree on dating activities, especially since your mother may have very strict rules for cultural, religious, or personal reasons. If that's the case, try to compromise with it.
- For example, ask if you are allowed to travel with the opposite sex under someone else's supervision. For example, you and he can spend time at home, or even go to a public place where there are lots of people.
- Or, ask if you're allowed to just be good friends with the person. Maybe your parents won't mind if you're just good friends, rather than dating, with that person.
Step 6. Have your mom talk about sex
If you're trying to get sexually active, try discussing it with your mother first. Even if you're just curious about the topic and don't really want to delve into it, still discuss it with your mom. Chances are, he'll have no trouble answering your questions, or even be impressed by your willingness to bring up the topic in his presence.
Try saying, "I'm thinking about getting sexually active, Mom. But I have a few questions. Can I ask your mother to help me answer it, can I not?" or, “I don't plan on being sexually active, anyway, but there are a few things I wanted to ask about that. Can I ask Mom about sex?"
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Conflict
Step 1. Don't compare yourself to your siblings
Most likely, your parents will apply different rules to each child, especially since all children are different individuals. For example, if you have an older brother, chances are he's been allowed to date while you haven't yet had that privilege.
- Don't get defensive. Don't say, "How come Mark can date me but I can't?" This can seem argumentative and will only frustrate your mother even more.
- As much as possible, don't offend your sibling in any discussion process. Instead, focus on your relationship with your mother.
Step 2. Don't keep complaining or arguing with your mom
In fact, this attitude will only frustrate him. If your mom isn't willing to compromise, try to forget about it for a while and move on with your life.
- Arguing won't make the situation any better! Even if you think your mother is being unfair, getting her into an argument will only make it more difficult for her to digest your opinion. Instead, he'll feel even more frustrated that you don't seem capable of being mature. As a result, the rules that apply may even be stricter!
- Instead of arguing, try to be more mature by saying, "Okay, even if I don't agree with your opinion, I'll still appreciate it." Later, try bringing the topic back up and see if your mom has changed her mind.
Step 3. Find a realistic solution if you find a difference in understanding
Compromising is possible, but you still need to measure your parents' expectations. For example, if your parents are very religious and strictly forbid dating, of course you can't expect them to actually break those boundaries. Instead, try to find a more realistic way to make the situation more comfortable for all parties.
- Show your maturity. For example, you might say, “It seems we have different opinions on this issue. In your opinion, what steps should we take to find a solution?"
- Identify whether or not there is a way to slightly bend the boundary or rule. For example, if you're 13 and you're not allowed to date until you're 16, try asking him to lower the age standard to 14 or 15.
Step 4. Hang in there if your mother disapproves of the person
Unfortunately, there's always a chance that you and your mom don't like the same person. If you have to face such a situation, do the things below to deal with it.
- Learn to understand your mother's point of view. Remember, you and your mother come from different generations so of course, have different mindsets and values in life. If he criticizes your crush, don't turn your back on his views!
- At the same time, don't defend either side. There's nothing wrong with liking someone your parents can't accept. In fact, all romantic relationships, especially those forged at a young age, can come and go. Therefore, there is no need to react too stiffly or aggressively. Instead, simply validate your mother's feelings without ignoring your feelings for that person.
Step 5. Don't hide your romantic relationship from your family
Trust me, this is very unwise, especially since any parent would want to get to know the person their child is dating and in all likelihood, they'd be furious if they found out the secret. Even if the person isn't approved by your mother, still convey your feelings and your desire to date her.
