Every relationship requires constant effort. In marriage, this is very important. One of the best ways to live a quiet married life is to show your husband that you care. Learning to meet your husband's needs can help ensure a successful and happy marriage.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Meeting Your Husband's Emotional Needs
Step 1. Get your husband to open up
Socially, some men are formed to avoid talking about feelings. This can damage the relationship because there are many important feelings that are left unsaid. If your husband is having a hard time opening up, you may have to try harder to find out how he feels and what he needs in the relationship.
- Let your husband know that you want to know how he feels. Regularly taking special time to talk about your feelings may help.
- Don't judge your husband's feelings, and don't jump to conclusions based on what he says. You need to create a situation where your husband feels comfortable discussing his feelings with you, and for that he needs to know that you won't be angry or judgmental about what he says.
Step 2. Ask him what he needs
There are some people who are uncomfortable asking for something unless it has been discussed by someone else first. If you're worried that you haven't been able to provide for your husband's emotional needs, talk to him and ask him what he specifically needs.
Determine if your husband needs a change (such as feeling stuck in a routine or dissatisfied with some aspects of the relationship), understanding (more communication, willingness to see things from his perspective), or greater compatibility (more affectionate, more time together).). All of these are three essential keys to a successful and supportive relationship
Step 3. Share your needs with your husband
If you need change, understanding, or greater compatibility, talk to him and work things out together. Relationships will not work well if only one party is trying to meet the needs of the other. A true relationship will only happen if both parties are equally trying to make their partner satisfied and happy.
Step 4. Try to meet each other's needs
Once you've determined what your husband needs to make him feel loved and satisfied, and after you've addressed your own needs, try to give him that. Also ask him to try to give you what you need.
- If your husband needs a change, find a solution together. Try changing your routine. Do new things together, like taking a vacation or learning a new hobby with your husband.
- If your husband needs understanding, spend more time talking to each other. Listen to how she feels and offer supportive feedback.
- If your husband needs a bigger match, try showing more interest in his hobbies, and ask him to do the same for you. Spend more time together and try to be more affectionate.
Step 5. Prioritize each other
In many examples of successful marriages, husband and wife both put the needs of their partner first. This ensures that their needs are met, and at the same time keeps the other person happy. Both husband and wife win when both try.
Step 6. Listen to your husband's feelings
If you want to fulfill an emotional emotional need, you have to listen to his feelings. You need to communicate honestly and openly, and listen when he shares his feelings.
- Be an active listener. Understand what your husband says, don't prepare an answer before he has finished speaking. Encourage him to keep talking by looking him in the eye, nodding his head, and asking questions.
- Don't criticize your husband's feelings. Help her feel comfortable sharing her feelings without fear of being judged or corrected by you.
- Talk about your or your husband's behavior that affects the relationship. You can start by asking if there is something you can do another way, and then gently tell your husband if there is something he can do another way.
- Try to actively resolve the issues raised, and ask your husband to do the same.
Step 7. Be aware of a communication problem
If you're still having trouble communicating each other's needs, it could be because you and your husband have different communication styles and don't understand how you really feel. If this is the case, one or both parties must adjust their approach in communication style in order to accommodate each other.
- Clear and direct communication is achieved when you don't avoid what has to be said. To some it may seem outspoken, but experts believe it is the healthiest way of communication. Try to convey feelings to each other without being disguised with sweet words.
- Clear and indirect communication will convey the underlying message, but not direct it to the right people. An example of clear and indirect communication is saying that a behavior is bothering you, but not directing that behavior directly at him. In this case, you or your husband should direct.
- Covert and direct communication directs the communication to the right person, but does not explain what is actually being communicated. An example of covert and direct communication is telling your husband about a certain behavior that is very upsetting, without making it clear that he did it. Again, outspoken communication will help.
- Covert and indirect communication both obscure the message and who is being targeted. This is considered a very unhealthy way of communication. If you or your husband's communication style is closer to this, you should try to be more honest with each other. Try writing down what you want to say as a means of clarifying your feelings before sharing.
Step 8. Learn how to communicate clearly
You may have identified unhealthy or indirect tendencies in your communication style with your husband. A good model for clear communication is assertive communication because it is based on mutual respect. You bring up your own needs, but also listen to your husband's needs and will compromise. Try these ways to communicate clearly and decisively:
- Use "I" statements. Instead of starting a sentence with "you" which sounds accusatory and often puts people on the defensive, start with "I". So instead of saying "you're wrong", say "I don't agree". Other examples of “I” statements are “I feel”, “I need”, or “I want”.
- Talk about the husband's behavior, not the person. Instead of saying, "You look dirty," ask, "You know that the front of your shirt is stained with sauce?" This approach does not sound judgmental and instead focuses on facts.
- Pay attention to the pitch and volume of the voice. How you speak is just as important as what is said. Don't scream and scream, or whisper. Speak in a firm voice and at a normal, natural volume like a person chatting.
- Respond, but don't react. If you or your husband feel angry and defensive, stop the discussion for a while. Agree to discuss the matter after you've both calmed down, and when the time comes, make sure you finish the discussion. Remember, assertiveness is not the same as aggressive.
- Practice in low-risk situations. If you're afraid to be assertive or nervous about a bigger conflict, try starting with a more trivial situation (like confirming that the vacuum is in the closet if she says it's in the garage). If practicing with your husband isn't easy, find someone (like a friend or family member) who is fairly easy to argue with.
Step 9. Try to resolve the conflict, not “win” the conflict
Trying to “win” an argument can lead to stubbornness, anger, and hinder the possibility of compromise. Be aware that “agreeing to disagree” is also a possibility and an acceptable outcome.
Make the request clear. Instead of inviting your husband to answer "no" to questions like "Do you want to…?", emphasize your need by saying "Please…" This second request is still appreciated, and he can also refuse if he wants, but you are no longer asking for permission because have needs
Step 10. Find ways to respect each other
Both parties to the relationship make valuable contributions and make meaningful changes in each other's lives. Sometimes, after being together for a long time, one of the parties may feel emotionally neglected or belittled. To prevent this from happening, make sure you convey that you appreciate it.
Say reassuring words to your husband, such as, “I appreciate all the fun things you do for me,” or “I am happy and grateful that you are in my life.”
Part 2 of 3: Maintaining the Passion of Love
Step 1. Make time for each other
When a married couple lives together for a long time, sometimes there is a feeling of not being appreciated properly. One way to avoid this is to spend some time together. For example, a weekend getaway or a special dinner so you can chat without distractions. Whatever way you choose to be alone, make sure it's done regularly and that you and your husband both enjoy it.
Try dating every week. You can set aside one night each week for dinner or a movie. Or if you prefer, go on a date at home, for example by cooking together
Step 2. Surprise your husband
Long-term relationships can lead husband and wife into boredom and routine. You can remind your husband that you care about him by surprising him from time to time. No need to prepare a big surprise. Small, simple surprises-like inserting a note in her lunch box or giving her a small gift without a special celebration-can help keep the romance alive.
You can also surprise each other by trying new things together. Studies show that engaging in new activities with a partner can release oxytocin, which is also called the “love hormone”. Try taking a class or trying a new restaurant with your husband
Step 3. Treat your husband tenderly
Intimacy builds lasting bonds in relationships, perhaps more so than any other factor. Intimacy isn't just limited to sex, although many experts consider a healthy sex life to be an important factor in a healthy and successful marriage.
- Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and holding hands are ways to enjoy everyday intimacy with your husband.
- Cultivate intimacy by sitting close together while watching TV or movies, and holding hands when taking a walk. As you work on being more affectionate, you'll be more likely to look at other ways to be affectionate.
Part 3 of 3: Having Fun Together
Step 1. Sync yourself with your husband
It may sound obvious, but it's really important for you and your husband to do the little things every day together whenever possible. Even a simple change like eating together and going to bed at the same time can have a big impact on creating the feeling that you and your husband are having time together.
Step 2. Revisit your past dates
A common complaint of people having marital problems is that they are no longer doing what they used to do when they were dating. Those courtship days may be long gone, but you can still rekindle the spark with them rekindling fun dates like they were before marriage.
- Get on the dance floor if you and your husband like to dance. It's fun, energetic, and reminds why the two of you fell in love in the first place.
- Romantic dinner. You can go to your favorite restaurant or stay home and have a romantic dinner just the two of you.
Step 3. Make vacation plans
Even if you don't have a vacation right now, talking about vacations and planning a trip together can strengthen the bond.
After planning your dream vacation, start working on making it a reality
Step 4. Change the routine
One way to have fun with your husband and rekindle the fire of love is to break out of your normal daily or weekly routine and do something new.
- If you and your husband aren't the type to enjoy the great outdoors, try hiking or an outdoor picnic.
- If you're usually alone at home on the weekends, try a new activity. You can go on double dates with other friends who are a couple, or throw a party and invite people you haven't seen in a long time.
- Whatever activity you choose, do it together from time to time. This does not mean having to put aside convenience. You just need to change a few things every now and then.
Tips
- Don't compare your husband to your ex, and make sure he doesn't compare you to anyone else either.
- Make time to chat every day. Set aside regular, undisturbed times, such as a date or a chat after dinner.
- Say what you need/want, and listen to your husband's needs and wants.
- Try reading ways to communicate with your partner. One of the popular books that offers communication advice for married couples is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
- Consider talking to a marriage counselor if you and your husband are having trouble communicating.
