Maybe you lose control and take it out on your partner and act inappropriately, or say something rude to your boss during a stressful work day. Even if no one likes it, bad behavior can occur and is often triggered by nervousness, anger, stress, and confusion. If you have behaved badly, apologize effectively so that the person concerned will accept it and no longer be angry with you.
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Part 1 of 3: Expressing Sorry with Words
Step 1. Take some time to cool off before apologizing
Even if you want to quickly apologize to the person offended, it's best to wait a bit before doing so. Depending on how bad your attitude is, it's a good idea to spend a day for the person concerned and for yourself to cool off.
By taking the time to calm down, you can plan how to apologize and structure what to say. Often times, a well-organized and clear apology delivered the day after the incident is more effective than an awkward, casual apology that is said straight away
Step 2. Write an apology letter
If you're having trouble putting your apology into words, try writing a letter. Sometimes, putting your thoughts and feelings into writing will help you better understand what you want to say to the person in question. It also forces you to face your bad attitude and think about why you are behaving this way. By identifying the reasons for your bad behavior, you will be able to write a sincere and clear apology letter to the person concerned. Even though you may not be writing the letter directly to the person concerned, writing your thoughts into the letter can help you craft a better apology.
- You should focus on expressing your guilt in the letter without adding excuses for bad behavior. Don't say "I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm feeling so stressed that I'm taking it out on you, which is totally inappropriate." Replace the word “but” with “and” to begin with.
- You can also try to empathize from the person's point of view and put it in a letter; express that you understand why the person concerned is angry with you. It's also a good idea to promise to do better in the future to show your desire to improve your behavior.
- End the letter on a positive note. Express that what you did will never happen again and that you hope you can come to terms with this incident. You can also use the phrase, “With respect” to show sincerity and honesty.
Step 3. Apologize in person in a quiet and private place
If you decide to apologize in person, do so in a quiet and private place. You can use an office at work, a conference room, or a quiet area in the school library. Apologizing in a private area one-on-one will allow you to be honest and sincere about your feelings.
If the person in question is deeply disappointed in your behavior, it's a good idea to suggest meeting in a public place that feels neutral and safe to you, such as a cafe or bar near the person's residence
Step 4. Accept responsibility for your behavior
It's a good idea to begin your apology by discussing your bad attitude and admitting your inappropriate behavior. Be specific when discussing your bad attitude as this will demonstrate your ability to take responsibility for your actions. This will show that you're acknowledging your mistake, which will hopefully increase the chances that the person concerned will apologize.
For example, you could say, “I was wrong to yell at you at the shareholders' meeting. I was also wrong to swear and use inappropriate language towards you."
Step 5. Express your regret for the bad behavior that has been done
After admitting your wrongdoing and inappropriate behavior, express genuine regret for your words and behavior. In this way, the person concerned will know that you are aware that you have caused pain and discomfort to him or her. You're trying your best to connect emotionally to the person involved, so apologize as honestly and sincerely as possible.
For example, you might say, “I realize that my words and actions were wrong and I am very sorry that I vented my anger. I am aware that I have hurt and embarrassed you, and I sincerely apologize for my behavior.”
Step 6. Promise you will change your behavior
You have to offer a way to improve your behavior, whether it's a promise that you won't be bad again or a promise to talk to him respectfully without getting angry again in the future. You must make realistic promises to reinforce the apology. Make sure the promise you make emphasizes your desire to change so you don't behave badly anymore.
- For example, you could say, "I promise that I will not speak again in meetings and speak inappropriately to other people." You can also say, “I know I keep venting my anger on you and I don't want to continue acting like this. I'll try to control my emotions better and make sure they don't take them out on you."
- Another option is to ask what the person in question can do to make amends for you and let them dictate their expectations to you. This option can be useful if you apologize to your spouse or partner and ask them to show you how to correct the bad behavior. You might ask “What can I do to improve this attitude?”
Step 7. Sorry
It's best to end the apology by asking forgiveness for the actions taken. Apologizing and begging for forgiveness will show your sincerity.
Always express apologies in interrogative sentences, rather than statements. Apologies should feel as if your fate is determined by the person concerned, rather than asking them for something. You can say, “I'm sorry for being bad. I know I have behaved badly. Will you forgive me?”
Part 2 of 3: Acting to Apologize
Step 1. Offer compensation for any damage caused by your behavior
If you have behaved badly with a colleague or acquaintance, such as spilling coffee on his shirt or missing lunch with him, it's a good idea to offer some sort of compensation. This compensation can be in the form of tangible actions, such as paying for his dirty laundry or treating him to make up for a missed lunch. The act of at least offering compensation will often demonstrate your guilt and desire to make amends.
Compensation offers can be in the form of cash if your bad attitude damages other people's property. You can also offer other types of action, such as changing the coffee you spilled or buying a replacement phone if you break your old phone
Step 2. Give the gift of an apology
Another way to make up for a bad attitude is to surprise people with an apology gift. This can be a standard gift, such as a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. Leave a gift on his desk or send it with an apology card. This small gift could at least soften the person's heart and ease his anger a little.
You can also think about gifts that you think the person in question will like, such as a mug with a picture of their favorite celebrity or a box of their favorite chocolates. Personal, well-thought-out gifts are usually effective and can show your remorse for bad behavior
Step 3. Do something that will make the person concerned very happy
You can also do nice things for the person to brighten their day and show your desire to make amends for their bad behavior. You can also surprise him by bringing his favorite lunch to work. You can also plan an event together because you missed an appointment.
Often good behavior needs to be accompanied by an apology. You need to compose a sincere and honest apology and express it to the person concerned, along with a good deed so that he or she is willing to forgive
Part 3 of 3: Following Up on Apology
Step 1. Give the person concerned time to process the apology
After you apologize through words and/or actions, you should give him time to process the apology. Don't expect him to forgive you right away. He may need time to accept your apology and forget about your bad behavior.
- You need to provide space and time for the person concerned to process his or her emotions towards you so that they are willing to apologize.
- Be patient while waiting for the person involved. Just because You felt that he had waited a long time, didn't mean he had enough time. He may take longer than you think.
Step 2. Be nice to the person concerned, even if he or she is still angry with you
If he says, “I won't forgive you,” you may feel frustrated or irritated, especially if you've already made the most honest and sincere apology possible. However, you can't push yourself against him and be rude or unkind as this will only make the situation worse. It's best to show him your kindness and concern, even if he responds coldly.
Be kind to the people involved as much as possible. Show that you still want to be friends, even if you haven't forgiven them
Step 3. Focus on changing bad behavior
If the person in question doesn't forgive you, look within yourself and change the bad behavior permanently. Change your behavior for the better and show it to related people to maintain healthy relationships and boundaries between you two. Over time, he may change his mind and want to improve his relationship with you.
