Sometimes, apologizing is hard. The reason people don't want to apologize may be pride or fear. However, the relationship with the mother is very important. Apologizing to mom is commensurate with the stress you feel. Before apologizing, think things over carefully. Plan what you want to say. Then, sincerely apologize. However, give him time. Maybe mom needs a few moments to accept your apology.
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Part 1 of 3: Compose an Apology
Step 1. Forget who's at fault
Often times, we apologize with doubt or anger. If you don't feel wrong, you may think you don't need to apologize. However, if you made a mistake that hurt your mother, an apology is very important. You must admit what you did to hurt others. Don't blame anyone for your actions.
- Maybe you feel you are not 100% wrong. This may be true. There are very few situations in life that are the fault of one person. External factors can easily influence decisions and contribute to errors.
- However, apologies are not about finding out who or what was at fault. An apology is taking responsibility for the slightest action. Even if your faults are mostly caused by other people or situations, there's no denying that mom is still hurting.
- For example, suppose you are persuaded by your sister not to attend your mother's birthday party. Even though it was your sister's idea, you still didn't come. For that, you still have to be responsible.
Step 2. Consider writing a letter
You don't always have to apologize one-on-one. Meaningful letters are equally effective. In certain situations, letters may be more effective.
- If you are nervous or shy, writing a letter will make more sense. For your apology to be effective, the letter must be detailed and sincere. If you're worried about not being able to fully express your feelings in person, writing a letter may be a better option.
- Letters are also better if your mother tends to be difficult to talk to. If you're worried that your mom will get mad and you won't be able to speak, send her a thoughtfully written letter. For example, if your mom is still very upset that you didn't attend her birthday party, a one-on-one apology could turn into an argument. Letters can be a better choice of means. Make sure the words you write are easy to understand.
Step 3. Try to apologize sincerely
Sincere apologies tend to be easier to accept. Before apologizing, reflect on your actions. This will help you understand why what you did was wrong so that you will be able to apologize properly.
- Think about why what you did was wrong. Consider your role in the mistake, and how others were hurt by it. Make sure you're ready to admit it. Practice what you are about to say and pay close attention to make sure you accept your share of the error.
- For example, don't say, "Sorry, Sarah persuaded me to take mom's car without asking." Instead, say, "I'm sorry, I brought your car without asking first." Make sure mom sees that you know what you did was wrong.
- Hold the apology if the words have not been serious coming from the heart. You may have to reflect and practice the apology a few times. Try to empathize with the mother. Think about what it would be like if you were in his position.
Step 4. Find a concrete way to make amends
An apology is only the beginning, not the end. In addition to apologizing, you need to show that you've learned and are willing to change. Think of a way to show mom that you will make amends for the mistake.
- An expression of guilt will feel empty if you don't show a willingness to change. Think about what you've done, and write down some things you can do to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again in the future.
- For example, you take mom's car with a friend. Think of the circumstances that led to that reckless act. Maybe this friend tends to get you into trouble. Maybe you were drinking so you couldn't control yourself. You could say to your mother, "I'm going to limit the time I hang out with Sarah, and I'm not going to drink anymore. I know drinking is wrong, and I know I shouldn't let Sarah persuade me to do things that are offensive."
Part 2 of 3: Making a Sincere Apology
Step 1. Begin with a sincere expression of guilt
The best way to apologize is to start from scratch. The point of an apology is conveying guilt so you should do it without hesitation. An apology should start with something like, "I'm really sorry for what I did and hurt you."
- Remember to be sincere. If you don't sincerely apologize, mom will find out. Make sure you apologize taking into account his feelings. Ask yourself how he would feel in a similar situation.
- If you are writing a letter, the same rules apply. You could start the letter with the words, "Dear Mom, I'm really sorry that my actions have hurt you."
Step 2. Express regret
Regret must follow apology. Regret shows that you have reflected on your mistakes and understand why your actions were wrong. Whether in a personal apology or in a letter, an expression of regret should accompany an "I'm sorry."
- Accept responsibility for your actions. While you can explain the situation that influenced your actions, don't do it with the intention of denying wrongdoing.
- For example, you might say, "I joined in on drinking the night we took Mom's car, and Sarah can sometimes persuade me. But there's no excuse for what we did. Even though I wasn't fully aware that night, I should have known what I was doing. unacceptable."
Step 3. Acknowledge your feelings
This is probably the hardest part of apologizing. It hurts to remember that our actions hurt others. However, this is one of the most important parts of apologizing. Mom will feel better if her feelings are acknowledged.
Compose a few sentences that express how the mother might feel. Express your regret for making him feel that way. For example, "You must be very worried because you don't know where the car is. When you found out I brought it, I can imagine you feeling cheated and disappointed. I'm sure you were stressed all night. I'm really sorry for making you feel that way. I don't like it when my actions affect my mother so deeply."
Step 4. Don't blame anyone
You shouldn't blame the other person when apologizing. At that time you may not be able to control yourself. However, you are not apologizing for the situation that prompted the action. You apologize for your role in it. Remember this when apologizing.
- Explain briefly and avoid explanations that sound like excuses.
- For example, avoid explanations like, "Sorry, Sarah made me take mom's car." Even though your friends persuaded you to make this mistake, you still did it. A more effective apology would be something like, "Sorry, I didn't fight Sarah, and took mom's car without permission."
Step 5. Ask to be forgiven
You should always end an apology by asking to be forgiven. This opens the door to making up. You can end with a simple sentence, such as, "I hope you can forgive me."
Understand that people need time to forgive, especially if it involves a big mistake. Be aware of this when apologizing. For example, you might add something like, "I understand it might take you some time to get over this. I can think about it for as long as it takes."
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Common Mistakes When Apologizing
Step 1. Give yourself time and space, if necessary
You can't always expect to be forgiven right away. It may take time to forgive a major mistake. Give mom the time she needs to forgive you.
- Know that the word "sorry" is not enough. If you made a mistake that violated your mother's trust, an apology is only the beginning of the healing process.
- In the weeks that follow, don't use your apology to deny your mother's feelings. He may still be hurt and if he expresses it, accept it and be patient. Don't say, "I apologized last week. What more do you want?"
Step 2. Don't use language that doesn't reflect an apology
Language sometimes counters the power of apology. So, pay attention to the language you use. Make sure you don't use words or sentences that make you sound like you're arguing.
- One of the biggest mistakes is saying, "I'm sorry, but…" If you feel the urge to add "but," resist the urge. Only apologize for your actions.
- Also, remember that you are sorry for your actions. You are not apologizing for the mother's situation or feelings. Don't say, "I'm sorry if what I did upset you." Say, "I'm sorry for doing that." Don't say, "I'm sorry the situation got out of control." Instead, say, "I'm sorry I took part in that situation."
Step 3. Give mom space before apologizing, if necessary
You may want to apologize ASAP. However, remember that this is about the mother, not you. If he doesn't seem ready to listen, wait a few days before apologizing.
- If he seems very angry, you may want to apologize right away. If your mother is very hurt and angry, she may not want to hear your explanation.
- However, don't delay too long. Waiting for weeks will make you seem unconcerned. Maybe your mom thinks you don't need to apologize. Don't wait more than a few days.
Step 4. Support the apology with action
Apologies are a means to an end, not an actual end. After saying that you can change, keep your word. Show that you've learned from mistakes, not just with words.
- Think about why you made the mistake. How to avoid this happening in the future? Think of some things you can change, and put them into action.
- For example, you can take your mother's car without permission when hanging out with troubled friends. You can limit contact with that friend. You can also tell mom where you are going and with whom. Try to respect his rules.
