Being kind is one of the important steps to give meaning to life. Kindness brings happiness to those around us. In addition, by being kind we can communicate better, show greater love and care, and become a positive impetus in the lives of others. Genuine kindness comes from within and although some people have good dispositions innately, kindness is actually something that everyone can develop or build on.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Developing a Better Perspective
Step 1. Show genuine concern
Fundamentally, kindness has to do with genuine concern for those around you, a desire to give your best, and accepting that other people have wants, needs, aspirations, and fears, just like you. Kindness is warm, timeless, builds patience, fosters trust and loyalty, and encourages you to be grateful. Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as something that "makes" life easier because it frees oneself from negative attitudes and feelings such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation. In the end, kindness is a deep concern for everyone.
- Practice kindness and generosity towards others. Your feelings of unfamiliarity, shame, or ignorance about how to connect with others can be overcome by practicing kindness. Keep showing kindness until you naturally get used to it and are encouraged to be kind and give to others.
- Don't ask for anything in return. When you give the greatest good, you should expect nothing, hold back no one else, and put no conditions on anything you do or say.
Step 2. Don't be nice to get what you want
Beware of deceptive kindness. Kindness is not about “politeness, calculating generosity, and superficial etiquette.” Being kind to others because you feel that it can encourage others to give you what you want or using kindness as a way of controlling others does not reflect kindness. Pretending to care about someone while holding back anger or disgust is not a form of kindness. Hiding anger or resentment behind hospitality is also not a sign of kindness.
Keep in mind that being a person who always satisfies or makes other people happy does not necessarily reflect kindness. This kind of behavior is actually designed to get you to give in and not take steps on your own because you're afraid that the steps you're taking could destroy your relationships with other people or your own life
Step 3. Be kind to yourself
Many people make the mistake of being kind to others, but at the same time not being able to reflect kindness to themselves. Sometimes this phenomenon stems from a dislike of certain aspects of yourself, but more often than not it stems from your inability to know yourself better. Unfortunately, when you feel insecure and unable to love yourself, your kindness to others runs the risk of harboring “a certain intention”, as described in the previous step. It can also leave you feeling emotionally exhausted or disappointed that you always put other people first.
- Self-knowledge helps you identify the causes of inner hurt and conflict, and encourages you to embrace contradictions and inconsistencies. This knowledge also provides space to improve or develop the things you don't like about yourself. In addition, understanding yourself can prevent you from projecting negative aspects of yourself onto others, thereby empowering you to treat others with love and kindness..
- Take time to become more self-aware and use this learning moment to be a better person to yourself (remember that we all have weaknesses) and to others. In this way, inner anxiety can be dealt with, instead of being allowed to “heat up” your need to project inner wounds.
- Don't view the time it takes to become more aware of personal needs and boundaries as a form of selfishness. Beyond that, it's important for you to be able to contact other people and interact with great power and awareness.
- Ask yourself what it means to be kinder to yourself. For many people, a good attitude towards yourself includes monitoring the "chat" going on in your mind and trying to stop negative thoughts.
Step 4. Learn kindness from others
Think about the good people in your life and the impact they have had. Do they warm your heart every time you think about them? It's possible that you feel that way because kindness persists and provides you with warmth, even in the face of the greatest challenges. When other people can love you for who you are, you will never be able to forget the trust and sense of worth they give. His kindness will remain "alive" forever.
Remember a time when the kindness of others “brightened” your day. What kind of kindness makes you feel special and valued? Are there any actions of them that you can imitate from the heart?
Step 5. Build goodness for your own health
Increased psychological health and happiness come from a more positive mindset, and kindness reflects a positive mental state. While kindness has to do with giving and being open to others, the kind and warm attitude you reflect can actually give you a feeling of well-being and connection that can improve your own mental and physical health.
While simple, the ability to be kind on its own is a great and consistent “reward” and can boost self-esteem and self-confidence
Step 6. Get in the habit of focusing on the good
Leo Babauta said that kindness is a habit that can be developed by everyone. He suggests focusing on goodness every day for a month. At the end of this focused focus, you will have a significant change in your life. You'll feel better about yourself, and realize that people react differently to you (including treating you better). As he said, in the long run, goodness is karma that keeps "running". Some tips for developing kindness include:
- Do one good deed for someone every day. Consciously, make decisions early in the day about the kindness you are about to give and take the time to do so.
- Show a kind, friendly, and warm attitude when interacting with someone, even if he or she normally makes you angry, depressed, or annoyed. Use your kindness as your strength.
- Turn small kindnesses into bigger concerns. Be a volunteer for people in need and take the initiative to relieve suffering as a form of greater concern and compassion for others.
- Do meditation to spread kindness. You can search and read articles on how to practice loving-kindness (Metta) meditation for more information.
Step 7. Be kind to everyone, not just those "in need."
Expand your circle of kindness. Sometimes it's so easy for us to be kind when we unconsciously display what Stephanie Dowrick calls "degrading kindness." This form of kindness refers to the kindness shown to people who are felt most in need (eg the sick, the poor, people who are vulnerable to violence, and anyone who is “in line” with a personal picture of a needy person). In addition, it will be easier for us to be kind to those closest to us, both based on emotional factors (eg family or friends) and other factors (eg someone from the same country, skin color, gender, or other aspects of identity). compared to those whom the philosopher Hegel referred to as “others.” It can be harder to be kind to people who are considered equals, but there's no harm in trying.
- Giving kindness to things that are "beneficial" is actually problematic because we are unable to realize that we need to be kind to anyone, regardless of their identity, level of wealth, values and beliefs held, behavior and attitudes, place of origin, resemblance to us, and so on.
- By being kind only to those we deem worthy, we are reflecting bias and prejudice, and only providing conditional kindness. Kindness naturally embraces all. While it's a challenge to reflect the broader goodness of trying it, you won't stop learning about the depths of your ability to be a good person.
- If you're not being nice to someone just because you feel that they can survive without your support or understanding, you're actually showing selective kindness.
Step 8. Reduce prejudice
If you really want to be nice, get rid of prejudice. Instead of criticizing others, try to be positive and compassionate. If you tend to view others negatively, expect others to improve, or feel that the people around you are too dependent on you and lack knowledge, you will never be able to learn genuine kindness. Stop judging other people and realize that you can never fully understand their background unless you can understand their point of view. Focus on helping others instead of judging someone for not being a better person.
- If you are often prejudiced, easily gossip about others, or are always badmouthing others, you will never be able to be nice.
- When you're being nice, you have to be kind, and not expect perfection.
Part 2 of 3: Developing Positive Characters
Step 1. Show concern for others
It is important for you to remember that you have to “be nice because whoever you meet is actually struggling.” This saying is said to have been spoken by Plato and emphasized that everyone has their own challenges or problems and sometimes, it is easy for us to forget about them. when drowning in your own problems or anger towards others. Before taking action that negatively affects others, ask this question: "Is this a good thing?". If you can't give a positive answer, this question is a reminder to change action immediately and your approach.
Even if you're feeling down, remember that other people also feel uncertainty, hurt, adversity, sadness, disappointment, and loss. This isn't meant to belittle your feelings, but it can at least help you realize that sometimes someone's reactions stem from their inner hurt, and not from who they really are. Therefore, kindness is the key to breaking through these negative emotions and connecting with the real person
Step 2. Don't expect perfection
If you tend to be a perfectionist and competitive, or often feel pressured, your ambition and speed with which you take steps, as well as your fear of being seen as lazy or selfish will often lead you to sacrifice kindness to yourself. Remember not to rush into steps and forgive yourself when things don't go your way.
Learn from mistakes, and don't torture yourself or compare yourself to others. You can see the needs of others from a more “warm” perspective if you are able to show concern and compassion for yourself
Step 3. Provide your presence
The greatest kindness you can give to another person is to be present, to listen with care, and to genuinely care for them. Make a different schedule every day and stop being a person who is always in a hurry. When providing presence, you also need to pay attention to others. You can only do this if you are not in a hurry when interacting with someone or doing activities.
Reduce technical distractions when communicating with others. While quick, impersonal technical communications (eg text messages or e-mails) have their own function, they are not the only way to interact with other people. Take the time to meet other people in person or by phone call (without distractions). Send a letter in lieu of an email and impress the other person with your kindness and effort to handwrite the letter for him or her
Step 4. Be a good listener
In a fast-paced world that emphasizes agility and busyness like this, listening carefully seems easier said than done. Cutting someone off because you're too busy or have somewhere to go seems like the norm. When talking to someone, learn to listen carefully to what they are saying and pay close attention to them until they finish telling their opinion or story.
- One of the greatest kindnesses you can give is listening to someone, making eye contact with them, avoiding distractions, and giving them your full attention. Take some time to absorb what he's saying before responding with a "short" answer or cutting him off. Show him that you appreciate the situation he is in and are willing to listen to him sincerely.
- Being a good listener doesn't mean you have to be able to solve other people's problems. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just listen to the other person's story while realizing that you don't always know what to do.
Step 5. Be an optimist
Happiness, joy, and gratitude are stored in the heart of goodness so that you can see the positive in other people and those around you, and through the challenges, despair, and cruelty you see or experience while continuing to restore trust in humanity. By maintaining an optimistic attitude, you can give kindness with a sincere and cheerful heart, and not a feeling of reluctance or compulsion. A sense of humor also helps you to see situations from a more “relaxed” perspective, and to deal with contradictory moments with good trust.
- It's not always easy to be optimistic, especially when you're having a bad day. However, with enough practice anyone can build optimism by focusing on the positive instead of the negative, thinking about future happiness, and living a life filled with more joy than sadness. After all, it never hurts to look at things from the positive side.
- An optimistic and positive attitude not only forms a better mindset, but also brings joy to those around you. If you complain too much, it will be harder for you to bring happiness to those around you.
- Read articles on how to be a happy person, how to be a funny person, and how to be grateful for more information on how to build optimism.
Step 6. Show hospitality
Good people are also usually friendly. This doesn't necessarily mean that a friendly person is the most open, but at least he will try to get to know new people and make them feel comfortable. If there's a new person at your school or work, try talking to them, explaining things at school or work, and even inviting them to social events. Even if you're not an outgoing person or an extrovert, smiles and small talk with other people have a long-lasting impact in shaping you into a more outgoing person. Besides, even a small kindness like this still leaves an impression.
- Friendly people are good people because they see others in a positive light. They are willing to talk to new people and friends openly, while making others feel comfortable.
- If you are a shy person, you don't need to change your personality completely. Just make a bigger effort to be nice to the other person by paying attention, asking how they're doing, and showing interest.
Step 7. Be polite
While not an indication of kindness, genuine politeness shows your respect for the person you're talking to. Politeness is a way to get the attention of others and convey ideas or opinions. Some ways to be polite that you can follow include:
- Find a way to rephrase the request or response to the other person. For example, you could say “May I….?” instead of “Can I…?”. You can say "Wow, I just found out" instead of "That's not fair!". Say "Let me explain it another way" instead of "That's not what I said". Changing the language you use helps convey the message more clearly.
- Show a good attitude. Hold the door to others, don't speak vulgarly, and don't be too familiar with new people.
- Give sincere compliments to others.
- Search and read articles on how to practice politeness and kindness for additional tips.
Step 8. Be grateful
Good people can express gratitude easily. They don't take things for granted and are always grateful for the help of others. They know how to thank them sincerely. They can also write thank you cards and are not shy about acknowledging the help they get from others. Grateful people will also thank others for making their day, and not just thank you for completing a particular job. If you make it a habit to be more grateful and grateful to the people around you, your kindness will increase.
If you pay more attention to the good things other people do for you, you will surely be more prepared to do good things for others. You become more concerned about the positive impact that kindness has on others and are more motivated to spread love and compassion
Part 3 of 3: Taking Steps
Step 1. Love the animals and the earth
Love and care for animals is one form of kindness. In this era of dominance of the development of human equipment, you may feel that you have no compulsion or urge to care for other living beings. However, love and respect for animals is a form of deep kindness. In addition, caring for the earth that has been supporting and "maintaining" us is also a form of wisdom and kindness that can ensure that we do not destroy the natural elements that provide a healthy life.
- Keep or care for animals. Your kindness will be rewarded with the presence of other living beings who will bring joy and love to life.
- Offer to babysit while your friend is away. Reassure him that while he is away, there is someone who will take care of his pet with love and care.
- Respect the species you care for. In fact, humans do not "own" animals. Instead, humans are actually bound by the responsibility to maintain the health and care of animals.
- Take time to restore the environment with the community. Take a walk in nature with family, friends, or alone, and be at one with nature. Share your care for nature with others to awaken everyone's bond with nature.
Step 2. Share
Good people are willing to share with others. You can share your favorite sweater, delicious snack, or even career advice with younger people. What's important is that you're willing to share something you care about, and not just giving away something you no longer need. It means more when you lend your favorite sweater to a friend, than an old sweater that you never wear again. Sharing makes you a more generous person and closer to goodness.
Pay attention to the people who really need the things you have. They may not ask for it, but you can offer it right away before they say they need a particular item
Step 3. Try to smile more often
A smile is a simple form of kindness that has a long lasting impact. Get into the habit of smiling at strangers, friends, or acquaintances. You don't always have to smile when you're out for a walk, but a smile for the other person can encourage them to smile back and even bring joy to their day. In addition, by smiling you can "trick" the brain into feeling happier than before. Everyone will feel happy when you smile, and your capacity for kindness will grow.
Smiling at the other person will also make you feel more comfortable and you will appear more friendly and approachable. This in itself is another way of being nice. Giving hospitality and not being prejudiced to others by smiling is also a form of kindness
Step 4. Show interest in other people
Good people will show genuine interest in other people. They are not being nice because they want to get what they want or need help. This attitude is shown because they sincerely care about others and want those around them to stay happy and healthy. In order to be a better person, develop an interest in others and show you care by reflecting sensitivity, asking questions, and paying attention. Here are some ways to show interest in other people:
- Ask how he is sincerely.
- Ask questions about his hobbies, interests, and family.
- If someone you care about is having a big moment, ask about it.
- If someone you know has an important exam or interview, give them encouragement and prayers.
- When talking to other people, make sure to at least talk more (for about half the chat session). Don't dominate the conversation and focus on the other person rather than yourself.
- Make eye contact and keep your phone away when talking to other people. Show that is your top priority.
Step 5. Call a friend for no particular reason
You don't have to have a specific reason when you want to contact a friend. Try to contact one or two friends per week to ask how they are. Don't contact him only when you want to make plans or ask for something specific. Call him because you miss him and think about him. This kind of "sudden" communication can make him feel cared for, and you'll feel happy too. This action reflects kindness and concern.
If you don't have much time, make it a habit to call a friend on their birthday. Don't feel lazy and decide to send a short message or post a happy birthday on Facebook; contact him to congratulate him directly from the heart
Step 6. Make a donation
Another way to be nice is to donate some of your belongings to charity. Instead of throwing away or selling your old stuff for cheap, donate things you no longer need to those in need. If you have clothes, books, or other household items that are still in good condition, make it a habit to donate them instead of keeping them or throwing them away. In this way, you can spread kindness to others.
If you have an outfit or book that someone else wants, don't hesitate to give it to that person. This step is another form of caring and kindness that you can show
Step 7. Do any good, for no particular reason
"Do any kind of kindness without expecting anything in return, and remember that one day someone will do the same to you." Princess Diana once said these words. This kind of kindness is a real effort to spread more care and love. In fact, there are several groups formed to do the basic work of citizenship! Here are some acts of kindness that you can do:
- Clean the parking area in front of your neighbor's house, including the parking area of your own house.
- Wash your friend's car.
- Pay a friend's or someone else's parking fee.
- Help someone carry heavy luggage.
- Leave a gift in front of someone's house.
- Search and read articles on how to do any good without any particular reason for more information.
Step 8. Change your life through kindness
Changes in lifestyle and point of view may seem complicated. However, think of Aldous Huxley's message on how to change lives: "People often ask the most effective techniques to change their lives. After years of research and experimentation, I feel a little embarrassed when I have to say that the best answer to their question is is to be a little better." Consider the results of research Huxley has been doing over the years. Let kindness transform your life, removing all negative feelings and forms of aggression, hatred, anger, fear, and self-deprecating behavior, and restoring the strength lost to despair.
- By being kind, you can emphasize that caring for others, the environment, and yourself is the right way of life. However, keep in mind that the effectiveness of this way of life may not be felt right away. Kindness is a choice of style and rhythm of life that constantly accompanies everything you think and do.
- Through kindness, you can let go of all worries that other people have more things or experiences, are less or more worthy than you, and are in a higher or lower position than you. Kindness actually views that everyone is equally valuable, including you.
- Through kindness, you realize that everyone lives life together. When you hurt others, you will also hurt yourself. What you do to support others will ultimately support your own.
Tips
- Greet everyone you meet, from shopkeepers to bosses to lighten the mood and make others feel more comfortable. Practice this habit every day.
- You may not like someone and that's normal. Even the most gracious and kind person in the world must have felt irritated at times. However, be polite, regardless of who you meet.
- Try not to hurt anyone, either physically or mentally. Self-control is important in many situations.
Warning
- If you are truly angry and resentful of someone, keep in mind that kindness creates a greater debt of gratitude for them than unrequited injustice. People can make various excuses for mistakes or injustices they have done, but forgiveness given through kindness is certainly something that cannot be avoided.
- Make sure your kindness is wanted. Sometimes, unsolicited “help” can give the wrong result. "There is no kindness that goes unanswered." Sometimes, when we feel that we can help someone, we actually cause new problems because we don't have enough information about the problem at hand.
- Don't feel the need to brag about your kindness. Be simple and humble. Doing good just to get appreciation and praise from others is not a good thing. Helping someone who isn't even aware of your help can still provide satisfaction and happiness.
