Regretting what happened as a result of a broken heart makes you unable to forget the bitter experience and start a new life. Even though it's difficult, try to free yourself from disappointment and hurt by doing simple things. If you've just broken up, pay attention to yourself so your broken heart can heal. Then, do various ways to control your emotions and become an independent person. If you are ready, start opening your heart to find a suitable partner.
Method 1 of 4: Coping With Heartache
Step 1. Focus on taking care of yourself for the first week after a breakup
Separation from your lover usually triggers feelings of sadness, but this can be overcome by taking care of yourself, for example by doing fun things while taking care of your health. Also, improve your mood by exercising and socializing.
Eat nutritious favorite foods, take dance lessons, or enjoy massage therapy. In addition, invite friends to exercise together, such as playing basketball or bowling
Step 2. Establish a new routine so you can organize your daily activities
This is the best time to start the new life you want, by implementing a new routine! Set up a daily schedule that helps you allocate time to complete tasks, achieve goals, hang out with friends, and enjoy hobbies. If necessary, adjust the schedule to keep the daily routine running smoothly.
- Include daily activities in your schedule, such as eating, bathing, and tidying the house so you don't miss anything.
- Do fun things every day. You deserve to enjoy a happy life!
- For example, establish a daily routine consisting of: taking a shower, eating a healthy breakfast, writing a journal, going to work/school, having dinner with friends, painting, taking online classes, relaxing before bed at night.
Step 3. Do various activities to deal with sadness
Right now, you might prefer to lie down on the couch and enjoy a big box of ice cream, but things will only get worse. Instead, engage in activities that distract and deal with negative emotions, such as exercising, playing a game, or asking a friend for coffee.
Ask a friend or family member to accompany you on the move. Plus, you can join a community, go for a walk in the park, work at a coffee shop, or become a Meetup member
Step 4. Do fun activities with friends or family members
Form a community that is ready to provide support. Take time to chat or message your loved ones every day. By doing activities together, you see for yourself that there are still many people who love you.
Make time to interact with friends or family members every day, such as over dinner, playing a game, or taking a leisurely walk
Step 5. Avoid things (objects or digital) that remind you of your ex
Negative emotions will arise when you see something that reminds you of good memories when you were with your ex. To prevent this, collect photos, gifts, or souvenirs that trigger negative emotions and throw them away or give them to someone else. Delete any digital photos, messages, or emails from your ex that are still on your phone or laptop. Finally, unfollow or delete the account on social media.
- If you don't want to throw them away, put them in a box and ask a friend to keep them for a while so they can pick them up or throw them away when you're ready.
- You can save some digital photos in a special folder if you feel the need. For example, don't delete a birthday party photo just because you're taking a picture with your ex. However, it's better that you don't see it until you've recovered from the hurt.
Method 2 of 4: Freeing Yourself from Negative Emotions
Step 1. Focus on achieving your life's goals, instead of placing yourself as a victim
If the breakup happened because your lover did something wrong or left you, you may feel disappointed and hurt. However, the problem gets worse when you put yourself in the victim's shoes. To ease the pain, focus on the things you can control and think about how to live the life you dream of by applying the following suggestions:
- Remind yourself that you can't change the other person, but you can change how you react to their actions. For example, you can't change the fact that your boyfriend is cheating on you, but you can view the behavior as reckless rather than abusive.
- When you find yourself regretting a bad experience, distract yourself so you can focus on how you can live the life you want. For example, remember that this experience made you a stronger person because you were able to overcome big problems!
- Determine the criteria for the ideal lover so that you can find the desired life partner if you are ready to open your heart.
Step 2. Give yourself a chance to feel negative emotions
It's natural to try to hold onto your sadness and anger at the loss of your loved one, but doing so will only make matters worse. You can get rid of negative emotions by giving yourself time to feel sadness and anger. Also, label the emotions you're feeling, try to accept them, and be aware of their impact so you can get rid of the hurt.
- Don't distract yourself from ignoring the burden of feeling. This will keep you from getting over your negative emotions and forgiving your ex.
- Acknowledge that you're very angry and disappointed by telling yourself something like, "I'm so angry that my stomach hurts" or "My chest hurts from holding on to disappointment."
Step 3. Express negative emotions so that you feel relieved
Express anger and sadness by paying attention to physical impulses. To deal with negative emotions, you can cry, scream, beat pillows, or exercise. Alternatively, tell a friend how you feel or write a letter and tear it up. Do whatever makes you free from the burden of feelings.
- For example, take out your hurt by running long distances or crying while beating your pillow.
- You can channel negative emotions for a few days.
Step 4. Reflect to learn from this experience
Although painful, bitter experiences can be good teachers. Reflect on what happened to you and then use the lessons you learned from this experience to look forward to a more beautiful future.
Many romantic relationships end in the middle of the road. So that bad experiences do not happen again, take lessons from this incident to determine the person who deserves to be your lover. Though painful, this experience helps you plan for a brighter tomorrow
Step 5. Take time to evaluate past relationships to find out if there are repeating patterns
It is possible that this separation was triggered by things that you experienced as a child so that you experience the same events over and over again. To finish, try to identify the pattern by remembering your childhood experiences and breakups.
- For example, you may find it difficult to communicate with your loved one because as a child, your parents didn't like to express how they felt. These behaviors can cause problems when you're in a relationship, but they can be overcome.
- Another example, you realize that you are always in a relationship with people who do not value you. Therefore, try to identify these patterns as early as possible so that you don't form relationships with people who behave badly towards you.
Step 6. Forgive yourself and your ex who left youRemember that everyone can make mistakes because no one is perfect. Holding on to heartache makes the problem worse. Forgive your ex's mistakes and focus on realizing your life goals. On the other hand, forgive yourself because you chose the wrong lover so that the relationship ended in separation.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that your ex-boyfriend is innocent. Instead, you can forget the bitter experience and be free from heartache if you are able to forgive the person who wronged you. So, this step is for the benefit of yourself, not for the person being forgiven
Method 3 of 4: Becoming an Independent Person
Step 1. Meet your own need for love and recognition
Be independent, instead of depending on others to fulfill your needs and wants. This step makes you more independent and more resilient. Determine what you need and then try to fulfill it yourself.
- For example, if you want to get compliments saying you're beautiful, stand up in the mirror every morning and say to yourself, "Good morning, beautiful!"
- Another example, you expect someone to tell you that all will be well. Do this yourself by posting positive affirmations in your home and workspace.
Step 2. Set aside time to do fun things that have been pending
Making decisions for yourself is a way of asserting independence. Make the decision to do what you love regardless of your ex's wishes. For example, change your hairstyle as desired, wear clothes that make you feel confident, and follow a daily routine that makes you feel comfortable.
- If you've just separated from your spouse, change the way you organize the house, wash the dishes, or store things to your liking.
- If you've just left your lover, it's time to visit your favorite tourist location, decide your own travel route, or watch a movie you love.
Step 3. Determine your life goals and work towards achieving them
This is the time to make what you want. Imagine the life you dream of a few years from now and then write down 1-3 goals that will support the realization of that dream. Then, determine the steps you can take to achieve it. Finally, determine the implementation schedule for each step in order to realize the purpose of life.
- For example, 3 goals to achieve life goals: "Have a job according to interests", "Apply a healthy lifestyle", and "Create according to talent".
- To achieve career goals, the first 3 steps need to be taken, for example finding a job according to talent, opening an account on a website to advertise, and ordering professional business cards.
- To achieve the goal of maintaining health, there are 3 practical steps that need to be implemented, for example, taking a dance class, preparing a nutritious diet for a week, and meditating every day.
- To enjoy a hobby, do 3 simple steps according to your interests, such as joining a theater group, attending a seminar on making pottery jars on the weekends, or drawing during your lunch break.
State your purpose in life using positive sentences, for example, "Find a fun job," instead of, "Quit from a company that's about to go bankrupt."
Step 4. Do hobbies and other fun activities
When in a relationship, you may often give in. It's time to enjoy activities that make you feel happy! Write down things that you enjoyed when you were alone, including hobbies that you haven't done so far and then do them regularly while living your daily life.
You can take sewing lessons, join a theater community, play games with friends, learn to style your hair, or take barista training
Step 5. Learn new skills to develop yourself
Increase independence and self-esteem by developing competence. Determine the skills that you want to learn or support the achievement of life goals. Then, take free courses over the internet, attend workshops, join Meetup training sessions, or sign up for further higher education.
- By learning how to program a computer, you can apply for the job you want.
- If you want to develop your creativity, take a writing or painting course.
- So that you are able to establish good relationships with other people, take courses majoring in psychology or communication.
- To improve physical fitness, run a physical exercise program by becoming a member of the gym.
Step 6. Rearrange your place of daily activity to give it a new atmosphere
Fix your house or room so you can live your daily life comfortably. First of all, get rid of unnecessary items, especially those that remind you of your ex. Then rearrange the furniture, put on new sheets, and put things that motivate you to achieve your dreams. This step keeps you focused on your life goals, not dwelling on the past.
- You don't have to replace all your existing furniture and home furnishings! A new atmosphere can be created just by moving things.
- If you are separated from your spouse, change the overall arrangement of the house so that it becomes your home, not the house with your ex-husband/wife.
Method 4 of 4: Opening Your Heart to Others
Step 1. Don't get into a relationship as compensation
When experiencing heartbreak, finding a new lover may seem like the best medicine, but it's not! So that you are ready to open your heart, first heal the wounded heart and accept yourself as you are. Looking for a new lover as an escape makes both of you feel disappointed. For now, it's best if you enjoy being single while taking care of yourself.
- Don't stop socializing. Invite friends to watch a movie, join a club or community that interests you, or spend time with your family.
- It may take you 6 months or more until you no longer love your ex, depending on how long the two of you have been in a relationship.
Step 2. Open your heart to the other person if you are ready to be in a relationship, but not as an escape
The best time to find a date is when you really want to be in a genuine relationship because you just want to meet and interact with other people, not to entertain yourself. If you feel confident that you are recovering, start opening up and dating again.
Don't date just to make you feel comfortable and confident. This shows that you still need compensation
You're ready to date again if you meet someone who shares your interests, but isn't in a rush to make love. Make sure you're ready to accept yourself so you're ready to live your single life while looking for the right person to love.
Step 3. Focus on being in a relationship, not looking for a lover
The goal of dating is usually to find a lover, but don't rush. You need to consider many things before making a decision! Approach your crush to get to know him and find out his personality before deciding that he is the right person. When you meet an interesting person, take the time to get to know them better before revealing everything about yourself.
Don't focus on just one person. Make friends with several people until you are able to determine the appropriate person to date
Step 4. Think carefully before getting into a romantic relationship
If you approach someone, try to get to know them better. Invite him to eat together, have a long chat, and hang out with his friends. You can discuss things you want to achieve together, but don't try to make them happen right away. You should get to know each other from various aspects of life to strengthen the relationship.
On a first date, let him get to know you little by little while building trust in him
- Focus on enjoying your single life! Take this opportunity to travel with friends, assert independence, and do fun things.
- Don't push yourself and set your expectations too high! Strive to realize the life you dream of with patience and persistence. Celebrate every little progress you make as you reach your life goals.