Fairy tale writers may expect us to believe in happiness forever. In fact, we know that life is a balance between happiness and its opposites-sadness, boredom and dissatisfaction-but there are some things that can increase the happiness factor in relationships, work and on a personal level. Being realistic, forgiving and optimistic are qualities that can help you turn your happy dreams into reality.
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Method 1 of 3: Have a Happy Love Life
Step 1. Love the person for who they are, with flaws and everything
When you commit to someone, you have to be willing to accept their flaws and qualities. Even though he may be clumsy at parties, doesn't know how to fry eggs, and it annoys you, don't expect this to change when you're in a relationship. Maybe you can, but often you don't, and if reality doesn't live up to your expectations, you could end up disappointed.
- Trying to change partners can lead to fights. You could end up hurting his confidence.
- Realize that love means accepting someone for who they are, and getting similar treatment in return. Instead of focusing on the things you want to change, be happy that they accept your flaws as well.
Step 2. Get rid of the fairy tale mentality
Research shows that people who believe that romantic love resembles Cinderella have a harder time dealing with the reality of a relationship. As Eleanor Rooesevelt said, "Happiness is not a goal, it's a by-product." If you're hoping to find a boyfriend who makes you drunk every time you look him in the eye, you're likely going to be disappointed. Talk to your partner about what makes you happy and learn to recognize what makes your partner happy too.
- Realize that the Disney version of life is fun to watch in movies, but different from real life. Real life stretches past a happy wedding day into a future full of suspense, and hardships that offset the initial pleasures.
- Relationships can feel magical. However, they do not occur by magic and chance, but rather due to hard work, especially after the early years.
Step 3. Live the passion by surprising each other
Maybe the fire had dimmed after a few years of washing each other's dirty dishes, but that didn't mean it had to go away completely. Research suggests that surprising each other with a new hobby, trying new things together or simply embracing new things can keep couples attracted to each other. When you startle each other, you'll feel a tingle in your tummy just like the first time you went on a date.
- Having a great date night is fun, but it can be deprived of new and different activities.
- Don't be afraid of the thought that the passion you felt for the first time will be gone forever. Many couples find that they value the trust and friendship they have gained after years of dealing with life's ups and downs, more as a team than as the thrills of first love.
Step 4. Make an effort to maintain a strong relationship
Every couple goes through hardships: job loss, illness, the death of a family member, the challenges of having children, finances. All of these situations can stress your relationship. When your relationship hits a wall, trying to get through all the challenges will make the relationship stronger than ever. Even if you strongly disagree with your partner, don't let it shake your love and respect.
- Research shows that abusive relationships during an argument can permanently damage a relationship.
- Instead, fight lovingly; argue about the issue at hand, rather than personally attacking your partner's abilities or intelligence.
Step 5. Make sure you match each other
This is tricky because no relationship is perfect and everything takes work, but it makes perfect sense that you are in a relationship that is much harder than finding a new partner. It's hard to have an objective view of something so personal, so use some objective measures to see if you're really a good match for each other:
- Trust: It can be very difficult to make a relationship work if you don't share the same values. That doesn't mean people with different beliefs can't be happy together, but generally they have to work harder for it.
- Political views: Political views are generally an extension of basic values, so differences in political beliefs generally signify fundamental differences in how we view the world.
- Social: If one part of the relationship enjoys going out every night and the other prefers to curl up on the couch reading a book, it will be more difficult to find shared hobbies that will strengthen the relationship.
- Finance: it is said that many divorces start from disputes over finances. If one wants to be a millionaire while the other is happy with a small house and free time to hike the mountains, this could be a source of conflict later.
Step 6. Don't get addicted to the past
Too often people say, "we don't talk like we used to anymore," or "he's not the one I married". In a long term relationship, you have to be prepared for your partner to grow and mature. We are constantly evolving and you can't expect someone to act like they did ten years ago, just as you can't expect them to perform like they did ten years ago. Instead of focusing on the things you've done in the past, try to reexamine yourself and focus on things you can do together in the future.
Step 7. Don't depend on your partner for happiness
Being in a relationship can increase feelings of happiness, but it can be a source of ending. You can have a happy life as a single person. Don't believe that the only way to be happy forever is to have a prince or princess, especially if deep down you know something isn't right.
Method 2 of 3: Fixing Your Perspective
Step 1. Invest in people rather than things
Research shows that spending time with the people you love makes you happier than focusing too much energy on gaining money, power and possessions. When it's time to make a big decision, considering organizing your life to focus more on your family can make you happy in the long run.
- Find more ways to spend time with friends and family. If necessary, make a schedule to train you to meet people more often.
- Remember that close friends are just as important as family. If your biological family is dysfunctional or hostile to each other, you can always find happiness spending time with good friends.
- Giving can also make you happy. Find ways to help people each week by volunteering in your community.
Step 2. Appreciate what you have
You must have heard this, because it is very important to make you happier. If you're always glancing at the grass next door, you're hurting your chances of being happy. Remember the time when you had to make the decision to change jobs, move cities only to realize that the lawn everywhere had equal parts of chocolate. Instead of wishing things were different, focus on loving what you have.
- Make a list of things you are grateful for. Writing it all down can make you realize how much you have. Put the list in a place where you can remember the good things in life every day.
- If you're having trouble finding things to write about, look for ways to add positivity to your life. Try going out to make new friends, or learning a skill that makes you happy. Cultivate a positive attitude and don't dwell on the negative.
Step 3. Don't harbor hatred
If you carry your anger with you wherever you go, realize that this has a bigger impact on yourself than it affects the subject of your anger. Even if you have good reasons to feel angry and sad, keeping your anger in check won't make you feel any better. If there's nothing you can change about the situation, try to be tolerant, no matter how difficult it is. You will be a happier person because of it.
- Try to be more forgiving and open. Don't save the negative comments you hear.
- Don't harbor feelings of envy or jealousy. You can't control other people, but you can control how you react to the situation you're in. If you can't get rid of negative feelings once in a while, keeping them inside for a long time can make you angry.
Step 4. Surround yourself with happy people
Emotions are contagious. If your friends are gloomy and negative, it will be difficult to stay happy around them. This doesn't mean you have to break off friendships, but it's important to find people who make you feel light and happy.
If there are people in your life who have a tendency to make you feel bad rather than good, consider having an honest conversation about the matter. If you can't, it's okay to allow yourself to end the relationship, for the sake of health and happiness
Step 5. Make sure your work is working for you
Not everyone has a job they like, some are not satisfied at all. But when it comes to work, what's important is that even if you respect your boss, your work means a lot to you and you get rewarded for the effort you put in.
- Even if it's not a dream job, you can still be satisfied. Your work, like any other area of life, isn't perfect. Ditch the negative with the positive and learn what you can handle and what you can't, and make changes if you have to.
- If you're having trouble finding a job that fits your needs, try seeking career counseling help.
Method 3 of 3: Making Changes about Work
Step 1. Spend some time outside
Research shows that spending time outside, even just 20 minutes a day, can increase feelings of happiness. Walking in the park or lying by the beach is very important for your mental health, so stop seeing time outside as a luxury. This is a basic need.
- If you're not used to spending time outside, because you're busy with other things, put this on your priority list. Schedule a walk before or after school or work, or plan to spend an afternoon in the yard.
- Try to find a place to spend time in nature; paved roads will have a different effect with parks.
Step 2. Move to approach the workplace
Studies show that people with long commutes are less happy than people who live close to work. The difference is so stark that you might consider a less prestigious job or pay less for less travel time. This can increase happiness, if you are brave enough to take this step.
Reducing the time you commute to work will allow you to spend more time with your family, cooking healthy meals, or walking out. All of these activities reduce stress levels and increase happiness
Step 3. Better sleep
If you don't get enough sleep at night, you are more sensitive to negative comments. Comments that you normally let go of can make you sad or panic. Try to sleep seven to eight hours a day for best results. You will feel fresher and better to deal with any issues throughout the day.
Step 4. Exercise regularly
Exercising releases endorphins that will physically change your mood to be more cheerful. Doing it every day can increase the effect. If you think you hate exercise, try to do it gradually. Start with 30 minutes and then an hour of exercise, even if it's just a daily walk.
- Exercising can also boost your confidence and make you feel more confident in your body's abilities.
- Exercising is also effective at increasing happiness making it an effective treatment against depression.
Tips
- Do something special for your partner. Don't dwell on too many details. Simply knowing that you are planning something for them is enough to make them smile.
- You can't go wrong with being romantic unless you don't do it at all.
- Remember, “always, forever” is a very long time! If you can be happy 75% of them, you are already better than most people.
- Romance is something very personal. Common gifts like teddy bears and chocolates are fine, but gifts tailored to your partner's unique tastes will go a long way.
