The meaning of your life is formed through your daily thoughts and actions. Ask what you need to learn and do to make your life better. Never blame others when things don't go your way. You are free to determine what is meant by a happy life and start making it happen by reading this article.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Defining Yourself
Step 1. Recognize that life is a process, not a destination
As cliché as it may sound, it's true that life is basically a means of achieving the goals you want to achieve. A happy life can be achieved through a process that you have to live a lifetime. Do not be disappointed if you are required to learn new things or have to face obstacles because these are all normal things in life.
Step 2. Be honest with yourself and with others
Lies drain energy and destroy happiness. Lying to yourself means blocking opportunities for learning and development for yourself. Lying to others means destroying trust and intimacy.
There are many reasons that make someone lie. Research has shown that sometimes we lie because we feel jealous and want to hurt others. Sometimes we lie for fear of being hurt if we tell the truth or for fear of confrontation. Being honest is hard, especially with yourself, but you can live a richer and happier life by being honest
Step 3. Learn to accept yourself
It's easier for us to see what we don't like about ourselves, what we would like to change, and what we think should be different. Spending time focusing solely on what you don't like or on past events can show that you're incapable of thinking about the future. Make the decision to learn to love yourself for who you are.
Write down all your strengths. What can you do well? The answer could be high achievement, for example inventing new technology, or having skills to live daily life, for example being friendly to others. You can develop strengths by observing your strengths without judging yourself that you have failed
Step 4. Determine the value system you believe in
Value systems are beliefs that shape who you are and the way you live your life. Value systems can be spiritual beliefs or beliefs that are deeply ingrained and very important to you. Reflecting on your value beliefs can help you set goals that align with your value system. You will feel satisfied and happy if you can live a life according to the value system you believe in.
Stand up for what you believe in and don't let other people control you. You can do this while keeping yourself open to other people's ideas that might surprise you
Step 5. Fight negative views of yourself
There is a mixed opinion between self-criticism and self-improvement. Research has shown that someone who is hostile and self-critical is just like everyone else. A negative view of yourself and a habit of self-criticism doesn't make you any better and doesn't help you achieve your goals. Instead, be kind by loving yourself. For example:
- If you are constantly thinking about something wrong about yourself or things you don't like about yourself, become aware of this habit and counter these thoughts with positive thoughts. Replace the statement "I'm such a loser" with "My plans haven't worked out. I will come up with a new plan and think of another way to carry it out.”
- Think logically about the criticism you give yourself. We are too self-critical. When you find yourself blaming yourself, try to give a rational response to the criticism. For example, if you think "I'm so stupid that I don't understand this subject and my friends are smarter than me", test this thought using logic. Are all of your friends really smarter than you or are just some people who are more prepared because they have studied this material before? Is your study performance related to your intelligence (maybe not) or because you haven't done the preparation needed to be the best? Have you studied well? Do you need tutor help? Breaking things down logically can help you determine steps to improve without putting yourself down.
Step 6. Be flexible
One of the reasons we are disappointed is the desire for things to be the same. However, life is full of changes. Be prepared for change and experience growth. Learn to adapt to every new situation and challenge.
- You can become a more flexible person by cultivating positive emotions, such as happiness and optimism.
- Find certain patterns in how you have responded to events and problems over the years. Decide which methods are useful and which are not. In this way, you can learn to change useless responses and become more adaptive. In addition to feeling better about yourself, it can improve your interactions with other people.
- Learn to see “negative” events as a lesson. Seeing obstacles or problems that seem negative as "failures" will make you obsess over them, instead of learning and growing from them. Instead of seeing challenges or obstacles as negative, see them as positive opportunities to learn and improve.
- For example, famous entrepreneur Steve Jobs said that “being fired from Apple was the best thing I've ever experienced. The burden of achieving success feels relieved because I can return to being a beginner who is completely uncertain about anything. This leaves me free to live the most creative times of my life.” J. K. Rowling, author of the phenomenal success of the Harry Potter books, says that she sees failure as a very rewarding thing and should be rewarded, rather than feared.
Step 7. Take care of your body
One way to live a happy life is to take care of the body. You only have one body as long as you live. Therefore, make sure your body is always ready to be a vehicle that you can control to live this life and keep learning.
- Apply a healthy diet. Avoid foods that are high in sugar and low in calories. Get in the habit of eating lots of fruit, vegetables, complex carbohydrates, and lean protein. However, don't torture yourself. A piece of cake or a glass of syrup when you visit a friend's house is also healthy.
- Keep your body hydrated. Men should drink approximately 13 cups (3 liters) of fluids per day. Women should drink 9 cups (2.2 liters) of fluids per day.
- Exercise. Research has proven that regular exercise makes you healthier, happier, and more positive. Do about 150 minutes of aerobic exercise a week.
Step 8. Learn how to calm your mind
Learning to calm your mind can help you live a happy life by focusing on what's happening right now. This mind calming practice stems from the Buddhist tradition by breaking free from the habit of judging your experiences. This practice allows you to accept everything you experience as it is.
- You can't live happily if you keep thinking about the past and the future. Staying calm about what is happening right now can reduce anxiety about what has and will happen.
- There are many ways to practice calming the mind, for example by doing meditation to calm the mind and spiritual studies. Yoga and taici also include aspects of calming the mind as part of the practice.
- Some of the benefits that you can get from mind-soothing exercises: improve physical and mental health, reduce stress, improve interactions with other people, and feel more prosperous.
Step 9. Stop “pushing” yourself
This term was used by a psychologist named Clayton Barbeau. This refers to human behavior that tends to tell ourselves that we "should" do something, even if it is not in accordance with our own goals or value system. “Should” statements can lead to dissatisfaction and sadness. You can live a happy life by breaking the habit of making these statements.
- For example, consider the following “must” statement: “I need to lose weight.” Why do you feel this way? Is it because you want to achieve the fitness goals you set yourself? Because you've consulted a doctor and agreed that you need to live a healthier life? Or, because someone said that you “must” have a certain appearance? The same good goal can be beneficial “or” detrimental, depending on what reasons make you want to achieve it.
- Deciding to no longer “have to” yourself doesn't mean that you don't need to set goals, but it does mean that you set goals for yourself based on what is beneficial to you. You, not because of what other people want for you or demand from you.
Part 2 of 3: Making Your Own Choices
Step 1. Leave your comfort zone
Research always proves that people have to force themselves to leave their comfort zone in order to achieve the best possible performance. This is called experiencing “optimal anxiety”. In conclusion, the more willing you are to challenge yourself, the more comfortable you will be with new experiences.
- Taking risks can be scary because we tend to feel uncomfortable thinking about failure. Many people are afraid to take short-term risks. However, people who are risk averse and don't want to push themselves usually feel disappointed later in life because they never did.
- Leaving your comfort zone every now and then can increase the flexibility you need to deal with unexpected obstacles in everyday life.
- Start small. Head to a crowded restaurant without booking in advance. Take your family on a long trip without any preparation. Do new things you've never done before.
Step 2. Be realistic
Make a plan that can be achieved according to your abilities and talents. Make every effort that supports the achievement of goals. Reach one by one to achieve stability and serenity in life.
- Set goals that are meaningful to you and don't compare them to other people's goals. If a goal that is personally meaningful to you is wanting to be able to play your favorite songs on the guitar, don't feel guilty if you've never been a top rock guitarist.
- Achieve your goals based on performance. You have to work hard, be dedicated and motivated in order to achieve your goals. However, make sure first that you can achieve these goals with your own efforts because you can't control other people. For example, “becoming a movie star” is a goal that depends on the actions of other people (the agent who assigns you the role, the people who will see your film, etc.) this action. Even if you never get a role, you can see this goal as a success because you've already done what it took to achieve the goal you wanted.
Step 3. Be prepared for vulnerabilities
You have to take advantage of every opportunity in order to live a happy life. Go after what you want. Make decisions that carry consequences. And sometimes, things don't go as expected. You have to be prepared to face vulnerabilities because things might go wrong so you can live happily in openness and honesty.
- Vulnerabilities enable you to take action in everyday life. You can't have a close relationship if you're afraid to be open and honest with others just so you don't get hurt. You will lose opportunities if you do not want to take the opportunity for fear of failure.
- For example, Myshkin Ingawale is an inventor who wants to develop technology to solve the problem of child mortality in rural India and he often recounts his failures 32 times while creating this technology. In the end, he succeeded after 33 attempts. His readiness to face vulnerabilities by accepting the possibility of risk and failure has enabled him to successfully develop technology that is now saving many lives.
Step 4. Find learning opportunities
Don't be content with letting your life run its course. Be an active person by learning from every problem you face. This can prevent stress when you have to face challenges and keep you focused on the future instead of the past.
Learning new things makes your brain able to work optimally. You will be mentally and emotionally healthier by continuing to ask questions and investigate experiences
Step 5. Get used to being grateful
Gratitude is not just a feeling, but a way of life that must be actively applied. Research has shown that being grateful makes you feel healthier, happier, and more positive. In addition, you can also overcome past trauma and build relationships with other people with gratitude. Identify things you can be grateful for in your daily life. Show your family, friends, and loved ones how grateful you are for having them in your life. Love them while you can. Your life will be happier by always being grateful.
- Enjoy every moment. Humans have a bad tendency to focus on the negative aspects of life and ignore all the positive things around them. Try to be aware of and enjoy every little beautiful moment in your daily life. Reflect on what the experience means to you while feeling the happiness that comes from this beautiful moment and jotting it down. Even small things, such as an unexpected text message from a friend or a beautiful sunny morning can be a reason for us to be grateful, if we allow it.
- Share gratitude with others. You can "record" positive things in your memory by sharing them with others. If you see a beautiful flower when you get on the bus, text a friend to let them know too. If your partner gives you a surprise gift, say that you appreciate his kindness. Sharing gratitude makes other people feel happy and try to find ways to be grateful for their lives.
Step 6. Keep a journal
You can reflect on the purpose and value of virtue by keeping a journal. In addition, you can determine what has been going well in your daily life and what still needs improvement. Keeping a journal is an excellent way to calm the mind.
Keep an active journal, not just jot down random thoughts and experiences. Instead of just jotting down everything that happens, use a journal to reflect on the issues you're having. What was your first reaction? How did you first feel about this problem? Are your feelings different now? Would you use a different method if the same problem happened again?
Step 7. Laugh
Laughter is the best medicine because it can reduce stress hormones and release endorphins, the body's natural compounds that can improve mood. Laughter is a way to burn calories and circulate oxygen throughout your body, making you feel happier and healthier.
Laughter is also contagious. When you express joy by laughing, other people want to laugh with you too. Laughing together is a way of forming emotional bonds and socializing
Step 8. Simplify your requirements
What you have can control you. A house full of things will not make you happy. Get used to a simple life. Research has shown that a penchant for material gathering is often a way of meeting other hidden needs. Have what you need and need only what you can afford.
- Highly materialistic people tend to have a hard time feeling happy and not as happy as other people. Materials can't make you happy. You will feel happy if you can establish good relationships with other people.
- Get rid of items in the house that you no longer use or need. Donate clothes, household items, and other items you don't need to charities.
- Simplify your own personal life too. You don't have to make appointments or fulfill every invitation. Fill the time by doing things that are meaningful and beneficial to you.
Part 3 of 3: Interacting with Others
Step 1. Pay attention to who is around you
Believe it or not, emotions can spread as easily as we catch a cold. If you hang out with happy and positive people often, you will feel the same way yourself. If you often hang out with people who focus on negative things, you will also become a negative person. Make friends with people who care about you, value you and others, and can enrich your life.
- Who do you usually spend time with? How do you feel about yourself when you are with them? Do you feel valued and recognized by the people in your life?
- Don't think that your friends and family shouldn't give constructive criticism because sometimes, we need someone to remind us when we're being unwise or hurting others. However, you should always assume that the people closest to you will be kind and appreciative of you so you should treat them the same way.
Step 2. Discuss your desires with others
Learning to be assertive when communicating (but not aggressively) will make you a stronger, more confident, and happier person. Assertive communication shows that you and the other person share a need and want to be heard.
- Be open and honest, but don't judge or blame others. If someone hurts your feelings, it's a good idea to share these feelings with them. However, don't use words that blame others, such as "You're so mean to me" or "You don't care about what I want."
- Use the words "I" or "I". Use sentences that focus on how you feel and experience so you don't come across as blaming or judging. For example, “I'm sad that you forgot to pick me up at work. I feel my needs are not important to you.”
- Give constructive criticism and be prepared to accept criticism from others. Don't just suggest or forbid others to do something, but also give reasons.
- Ask other people's wishes and ideas. Use cooperative words, for example, "What do you want to do?" or “What do you think?”
- Instead of immediately wanting to state your point of view when you hear someone else's opinion that you normally disagree with, give them a chance to explain what they think. Try to understand the other person's point of view by saying, "Please explain more".
Step 3. Love everyone
Don't be selfish to others. One of the main causes that hinder our lives is the view that we "deserve" certain things. These feelings can lead to disappointment and anger. Love others without expecting anything in return. Even though it's hard, keep loving others.
- Don't want to be trampled on by people who don't treat you well, but you can love and accept someone while realizing that he or she is not a good friend for you.
- Believe it or not, loving others is also beneficial in the workplace. A workplace that fosters a culture of mutual love, care and support for one another will be more productive and have higher levels of job satisfaction.
Step 4. Forgive yourself and others
Forgiving yourself is good for your body and soul. Although very difficult to do, forgiveness can reduce stress, lower high blood pressure, and normalize the heart rate. Plus, you'll feel calmer and happier when you forgive, even if the person you're forgiving doesn't want to admit it was wrong.
- Think about what you want to forgive. Observe how you feel when you think about it. Accept this feeling because judging or suppressing it will only make things worse.
- Transform painful experiences into learning. What could you do differently? What can you learn through that experience so that you become a better person today?
- Remember that you can only control your own actions and cannot control other people. One of the reasons it's hard for you to forgive is because it's totally up to you. The other person may never realize his mistake, not feel the consequences, or learn nothing from this experience. However, holding back your anger will only hurt yourself. Regardless of whether he wants to do something or suffer certain consequences, you can recover by learning to forgive.
- Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. Thinking about the past or actions we regret can keep us trapped in useless guilt, instead of using these experiences to make ourselves a better person we are today. Use the techniques described in this article, such as fighting negative thoughts about yourself and practicing calming your mind so that you can forgive yourself and love yourself as much as you love others.
- When forgiving, try to forget certain situations that cause negative emotions.
Step 5. Be kind to others
Start by being kind to your neighbors. Do charity work by serving people outside your community. Doing good for others not only helps you become a better person, but helps others as well.
- In addition to benefiting others, doing good also makes your body healthier. You will experience a feeling of pleasure when you help others. This happens because our bodies release endorphins when we do good for others.
- You don't need to open a soup kitchen or set up a non-profit organization because you want to help others. Small kindnesses in everyday life can have a big impact. Research has proven that the consequences of doing good selflessly are real because your kindness will inspire others to share in their generosity and kindness. This will inspire more people to do the same.
Step 6. Accept the other person
Be nice and polite. Enjoy being with other people. Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.
Maybe you feel uncomfortable the first time you talk to someone who seems different from you. Remember that there is always something you can learn from everyone you meet. And the more differences you experience in your daily life, the more you will realize that we are all human
Tips
-
Love others by:
- listen more, talk less;
- forgetting mistakes and shortcomings;
- appreciate what you have;
- give appreciation.
- Don't let other people oppress and control you. Be the best according to your own desires, not the best according to others.
- Enjoy the little things in your life. Sit back and relax and feel how good it is to be able to look up at the blue sky, hear your sister laugh, or your dad joke. Imagine what your daily life would be like without them.
- Be yourself. Avoid gossip, assumptions, and judgments. In order to live happily, try to live in the present. The past cannot be repeated, the future is still uncertain, what is certain is only the present moment of life.
- Get rid of the fear that weighs you down and makes you powerless. When associated with feelings and desires, fear can be considered a disease. In order to be free from fear and feel happy, share true happiness with anyone and everything around you.
- Be adventurous! You don't have to go to extremes, like rock climbing when you don't like being in high places. Little adventures can be fun, like tasting a new food or going on a nature hike that brings joy in its own right!
- Face every negative or positive moment in your life that has shaped you and enabled you to appreciate the past and live a better future.
Warning
- Don't let the external environment dictate how you feel because you can always control it. However, remember that you will be controlled by the meaning you give to each of your experiences.
- Know the difference between a story and a fact. Don't get caught up in your own story.
