The picture of trying to find a lover may be filled with a variety of conflicting emotions. You may be interested in the possibility of finding someone to spend some time with. However, you may also feel nervous about putting yourself in an emotionally vulnerable situation, especially if you don't know a man's sexual preferences or romance. Once the timing is right and you're ready to start a new relationship, there are always ways to make this process easier while still avoiding common mistakes.
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Method 1 of 4: Identifying Your Potential Lover
Step 1. Decide what you want in the relationship
Before starting the dating process, think about what kind of relationship you want and what kind of person you want to date. Generally, relationships work best when they start out as friendships because that gives you a chance to find out if you and he are compatible. You can also find out if he has the characteristics you want in a partner.
Step 2. Determine if you really want a lover
While some people don't like being single, sometimes you have to think about everything that's going on in life and decide if you should be in a relationship. If you have to focus on school, work, or family, the answer is probably no at this point. After all, there's nothing wrong with being single.
Step 3. Find a man who is open to same-sex relationships
If you're in the LGBTQ community, you probably have a circle of friends you can spend time with and, even if it's small, there's a good chance you already know someone in that circle who you'd like to date. If not, you can find a potential lover at work, school, or a vacation destination. The opportunities are endless.
- If you meet someone and find out that they share similar sexual preferences, and they are open to the public about it, you can express your interest (with caution, of course) to get to know them.
- If you meet someone but are unsure about their sexual preferences, refrain from publicly expressing your feelings for them as this could create an uncomfortable situation for both of you.
- There are a variety of LGBTQ clubs and organizations that provide programs for communities around the world. In addition, there are also awareness centers and resources that focus on steps to help and highlight LGBTQ communities.
Step 4. Ask an acquaintance to introduce you to someone
Many long-term relationships (and even marriages) start with acquaintances made by friends or coworkers. Feel free to ask people from the LGBTQ group to introduce you to someone. Usually, the people you spend the most time with know you much better and can make for a “potent” matchmaker.
Step 5. Use social media to meet new people
You can use social media to connect and meet new people. While you shouldn't be aggressive when sending non-private messages, some social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter can be used to expand your network of contacts. The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding a lover.
Step 6. Use online dating websites to meet new people
There are plenty of fast websites online that offer same-sex options, such as OurTime, Match, and Zoosk. As in any other situation, you have to be careful when meeting people you don't know. This is also true when you meet someone at the convenience store or nightclub. Basically, this rule applies to a variety of situations.
Method 2 of 4: Ask Her On A Casual Date
Step 1. Determine if you are ready to date
Once you've gotten to know your potential lover, to find out if you're compatible, it's a good idea to spend some time with him in relaxed situations, such as when you're out with friends in a more "neutral" location or playing a video game.
Step 2. Decide on a place for a short meeting
A great place for a quick first one-on-one meeting is a coffee shop where you can enjoy coffee or tea while having a long chat. You can also go to the movies, but you won't have much time to chat as visitors are expected to remain calm while the movie is playing.
- When you meet someone at a coffee shop, you don't have a huge time or financial commitment. The approach process can end quickly when you discover that there is no attraction or compatibility.
- Even if it's casual, make sure you look your best when you get to know her. You do have to be yourself, but make sure you show your best side.
Step 3. Decide how to ask her out on a date
With the increasing popularity of smartphones, many people prefer to communicate via text messages. However, the problem is that you can't read the other person's tone via text messages. While you can still ask someone out on a casual date via text or email, it's a good idea to ask them in person or over the phone so you can hear their voice (and they can hear yours too).
Step 4. Think about what you want to say when you ask her
There's no doubt that asking someone out, regardless of how casual the date may be, can be terrifying. An appropriate way to deal with these feelings is to say something like: “I want to get to know you better. Do you have time on Saturday to have coffee together?”
- When asking out on a date, make sure to warm things up first by asking how he's doing or talking about other topics.
- If you're asking someone out on a date, but haven't spoken to them before, you still need to warm up or start a small talk, such as, "You know a good restaurant nearby?" When he answers, you can say, "If I go there, will you come with me?"
- Don't rant, because people can tell when you're not being sincere. In addition, this usually makes your potential partner less likely to accept an invitation.
Step 5. Prepare what to say if he declines your invitation
No one likes rejection and sometimes, this is hard to accept. You need to establish from the start that you won't take it for granted if he declines the date. You also need to be prepared to respond to the answer so you don't get lost for words when the worst happens.
If a date is turned down, you can respond by saying, “I understand. If you change your mind or your schedule is more empty, you can contact me.”
Method 3 of 4: Developing Relationships
Step 1. Get to know each other more deeply
After completing the steps above, going on a few dates, and feeling that things are going well, it's a good idea to be honest about your feelings. While it may take time to fall in love, you may have strong enough feelings for a more serious date that could eventually lead to a romantic relationship. Even though it's a little scary, there's nothing wrong with trying to be honest because a good relationship can live up to expectations and bring greater joy to life.
Step 2. Share your true feelings
After going through the initial introduction stages, be honest about how you feel. If your feelings deepen, it never hurts to share about them.
Step 3. Listen to what he has to say about his feelings
Every relationship is two-way, so it's important that you listen to it rather than just talk about personal feelings. Engage in active listening. In this case, you need to listen to what he's saying in order to really understand what he's saying, not just listen and respond the way you want.
If you express your feelings, but he doesn't feel the same way, don't feel angry or anxious. When someone doesn't reciprocate, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're a bad person (or, at least, not good enough). This indicates that you and he are not compatible
Step 4. Watch for warning signs
Not all relationships are healthy relationships. It is important that you pay attention to the warning signs that may appear in the early stages of a relationship. Issues such as uncontrollable anger or violent communication are important concerns because they are not part of a healthy relationship.
Introduce him to close friends and family if you feel comfortable. Sometimes, they can see problems that may arise, but you can't notice
Step 5. Communicate the problem
If you like him, but there are some minor issues, you can still tell him about the problem so that it can be resolved before moving on with the relationship.
Method 4 of 4: Asking Him to Be Lover
Step 1. Determine if you are ready to go to the next stage
In general, to have a successful relationship requires confidence and the belief that you are worthy of love. If you can love yourself, you are better equipped to be in a relationship. If you've already expressed your feelings to him and those feelings are well received, after some time has passed (the length of time it takes is different for each couple), you may want to be in a more exclusive relationship.
You can't just assume that he has the same views or thoughts. You need to ask if he wants to be your girlfriend or not
Step 2. See if he is a good person for you
Sometimes, when you take a moment to pause and really think about him (including the interactions you're having), you can tell if there's an opportunity to be in a relationship with him. Sometimes, you're better off not having a more serious relationship with him, and just being friends.
Step 3. Talk about the expectations you have
If you want to continue in a relationship, make sure you define your expectations and what is needed from a lover to make the relationship work.
Step 4. Plan events to have fun together
You can be in a long-term, committed and loving relationship if that's what you want. As with any relationship, such a relationship takes time, mutual respect, and ongoing effort. If you both agree to be a couple, start having fun together and enjoying each other's company.
- It's important for you to clarify what kind of relationship you want to have. Just saying that you want to be a couple is not enough. Talk about whether you want the relationship to be monogamous, and whether you can both see a future in the relationship.
- If you haven't clarified yet, this is a good time to make sure he's not in another relationship, especially if you want to be in an exclusive relationship.
Tips
- Don't try to be in a relationship with someone who isn't interested in same-sex relationships.
- Pay attention to body language and cues that are often used to reflect attraction or disinterest, such as eye contact, compliments, and romantic gestures.
- If he says no, he doesn't want to be your girlfriend. However, maybe he still wants to be friends.
- Don't do things that make you or your potential lover feel embarrassed in public. These things can be avoided by closing the relationship.
- Don't be in a hurry to go through each stage. Show confidence and learn to enjoy being alone. With steps like this, you can become a more attractive potential partner.
Warning
- Be careful and try not to be too self-indulgent when using social media for dating purposes because people are sometimes insensitive and often hurt other people's feelings.
- Be careful not to mistake kindness for a romantic gesture.
- Some people are uncomfortable with gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer relationships. Therefore, be prepared for unexpected reactions.
- Remember that same-sex feelings don't necessarily mean you're gay. Most gay people understand that they are gay from the start, and in the teenage years, fluctuating hormones can cause unusual feelings. You may be bi-curious if you're not sure, or bisexual if you have romantic/sexual desires for both genders.
