The modern world we live in today is obsessed with physical appearance. From the time we were babies, society has conveyed the message that people's attraction to us and our value as a person is somehow related to the shape of our bodies. Dealing with this kind of social message can be a lifelong challenge, but feeling good about your own body is an important step towards developing healthy relationships with yourself and the world around you.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Narrative Rewriting
Step 1. Practice talking to yourself in a positive way
Finding things to criticize about your body is very easy, and everyone, no matter how beautiful the person is, has a body part that he or she dislikes the most. Instead of focusing on the negative, challenge yourself to find the positive in your body.
- Perhaps your father inherited his chin, the strength of his hands, his sharp eyesight. Your best traits may not be something that other people notice, but they are your hallmarks.
- We tend to be our own worst critic by making unreasonable and harsh criticisms of our faces, bodies, and abilities. Don't allow yourself to say things you wouldn't say to your friends.
Step 2. Write positive body affirmations
Affirmations are short statements that you can repeat to yourself (out loud or silently) when you start to doubt yourself. Affirmations should include only positive words and should be short and concise.
- Try standing naked in front of a life-size mirror and write a list of the things you love about your body. Write in the form of a statement.
- When you are comfortable with the affirmation of the body part you like, write a list of the body parts that you least like by writing, “…-my”. For example, if you don't like thick skin on your upper arms, you could write, "My arms." Then, find at least one thing about that part of your body that you are grateful for and write it next to the word to make a positive affirmation. For example, you might write, "My arms are strong and they worked hard for me." You could also write, "My tummy gives me life and a warm place for my kids to cuddle."
Step 3. Fake it until you are sure
When it comes to self-confidence, most people consider it a lifelong challenge and not something that can be built overnight. However, acting like you're confident even if you doubt yourself can give you the positive benefits of self-confidence.
- At home, spend time undressed to normalize your relationship with your own body. If you feel capable, you might even consider modeling naked to boost your confidence and help you feel more comfortable in your own body.
- Wear clothes and makeup that you imagine you would wear if you were more confident. Then, train yourself to have better posture by straightening your shoulders and tilting your head. Speak loudly and look the other person in the eye. The people around you will notice how comfortable and confident you are, and they will treat you like a self-confident person.
- You will also start to believe it. The process of changing your self-perception can take a long time, but with consistency and patience, if you act like you're confident and people treat you like a confident person, you'll eventually get used to it and you won't have to pretend anymore. Instead, confidence will show itself.
Step 4. Don't compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to other people, especially celebrities, can damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. There are bound to be people who have traits you don't have and comparing yourself to that person won't change anything. Instead, it will only drain emotional energy, waste time, and leave your mind fragile.
Comparison is actually a form of judgment. Instead of judging other people's appearance, view them as a whole person. Try to think positively about their personality, instead of judging their appearance
Step 5. Teach the children
Today, body image is built more and more based on media consumption and socialization processes such as in daycare. To protect your children from negative body image problems later in life, you must start teaching them early.
- Limit television time and encourage your child to watch television shows that don't just feature stereotypical male and female characters. Look for a healthy body size and a character who is not sexually objectified or judged largely by appearance.
- Be positive about your body in front of children. Never criticize the body (children, you, or others) in front of children. Even if you're dieting or exercising, make sure you explain to your kids that you're doing it to be healthy and active, not to look good or fix a body part you don't like. Research shows that there is a relationship between a woman's dietary behavior and the chances that her daughter has an eating disorder and is dissatisfied with her body.
Part 2 of 3: Refocusing Your Mind
Step 1. Be a beautiful person inside and out
Instead of obsessing over your physical appearance, commit to cultivating your inner beauty. Beauty from within will never wrinkle or sag, never go out of style, and will be remembered even after you are gone.
- Think about what you value in your friends and cultivate that attitude in yourself. For example, if you strive to be trustworthy, honest, dependable, loyal, good listener, and kind, you will not only develop your inner beauty, but will also attract people like you to be your friends.
- Share generously. Your time and resources are valuable, and sharing has psychological benefits for you and your beneficiary. Consider volunteering, supporting children in need, or donating used toys and clothes. Collect food for the homeless or emergency baby services in your city. Call your local hospital and find out how to volunteer in the seniors ward or children's department.
Step 2. Find new hobbies and friends
If you keep thinking about your body, you have too much free time. It can also mean that your friends are also obsessed with their appearance which of course contributes to your dissatisfaction with your own body.
- Think of a sport, art, or social movement that you've been wanting to be in for a long time. Consider joining a local intramural team, attending a knitting class, or volunteering for a political campaign or at an animal shelter.
- The added bonus of finding a hobby or activity to spend your free time with is that you'll meet new people who share your interests and can distract you from appearances on your hobbies.
Step 3. Consider what things you can change
Your body is largely defined by DNA and should be celebrated as the unique aspects that make you unique. Controlling the areas that you can change will make you feel more confident and in control of the situation.
- Exercise. Although everyone's body has its own shape, you can shape and strengthen your body to be healthier and have more energy. Even if you don't want to lose weight, exercise has positive psychological effects such as reducing stress, building self-discipline, and improving self-image.
- Eat well. A balanced diet can improve fitness and body health which produces more energy and improves self-confidence. Cutting back on sugar and carbohydrates and ensuring that you are eating enough good fats and protein can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety and improve your memory, weight, and heart health.
- Get enough rest. It will not only improve bodily function, but also emotional state, which may help you to be less critical of your appearance.
- Respect yourself. Your body is a gift. Think of the things your body has done for you! Whether it's giving birth, climbing a mountain, or getting up in the morning to welcome the day, your body is already doing amazing things for you.
Part 3 of 3: Recognizing the Source of Discomfort
Step 1. Question society's obsession with appearance
In order for you to accept your own body, you must first become aware of the origins of your dissatisfaction with your own body. Your dissatisfaction doesn't just come from your head. It is the result of the ubiquitous social message you receive as a child.
- Basically we are not born with feelings of awkwardness about our own bodies. Very young children tend not to care about their appearance unless the media, adults, or other children make them pay attention to their appearance.
- However, at the age of five, society has taught us that appearance reflects our values and most children begin to show signs of being dissatisfied with their bodies. Where did this social message come from?
Step 2. Realize that the message conveyed by the media is for profit
The capitalist system works by ensuring that you have needs and that those needs can be met by shopping.
- Pay close attention to the products marketed to the public on a daily basis through television, radio, internet, and print media. You are not cool! Buy this deodorant. Your jeans are out of date! Buy these tight jeans. Your teeth are uneven! Spend a few million dollars to fix it at the dentist. The basic message of almost all advertising is that you are not good enough. A person who is completely happy with his body is not a good consumer!
- In fact, every media message actually sells an image. Celebrities and models are glamorous, charming, and skinny, and they seem that way naturally. In fact, their appearance masks the hours of effort they spent to get that perfect body. It takes hours in the gym every day and a team full of make-up to maintain their perfect image. Unless you're extremely wealthy and have unlimited time, comparing yourself to that unrealistic standard of beauty will only make you feel dissatisfied.
- Celebrity culture plays a big role in maintaining consumer culture. Look for articles in magazines and the internet that encourage you to achieve a certain image by buying certain makeup or clothing products or by changing your exercise pattern.
Step 3. Take a closer look at your surroundings
While media and wider social influence can indeed affect your self-image, you should also be surrounded by positive-minded people who don't contribute to your discomfort with your own body.
- Consider the people in your life whose opinions are most important to you. Do these people constantly talk about their appearance, worry about their weight, or fix their hair or makeup? Do you feel comfortable and confident when you're with them or do you feel like you're not good enough?
- What about your partner, if you have one? Does he criticize your appearance or build confidence and compliment you? Criticism from someone you care about can make it difficult for you to build self-confidence and is a sign of an emotionally hurting relationship. Consider removing unhealthy relationships from your life or at least talk to a counselor to see if your relationship deserves to be saved.
- If you have a friend who you think can have a positive impact on you, ask them to help you build your confidence by not pointing out your (or hers) flaws and highlighting the parts that they think are your best assets. Remember that your best asset doesn't have to be your physical self!
Step 4. Realize that the body has its own functions
While society wants us to focus on our bodies as if they were the most important part of us, the truth is that eventually, all parts of our bodies will age and weaken. For now, the body serves as our helper to achieve goals in life.
