For decades (if not hundreds of years), men have always questioned what women really want. Since every woman has different and subjective criteria for choosing a partner, finding answers that are universal can be challenging and confusing. However, in reality, regardless of whether you have a cute smile or a tall body, there are some things that women generally want: inner charm or a good personality in a person. By displaying a positive personality, avoiding negative traits, and treating women well, all men can become the person every woman dreams of.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Showing a Positive Personality
Step 1. Be confident
There are many benefits to being self-confident, such as greater happiness in life, freedom from the shackles of anxiety, reduced stress levels, and higher self-esteem. People who are around a confident person can benefit too: their interactions with you will feel more relaxed, comfortable, and enjoyable. In addition, they can also trust and respect you more. If you have to choose between a confident man and someone who is always anxious, most women will prefer a confident man, even if there are no changes in other aspects of him.
- Show confidence by displaying good posture. Stand up straight, smile, make eye contact, take advantage of the personal space around you, don't be nervous, and display open body language (in this case, don't fold your arms or legs).
- Remember the things that make you feel great. Actually, you have many skills, talents, and positive things. Try to make a list of these things as a reference and read the list from time to time as a reminder to make you confident.
- If you start to see yourself negatively, try encouraging yourself. You could say, "Hey! So what if you don't have a muscular build? You always get good grades in school, have a cute smile, and are funny. You also just got a side job, have good friends, and hold great position on the sports team. There are still good things to be had!"
Step 2. Show your adventurous side
Women love a man who can tell interesting things about what he has done or seen, and there will be many women who want to enjoy those experiences with you. By doing many things, you can enrich yourself as an individual, learn new skills and information, and find out what you like and don't like. Try new things like food, sports, skill activities (eg woodworking or welding), programming, sewing, or anything else that interests you.
Don't get hung up on the assumption that some hobby activities can only be done by women (or vice versa). The notion that some things are reserved only for women or men is the result of cultural conditioning. Actually, there's nothing wrong with a guy wanting to learn to knit, try skydiving, or anything else he wants
Step 3. Develop a sense of humor
People love to be around someone who can make them laugh. Keep in mind that laughter provides many benefits for the body, including reducing stress and blood pressure. Laughter can also improve mood. Try to learn how to make other people laugh, and find out how to accept jokes, even if they offend you a bit (or are directed at you).
- Remember that regardless of the size of a person's mistakes, mistakes are opportunities for improvement. After all, everyone makes mistakes. Don't get hung up on prestige so you can enjoy your life more.
- Keep in mind that rude jokes made by putting down other people are actually not funny and can actually spread hatred about other people. There are plenty of other jokes that can be made, without associating them with other people or hurting their feelings. For example: "What bombs do K-poppers like? BOMBAYAH!"
Step 4. Be generous
When interacting with others, show generosity. Share your time and feelings with others, and take time to support others when they need it. Try to contribute to the community and the environment around you so that you can become a person that more people want and like.
- Take your little ones to or from school and gym.
- Help your friends (including classmates) who are having trouble with certain assignments or projects.
- Spend time and energy visiting people who live in nursing homes or dormitories for the disabled. You can also take the dogs that are being cared for at the animal shelter for a walk.
- Participate in fundraising events such as selling light snacks for donations or providing groceries to those in need during holidays (eg Ramadan).
Step 5. Be honest, ethical and candid
Sometimes, people think that men can be categorized into several “types”, and by belonging to one of these “types”, you can become a charming person. If you change into a different person (even if it doesn't match your heart), maybe you can attract girls and get a boyfriend. However, the relationship will be based on lies that you must continue to live to maintain your image. Instead of changing yourself and living a relationship full of lies, live your life and relationships sincerely, honestly, and as it is.
If you're not interested in something (e.g. a certain type of music or sport), don't lie, even if your crush has different feelings or interests. Most people don't take it for granted when there's a difference in interests, and if your crush takes it or gets irritated by those differences, there's a good chance you two won't be a good match
Part 2 of 3: Avoiding Negative Traits
Step 1. Don't be misogynistic or sexist
Women don't like men who are cold or demeaning to women. This also applies to personal comments, both about the person you are talking to, the figure of the woman you are dating, and women in general. No one wants to spend time with someone who treats others rudely and without respect.
- For starters, don't make harsh comments about women, label them “crazy”, think they should stay and work at home, or call them derogatory.
- Remember that women are human too. Ask yourself what kind of treatment you would like to receive if you were a woman, and use this picture to gauge the appropriate treatment.
- Ask the female figures around you (eg brother/sister, mother, friends, and co-workers) about behaviors that she considers rude or disrespectful, then make sure you don't exhibit these behaviors.
- If you have a problem with misogyny in general, there's a good chance you have a personal issue that needs to be addressed. Try to find out why you feel this hatred, and seek counseling to straighten out or resolve the issue.
Step 2. Don't be a disgusting person
Women don't want to date men who don't have an attitude and keep themselves clean. Even if it's obvious, remember not to pick your nose, spit carelessly, scratch your buttocks, or cut (and bite) your nails in public. If you don't want your grandma to see you do that, don't do it.
Step 3. Don't be a seducer
Some men have the wrong notion that in order to become the figure that women desire, he can seduce all the women around him (even in front of his date) or brag about the women he has dated. Things like that just show women that you don't respect them, especially other than the woman you want to impress.
- At the very least, don't show this kind of behavior on a date (or in front of your partner). However, it would be better if you didn't show this attitude at all.
- Never ever flirt with a woman (in this case, whistling or making obscene comments to women on the street). This is not a compliment, but a form of sexual violence.
Step 4. Avoid insignificant arguments with your partner
While many people think that compatibility is necessary for two people to be in a relationship, you certainly don't want to have a date or relationship that feels like a debating class. Many people feel that disagreements are stressful and unpleasant, so don't give the impression that you're judging your partner. Wait until the relationship is much stronger before entering into a deeper debate. If things heat up, forget the debate and move on to another topic.
- Brainstorm a number of interesting topics that the two of you can talk about from the start, such as your hometown, hobbies that you both enjoy, favorite vacation destinations, and so on.
- In English, telling a woman what to do, how to do something, and why something is done (especially if you ignore her life experiences just because she is a “woman”) is usually known as "mansplaining". Such traits are considered unattractive and disrespectful.
Step 5. Don't be too stingy
Most women won't ask you to overspend. However, if you take a woman to your favorite fast food restaurant on a first date or ask her to pay half of the bill at the expensive restaurant you previously suggested, she may get a negative impression of you. Think about it: a date is your chance to show him that he's special (and treat him special too). If you are too stingy or reluctant to spend money, you are showing that you don't value him or the relationship that might exist.
- Don't mention words like “frugality” or “funds” on the first few dates.
- Plan your date wisely. You can choose a restaurant with a range of menus that you can reach by searching and checking on the internet first or having a date at lunch instead of dinner. You can also plan dates that are much cheaper or more economical, such as setting up a romantic picnic in the park or taking her to a local destination for walks and attractions instead of having a meal together.
Step 6. Treat everyone around you with kindness
Whether at work, on a date, or at school, remember to treat those around you with as much respect as possible. This means don't trigger fights, swear or insult others, be selfish, and generally show bad manners. Girls often pay attention to how you treat other people, and not just themselves, to get an idea of how you treat them or, at least, the people they care about.
- This also applies to the people who serve you, such as waiters or product sellers.
- If you're feeling irritated that something isn't going your way (e.g. you have to wait for your food for an hour and, when it's served, it's cold), take slow, deep breaths before speaking in a calm, steady tone of voice. After that, you can politely say to the waiter, for example, "I want to speak to the manager of this restaurant." When he arrives, explain the problem and why you're upset (without blaming anyone) before asking the restaurant to do something to remedy the situation.
Step 7. Don't depend too much on other people
Even if someone has experienced rejection, don't be too dependent on others and show excessive doubts. Show that you are able to live and manage your life well, and are not a loser who just waits for the presence of a woman.
- Don't talk too much about previous relationships that failed or show a deep fear of failure on the first few dates. This kind of thing will be considered too much, at least until you both know each other well enough (eg after a few months of dating).
- If you're experiencing nagging (or chronic) anxiety or sadness about work, friendships, or current/past relationships, but don't have someone you can talk to about it, it's a good idea to seek counseling with a licensed therapist to help resolve the issue. -problems underlying these emotions.
Part 3 of 3: Treating Women Well
Step 1. Give him a compliment
Everyone is usually happy to hear that they are liked (or at least why others find them attractive). Compliments can be a great way to increase his self-esteem and confidence, and make him feel special. Make sure you give specific compliments. For example, instead of saying "I think you're beautiful" (a compliment that she seems to have heard before and whose meaning isn't very clear), try saying "I like your dimples. You look cute,” or “I love the perfume you wear. Smells just right for you."
- You can also give compliments based on inner and outer beauty, such as "That dress looks right on you because it can highlight the beauty of your eyes." Compliments like this do not have to be related to physical characteristics, but can relate to the choice of clothing (which ultimately relates to his ability to make decisions). Women also want to be appreciated for their minds and abilities, and not just their bodies.
- Avoid comments that are sexually suggestive, unless you're already in a closer relationship with them. Wait at least until the second or third date before making such comments or compliments. Many women feel uncomfortable receiving attention or comments that are sexually suggestive at the start of a relationship, so it's a good idea to be careful not to offend them.
Step 2. Show that you care about him
He wants you to show you care through your actions, and not just through your words. While you can show your concern through gift giving, you can also kiss, hug, hold her hand, or do other things to show it. The important thing about dating someone is being in a relationship with them and feeling close. If you're being too cold and emotionally disconnected, your relationship with him won't go well.
You don't have to give expensive gifts. While many girls love candy and flowers, something you can prepare yourself (such as art, poetry, songs, or crafts like candles) can also make her happy. What matters is not the price of the gift, but your desire and effort to make and deliver the gift
Step 3. Try to share your feelings and chat with him often
No one can know what you're thinking if you don't say it. Therefore, it is important for you to communicate effectively. After a second or third date, your partner will want to start to know your thoughts or feelings (eg how you are doing, things that are troubling you, what makes you happy, how you feel right now, etc.). Try talking about things that are important or meaningful to you, such as an important project or the biggest hurdle you have to face. Also, don't hesitate to admit something important, even if it seems insignificant.
There are no fixed rules regarding the appropriate frequency and intensity of communication, especially since the conditions or life of each person or partner are different. For example, if one of you runs your own business and is busy working 12 hours, the two of you won't be able to talk much. Therefore, talk to him to find out the frequency and intensity of interaction that is right for both parties. As long as you're both happy, it doesn't matter if you have to chat or see each other every day, or even once a week
Step 4. Listen to what he has to say
The relationship that is lived will not last without good and healthy communication. In addition, women want a man who can express his own feelings and listen to what his partner has to say. By listening, you show that you respect him as an individual and value his thoughts and experiences. If you don't want to listen to him, there's a good chance he's not the right person for you. Practice good listening skills.
- Maintain eye contact and sit or stand facing him while he is talking.
- Maintain a relaxed posture, but keep an eye on the conversation and refocus your thoughts if your mind starts to wander.
- Have an open mind and don't be too quick to judge.
- Don't cut him off, especially to come up with a solution. Wait for him to finish speaking before you start talking. Certain aspects of his speech pattern (such as long pauses after saying a sentence) and tone of voice (a rising tone at the end of a sentence for a question or a lowering tone after making a statement) can give you clues about when you can speak.
- Ask questions when he stops talking to clarify things you don't understand, and give advice only when he wants to.
- Try to understand his feelings and show empathy by giving him positive feedback, such as "Ah, that kind of thing sucks," or "I'm happy too!", depending on what he's saying. Basically, try to be supportive, even when you don't have any advice to give.
- Pay attention to nonverbal cues, especially those shown through body language and facial expressions to help you understand how he is feeling.
Step 5. Respect the boundaries
There may be times when your crush tells you that he doesn't want to do something, like talking about a sensitive topic (e.g. a family member's mental illness) or having sex. It's important that you respect his decision when he refuses, and don't force him to do things he's not ready to do, either talk or do something. Things like this can build trust and there is a possibility that he will soon be ready to share something that he has not been ready to give.
If you want him to realize that you want to be supportive of him, or make him feel comfortable coming over and sharing his concerns with you in the future, try saying (for example) “Okay, I understand and can respect your feelings. However, if you later change your mind, please let me know. I'll be there for you."
Step 6. Try to get involved in a hobby activity that he is involved in
When in a relationship, your partner is usually looking for someone to work with. Try to find out what things he likes and get involved in them, especially if you both don't have things that you both have in common. You can find bands or musicians, books, or video games that you both love. Keep in mind that girls have a variety of interests, just like men, and she will be touched when she realizes that you are willing to find out what she likes and give it a try.
Don't assume that you know what he likes based on his appearance or other women you know. Everyone is of course different. Ask him what he likes, and pay attention to the clues when you chat and spend time with him. There's a good chance he'll say things he does/likes when talking to you, like yoga or watching horror movies
Tips
- You have to support it too.
- Let him express his mood. If he talks about a problem, don't try to solve the problem; just listen to the story.
- Introduce him to your friends. Show that you're not embarrassed about getting to know him.
- If he says that someone is stressing him out, make him feel good and let him cry on your shoulder.
- Try giving him a hug every now and then. Make sure he feels comfortable cuddling.
Warning
- He may show signs of boredom. In a situation like this, don't insist on talking to him and give him some time to be alone.
- Don't rely too much on or "stick" to him, or force him to be in a relationship with you.
