A lasting romantic relationship can be the happiest aspect of our lives as an opportunity to grow and live with someone. However, it takes a lot of time and effort to find the right person at the right time and start this relationship. As important as finding the right partner for a good relationship is, you must also know your own desires, respect yourself, and maintain a positive attitude.
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Part 1 of 3: Removing Barriers in Relationships
Step 1. Ask yourself what you want out of a relationship
While many people think that they want to be in a relationship in order to get something (love, sex, happiness), a healthy relationship can only be established when a person is willing to give love, life, and intimacy to another person.
Step 2. Respect yourself
Many problems will arise in a relationship if you don't have enough love and respect for yourself. There are also other things that will be easily damaged by past relationship failures, unresolved childhood wounds, etc.
- Self-respect means accepting what is and forgiving yourself for mistakes that have been made. When you learn to apply these things, you learn to love, accept, and forgive your partner.
- By respecting yourself, you will also understand what kind of treatment you deserve and deserve because this is crucial to preventing a relationship with potential violence from forming.
Step 3. Coping with the past
You don't want unresolved issues from your previous relationship or marriage to affect your new relationship. You can prevent the same mistakes from happening by finding out what caused your relationship failure in the past.
- A therapist can help show the patterns of the relationship clearly and develop a constructive plan for solving the problem you are struggling with.
- It's never too late to change behavior patterns. If you feel like you can't have intimacy or you can't maintain a lasting relationship, know that you can always turn this around by taking the time and getting enough guidance.
Step 4. Don't start a relationship just to have status
Social pressures sometimes make us feel like we have to be in a relationship at all costs. This is just a myth. Remember, not having a relationship is still better than being in a bad relationship. First, make sure you have a genuine interest in your potential partner.
Step 5. Recognize that attraction can grow over time
Love at first sight is a beautiful phrase, but it doesn't apply to every relationship. If you don't immediately feel attracted to someone, then this person may not be right for you because lasting love can grow slowly, and what was once friends can gradually turn into lovers. Do not be easily obsessed only with appearance when choosing the right person as a partner. Personalities such as friendly, humorous, and curious can go a long way in your future, and it's possible that you'll find yourself attracted to this person.
Step 6. Don't want to change your partner
It's easy to overlook certain things you didn't like at the start of a relationship, thinking that later you could ask this person to change. After all, we change ourselves only when and when we really want to. Therefore, if there are things that you really cannot accept in the long term, think carefully before deciding to enter into a relationship.
Step 7. Don't say no over small things
While certain patterns (such as drunkenness, drug abuse, or irresponsible behavior) may be very difficult to accept, there are other little things that can annoy you, such as chewing food with your mouth open, eccentric clothing choices, or different musical tastes. If this person is really attracted to you, don't use them as an excuse to avoid intimacy.
Part 2 of 3: Asking Someone to Meet and Date
Step 1. Find out where you can meet people with similar interests
If you find it difficult to meet someone, try to think about what activities you enjoy. Shared interests can go a long way in your relationship.
- Try joining a club so you can do one of your hobbies, such as outdoor walks, reading, or dancing.
- Volunteer out of love for a reason, such as at soup kitchens, animal shelters, or political campaigns.
- Take a course. Find out about courses at your nearest campus or local community office. Cooking, language, or arts classes can be a lot of fun and open up opportunities for you to socialize.
Step 2. Take advantage of the services of a matchmaking agency without too much choice
For some people, online dating can be very helpful, while for others, it makes them uncomfortable and unable to show spontaneity. If you're looking to go on an online date, keep this message in mind: while there's a formula for choosing the perfect match for you, it still takes a lot of time to get to know someone, and you'll have to go through this process yourself.
Step 3. Go on a regular date
If you meet someone you like, try to get to know them and invite them to do activities without pocketing any expectations. Having coffee together can always be a good option. There are other options, depending on how you met, for example, if the two of you met at a nature lover's group, take her for a hike with your friends. If you're both music lovers, try to find out if he'd like to go to a concert with you.
- It's best to suggest meeting in a public place with lots of people. This will give you assurance that both of you can feel safe getting to know each other in a neutral environment.
- Regular meetings will also take the pressure off the possibility of a more formal invitation.
Step 4. Be prepared to accept rejection
Rejection is an integral part of dating and you need to learn to deal with it positively.
- Don't take rejection personally. People have a variety of reasons not to be in a relationship, and oftentimes, you have no control over this.
- Show a constructive attitude. If you've been rejected several times, just step back and ask if there's a way you need to improve on your approach. Maybe you acted too quickly or chose a date who didn't really share your interests. However, don't feel down because of rejection. Stay positive, forget the past, and get on with your life.
- Don't ignore your feelings. Rejection is usually very difficult to accept. If you feel sad or angry, admit it. Don't try to suppress your feelings so that you can quickly forget about all these problems.
Step 5. Stay away from sex when you start dating
Showing intimate behavior with someone you've just met can disrupt the friendship between the two of you. If you like this person, sex-related emotions will arise that you may not be ready to deal with. In addition, one or both of you may not be prepared to take responsibility in the event of a problem, such as a sexually transmitted infection or pregnancy prevention. Worse, that person could just disappear somewhere!
If your date shows a desire to have sex, don't let him pressure you. Explain that your desire to procrastinate is not rejection, but rather because you like it and want to wait until the moment is right. If your date doesn't understand, try to distance yourself from him as this can be a bad sign of possessiveness or potential for violence
Step 6. Pay attention to how you both behave when you are with friends or family
During your dating period, you will probably meet some people who are close to your date, and similarly your date will meet some people who are close to you. Try to feel how comfortable the two of you are in this situation as a clue as to how the relationship will continue.
Sometimes, either of you will feel completely uncomfortable. It's okay, the important thing is that you keep trying to make time and connect with the closest people in both of your lives
Step 7. Keep yourself close to family and friends
New relationships are usually very attention-grabbing, but don't just disappear into the interests of your new love relationship. Make an effort to keep in touch with your friends and family, make calls, and see them regularly. Don't forget that love relationships will come and go, but these people will always be with you.
Step 8. Beware of bad omens
There are several signs that could indicate that a relationship is not going in the right direction. Listen to your intuition, paying close attention to how you feel about this person. If you feel unappreciated, insecure, or humiliated, it's best to end the relationship immediately and use your time to seek a lasting relationship. Here are some signs that you are dating someone who:
- Alcoholics: The two of you will only connect when you're drinking.
- Incompetent behavior: people sometimes find it very difficult to make commitments because of their past experiences, such as divorce or an inability to trust.
- Poor nonverbal communication: a person must be able to show their interest with body language, such as eye contact or touch, otherwise they may not care about you.
- Jealousy: your partner doesn't like it when you spend time on things you think are important like your hobbies, friends, or family members.
- Controllers: they will try to regulate what you should say, think, or feel.
- Only after sex: the two of you always spend time together only in bed.
- No time alone: this person doesn't want to spend time alone with you (other than in bed.)
Part 3 of 3: Forge New Relationships
Step 1. Look for things you can do together
When the joy of the beginning of your romance begins to wane, make a commitment to spend time together and strengthen your relationship. Discuss what both of you would like to do and make plans together to have fun activities on a regular basis in the midst of your busy schedule.
Several studies have shown that the excitement of doing new things with your partner can increase your arousal and bring the two of you closer together
Step 2. Communicate on an ongoing basis
Having honest and warm conversations is very important in your relationship. The bond between partners will be stronger when you share feelings, fears, and desires with each other.
Step 3. Try not to depend on each other
While it may be difficult to strike a balance between relationship and self-realization, it can be very important to your love life. Mutual independence in being together means that you can both continue to grow individually by doing what you love. Not only can it prevent unhealthy relationship patterns such as dependence on others (when you depend on your partner to build self-esteem and identity); it can also stimulate and renew the relationship so that both of you are able to see each other's preferences and strengths.
Step 4. Don't be afraid of conflict
As long as the relationship continues, differences of opinion are almost inevitable. When it comes to revealing disturbing things, having a sense of security is very important so you don't have to worry about the consequences. Argue fairly while still listening to each other. Then, find a solution by making an agreement for the good of both of you.
