Basically, a relationship is like a banana: the more you peel it, the sweeter it becomes. This is especially true for long distance relationships. These relationships require patience, communication, resilience, commitment, and above all trust. If you can't see your partner every day or every week, then it's important to believe in love and the power of the relationship so you can both be happy and healthy.
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Part 1 of 3: Building Trust
Step 1. Get to know your partner well
You need to be confident in your knowledge and love for your partner to build a relationship that both of you can trust. Learn how to understand your partner, how to interpret what they are saying, and how to feel their emotional state. You have to be able to tell if something is bothering him, and know what makes him feel better.
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Ask each other. Ask your partner what he likes and doesn't like, what he wants to do next year or five years from now, where he is from, who his friends are-anything can tell a story and make a good conversation. Turn this into a game by monitoring how many questions you ask and try to get to 1000 first.
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Play games to get to know each other. To play the “Two Truths and One Lie” game, tell your partner two truths and one lie about yourself, and have them guess which one is a lie. Or take a quiz about yourself and send it to him. Have him do the same and compete for the most correct answers.
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Use various means of communication. Talking on the phone is a great way for certain types of conversation. Email (email) encourages in-depth discussion of heavier topics, while short messages are a great way for a quick and fun conversation. Use more than one way of communicating to get to know all sides of your partner.
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Step 2. Make a commitment in the relationship
Discuss topics like what you want to get out of this relationship and how you see this relationship working. Make a commitment to trust and communication that can maintain a long distance relationship. Understand the difficulties you will face and discuss this with your partner, but in the end, if the relationship is going to work, you both need to dedicate yourself completely and without hesitation.
Step 3. Be trustworthy
Encourage your partner to trust you by always proving to yourself that you are worthy of their trust. Keep your promises, even small things like calling him at a certain time or responding to his text messages. If you find you can't keep a promise, have a very good reason why, explain this to him, and apologize to him--don't apologize.
Part 2 of 3: Maintaining Trust
Step 1. Talk to your partner often
It's hard to trust a relationship if you never talk to your partner, and it's hard to build a relationship if you don't know what's going on in your partner's life. Make sure you talk often so you can participate in his life, and you can feel his presence within you. Regular communication is key to maintaining a relationship, but this is especially true for long distance relationships.
Step 2. Be open with your partner
Honest and open communication is as important as talking often. If something is worrying you, then your partner should be the first to know. If he's upset or frustrated, he should be comfortable opening up to you. If you consistently open up to your partner, he or she will learn to trust what you say and will feel more comfortable in the relationship. Be completely honest with your partner and trust that he will be with you.
Step 3. Get to know your partner's friends and family
This will allow you to understand your partner's daily life better, and making friends with the people in his or her life can help you both feel more involved with each other. Your partner's friends will also appreciate the opportunity to get to know the person who drains their time and energy. This increased engagement with your partner will help you build trust in the relationship.
Step 4. Give your partner space
While you need to take every moment of each day to talk to him, know that he needs time and space to live his own life. Don't force him to devote his time and energy to you beyond his comfort level. Trust me, he will come to you when he needs it, and give him space to be himself in your relationship.
Finding a balance between personal space and regular communication is probably the hardest part of a long distance relationship-and balance is different for every couple. Experiment and talk to each other regularly to see what works and what doesn't. Work together to find a balance so that you are both as happy and healthy as possible
Step 5. Always talk to your partner
Discuss how you both feel about how the relationship is going. Talk about whether you feel happy, comfortable, and confident in the relationship, and what you and your partner can do to make it better. If one of you is dissatisfied for any reason, discuss the problem and work together to find a solution that both of you are comfortable with. Recommit to your partner and your relationship, taking into account any changes that were discussed, if any.
Talking regularly provides an avenue for making changes in the relationship or even reaching mutual understanding and without causing unnecessary pain, and when it becomes necessary. Even if they seem boring, pessimistic, or even silly, a long distance relationship takes a lot of work and is a great way to make sure it's still working for both of you
Step 6. Have a good attitude
Your partner will likely do or say something that could confuse or upset you. He may not call back, or may be sarcastic or offensive when talking to you. Don't jump to conclusions about what this means when this happens - assuming that he's hiding something or hating you on purpose is a way to hurt him and ruin the relationship. Instead, think there's a perfectly valid and plausible explanation for whatever he's doing and ask him about it the next time you talk. Always having a good attitude will lead to trust and good feelings and this is important for maintaining a long distance relationship.
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Common Mistakes
Step 1. Don't blame your partner for being unfaithful
This is not enough to emphasize. Long distance relationships, even more than any other relationship, are based on mutual trust, and blaming your partner for cheating on you, or even wanting to cheat, undermines trust in both parties. Don't assume that your partner is unfaithful, and never oppose them directly. If you open up to each other and make a commitment in the relationship, he will admit his unfaithfulness to you, and then you can deal with it in a healthy and positive way. If you blame him, you build suspicion in the relationship between the two of you, which ultimately damages it beyond repair.
Step 2. Express your disagreement calmly and rationally
As with any relationship, there are times when you will be annoyed or angry with each other. If this happens, deal with the conflict calmly. Discuss your disagreements. Try to understand from his point of view, and explain to him how you feel. Work together to find a solution, and make sure you are both happy with the decision. Think of disagreements as an opportunity to build a relationship, not something that can destroy it.
Step 3. Think about the sacrifices you both have made
Understand that a long distance relationship is difficult for both of you and requires a lot of effort, when there is so much more you can do with that time and energy. If your partner deserves the sacrifice, you should be happy doing it. However, don't let the relationship drain your life. You need time for work, school, family, and social life apart from those relationships. If you feel like you can't afford to spend enough time with friends and other activities, then it might be time to work with your partner to reevaluate your relationship.
Step 4. Extend the conversation so it's not boring
If the only thing you talk about is what you did that day, then you're bound to get bored quickly, and this can quickly heat up the relationship. Expand the conversation by asking questions, teaching your partner something you just learned, discussing books and movies you like, or playing a game together.
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Have a virtual date. Watch movies online together, play MMORPG or other online games together, or eat the same dish while on the phone. This can mimic the sharing experience you get from dating in person, and it will help you build a conversation.
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Take online classes together. This will stimulate conversation and challenge both of you intellectually, which can add new energy to the relationship.
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Go back to the beginning of the relationship, where you both just got to know each other. Ask similar questions, and focus on learning new things about your partner. There's always something new about him that you don't know, and this can be a good way to renew your interest in the relationship.
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Step 5. Plan your next visit
Even if you don't get to see each other often, plan a place and date for your next visit. This will give you something both of you have been waiting for. This can guide your relationship and help you move forward together without the need for specific long-term plans. Make the most of your visits, even if they are infrequent, and always think about your next visit.
