When you are in the process of hiring someone or meeting new people, it can be very difficult to determine if that person can be trusted. Even if you have a good first impression of the person, first impressions can be wrong or less reliable. To determine whether a person can be trusted professionally or personally, you must pay attention to his behavior and obtain evidence of his character in the form of references, suggestions, or testimonials.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Watching Someone's Behavior
Step 1. Pay attention to his eyes
Many people believe that you can tell someone is lying by the way they look: if they look to the right they are telling the truth, to the left they are lying. Unfortunately, research has found no evidence to support this. Maintaining eye contact can also mean that the person is telling the truth. Liars also don't always avoid your eyes. However, you can pay attention to someone's pupils. People who lie tend to have dilated pupils and this indicates tension and concentration.
- Whether you're a liar or someone you can trust, both of them will look away if you ask a difficult question because thinking about the answer requires concentration. However, a liar will avert his eyes briefly, while a trustworthy person will take more time to get the answer.
- While eye contact is not a major determinant of a person's trustworthiness, people who make good eye contact are good communicators and are more comfortable when feeling weak.
Step 2. Pay attention to his body language
A big part of knowing if someone can be trusted is learning body language and how to show yourself to others. However, body language should be reassessed. Most body language shows tension and anxiety which can indicate a lie or simply indicate that the person is feeling uncomfortable.
- Most trustworthy people will exhibit open body language, with their hands at their sides pointing toward you. Notice if the person crosses their arms, bends down, or moves away from you while talking to them. This could be a sign that he is unsure of himself and not interested in you, or he may be hiding something.
- If his body language seems tense, watch out. He may just be nervous, but research shows that a person's body stiffens when he's lying.
- Liars will purse their lips when you ask sensitive questions. He will play with his hair, trim his nails, or do something to himself.
Step 3. See if he has a commitment
Often times, a trustworthy person will show up to work or a date on time to show that they value other people's time. If the person often shows up late without letting you know that he or she will be late, or doesn't show up at all, this could be a sign that he or she isn't someone to trust or uphold commitments.
As above, if he frequently cancels appointments or changes meeting times without telling the others, he is not respecting other people's time as he should and may have problems managing time. In the world of work, such behavior is not only untrustworthy, it is also unprofessional. In the social world, between friends, canceling plans can show that the person doesn't value your time and isn't someone you can rely on
Part 2 of 3: Interpreting Interaction
Step 1. Watch how he responds to difficult questions
If you chatted with him during a job interview, you might ask him difficult questions and record his responses. The question need not be aggressive or trapping. Instead, focus on open-ended questions that require critical thinking and analysis. You should always give someone the opportunity to answer your questions openly and honestly.
For example, you could ask him what his greatest difficulty was at his previous job or you could ask him if he struggled with an ability or expectation from a previous assignment. The person may take some time to answer, but note if he or she changes the topic or avoids the question. This could be a sign that he is hiding something from his previous job or that he does not want to engage in critical thinking about his previous job
Step 2. Ask open-ended personal questions
Open-ended questions require the person to provide more details. Questions like “Can you tell me about…?” and “Tell me…” is a good question. If you suspect that the person is lying, ask general questions and then get more specific. Note the inconsistency of the details provided. Liars will not be able to straighten the story, especially when the story gets more complicated.
Liars tend to turn the conversation back to you. If you feel like you don't really know the person after a few chats, or you're telling more about yourself than you know the person, this could be a red flag
Step 3. Listen to him speak
Research shows that people who lie have some verbal errors. Don't pay attention to what he says, but the way he says it. Here are some things to watch out for:
- Fewer first person pronouns. Liars don't always use the pronoun "I" often. They don't want to take responsibility for their behavior, try to put some distance between themselves and the story being told, or they don't want to sound too self-centered.
- Negative emotional words. Research shows that people who have honesty problems often feel anxious and guilty. This can be seen in the vocabulary used, namely vocabulary that tends to use negative emotions such as "hate, useless, sad".
- Fewer rebuttal words. These words, such as except, but, or neither, indicate that the person is putting a distance between what he does and what doesn't happen. Liars have difficulty with this complexity and they will not use these words often.
- Unusual details. Liars usually use less detail than usual when talking about something. They also provide justification for their answers even though they have not been asked.
Step 4. Look for the same
Trustworthy people generally respect togetherness and collaboration in communication. If you feel like you always have to ask for important information, dig up the truth in conversation, or can't help when you ask for it, you may not be dealing with someone you trust.
Step 5. Consider how fast it moves
Moving too fast in a relationship is a warning sign that the person may be abusive. If he pressures you to commit quickly, compliments you constantly, or tries to distance you from friends and family in order to “always have” you, he may not be trustworthy.
Step 6. Pay attention to how he treats other people
Sometimes, an untrustworthy person will go to great lengths to prove themselves to you, and the interaction between you and him/her looks fine. However, maintaining the mask is very difficult, and sometimes it will come off quite often. Was he gossiping about his co-workers behind that person's back? Treating restaurant waiters badly? Losing control of his emotions with other people? This is a sign that the person cannot be trusted.
Part 3 of 3: Obtaining Evidence of the Person's Character
Step 1. Check social media
It can be very difficult to maintain a mask of lies, especially when we all overuse social media. Research shows that Facebook profiles, for example, are more likely to reflect a person's true personality than the person that person represents in real life. If you have any doubts about whether someone can be trusted, check their social media accounts. See if he is consistent with the person he presents when he meets you.
Research shows that a large proportion of people tell “light lies”, especially on dating sites. These are usually small attempts to present yourself as best you can, such as losing weight and age or increasing height and income. People are more likely to lie when looking for a partner than in any other social situation. However, big lies are not that common
Step 2. Ask for at least three references
If you are interviewing someone for a job or considering hiring the person for a position, you should ask for at least three references, two professional references and one personal reference.
- You should note if the person refuses to provide the reference you requested or if he or she refuses to provide it. Often, trusted candidates will be happy to provide references because they are not worried about what the people they refer to will have to say.
- Pay attention to candidates who provide personal references such as family members, spouses, or close friends. A good personal reference is someone the candidate knows personally and professionally who can tell the character of the person without subjective examples.
Step 3. Get character testimonials from people who are referred by him
After you get the people referred, contact them one by one to ask basic questions in order to understand the character of the candidate. This could include basic information such as how they know the candidate. You could also ask the person being referred why he or she would want to refer the candidate for the position and what examples he or she could provide that would illustrate why the candidate is a great fit.
Note if the person referred said disparagingly about the candidate or provided information that would question the candidate's trustworthiness. You should contact the candidate and share the comments of the person he/she referred so that he or she can explain for themselves, especially if you are really considering hiring the person
Step 4. Ask for other personal information, such as background or a list of past companies
If you're still unsure about the person's character, you can ask for more personal information in the form of a background check or a list of the person's past companies. Most people won't be afraid of background checks if their list is clean and has nothing to hide.
- A list of the person's past companies, and their contacts, can be used to show that the person has nothing to hide in terms of their employment history and is willing to have their former employer talk to you.
- If you have any doubts about someone you meet in a social setting, you can usually do a personal background check online.
