Dealing with exile is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. If a person experiences social isolation from the surrounding environment, he will automatically experience emotional pain, which, according to psychologists, can have an impact as severe as physical pain. Have you ever – or are – experiencing it? Don't worry, there are things you can do to improve perspective and ease your pain. By implementing the steps below, you will undoubtedly be motivated to make new friends again and increase your confidence.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Dealing with Seclusion Events
Step 1. Accept the situation
Exile didn't happen because of you. Even if your friendship is broken, it doesn't mean you are the cause; It doesn't mean you won't have friends again forever. Take the positive side: usually, the negative impact of isolation on your emotional state won't last very long. This means that once you are willing to accept the situation as it occurs, the emotional impact will lessen on its own. In the end, your mind will feel clearer and it will help you to respond in an appropriate way.
- Acknowledge the pain and anger that arises, but don't dwell on it for too long. To accept the situation as it is, remind yourself that these feelings are not permanent. In addition, these feelings are there to provide meaningful lessons about your social environment.
- The pain can hinder your ability to interact positively with others. The sooner you acknowledge negative feelings that arise, the easier it will be for you to manage them.
- Don't ignore the pain that comes from your rejection. Although very painful, these feelings can encourage you to think about the next step more clearly. Do you need to find a new connection? Or do you need to get rid of certain people from your life?
Step 2. Put the situation in proper perspective
Often, we take rejection personally. For example, you will immediately assume that there is a character or behavior that is problematic in the eyes of others. Yet not all rejections have to do with a character you can't change; for example, when you can't get your dream job or get rejected by the woman of your dreams.
- Don't interpret rejection as doomsday. Even if you have experienced isolation or rejection, understand that isolation is not a negative judgment of your character. In fact, isolation is often a sign of incompatibility.
- If it turns out that something you did that triggered the isolation, try to apologize to the parties involved. Apologizing is a powerful medicine for them, as well as for you; trust me, you will feel much better because you did something about it.
Step 3. Observe your options
After experiencing rejection, most people move into the "assessment phase". In this phase, they begin to make observations and plan their next steps. What do you think you need to do to become more involved in a specific social environment? Indirectly, isolation will make you more sensitive to potential relationships and the signals in the associated social relationships, and you will be moved to treat others better (especially because you don't want the situation to repeat itself). Use this sensitivity to build relationships Answer the questions below to find out if you really want to improve your relationship with the people who alienated you:
- Was your exile just a misunderstanding? Do you feel isolated even though your friends are always trying to involve you?
- Are exiles people with whom you have close and meaningful relationships?
- Is discussing it the right way to help you move on with your life? If so, are they willing to explain their perspective?
Step 4. Avoid responding by tantrums or violence
If you're fed up, it's natural to be tempted to vent your anger by being aggressive toward the exile. For some, putting pressure on others is a powerful way to regain control of a situation.
- Learn anger control techniques to suppress your negative impulses. If you're surrounded by ostracists (or people who are prone to triggering your pain), watch your body for symptoms and take precautions before you start hurting others.
- Responding with violence will only return you to the same vicious circle. In addition, people who are used to responding aggressively will also find it more difficult to be accepted by their social environment.
Step 5. Look for social relationships elsewhere
Whatever steps you choose to take to deal with exiles, make sure that you remain friends with people outside of the exile. Often, victims of exile seek to increase their self-esteem by establishing positive relationships with people outside of the exile.
- Think of the people in your life who can make you feel involved. Boosting your self-confidence through social relationships with the people in your life is an important step in speeding up the recovery process. Of course you can try making new friends when you're ready.
- For example, even though family can't really fill the void in your social life, there's nothing wrong with spending quality time with your relatives or parents.
Step 6. Take the role of planner
If your isolation isn't severe enough to stop you from socializing with the exile, there's nothing wrong with trying to re-engage yourself with them. One way you can do this is to plan a fun activity that you two can do together, or take them on a trip somewhere that is comfortable and allows you to interact (like your house or a cafe you frequent).
Step 7. Report abused isolation
If you are continually ostracized by the same person (or group), the act can be classified as bullying. Bullying is a serious problem that will only get worse if not addressed immediately. If you experience this, immediately report the situation to a trusted teacher, parent, or counselor; they will provide the support and assistance you need. Watch for signs of bullying accompanied by isolation, and seek help immediately if you experience them:
- Isolation is accompanied by cruel acts such as threats, spreading rumors, and physical and/or verbal attacks.
- The behavior occurs continuously and does not appear to be stopping.
- The bully is a dangerous person to you; for example, the bully is stronger, more popular, and/or has information that could harm you if spread.
Part 2 of 2: Dealing with the Emotional Impact of Isolation
Step 1. Allow yourself to grieve
Apart from being embarrassing and painful, isolation is basically a situation that carries a negative stigma. The part of the brain that processes post-exile emotional pain is the same as that which processes a person's physical pain. This means that isolation will not only mess with your ego, but also your physical health. Understand that you will feel uncomfortable after exile; and allowing yourself to grieve is a very important step in maintaining your sanity.
Take a full day's rest to process the situation. Don't be afraid to burst into tears, listen to sad music that describes how you're feeling, or scream when you feel angry or frustrated. Don't worry, these negative feelings will go away on their own once you express them
Step 2. Maintain positive and meaningful relationships
Focus on your efforts to make new friends and maintain positive, comfortable relationships. For example, find someone you can trust and listen to your serious problems (and vice versa). This way, even if you're having trouble in certain social circles, you know that there are people who are always willing to support and listen to you.
Step 3. Prioritize quality, not quantity
Sometimes, the pain of rejection is rooted in the standards you set for the "ideal" social life. Hoping to have hundreds of friends who will always follow you wherever you go seems unrealistic. Remember, a pleasant social life comes in many forms; the main factor that makes you feel connected and engaged is the quality – not quantity – of your relationships with other people. Simply put, what matters is not how many friends you have, but how meaningful your relationship with the friends you have is.
For many people, having one or two meaningful friendships is far more important than having lots of friends but none of them too close
Step 4. Show your confidence
If you're confident, almost no action would be interpreted as “isolation” (although you may still rarely be invited to parties or spoken to in public!). Confidence means you understand that no matter how you feel, there will always be a place for you and your uniqueness. Trust me, everything that happens will definitely – or has – taught you something meaningful. The hardest part is letting go of your expectations and beliefs about how things "should" be.
- Focus on your past successes and qualities. Use these qualities to develop other aspects of your life, such as making friends with new people.
- One of the most common alienation reactions is to “play the role of the victim” by showing dramatic and exaggerated expressions of sadness. Careful; it shows that you have high hopes for making friends with other people. Usually, this kind of attitude will not actually make people interested in being friends with you. Without realizing it, this kind of attitude also actually reduces your sincere efforts to make friends with other people.
Step 5. Throw away all your memories of the exile
If you are constantly isolated in one area (for example, at school or at work) or by the same group of people, try to erase the bad memory as much as possible. Of course, this won't work immediately, even if you've spent a lot of energy trying to do it. But at the very least, try not to re-engage with specific perpetrators or locations of exile.
- Isolation is a very emotional situation. This is why even when the situation is over, your memory is still capable of evoking deep pain or trauma.
- If the person who alienated you was your classmate at school, you most likely won't be able to avoid it. However, you can always reduce the intensity of interaction with him during recess and after school.
Step 6. Increase your activity
The endorphins that are released when you do cardiovascular exercise can really improve your mood. If your isolation is tied to one event, exercising can also help you deal with specific emotions that follow. Get used to walking regularly, or try to do more vigorous activities such as running, cycling, swimming, and practicing yoga.
Step 7. Consider taking over the counter medication
You can take acetaminophen (such as Tylenol) at the recommended dose at night (before bed) and in the morning (when you wake up). Acetaminophen can decrease the sensitivity of your brain's sensors to pain, so hopefully your pain will subside after taking it.
Be careful, over-the-counter drugs such as acetaminophen have side effects that can harm the user. Therefore, make sure you first consult with your doctor before taking any drugs, especially if you plan to take acetaminophen for unusual/off label indications (meaning, the reason you are taking the drug is outside the supposed/approved indication). by the FDA)
Step 8. Follow the therapy process
Highly traumatic or persistent social isolation can really mess up your life. Careful; depression, substance addiction, and suicide are frequent negative effects on victims of long-term isolation. If you are in the same situation, take immediate action to restore your feelings. An expert psychologist can help manage your feelings, change your behavior, and improve your social skills.
