Do you feel uncomfortable around other people? Can't stop feeling nervous? Strange conversation, shaking hands, and being unable to look other people in the eye are signs that you don't feel comfortable around strangers. It's normal to feel nervous around new people, but it's actually avoidable.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Opening a Conversation
Step 1. Have the initiative
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to lighten the mood, after which it usually goes smoothly. You could try shaking someone's hand first, greeting someone first, or walking up to someone to introduce yourself.
It's natural to hesitate to approach people you don't know because you're afraid to disturb them. However, humans tend to like to chat with people they do not know, both the party initiating the conversation and the party being approached. Do this and you can make someone's day even more fun
Step 2. Smile
A smile will melt the tension between you and the person you are talking to. Through the sparkle that radiates from your eyes when you smile, you are also seen as an open and friendly person. When you feel tense or nervous, smile and tell yourself that things will be okay.
Don't forget that the person you're talking to can be just as nervous as you are. By smiling, you will feel more relaxed
Step 3. Introduce yourself
Maybe people will be confused if you come to her suddenly while both are on the commuter line, but Adna can introduce yourself to someone while at a party, business meeting or networking. When introducing yourself, provide a bit of information about yourself that fits the context. Say you are at a party, introduce yourself and say who you know. If you are at a business or networking event, introduce yourself and state what company you represent or have skills for.
- You can say to your friends' friends at social events, "Hello, I'm Dian. I'm Fitri's friend. Did she invite you too?"
- You could say to a business colleague, "Hello, I'm Bayu. I work in the marketing department. You?"
Step 4. Give praise
In general, people like to receive compliments. If you want to lighten the mood and make someone feel good, compliment them. Compliment someone sincerely, don't pretend to impress someone. If you want to start a conversation, after complimenting you can say, "I really like your jacket. Where did you buy it?" or "The painting is beautiful. Did you paint it?"
While compliments are fun, they can sometimes feel terrible if they're given too often. Don't praise too much
Step 5. Ask questions
Asking questions is a great way to start a conversation. If you're a new member of the gym, you can ask where the locker rooms are, or where you can get towels, or what classes are the most fun. If you are buying a gift for someone, you can ask the opinion of a stranger. By asking strangers easy questions, you can be more confident when you are around strangers. You can ask questions to get to know someone too.
- Some of the standard questions you can ask when you meet someone are, "Where are you from?" or "What do you do/what are you majoring in?" or "What activities do you like?"
- To learn more about asking questions, you can read How to Ask Open Ended Questions.
Step 6. Use similarities
There are many things that can bring people who don't know each other together, from working for the same company, sharing a vegetarian diet, having a pet dog or cat, and living in the same housing complex. Take advantage of these similarities to open a conversation. It feels good to be able to connect with someone you have in common with, and who knows, maybe you could make some new friends.
- If you see someone else walking their dog while you are walking your dog too, you can stop and ask the dog. Often people who love animals like to talk about their pets and connect with other people who also have pets.
- Maybe you saw someone wearing a t-shirt from your college too. You can ask, "When did you study there?", "What did you major in?" and "What activities do you participate in on campus?" There are many things that can be used to hook you up!
Part 2 of 3: Improving Your Way of Interacting
Step 1. Mirror the expression
You don't have to plagiarize them, but try to watch for visual cues from those around you to see how they feel. Read his body language to see if he's nervous, scared, stressed, or calm. You will likely find that many people feel uncomfortable around strangers, just as you do.
Once you start paying attention to the other person's body language, you can begin to respond well, according to the person's feelings
Step 2. Use your own body language
While it's important to pay attention to other people's visual cues, try to pay attention to your own body language. If you're standing in the corner of the room staring at the floor with your arms crossed, it's less likely that people won't come up to you to start a conversation. However, if you smile, lift your head, and your body language is open, people will feel more comfortable around you and willing to talk to you.
- If sitting, keep your hands from straining in your lap, or looking comfortable on either side of your body. If your hands are moving, you could look nervous or bored. If you don't feel comfortable with your hand or arm, try to hold onto a drink or food if offered.
- If sitting, don't cross your legs tightly, but don't spread them wide either. It's a good idea to take the right position to appear as someone who can be approached but not reckless or closed off. If your legs start to shake, gracefully cross your legs at the ankles.
Step 3. Practice boundaries
Train yourself not to cross acceptable social boundaries. Don't stand too close to other people and make them uncomfortable. Also, keep an eye on balance in the conversation. Don't over-share personal details or monopolize the conversation. Try to alternate listening and speaking.
- If you notice that you are talking more than listening, try asking open-ended questions to give the other person a chance to talk.
- Don't share too many personal details about your life. It may be normal (and funny) when you're with friends, but try not to talk about how you had to have wart removal surgery, your "crazy" sister, and all the hardships you had to go through in life in order to be successful. have a good conversation.
Step 4. Acknowledge your feelings
Sometimes admitting that you're nervous can lighten the mood. If you're on a blind date and it feels weird, say, "Sorry I'm acting weird, I'm just feeling nervous right now." Sometimes this can bring relief to both you and the other person. He might say, "Oh, I'm actually nervous too, you know!"
Acknowledging your feelings can make both you and the person feel more comfortable and he or she can feel connected to you
Step 5. Try to focus on something other than yourself
When we feel uncomfortable, we usually focus on feeling uncomfortable, nervous, and too busy thinking about all this. When you find yourself sinking into discomfort, try to focus your attention outside of yourself. Pay attention to circumstances, people around you, and listen to other people's conversations. By focusing on things outside of yourself, you too can separate yourself from negative thoughts.
Step 6. Try not to turn down a conversation
If someone opens a conversation with you, try to imagine this person as one of your friends. Provide opportunities to interact by responding to him, asking him questions, and showing interest. If you feel really uncomfortable, end the conversation in a way that doesn't offend him.
If you have to end the conversation, say, "Thanks for talking to me. I have to go now, see you later, okay?" Or you could say, "I'm happy to have a chat. See you later."
Part 3 of 3: Changing Your Feelings
Step 1. Build confidence
Feeling comfortable around other people means feeling good about yourself. If you feel insecure, other people can feel it when you interact with them. Look for activities that can boost your confidence or allow you to be confident. You can transfer these feelings to your social interactions.
Maybe you're good at water skiing, ballet dancing, or building toy cars. If you feel anxious or uncomfortable, try to remember the self-confidence that comes with doing these activities so that you feel comfortable
Step 2. Use positive self-talk
If you are engrossed in negative thoughts ("I look silly" or "I'm not enjoying the atmosphere"), realize that you are being carried away by negative thoughts and try to fight them. You could say, "Maybe I'll really enjoy it, and I'll allow myself to have fun" or "I'll take this feeling of nervousness as a challenge for me to practice a new skill."
- Don't give up going to social events because you feel uncomfortable. Whenever you are hesitant to leave, use positive self-talk to encourage you to leave. Think of it as an adventure that can push you out of your comfort zone.
- Remember that you are training social "skills," not social talents. Give yourself time to get used to positive self-talk.
- You may be exaggerating ("It's going to be a disaster" or "I'm sure no friends will come and I'll be alone and don't know who to talk to") but try not to ignore these thoughts and return your focus to the thoughts that are on your mind. more positive.
Step 3. Don't judge yourself based on other people's reactions
Sometimes you can get along with someone, and sometimes you don't. If you find yourself not getting along with someone, remember this doesn't happen all the time and doesn't mean you're not sociable, conversational, or people don't like you. If you're worried about how other people think of you, or you'll be judged, remind yourself not to think too much about what other people think.
Say to yourself, "Other people's opinions don't define my identity. They have a right to have their own opinions, and so do I."
Step 4. Use your breath
If you start to feel anxious around other people, listen to your body, especially your breath. It may be that you feel your breath getting faster or stuck. Calm the mind by calming the breath.
Take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, then let the breath out of your body slowly. Repeat as necessary
Step 5. Try to relax
Learn to identify stressors and use self-relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. This is especially helpful before you attend a social event. Relaxation techniques like meditation and yoga can help calm you down before meeting new people.
- When you notice your body tense up before a meeting or social event, try to pay attention to these feelings and learn to relax your body. Watch for tension (perhaps in the shoulders or neck) and try to release it.
- Have your own technique to use before meeting new people. If you have to attend an office event, take some time beforehand to meditate, or attend a yoga class. Schedule the day in such a way that you can attend the event with the best possible mind.
