Sometimes, a person still feels uncomfortable around his lover, even after he is in a safe relationship. This is common, especially in people who have never or rarely dated before, and those who have had bad experiences in previous relationships. The comfortable feeling of being around him encourages you to get to know him better and deepen the relationship you are in. Luckily, there are several ways you can follow to feel more comfortable when you're with him.
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Method 1 of 4: Determining the Cause of Discomfort
Step 1. Think about when you feel uncomfortable when you are with him
It's a good idea to write down these moments on a piece of paper or in a notebook so you can see a pattern.
- Do you feel uncomfortable when you are alone with him?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when the two of you are with other people? If so, who is that person? Friend? Parent? Or brother?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when the two of you are spending time or dating at home?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when there is physical contact?
- Do you feel uncomfortable when talking about controversial topics, such as politics?
Step 2. Find out what made you feel uncomfortable in those moments
Once you find a pattern of moments of discomfort, try to be more specific about what made you feel uncomfortable in those moments.
- Does the discomfort occur when the two of you have nothing else to talk about, and nothing else to distract you?
- Does the discomfort arise because you are worried about what might happen when you are alone with him?
- Are you worried if your parents, siblings, or friends don't like your lover?
- Do you feel annoyed with your lover's behavior when in front of other people? For example, does he often show off or brag when he meets other people?
- Are you not comfortable with physical closeness, including shaking hands, hugging, or kissing?
- Do you get annoyed when he talks about topics like religion or politics? If so, why does it bother you? Do you have a different view from him? Are you not happy with confrontation? Or, do you want to avoid arguments with him?
- Does your boyfriend make you feel insecure?
Step 3. Create an action plan to deal with the problem
Once you've determined the cause of your discomfort when you're around him, you need to take action. Look for a plan to deal with the problem at hand.
- Show him that you are nervous and a little uncomfortable. It's possible that he feels the same way, so by discussing the issues at hand, both of you can feel more comfortable when you're together.
- Try spending more time getting to know him better.
- Carefully talk to him about his behavior when the two of you are with other people. Let him know that you like him for who he is and that you want him to be himself because other people will like it too.
- Let him know that you don't like talking about certain topics and explain why.
- Advise him to ask you out more frequently in public than at home.
- Explain to him that you want to take things slowly and aren't ready to show much physical affection.
- If your boyfriend makes you feel insecure (in any way), consider whether you should end the relationship with him.
Method 2 of 4: Be Yourself When You're With Him
Step 1. Show your true personality
Some people feel that they have to act or behave like other people in order to be liked. However, that kind of thing actually deceives other people and makes them feel that you are not who you really are.
- Show him your true personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, jokes you find funny, and the kind of music you enjoy. Also, act in a way that makes you feel comfortable.
- Don't apologize to yourself. If your boyfriend doesn't want to understand and appreciate your personality, he may not be the right guy to date or have a relationship with.
Step 2. Show your creativity
Although some people feel that they are not creative at all, everyone has their own creativity. If you find it difficult to communicate verbally, another way to feel comfortable around him is to express yourself creatively.
- Show me the art you've made, the songs you've composed, the poems you've written, and things like that.
- If you are interested in the world of technology, you can tell your lover about a video game, website, or app that you are designing.
Step 3. Try to feel confident about your appearance
Women usually try hard to feel confident about their appearance. Sometimes, you always feel the need to look perfect when you meet or are around him. However, showing confidence, even when your appearance isn't perfect, helps you to feel calm and comfortable when you're with him.
- If you are a girl, feel free to spend some time with her without putting on any makeup. In fact, many men prefer women who go without makeup over women who wear a lot of makeup.
- Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable. You don't always have to dress elegantly to impress her. If you're on a date or spending time at home, you can wear (for example) jeans and a t-shirt, or even sweatpants.
Step 4. Be friends with your lover
One of the most important aspects of a relationship is friendship. The most intimate and lasting relationships are also based on friendship. If you weren't really "friends" with him before your date, try building a friendship with him.
You may be driven to behave differently when in front of him than when you are with friends, especially if you are dating for the first time. However, it's a good idea to show the personality and side of yourself that you usually show to your friends so that you can quickly feel comfortable when around him
Method 3 of 4: Get to Know Him Better
Step 1. Spend more time with her
One of the things that can make you feel comfortable with him is trying to spend more time with him. Make a plan to do it with him in a situation that makes you feel comfortable, whether you're out for a walk alone or with other friends.
Step 2. Ask a question about it
If you and your boyfriend weren't really friends before your date, there's a good chance you didn't really know him. Take the time to get to know him better so you can understand him better. There are several questions you can ask:
- “What childhood memories do you like the most?”
- "What's your family like?"
- “What do you like most about your family?”
- “What is your favorite type of music?”
- “What do you usually do when you feel so depressed?”
- “If money wasn't an issue, what would you like to do in life? What is the reason?"
- “If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? And why did you choose that place?”
- “Have you traveled a lot? What places have you been to?”
- "What's your favorite hobby?"
Step 3. Answer the questions he asks about you honestly
Another factor that makes you feel nervous around him is that you may still be trying to build up some kind of “persona” or image. When he asks you questions, make sure you answer them honestly. Not only will this build trust, but it will also give you a chance to be yourself and make him like you for who you are.
Building a relationship based on secrets and lies is not a good thing. Think about how you would feel if you found out that he was lying to you about himself
Step 4. Learn what you both like and invite him to do activities related to the things that you both have an interest in
You'll both feel more comfortable when your date plans are about things you both enjoy (and, of course, provide comfort for).
- Go to the cinema to see a movie you both love.
- Attend concerts by bands or artists you both like.
- Play a board game or video that you both enjoy.
- Go on a “group date” with friends you both know.
Method 4 of 4: Giving Time for Relationships to Develop
Step 1. Let your feelings for him develop
You may need to give him time to develop your feelings for him, unless you are already friends with him or know him well enough.
Usually, people don't fall in love with someone else right away. In fact, the term “love at first sight” doesn't always apply to many couples. You certainly can't just be in a relationship with someone you don't even like. However, don't expect to feel comfortable and in love right away at the start of the relationship
Step 2. Give him time to change
If you feel that the discomfort is caused by his behavior, give him time to change.
- Some people are reluctant to change themselves or their behavior. If this happens to your partner, you need to reconsider whether you want to continue to accept his behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
- Maybe he's doing something he thinks you'll like (or want), like showing off in front of other people. When he learns that you don't want him to do something like that, he is usually willing to change so you feel happy.
Step 3. Trust him
Building trust does take time. However, if you believe in the philosophy of the presumption of innocence, it's a good idea to keep believing it until it gives you a reason not to believe it anymore.
- This can be difficult if you have been hurt (emotionally) in a previous relationship, especially when your trust was broken or you experienced betrayal. However, your new boyfriend didn't do those bad things to you and he deserves your trust, at least until he makes a mistake that makes him lose your trust.
- You will feel calm and comfortable when you are with him if you allow yourself to trust him. In addition, he will also feel more comfortable knowing that he has earned your trust. This of course helps the development of the relationship that is lived.
Step 4. Enjoy getting to know him and developing a relationship with him
While it's true that some couples experience some or little trouble, remember that no relationship is perfect. It may take time for both of you to sort things out and try your best to make each other happy.
- Often, it takes time to get comfortable when you're around him. The more time you spend with him and getting to know him, the more comfortable you will eventually become with him.
- Being in a relationship with someone is an interesting and memorable experience. When you really like and care about someone, show your role in the relationship by trying to make the relationship better. This will have a good impact on you so that you feel more comfortable with the relationship you are in.
