A guy has asked you out, or you know he's planning on doing it. It's hard for you to say the right thing, especially if you've never been in this situation before! Whether your answer is 100% "Yes!", "No.", or "Maybe", be sure to get to the bottom of your feelings and ask yourself if you made the right choice for you. Don't agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable and remember: it's okay if you choose to tell a guy that you need some time to think about his request.
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Method 1 of 3: Accepting the Request
Step 1. Make sure you like this guy
Ask yourself if you're really attracted to this guy or if you're just flattered that he's attracted to you. If you've worked out the basis for your feelings and found that you completely agree with this guy, then feel free to accept the offer. If you're not too sure about him, but feel sorry for having to turn him down, consider whether it's easier to reject him now or later.
Step 2. Find out what he expects from you
Some guys will take you out on a first date at the park, at the dance or at the movies just to spend time together and get to know you better. Especially if you're in middle school or high school, guys may ask you to be his girlfriend without planning a "date" in advance. This could mean that he wants to have lunch or walk home together, or hold hands, or something. Some guys may simply ask you to be their escort to a dance or other event.
- Don't be afraid to ask what the guy means. If you like him, but he doesn't explain what he expects from you, you have every right to ask further questions. If he says something vague like "Would you like to go out with me?", you can counter "Sure! What's your plan?"
- If you're invited to a public event, make sure that he explicitly invites you as his "date/escort". If he invites you out with him and his friends, there's a good chance he likes you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's asking you to be his girlfriend. Maybe the invitation is a way for him to get to know you better or to see if you like him too before he takes the big step.
Step 3. Say Yes
Your more appropriate response depends on the question from him. Think about what he's really asking of you and accept his request if you feel comfortable with it.
If he asks you to go to a certain event, all you have to do is agree to go with him. For example, if he asks you to go to the dance, simply smile and say "Yes, I will."
Step 4. Gather details about the invitation
If the guy asks you to go on a first date, make sure you know the time and place. Find out if he'll be picking you up or if he's planning to meet you there. Make sure that you can go on those days and hours and make sure that you don't have other plans in advance.
- You don't need to find out about these details before agreeing to the invitation. The point is not about the event, but that this guy wants to spend time with you. If you want to spend some time with him, simply accept the invitation and find out details about the event afterwards.
- Don't be afraid to change your schedule if you can't. If you really want to show her you're interested, offer alternative options. Say "I want to go see you, but I have to go to my friend's birthday party on Saturday night. Shall we go on Saturday?"
Method 2 of 3: Rejecting the Request
Step 1. Explain your reasons for saying no
Be honest. You don't need to look for too many justifications for your decisions. Just not being attracted to this man was enough of an excuse. You may be attracted to the guy, but can't accept his invitation for a number of reasons-perhaps your best friend likes him, maybe your parents don't allow it, or you just don't feel ready for a relationship yet. No matter what the circumstances, it's important that you are honest with this man and with yourself.
- If you're not interested in the guy, that's all you have to say. Don't be rude and don't insult him. Say "I like our friendship, but I'm not romantically interested in you."
- If your friend likes him, don't reveal the secret unless your friend says it's okay. Just let the guy know you're not interested and don't hint that there's another reason behind your choice.
- If your parents don't allow you to date, then be honest with the guy. Even so be careful about herding her feelings or giving her hope. If you tell her that you have a crush on her, but can't date her, you probably can't stop her from flirting with you.
- If you don't feel like you're ready for a relationship, that's okay. You will find someone at the right time and it will be so much better if your heart accepts it. This guy may be the first to ask you out, but he won't be the last.
Step 2. Answer clearly and unequivocally
Don't make excuses and don't agree to a date just to be friendly. Obviously he prefers a "yes" to a "no" answer, but he's more likely to prefer to face an immediate rejection than to force you to go on a date out of pity.
Step 3. Do it quickly
Say something as simple as. "I'm sorry, but I don't like you romantically." You don't have to go into detail about why you're not interested; You just have to tell him the gist of it. Try not to embarrass him with a long, exaggerated speech.
- If he invites you for some reason, please explain why you are not interested. Make sure you don't turn it into a debate and don't let him force you to go with him. Answer clearly and firmly. Don't compromise.
- If you're friends with the guy, you can bring this up as an excuse. Say, "I like our friendship, but I'm not romantically interested in you. Can we still be friends like before?"
Method 3 of 3: Answering when You're Not Sure
Step 1. Take your time to think about it
If you're unsure or haven't had much dating experience, you may not be able to give a solid agree or disapproval right away. Tell him you have to think about it, but you will give him a definitive answer in the next few days. Try not to keep him guessing for too long. If he really likes you, he will be anxiously waiting for your answer.
Make sure you give him some sort of answer even if it's just explaining why you haven't been able to give him a definitive answer. It takes courage to ask someone you really like and the simplest thing you can do for them is to let them know you're considering the offer. This is especially important if he asks you by text, email or instant message: if you don't answer, he can do nothing but speculate
Step 2. Ask your friends and family for advice
Be sure to only ask people you trust. Describe the situation, explain why you are unsure and weigh the pros and cons of answering yes or no. Remember: you don't have to take anyone's advice, but it may help you to better understand your own feelings. If you don't feel comfortable asking anyone, make a list of the pros and cons and try to determine for yourself.
Step 3. Give the man a clear answer
Try to get your answer as close to "yes" and "no" as possible, especially if the invitation is conditional. After you've thought through your options, meet the man one-on-one and tell him what your decision is. If you can't meet him face to face, send him a text or instant message.
You don't need to explain your deliberative process, especially if you have serious doubts about going with this guy. But if you feel comfortable doing it, it can help the guy understand why it's taking you so long to answer his request
Step 4. Take the time to get to know him better
There's no need to rush. You don't have to go on a date with him right away. If he respects you, he will be patient and wait until you feel comfortable.
- Tell him, "I like you, but I want us to get to know each other better before we can start a relationship with you. Let's be friends and see what happens."
- If you want to say "yes" but aren't ready for a relationship, you can say "I want to date you. I want to hold hands with you. I want to kiss you, but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." Give him a light peck on the cheek to show that you really mean it.
