Do you suspect (or know) that a supposedly loyal partner is cheating on you? You are not alone. About to of couples will (or have) cheated on them at some point.
Unfortunately, the hurt felt was not reduced by simply knowing that the other parties involved would be affected as well. Pay attention to the steps in this article and use them to help you get through the trauma. Infidelity can be a very painful problem and the emotions can be intense. Therefore, use this article as a guide to help yourself through the turmoil of the existing relationship.
Step
Step 1. First of all, take a deep breath and take some time for yourself
Don't allow yourself to give rash responses. Think! This is important, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. Your sudden reaction without thinking can trigger consequences that you may regret. Give yourself space before taking action.
Step 2. Talk to the other person
You are not alone. Although statistical data on infidelity is not always complete and has many differences, most surveys that have been conducted indicate that about to of the total number of married couples will or have had an affair.
Step 3. Don't beat yourself up
Usually, it's easy for someone to blame themselves when they think about the reasons for their partner's infidelity. Actually, there's no point in blaming yourself. Issues that trigger infidelity sometimes involve both parties, but this is not always the case. However, in the future, it may be worth looking in the mirror to find out why your partner is looking for comfort in other people. There may be gray areas in your behavior that encourage your partner to cheat. Keep in mind that most people like the monogamous lifestyle because it can provide a lot of happiness and security. However, there are some people out there who don't like this lifestyle.
Step 4. Make sure that you are being cheated on
Ask yourself these questions: Were the two of you officially dating when the "infidelity" occurred? Is it clear that the relationship you are in is a monogamous relationship? If you don't, you really can't be sure your partner is aware or aware that his actions actually hurt your feelings. In a situation like this, you need to talk to your partner without showing any confrontation.
Step 5. Talk to your partner
Tell us about your worries and fears. It's possible that nothing really happened, or that there was an incident that forced your partner to do it (e.g. sexual assault at work that needs to be discussed openly and as soon as possible so it doesn't happen again in the future). It is also possible that he is abusing drugs or alcohol, or has a psychological disorder that needs to be addressed (note that sex addiction is a very real and serious problem). If he needs help, give him support in seeking help. This step can be beneficial for both of you. However, drug or alcohol abuse is not a valid “excuse” for indecent behavior and you should never accept excuses like “Yes. I'm drunk. So, no problem.” Keep showing your assertiveness.
Step 6. Ask yourself if you can see him as the same person in the future
Infidelity is not a big deal for some people, and some people do have physical relationships with more than one person. This doesn't necessarily reflect weakness in their relationship with their “loyal” partner, but situations like this are rare. In fact, unfaithfulness can reflect boredom and dissatisfaction with the current relationship. Dealing with a partner who doesn't expect you or doesn't hesitate to hurt you is ridiculous. In a situation like this, leave him.
Step 7. Don't break up and reconnect after a certain amount of time if you feel that the existing feud is unresolvable
It will only provide more emotional stress. If you want to end the relationship, end it permanently. However, a "temporary" separation can also be an option that you can actually take. If you decide to split up (either permanently or temporarily), don't talk to him right away after the breakup. Take some time to be alone first. However, you may not be able to simply cut off communication if there are children or important financial issues. In these situations, set ground rules firmly (eg limits on speaking time, meeting places, etc.). Although difficult, it is important to follow.
Step 8. If you are both married and your partner is in a relationship that is more than just a casual relationship, it's a good idea to hire the services of a well-known lawyer or detective in your city who specializes in domestic matters
Try reading references from other people.
Step 9. If you use an investigator, don't directly confront or accuse your partner
Let the investigator do his or her job (if you accuse him from the start, your partner will be more careful, and the investigation will cost more).
Step 10. Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases as soon as possible
You can actually experience more stress if you are not aware of the disease. Early treatment is important.
Step 11. Collect evidence of infidelity such as receipts, emails, photos, and the like if possible
Save the information at a friend's or family member's house. The existence of information like this can help investigators so that the cost of investigation services can be reduced.
Step 12. Don't start rumors
If you share your suspicions with more than one close friend, there is a chance that other friends will create gossip, which will have a negative impact in various aspects. If the investigation is ongoing, rumors or skewed news can actually disrupt the process.
Step 13. Watch your own actions
If you're also having an affair, this might be a good time to talk openly with your partner and work things out. You both may need to undergo couples counseling. If you both decide to divorce, remember that the decision can have negative repercussions quickly, and your separation will be in the public eye.
Step 14. Remember that revenge is not wise
Don't start a relationship with someone else just because your partner is having an affair. This is revenge and will do no good for either party.
Tips
- Leave your partner if the affair has really hurt you.
- It is important for you to be honest with yourself. If you don't end the relationship, are you strong enough to bear the possibility that the affair could happen again?
- If you want to rise from sadness, it's a good idea to apologize, forget about it, and don't keep remembering or discussing the affair.
- Are you sure you want to devote all your energy to "watching" the relationship?
- Get counseling! There's nothing wrong with going to counseling, even when things are going well in life. However, when you're injured, it's a good idea to talk to a professional.
