Getting rid of hatred for the person who offended or annoyed you is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. If you are still bothered by his treatment, take deep breaths so you can calm down and think clearly. Even if you don't like people who behave badly, be polite to them. If the two of you can discuss it calmly, talk to him nicely. You don't need to be close friends with him, but try to work out the conflict so the two of you can interact well at work, at school, or elsewhere.
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Method 1 of 3: Controlling Emotions
Step 1. Try to distract yourself
Get busy as soon as you think of the person you hate. If you can't get over it or get rid of negative emotions, do activities that distract you, such as listening to music, exercising, doodle drawing, painting, journaling, reading a book, newspaper, or magazine.
Step 2. Breathe deeply calmly and regularly when you start to get angry
Control your emotions and calm yourself so that you can think clearly when anger or hatred arises. Inhale slowly for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, then exhale for a count of 4. Do this breathing technique for at least 90 seconds or until the mind is distracted.
- Breathe deeply while imagining a relaxing scene, such as a beautiful garden or a favorite childhood location. Visualize negative emotions flowing out each time you exhale.
- Heartache is hard to forget when someone hurts your feelings, but you can control your emotions and get rid of negative thought patterns by taking time to clear your head.
Step 3. Write a letter expressing your feelings, but don't send it
Writing is a means of channeling emotions and controlling thoughts. Explain in the letter what he did and what bothered you. Then, tear or burn the letter as a symbol that you have freed yourself from hatred.
- Do not send this letter to him as the situation could escalate. Just save the letter!
- Letters should be torn up into small pieces or burned so that no one can find them.
Step 4. Share how you feel with someone you can trust
You can express the burden of feelings by telling a story to a close friend or family member. Plus, you'll be able to understand what's going on if you're able to think clearly. Share your experience with someone you can trust and ask them to keep it a secret.
Don't talk about people you hate in places where the two of you do your daily activities, such as at school or at work. Maybe he heard it from someone else. In fact, you are labeled a gossip or unprofessional
Step 5. Ask someone in authority for help
If someone frequently criticizes you, seek advice from someone who can come up with a solution. You have the right to operate in a safe environment and not experience harassment. If he often seems to piss you off on purpose, it's time to ask for help. Tell the matter to someone in authority. Explain to you the treatment, its impact, and what you have done to address it. Provide factual information clearly and straightforwardly and then ask for help so that you can resolve this issue.
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Example bad explanation:
"Markus is really outrageous! He had the heart to embarrass me by criticizing my presentation in front of many people! I'm tired of dealing with him! Please scold Mark so he doesn't do it again!"
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Example good explanation:
"I want to work with Mark, but it's very difficult. He often criticizes my work while getting angry, even in front of many people. someone else. I've suggested that he deliver criticism privately, but he refuses. I'm asking for advice from you because I don't know what to do".
Step 6. Consult a therapist
If someone behaves very badly with you, abuses you, or is violent, seek help or see a therapist to deal with negative emotions. It's a good idea to consult a professional therapist if you're often angry or have trouble performing daily activities because you have a grudge against someone.
Ask a trusted doctor, friend, or family member for a referral so you can consult a mental health professional. In addition, look for information on the internet or a list of insurance company partners
Method 2 of 3: Interacting with People You Hate
Step 1. Reduce interaction with him
Minimal interaction may be the best option. Reducing interaction is the best way to go if you're new to a disagreement with him.
- Maybe you feel more comfortable if you rarely interact with him.
- Don't walk away from it if you both work on the same team. If you need to talk to him, have the conversation professionally.
Step 2. Take control of your reactions
If you have to interact with someone you hate, show them respect and control your emotions. You can't control other people and their actions that trigger anger, but you can determine how to react to them.
For example, if you hate a coworker who is constantly criticizing others, try to ignore it. Respond to his casual comments by saying, "Everyone is free to have an opinion. Let's get back to work so that the task can be done quickly"
Step 3. Be respectful if you have to interact with them
If you need to talk to him, focus the conversation on work in a polite and professional manner. Don't speak in a sarcastic or insulting tone so as not to trigger a conflict. If he says something negative or upsetting, ignore it and switch the topic to work.
For example, you both work on the same team and he says something that offends you. Instead of responding to his words, tell him, "Deadline is approaching. We have to focus on work." Don't waste time interacting with them or correcting useless opinions
Step 4. Strictly enforce clear boundaries
If he likes attention or wants company all the time, he may touch you or continue to interact with you even if you don't want to. To overcome this, state boundaries clearly, politely, and firmly, for example:
- "Do not touch me".
- "I already have an appointment".
- "I'm not interested. Just invite someone else".
- "If you want to use my ballpoint pen, tell me first".
Step 5. Take the time to interact with him if you want to get to know him better
This advice may sound like a misnomer, but you can understand why he's behaving badly by spending more time with him. Help him complete an assignment or do an activity together so you can get to know him better.
- Spending time with the person you hate because he or she often does something that upsets you has its benefits. Maybe he did this to cover up feelings of inferiority or lack. However, you should stay away from him if he hurts or harasses you.
- Interacting with people you hate is especially beneficial if you both share the same traits or you're the one causing the problem, not someone else.
Step 6. Learn to be indifferent and forget what happened
There's a lot of power in thinking "he's acting up again" and then letting it go. Refusing emotional involvement helps you deal with people who behave badly or are annoying without being influenced by the mess they're making. Admit to yourself that his behavior was disrespectful and that he has a tendency to misbehave and go about your daily life as usual.
Respond to ill-treatment with ambivalence. If he's being rude to you, say "okay," "thanks for the info," or "interesting" and change the subject
Method 3 of 3: Resolving Conflict
Step 1. Try to find a solution to resolve the conflict
It can mean different ways of dealing with different people and situations. Maybe the solution is to make amends. Another solution might be to accept it as it is or ignore it.
Step 2. Find out why you hate this person
If someone is hurting you, it's not hard to pinpoint the trigger for your hate. However, if the cause isn't clear, try to recall what the person did that upset you the most. Share this with a close friend or trusted family member so that you can control your emotions. Knowing the causes of resentment helps to resolve conflict and relieve stress. For that, ask yourself the following questions.
- Does it remind you of people who have hurt you?
- Do you both share traits that you don't like yourself (e.g. irritability, attention-seeking, or irresponsibility)?
- Was the act immoral (eg cruel or hypocritical)?
- Does he have the things you want: success, freedom, talent, self-confidence, etc.?
- Are you afraid that one day he will replace or beat you?
Step 3. Try to empathize with him
Think of the various possibilities that his behavior irritated or hurt you, for example because he wants to overcome fear, inferiority, or pain. Considering what he's feeling and going through allows you to empathize with him and forgive him.
- For example, he may have been harshly criticized as a teenager. Currently, he criticizes others and flaunts his successes to make him more confident.
- A person's past is not an excuse to justify his behavior, but you can understand his actions if you know his motives. Even if he or his actions are unpleasant, you can make friends if you get to know him better.
Step 4. Be friends with her, instead of trying to like her
Don't expect hatred for someone to go away in an instant and don't hold on to emotions. Even if you're ready to disagree with him, you may still not like him. However, try to maintain a good relationship with him at work, at school, or elsewhere even if you don't like interacting with him.
Step 5. Have a discussion if you can control your emotions
If you can't avoid it and want to resolve the conflict with him, talk about the matter calmly, clearly, and with a clear mind. Use the word "I/I" to explain why you are bothered without blaming or judging. Let him respond without interrupting and come up with a solution so that both of you are able to work things out.
- For example, say to him, "I feel annoyed and belittled when you criticize and ridicule my opinion. We don't need to be close friends, but I want us to respect each other and be polite."
- Stop the discussion if the situation worsens. Tell him, "I said goodbye so we don't fight" and then leave.
Step 6. Ask someone to be the mediator
So that the discussion does not turn into a fight, ask for help from a third person, such as a superior, teacher, or leader to mediate.
Step 7. Apologize if you wronged him
Usually, conflicts do not occur solely because of one party. Often times, both sides have made mistakes. Apologies can defuse conflict and promote trouble-free relationships. Example of an apology:
- "I'm sorry that I snapped at you in front of a lot of people. I'm annoyed that I was disturbed by your actions, but I can't embarrass you like that.
- "I'm sorry I said you were mean and ignorant. At the time, I was angry, but this is no reason to mock you. My actions were wrong. I'm sorry".
- "I'm sorry for having prejudiced against you. I realize this problem occurred because of my shortcomings. I will fix it. Don't hold a grudge against me. The source of the problem is me, not you".
Step 8. Don't try to be his best friend
You can be friends with him, but don't expect much from him or from yourself. Tell him, "We don't get along and we can't be best friends, but because we have to work together, we are ready to disagree and respect each other."
