Do you feel like you're being treated badly by someone but can't understand why? Does he seem secretly condescending or have negative intentions towards you? Whoever he is and no matter how close your relationship with him is, the wisest step you need to take is to find out the reason behind his ill treatment. By doing so, surely the negative situation will be more easily resolved.
Step
Step 1. Observe his behavior
What are the signs? Some of the things you need to watch out for are: gossiping about you, ignoring you, saying bad things about you to others, breaking or stealing your things, demeaning you, accusing you of doing or saying something that gets you in trouble, insulting you, belittle you, intimidate you, send negative messages to your social media, and/or break promises made.
Step 2. Think about your feelings
How did his words and actions affect you? If your instincts tell you that someone is constantly trying to hurt you (for example, by saying or doing something that was meant to hurt you), and if whatever the person said or did makes you feel irritated and hurt, it's likely that he or she has already treated you. you badly.
Step 3. Think of several possibilities before drawing conclusions
Often, your feelings are only able to reflect part of the event and are not necessarily true; mainly because humans often find it difficult to understand other people's perspectives. If you believe the behavior was intended to hurt you, make sure you first understand the motivation or cause behind the bad behavior. Doing so will undoubtedly help you to understand his perspective; not infrequently, someone's bad behavior actually appears without realizing it! Trust me, there is always a reason behind someone's words and actions that you need to understand before deciding to act. Some things you need to ask yourself (and answer honestly) are:
- Maybe you're just imagining? If you're in a bad mood, people around you often seem more mean and annoying than usual. Don't worry, that's how the human brain works; without realizing it, you are reflecting a negative attitude within yourself to others.
- Could the person like you? Could his annoying behavior be rooted in his desire for more attention? Could it be that she was just trying to divert her embarrassment by being annoying? But remember, not everyone does. If someone really treats you badly, it doesn't necessarily mean they like you. If he does like you, chances are the bad behavior won't last too long and you'll notice other, more relevant signs.
- Could he be trying to teach you a lesson? Oftentimes, teens and even adults take “advice” or “attention” from those closest to them as an attempt to hurt them. In fact, constructive feedback is actually given on the basis of concern and affection. Make sure you don't misunderstand it.
- Could he be jealous or jealous of you? Does he often look down on you and/or exalt himself? Most likely, he's doing it out of insecurity and trying to make himself look better than you. Usually, he will mention more often what he thinks of himself, not about you. But in reality, you will often find it difficult to tell the difference.
- Could it be that you've hurt him by accident? Without realizing it, it could be you who hurt him first. This situation is common in a group of friends. The friend you hurt may not want to upset you. Therefore, instead of confronting and expressing his feelings outright, he may vent his anger by saying or doing something negative to you.
- Could he be having problems too? Perhaps his anger was rooted in the frustration of not having a place to talk. As a result, he felt the need to make other people's moods worse just to make his moods better. Believe me, stress is one of the main causes of a person's bad attitude, especially because he feels he has lost control of his own emotions. Understand the difference between people who just want to vent their emotions on you and people who really want to hurt you.
- Could it be that he really doesn't like you? This dislike may be rooted in any of the reasons above (having personal problems, being jealous of you, or even associating you with someone she has hated in the past). But chances are, people treat you badly not because you've done anything to hurt them.
Step 4. Ask yourself
Why do you need approval from him? Do you really need him that his actions affect your happiness so much? He doesn't like you, so how does that affect you? If you get into the habit of caring for these kinds of people, you're more likely to grow up to be someone who is always insecure and dependent on others.
Step 5. Ask other people
Ask other people for their opinion (especially parents and friends) so you can determine next steps or understand their behavior more clearly. Remember, never ask for the opinion of a friend who really hates that person; chances are, his opinion will be biased (especially because he wants you to also hate or interact negatively with that person). The best people worth consulting are your parents, your spouse, someone you consider a mentor, or a friend you really trust. Make sure you ask someone who is neutral and has no direct contact with that person (and their bad behavior).
Step 6. Confront the person
If you know him well enough, try confronting him face-to-face; but before doing so, make sure you have implemented the various steps above such as recognizing signs of bad behavior, understanding your feelings, and thinking about other possibilities. Remember, making baseless accusations (instead of expressing feelings using "I") will only make him more angry and defensive. As a result, you won't be able to have a constructive conversation with him. Therefore, make sure your accusations are justified and give him a chance to speak. Share how you feel about his behavior and explain that you are open to discussing the matter with him. Also make it clear that you're willing to apologize if you've said or done something that upset her.
- Stay calm. Don't repeat what he said that hurt you and don't demand that he apologize. Just ask him to be more considerate of your feelings.
- If he doesn't have answers to any of your questions, give him some time to think about it first. Remember, now the ball is in his hands. That is, he has the full right to decide whether to stop or continue to be negative.
- If he decides to continue being negative, at least you know you've confronted him. That way, you can start thinking about other steps, since it's clear his current behavior was intentional.
- If you don't know him that well, consider bringing someone else such as a friend, counselor, parent, or other trusted person along when confronting him.
Step 7. If his bad behavior persists, try to avoid contact with him completely
Remember, there's nothing more you can do to change his mindset. If his bad behavior persists, it could be a sign that he hates you (which again, isn't necessarily due to "what you did") or that he feels that his ego is losing out if he has to change his behavior (which is usually due to his insecurities as well). Remember, there is no need to tolerate someone who has treated you badly.
Keep yourself away from it; ignore the harsh words and bad behavior. Ask your friend to help you distance yourself from the person. Show those around you that you are not willing to tolerate his behavior anymore. Trust me, he will soon get bored when his target stops responding and will look for a new target afterwards.
Step 8. Get on with your life
If all your efforts don't work, try to ignore them completely; just pretend he's not in your life. So what about the pain and resentment that still lingers inside of you? As difficult as it is, try to forget it. Remember, there is no point in mourning the past. You have done your best to stop the bad behavior. Now is a good time for you to move on with your life, focus on positive activities and people, and prioritize what is important to your life going forward. Show that his negative behavior doesn't affect you or worsen your relationships with other people, and let him live with all his negativity.
- If the negative behavior persists or gets worse, try asking someone else to help change it. If he or she is your friend at school, try asking a teacher, family member, or other trusted adult for help. If he or she is your colleague at work, try reporting it to your HRD staff, your supervisor or boss at work, or another trusted coworker. Before doing so, make sure you consider your safety afterwards; be careful, he may feel unwelcome and respond to you with more negative behavior.
- So what if that person is a member of your family? If he or she is your sibling, try asking your parents for help in establishing strict rules for bad behavior in the home. If it was your parents who did it, try talking to them first. If both of your parents are defensive and reluctant to help you, then you can ask for help from outside the home (such as from a close relative, religious leader, or school counselor). Do not do anything that can harm your physical and emotional state.
Tips
- Sometimes, people behave badly because they want to be like you.
- Finding out the reasons behind someone's ill-treatment is necessary; but understand that there are times when you won't get an answer. If your instincts tell you someone has or will be treating you badly, protect yourself immediately.
- Never repay evil with evil. Negative retaliation will only damage your relationship, increase the risk of an argument, and can lead to more dangerous actions. There was no point in lowering yourself because in the end, neither side would benefit.
- Tell the person about your pain. Be clear about how you felt when he started treating you badly.
