Friendships are usually established without long-term commitments or wedding plans. If you want or are in a non-committal relationship, make sure the two of you have discussed this openly. Don't think everything will be okay. State your wishes clearly. Set boundaries and avoid intimacy. Don't involve feelings so you don't expect the relationship to progress.
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Part 1 of 4: Making Sure You Make the Right Decision
Step 1. Carefully consider the decision to be in a non-committal relationship
Before breaking up (or moving on) with a non-committal relationship, make sure you really want this. Write down the benefits and determine how to live them.
- There are various reasons why someone makes a decision to be in a relationship without a commitment, for example because they have just divorced and are not ready to remarry or are starting a career so they can't commit.
- Don't let anyone force you into a non-committal relationship if you don't want to.
Step 2. Convince yourself that he doesn't want to commit
Make an agreement as early as possible about the relationship that will be lived so that both of you have clear expectations. If he says he doesn't want to get married or isn't ready to commit, don't expect him to change his mind or ask you to marry him. You don't have to advise him or ask him to change. Ask him, "Is this what you want?" or "Can your desires change?" then take his word.
You don't become a hero for converting people who aren't ready to commit. Instead, you will feel annoyed and disappointed
Step 3. Accept the fact that he doesn't want to commit
Don't expect change to happen. If you need to make sure he's ready to make a commitment, ask him to clarify how the two of you are continuing. Remember, you're in big trouble if you expect him to commit. Accept reality without demanding change.
- If you can't get what he wants, say what you want and then ask for his response. If he refuses, you're better off separating.
- If you don't want to commit, discuss this with him.
Part 2 of 4: Respecting Yourself and Your Partner
Step 1. Apply the rules
If you both agree to be in a non-committal relationship, set rules. Instead of wondering what is and isn't, apply clear, mutually agreed rules. Ask him what he wants and make sure the answer is acceptable. Continue the relationship if you both have the same goals.
- Make an agreement about the freedom to interact with the opposite sex and hang out with friends. Decide whether or not to keep this relationship a secret. Make sure you are allowed to break up if you love someone else.
- Even if you both agree to be in a non-committal relationship, respect yourself by avoiding casual sex. Being in a relationship without commitment doesn't mean you can treat other people as you please.
- Remember that you both still need to communicate. Make sure you both can contact each other if needed.
Step 2. Be honest
Honesty is an important aspect of a relationship without commitment. Never lie to your partner. If you object to certain rules, don't expect the problem to be solved by lying. Instead, say what you want. Honestly admit when you break the rules that have been agreed upon. Small lies will lead to big problems. Pretending all is well is not a wise move for either of you. Get in the habit of communicating to provide feedback and express feelings.
- Let your partner know if you want to change the mutually agreed rules. If he is proposing change, give an honest opinion and respond wisely to his request.
- For example, if your partner asks you to have sex, refuse the request.
Step 3. Make sure your opinion is respected
Remember that you have equal rights to express your wishes and give your opinion. If he's only selfish, say clearly what you want, for example, "I'm going to your house tonight" or "I can't be at your house for the next week. I'm so busy." If you can't fulfill his request, be honest.
- Make sure he is willing to discuss with you, respects your opinion, and cares about your feelings. Relationships will be in trouble if he ignores your opinions and desires because there is a possibility that his behavior will irritate or hurt you.
- Don't give in to all of his wishes, especially those that make you angry, upset, or disappointed. Tell him, "I object to your proposal".
Step 4. Have a balanced relationship
Make sure you're not the only one who has to keep promises or give in. If he demands that you put in time and energy, but he always refuses to do the same for you, the relationship is out of balance. If you had to put in a lot of effort to meet him, ask why and express your desire. Regardless of whether there is a commitment or not, a relationship feels more enjoyable if both parties give each other time and attention in a balanced way.
- If you want to continue the relationship and expect fair treatment, tell him, "I've been the one coming to your house recently. Next time, how about you come over to mine?"
- As another example, ask him to give you some time, "I think I'm the one who often cancels plans so we can meet up because your schedule suddenly changes. How about we make a schedule together?"
Step 5. Avoid sex
Because the two of you are not husband and wife, do not have sex to prevent pregnancy before marriage. Do not consume alcohol or drugs so that you are able to think clearly and avoid casual sex.
Remember, casual sex increases the risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases and HIV
Part 3 of 4: Interacting as Friends
Step 1. Don't involve feelings
Try to control your feelings when you're in a non-committal relationship. If you start to like him, these feelings are likely to make you want to see him more often, think of him as a lover, or be in a relationship so that you feel more intimate and connected to him. As long as the two of you don't make a commitment, the relationship isn't going anywhere. So, limit yourself if you start to wish for more than friends. Romance involves emotional intimacy. Make sure you avoid this.
- Don't flirt or flirt with each other.
- If he's asking you to pay attention or to be a good listener like a lover, he's already asking for it. Keep involvement in each other's personal lives to a minimum.
Step 2. Discuss common topics while chatting
Don't tell him about your personal life. If the two of you discuss personal matters, an emotional connection will be established, resulting in a desire to commit. Relationships get closer when you both share your feelings and discuss your personal life. Since a non-committal relationship doesn't involve feelings, act like a normal friend and don't talk about personal life.
- Focus the conversation on the things that are going on. You seem to want to make a commitment if you often talk about long-term plans.
- If you start to like him, try to control your feelings.
Step 3. Don't involve your partner in your personal life
Don't introduce your partner to friends and family members. People in uncommitted relationships usually don't involve their partners in personal matters. He may doubt your decision if you take him out to meet friends or family members. This can leave him confused and hopeful for more. Separate personal affairs and uncommitted relationships.
Some people invite your partner to hang out with friends, but this requires you to have a clear separation
Step 4. Limit contact with him
Don't call, text, email, or see her on a regular basis. You should contact him once a week. If the two of you see each other more often, it can develop a sense of love or attraction and thus break the boundaries of a non-committal relationship.
The desire to meet more than once a week can show that you consider him more than just friends
Part 4 of 4: Disconnecting
Step 1. Disconnect if you feel disappointed
A relationship without commitment ends by itself if it is not beneficial for both parties. If you object to continuing with someone because they don't want to commit, then walk away. If you've tried to get closer and be nice to him, but you're still feeling disappointed or hurt, remember that you can't change that. Disconnect when it's self-defeating, rather than beneficial.
Tell him, "It's great that we can chat and spend time together, but I want to be in a committed relationship. If you mind, that's fine. I can accept it, but we don't need to see each other again."
Step 2. Don't let him control you
If he always determines the schedule to meet/not meet, the activities you can/can't do, the people you can meet, etc., this makes you feel controlled by him. Plus, he's controlling you if he criticizes you a lot, makes you feel guilty, or forces you to do things you don't like.
- If you feel controlled, break up so you don't get hurt.
- Don't keep chasing him if he doesn't like you. It's better to back down than to clap one hand.
Step 3. Don't manipulate
He will be confused and wondering what you want if you say, "I need you and want to live with you, but I also want to date someone else." Say it plainly if your feelings change. Whether you like him or want to separate, tell him this honestly. Don't criticize or judge others so you can control them.
