Everyone can benefit from developing the ability to apologize. Apologizing for wrongdoing is a complex thing that requires social and emotional sensitivity. Regardless of heredity or upbringing (or both), men and women tend to have different expectations regarding the acceptance of forgiveness. Some of the factors to consider in showing a good apology to a guy are sincerity, brevity, regret, and a commitment to forget what happened and get back to the relationship.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Preparing a Good Apology
Step 1. Wait until you feel calmer after the fight with him
If adrenaline is still bubbling up inside of you, there's a good chance you won't be able to express your apology properly. Usually, guys will understand if you need time to be alone, even when you are on the guilty side.
For example, you could say, “I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. I think I need some time to cool off, but we can talk about this later."
Step 2. Show empathy
Try to think about how he feels. If you make a mistake, imagine how you would feel if the same thing happened to you. Empathizing with the person you hurt is an important part of the relationship "recovery" process.
Step 3. Don't be passive aggressive
A common mistake that women and men sometimes make in relationships is to "insert" an ulterior motive in the apology spoken. If you say, for example, "I'm sorry, but..," that's not a genuine apology.
Passive aggressiveness can take many forms, such as sarcasm (e.g. "I'm sorry, I'm not a good boyfriend") or throwing the blame (e.g. "I'm sorry. Because of me, you're hurt.")
Step 4. Bring up the topic of the problem you want to solve
After you've thought through and prepared an apology, you need to think about how to start a conversation with him. Wait until nothing distracts you, you're alone with him, and neither of you are in a hurry. You can strike up a conversation while driving long distances with him, or in the evening when the two of you are enjoying dinner. You could say, for example, "If this is a good time, I'd like to apologize for my mistake." Try to say what you mean without going overboard.
If he says that it's not the right time to talk about it, don't push yourself. Try to wait until you find a more appropriate time. If he feels that it's not the right time because he's still angry about the problem, briefly let him know that you understand and that you want to talk about it when he's ready or wants to talk about it
Part 2 of 3: Showing Regret
Step 1. Show remorse
Look him in the eye and say "I'm sorry", and explain why. It's important for you to reassure him that you realize you've hurt him. By telling her what happened, you can show that you are listening and considering her feelings/thoughts.
For example, if you're apologizing for yelling at him for something that wasn't his fault, you could say, “I'm sorry for yelling at you last night for something you weren't responsible for. I realize this action of mine makes you think I don't care about your feelings, and only use you to vent my anger."
Step 2. Take full responsibility for your actions
Instead of simply explaining the reasons behind your actions, try to refrain from immediately sharing your opinion or feelings about the situation. Finding and telling reasons for your behavior makes it seem like you're not really apologizing.
- For example, instead of saying “I'm sorry for being like that. I'm so upset about the problems at work and my head hurts that I feel irritated,” you might say, “I'm sorry for what I did. I have no right to be like that to you."
- If he wants to know why you are behaving like that, he can ask him directly. After that, you can explain why.
- Insincere apologies often reflect resentment at being “found out” about a mistake, not true regret.
Step 3. Accept the consequences
For example, by saying “I understand that you are having a hard time trusting me again,” you are helping her to understand that you have considered the impact your actions will have on her. It would be wise if you show him that you do not immediately expect forgiveness (absolutely) from him.
Step 4. Say your apology briefly
Cut the things you want to say into short, straightforward statements. Show remorse, understanding, and an acknowledgment of your mistakes without beating around the bush. This way, he has more time to say the things he needs to say, and avoids communication mistakes.
Part 3 of 3: Continuing the Relationship
Step 1. Suggest improvements
While this doesn't apply to all trivial mistakes, it can help you with more serious problems. The best way to suggest improvements is to tell them what you will do to change your bad behavior or habit in the future.
Another way to do this is to ask “What can I do to make the situation better?” After that, show that you will listen and consider the comments/responses
Step 2. Give him a chance to talk
Try to offer a short and sweet apology. Such an apology will sound "tidy" and allow you to have a better conversation with him. A good apology should take the form of a dialogue, not a monologue.
Step 3. Try not to get defensive
It's possible he's still angry with you. Therefore, it is important that you remain calm while apologizing. Listen and express the other's remorse (if necessary), but don't turn your apology into another argument.
Step 4. Re-continue the existing relationship
Stop talking about past problems when he accepts your apology. Men usually find it easier to accept an immediate apology and return to the relationship without a grudge. Therefore, don't bring up problems that have passed, unless they become a problem again.
