Apologies are usually quite complicated to deliver because they require one of the parties to admit their guilt. Meanwhile, sometimes it's hard for someone to do it. However, if you want to salvage your friendship with a guy friend, it's important that you apologize to him. Men (or men) are usually less emotional than women. However, they are still human beings with thoughts and feelings, and will appreciate any needed apology.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Admitting Mistakes
Step 1. Find out what makes your boyfriend angry
As soon as you realize that he is angry with you, you need to find out what you said or did that made him angry.
- You probably already know it, but if you haven't, take some time to recall your last actions and words to him. What words or actions might make him angry?
- If you can't figure out why he's angry with you, you need to ask him directly. You can't sincerely apologize for something you didn't realize was your fault (or something that turned out to be annoying).
Step 2. Realize that you did make a mistake
You've probably done things that upset him. An important step in giving a sincere apology is admitting to yourself that you did something wrong.
This may be difficult to do because many people do not easily admit that they are guilty (or did something wrong). However, it is a key component in expressing a sincere apology and repairing the friendship
Step 3. Understand why your mistakes upset him
It seems, you know your friend quite well. Another important aspect of apologizing to him is knowing why the wrong you did upset him.
- Did you offend his values or beliefs?
- Did you hurt her feelings?
- Did you lie to him?
- Did you offend other close family or friends?
- Did you physically hurt him?
Step 4. Decide how you would apologize to him
In general, an in-person apology is much preferable. However, if you can't apologize in person, the next best option is to write a personal apology letter or call him.
It's best not to send your apology via text message because this seems insincere. You're texting your friend because you don't have/want to take the time to apologize in person and don't value their friendship
Step 5. Make a plan to apologize to him once he has calmed down
If you want to apologize in person, ask if he can meet you for a chat the next day. If not, write him a letter or wait a day before calling him.
- It's a good idea for both of you to take some time to calm down and step back from the situation. Sometimes, apologies seem insincere and selfish when they are given immediately after the “incident” occurs. However, you also shouldn't wait too long because his annoyance can run high.
- While waiting, prepare your apology for him.
Part 2 of 3: Apologizing for Action
Step 1. Plan what you want to say to him
It is important for you to express your apology according to the words you have prepared. Usually, boys and men don't really like small talk. They are actually happier when you speak frankly.
- "I need to apologize for what I did."
- "I'm sorry for what I said that day."
- “I apologize for my attitude back then.”
- "I want to apologize for the way I treated you."
Step 2. Don't give reasons for your actions that upset him
Often times, this is only seen as an excuse for your behavior.
If you really need to give reasons for your actions, it's a good idea to keep stating the reasons that place the blame on you. For example, “I say mean things about you because I feel pressured to get along with other people.” Avoid statements like "Yeah, I know I shouldn't have said those things, but it's really your own fault."
Step 3. Take full responsibility for your actions
Sometimes, both of you are guilty of the feud or disagreement that occurred. However, when apologizing, it's best if you take responsibility for your actions.
- "I realized that I was wrong."
- "I know my actions were very rude, and you have no right to be treated like that."
- "I realized that I made a mistake."
- "I made a mistake and I admit it."
Step 4. Describe the steps you will take to pay for your mistake
When you hurt his feelings or upset him, sometimes he can lose trust in you. One way to rebuild his trust is to show that you really value the friendship and want to improve it.
- "I'll buy a replacement since I've already damaged your stuff."
- “I don't like it because they push me to bully someone so I can be friends with them. Therefore, I will stay away from them. I already have a good friend like you.”
- “I will apologize to your family too. What I said yesterday was very painful."
- “I will always be honest with you from now on. Our friendship means a lot to me.”
Step 5. Express your apologies to him
After you've prepared everything you want to say in the apology, express the request.
- Keep your promise to meet him in person, or make sure you call him. If you want to write him a letter, leave it somewhere he can easily find it or send it to him.
- Remember not to give excuses when you talk to him.
- Remain calm when apologizing. Crying will only make him feel guilty when you are the one who is actually at fault. Meanwhile, anger will only turn the conversation into a fight or argument.
- Let him cut you off when he's upset or want to say something, and don't react negatively if you don't like what he's saying. This shows him that you are serious and respect the friendship that is made.
Part 3 of 3: Moving On After Apologizing
Step 1. Accept it if your friend rejects your apology
Sometimes, he doesn't want to accept your apology. It is important for you to accept this.
- Don't be angry with him, and don't yell at him. He has the right to accept or refuse an apology, and if you really offended or hurt his feelings, he may not want to accept your apology.
- If your mistakes have destroyed your friendship, you must take responsibility for those mistakes.
- Don't beg him for forgiveness or ask what you can do to make up for your mistake. Instead, take the initiative to regain his trust by doing these things yourself.
Step 2. Show him that you mean your apology
When apologizing, you must mention one way you will pay for your mistake. Show your seriousness by keeping your promises.
- Do whatever it takes to pay for your mistakes without complaining. Complaining will only "undo" your apology and possibly make him feel guilty (or blamed).
- In fact, it seems even more important for you to keep your word when he refuses your apology because it can be a great way to show that you want to regain his trust.
Step 3. Let the quarrels that have occurred become an old story
After the apology is accepted and the feud is over, it's a good idea to make it a story in the past.
Don't bring it up over and over, regardless of whether he accepts or rejects your apology. If he accepts it, bringing up old problems will only become annoying and lead to new problems. If he refuses, bringing up the problem will usually only annoy him and move him further away from you
Tips
- Make sure your apology is short. You don't have to make long requests or letters. Say what needs to be said and live what comes after.
- Review the situation from his point of view to help you better understand why he's upset with you.
