There are times when we have to apologize, and often this is an unpleasant experience. Knowing how to apologize respectfully and sincerely is a very useful skill for a person in their professional and personal life. However, many people never really understand how to apologize in their entire life. The good news is, while this process isn't always easy, there are some great tips that can help you. Start by reading the following steps.
Step
Step 1. Find out what really makes you feel bad
When you have to apologize, know exactly what it's for. If not, there are risks that you have to face, ranging from the smallest of making someone feel humiliated, to the worst when your attitude makes others feel attacked. Emotions can often distort our perceptions in an argument or other stressful interaction, so seek an objective opinion from the other person (who is not involved) about what is really causing the disagreement. Reflect on your actions once you have calmed down by asking if you were being respectful and logical, or maybe your behavior was disrespectful? If you act out of anger, can this act be justified or not?
If you can still talk to the person you treated badly, try asking them what they think of the incident before you apologize. You may be surprised to learn that what you thought about the incident was different from what they thought
Step 2. Take the time and prepare yourself before apologizing
Apologies can never be delayed. Not being serious and not personal when apologizing shows disrespect and can lead to prolonged hostility. Even if you're very busy and you believe that what counts as a "negligence" is a relatively minor thing, make an effort to make time for personal apologies by seeing each other. Sit with the person who feels wronged in a quiet, private place so you can express your heartfelt apology without worrying about interruptions or distractions.
If for some reason you can't apologize in person, say so over the phone. The method is the same, set a schedule, not receiving phone calls, etc. Maybe you need to write with the right wording, composing a letter or email in a sincere tone. Text messages are not appropriate and should only be used when there is no other alternative to apologize
Step 3. Express your apology clearly and directly
When you're trying to apologize, don't try to evade or "excuse" by saying, "I didn't think it would turn out that way" or "There seems to be a misunderstanding between us" so that you can clear your mind. Instead, you should immediately apologize by saying "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry." This will show that you mean it and give your apology strength, even if it turns out to be rejected.
Apologizing can be very difficult to do! It is never easy to admit that we have done something reckless or evil because it means we are acknowledging the often denied truth that we are inherently imperfect. However, this is the only way if you really want to apologize
Step 4. Use polite and friendly body language
Show the change from inside your heart. Everyone expresses their emotions in a different way, some people show worry or worry on their faces, while others are more difficult to tell. Even if you are type 2, use your body and facial language to show the sincerity of your apology. Don't come across as arrogant, indifferent, or angry, but try to maintain eye contact and speak clearly and in a polite tone. Speak directly, don't talk about things they don't understand or think they don't understand, etc. Never demean or intimidate someone with hostile body language such as puffing out your chest or lifting your chin.
Step 5. Listen to them
Expressing an apology is not a one-way street, even if you are the one at fault. On the contrary, use this opportunity for a two-way dialogue. Let the person you've hurt share their grievances with. You have an obligation to respect and care for them.
Show your concern by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and responding to their questions or accusations in a polite manner. Also, try to remain quiet and attentive until they are done talking. Never interrupt their conversation because this will create tension and can lead to protracted hostility
Step 6. Show your desire to change
The most important aspect of apologizing is your commitment to acting in a different way after this, for example, no longer behaving in a manner that could cause arguments, break bad habits, or change your perspective. If you're still not trying to change, your apology isn't sincere, just a way of saying sorry for something, but not enough to do something about it. Make a commitment to make changes and do them well because if you really care about them, you will never hurt them again in any way.
Old habits are hard to break. You can promise to change, but actually changing is a completely different thing. We've all been there, promised to change our habits, and then made the same mistakes again. If you do, you'll have to apologize again, but be careful because too many pointless apologies can damage or even break your relationship
Step 7. Mark your sincerity (optional
) If you wish, a pretty gift or a heartfelt letter can ease any lingering hostility. As expensive as it may be, no gift can replace a sincere apology, so give a small, sincere gift instead of an extravagant one. Never use a gift so that you are forgiven. Remember, if you can buy someone's forgiveness, your relationship is not a close one.
Don't give gifts that are tempting or presumptuous. Instead, give them small, personalized gifts that are appropriate for them. A pretty little bouquet (no roses, unless you're in a romantic relationship) and notes isn't a bad idea. Never give money because this is the mafia's way of solving their problems
Step 8. Tell your story
Once you've been forgiven (and only after) you can begin to carefully explain why you were wronged. Don't try to exonerate yourself because you've done something wrong that hurt someone. Instead, try to explain why until you made a mistake. Maybe you need to be forgiven again, for example for a stupid assumption you made, for making a wrong judgement, or for letting your emotions get the better of you. When you explain, give them a chance to respond by providing their comments or arguments.
Again, remember not to make excuses for your mistakes. The best way to do this is to provide an explanation instead of an excuse
Step 9. Rebuild your bond slowly
With a sincere apology and a strong will to change, many friendships and relationships are restored, but this doesn't happen immediately after you apologize unless your mistake was relatively minor. Once you've regained the trust of the person you hurt, gradually rebuild your relationship with them. Re-do your habits that require trust or familiarity.
Give them freedom. Even if you've been forgiven, the situation can remain tense and awkward between the two of you. Usually someone will need time to trust you again. As a result, you may not be able to contact them as often and your relationship may become less intimate. Wait a week, a month, or longer for the situation to completely "recover."
Step 10. Know when you don't need to apologize
It's also worth pointing out that there are times when people will demand that you apologize which you shouldn't. So if someone asks you to apologize for something you didn't do, of course you have to keep your innocence. If you've reflected on this incident and feel certain that, it turns out, the other party is at fault, the two of you should probably discuss the matter immediately. Ultimately, if you have compelling reasons to believe that the aggrieved party was emotionally disturbed by the way you treated you, rather than simply not apologizing, you should seek help from a trusted friend or counsellor.
Usually you will know in your heart whether or not you are really at fault in a certain situation. If you have time to calm down, reflect on your actions honestly. If you don't feel guilty but continue to make excuses for your actions that you can't immediately justify, for example, you didn't actually mean to do what you did or the person demanding you apologize was overly sensitive, etc. maybe you need to reconsider their request
Tips
- Don't repeat the same mistakes.
- Give them enough time before performing these steps. Remember that friendships have to be good in order to live together.
- Make sure you don't give your friend any food, drink, and flowers that could cause allergies, so you don't run into any bigger problems.
