So you feel that a guy-perhaps a friend, boyfriend, or crush-is not into you anymore. Maybe he's starting to ignore you or refuse your invitations to go out together, so what to do? If it's difficult for you to approach her in person, you can try to win her over again with a text message. There are some important strategies you can use-read them to find out-and before you start, make sure that you really want to make up with them.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Knowing What's Wrong
Step 1. Think about what might have happened
Maybe he doesn't talk to you or hang out with you because he's angry about something you've done or because he's made new friends and is busy with other things.
- If he changes his attitude around you because he's no longer interested in being friends (dating or whatever), there's not much you can do about it. In such a situation, the problem is with him, not you.
- If you think he's angry, think about why. Usually a person gets angry when he feels that you did something that has a negative impact on him. So the first step to making up is knowing what you did to make him angry.
- Remember that sometimes what may seem like a small action or decision to us has a big impact on another person, so think not only of what you just did, but what actions might have a negative effect on him.
- Once you have an idea, you can begin to calm the situation.
Step 2. Get into his point of view
The key to getting someone to stop being angry or irritated is to show that you understand their point of view and acknowledge that what you do has an effect on them.
- Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he would feel. You have to be able to empathize and approach it with that empathy in mind.
- For example, for you, you were late to pick him up because of the traffic jam and you only realized you forgot to bring your cell phone halfway through. It's not a big deal and it should happen. But for him, he has to stand on the sidewalk for 45 minutes in the dark and cold when he's already told you what time you have to pick him up three times, and you promised you'd be there on time.
Step 3. Try to empathize
Once you get an idea of what kind of annoyance he's feeling, try to empathize with his feelings.
If you are late to pick him up, in addition to thinking about the situation from his point of view, also imagine what it must have been like. For example, he may feel like you're not making him a priority, you don't care about his discomfort or whether he has anything to do, and you broke your promise. Think about how you would feel if you were in the same position
Part 2 of 3: Apologizing
Step 1. Apologize
Apologize immediately and often. Admit that you were wrong (if you were) and take responsibility for your own actions.
- Say you were wrong and won't do it again (whatever it is). Then don't do it again.
- Don't use half-assed apologies, such as, "Sorry if you got mad." Those words place the responsibility on him and make you sound unapologetic. You just hope he's not mad.
- If he responds with an angry message that may be justified, you should apologize again. Keep apologizing if he retaliates with more anger. Just say, "Sorry, I was wrong."
Step 2. Show that you understand the impact of your actions
Apologizing or trying to explain that your intentions were good won't work.
- Saying sorry won't be enough. You have to show that you acknowledge the negative consequences of your actions and that you truly regret them.
- If he feels that you really understand why your actions angered him, chances are he will feel appreciated and begin to forgive you.
- Even if you think his feelings or reactions were unreasonable, apologize. If you want him to like you again, you need to make him see that you understand his feelings.
Step 3. Don't make the situation hotter
Even if you've already apologized, it won't be enough to get him to like you again if you also start saying things that will escalate the situation.
- For example, don't say anything that implies that you think his reaction is irrational or unreasonable. He'll feel like you're not really sorry and don't really understand the situation, then he'll get mad again.
- Don't bring up something he did to you in the past. Tossing each other and bringing up the blame will only make the situation worse. The problem will only drag on and he will be less willing to forgive you.
Step 4. Ask what you can do to make amends
Ask him for input to show that you listen to him and sincerely want to know what could improve the situation from his point of view.
For example, you might say, "I know you have to wait 45 minutes and you feel like you're not important to me. How do I make up for it?”
Step 5. Make him smile
Humor can eliminate anger. If you can make him laugh, or smile a little, the opportunity is open.
- Try self-deprecating jokes. If humor can dispel anger, self-deprecation will multiply its effect. So try mocking yourself or admitting your flaws.
- You can send a silly text, like, “I'm so sorry I'm late to pick you up. Well, we both know I'm a bit of a moron, and I hit at least five walls to get there."
- Or, you can send a more honest, but self-deprecating text, like, “You know I think the clock is a challenge, not a warning? Well, this time it's time to win."
Step 6. Show that you think about him
This is especially important if he's angry because he feels you're ignoring him or his needs, so remind him that you do think about him.
For example, you could send a message with a reference to something that reminds you of him (a bonus if it relates to your secret joke), such as, “I just saw the car with the Malang license plate, it reminds me of your childhood story there. I'm smiling to myself."
Part 3 of 3: Knowing When to Give Up or Back Down
Step 1. Know when to back off
Don't send too many messages. You should apologize, and if he doesn't respond right away or forgive you, back off.
- If you keep texting, all the good possibilities you might have will be forfeited because you seem to be distracting, not enticing.
- If he needs time to forget, give him the time he needs. Let him come alone when he's ready.
Step 2. Don't pressure him if he doesn't say why he's angry
If he doesn't tell you, it may be because he's so angry he can't talk about it or it's a way of getting attention. Whatever the case, you should ignore the problem and let him come to you.
- If he seems genuinely angry, but can't or won't tell you why, he may need some time to process and let his anger pass. Even if you don't know what you're doing and it makes you nervous, let it go. Don't insist on letting her know, give her the time she needs. When he's ready he'll come on his own and you can take care of it from there.
- If his anger doesn't seem real, he's probably just pretending to be angry to get attention, and the more often you ask what's wrong and what's going on, the more he'll take longer to take advantage of the situation. Just say that you don't know what's upsetting him and that you're sorry if he's upset because of something you did. Then, just be quiet and let him come alone when he's done trying to manipulate your attention.
Step 3. Know when to give up
If he's so angry that none of your attempts to empathize or apologize work, stop and wait.
- At this point, there's nothing you can do or say to get him to like you again, and you should back off.
- After some time has passed, his anger may lessen and he will come over when he is ready to talk. You can't force him to talk until he's ready, so your best bet is to wait.
Step 4. Know when your efforts won't work
If he's constantly angry about things you don't understand or think are unreasonable, consider whether the relationship is worth continuing.
- If being with him makes you sad more than happy, it may be best to just let it go.
- If he's rude to you when he's angry, verbally, emotionally, or physically, break up immediately.
Step 5. Play around a bit
If all else fails and he doesn't relent in whatever you've been doing, maybe you're better off having a little fun.
- The “make up app” lets you choose the gender of the person you want to make up with and what excuse you want him to use to forgive you. Of course, if your sincere efforts don't work out, the app probably won't bring better results, but it's worth a try. In the worst case scenario, you will be entertained by messages sent by the app on your behalf saying that you were kidnapped by Russians.
- Try to respond intelligently to his lack of response. If he doesn't reply to your message and you know he probably won't reply, it's a good idea to end with a climax message. You can send a hyperbole message (“I waited so long for your reply that a wild cat ate my face and hands and now I'm typing this with my toes and I'm going to be dead in two minutes.”) or send a meme or-g.webp" />
Step 6. Get on with your life
Don't dwell on the situation or stay up late thinking about what you've done or that he's a jerk.
Accept that he is angry and maybe the relationship will end. Start paying attention to your own life
Tips
- If he doesn't respond to your attempts to talk with a message, ask if he prefers to speak in person. Some people do need face-to-face interaction.
- Remember to be patient. You can't force people to stop being angry. If he's really angry, he needs time to get over it.
- Accept and acknowledge his feelings. Even if you think his behavior is unreasonable, acknowledge and accept his feelings. At least you have to do that if you want to make up.
- Know when to give up. If he doesn't want to forgive you, you can't force him. And the harder you try, the worse the situation becomes.
