If you feel like your relationship with your partner is in trouble or going through difficult circumstances, you may not know how to save them. Many couples experience times when they often clash or fail to work together as a team. Evaluating the relationship, improving communication with your partner and setting aside your schedule for quality time together can help save your relationship and ensure both of you will be able to get through these difficult times together.
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Part 1 of 3: Evaluating Your Relationship
Step 1. Find out if you are both committed to saving the relationship
It's important for both of you to commit to working together to improve the relationship and make it better than it was before. You can both agree to do this verbally as a way to show that you are both willing to put in the effort for the relationship. If your partner is unsure about his desire to save the relationship, you may need to reconsider how much this relationship means to him. A relationship can be difficult to save if both parties are not committed to it.
Step 2. Consider the reasons why you are still with your partner
Before starting the fight to save the relationship, you should sit back and ask yourself what attracted you to your partner in the first place and how these traits have changed or shifted. Taking a moment to re-evaluate your reasons for being in a relationship with this person can remind you why you still want to stay with him and try to renew your relationship.
You and your partner can also do this together. Be willing to engage in mutually constructive criticism and use "I" statements. For example: "I feel like we used to spend more time together. Now I feel like we hardly ever see each other," or "I think one of the big things I like about you is your energy and passion in life. But lately I feel like you're depressed and withdraw." Focus on the qualities you value and admire and then look for when or how these qualities began to fade in the relationship
Step 3. Rely on family and friends for perspective and advice
Sometimes it can be difficult to get perspective on your relationship, especially when you are emotionally involved in it. Talk to close friends and family who you trust and know you and your partner well. Discuss some of the problems you might be having and ask if they've had similar problems. They may be able to suggest certain tactics you can try to renew the relationship.
Remember that too many outside voices and opinions can end up causing your relationship to fall apart and lead to assumptions or biases between you and your partner. Listen to the advice of others, but take it with consideration. Remember that you only need to focus on communicating openly with your partner, rather than with the other people around you, to save the relationship from falling apart
Part 2 of 3: Improving Your Communication
Step 1. Try to be calm and respectful when you communicate with your partner
Maintaining a level of respect and emotional control when discussing relationship issues with your partner can be a difficult undertaking.
- Starting the conversation with understanding and respect for the other party will show that you want to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Avoid cursing or raising your voice at your partner when you are discussing issues in the relationship. Instead, try to be more honest and open about your feelings in a caring and loving way.
- Before talking to your partner, use a calming technique to initiate a calming response in your body. Deep breathing, meditation or even exercise before sitting down to talk can help you stay level-headed during awkward conversations.
Step 2. Be honest and be specific about how you feel
To improve communication with your partner, it's important that you try to avoid potential misunderstandings and miscommunication. One way to do this is to focus on being candid, candid, and specific about your feelings and desires for your partner. If you feel your partner is ignoring your relationship, you should be honest and forthright about how and why this is causing you trouble.
- This step could be as simple as saying, "I feel like we haven't seen each other much lately and I miss being by your side, just the two of us." Then you can suggest going to a restaurant for a romantic evening just the two of you. Your intentions are clear to your partner and you can be assured of trying to communicate with your partner.
- Likewise, when there are disagreements, try to focus on exactly what makes you angry or upset rather than trying to discuss all your problems at once. If you feel like you're not spending enough time together, focus the discussion on ways you can see each other more often and make time for each other. If the dispute is about homework, such as removing garbage bags, focus the discussion by suggesting that you both know why taking out the trash is important.
- Avoid letting the trash discussion become about how your partner is not paying attention to household chores or how lazy or inattentive your partner is. Work through one problem at a time so that both of you don't get overwhelmed and the disagreement doesn't escalate into a screaming fight.
Step 3. Listen actively
Active listening means listening to and responding to someone in a way that promotes mutual understanding. Instead of viewing a conversation with your partner as a competition or a war to be won, think of the conversation as an opportunity to learn and a way to better understand your partner's background. This will allow you to view the conversation with your partner as a way to listen attentively, instead of talking to him or her or ignoring what he has to say.
To listen actively, focus your attention on your partner and let them finish without being interrupted. Then you need to repeat what the other person said in your own words. While you don't necessarily agree with what your partner is saying, it will show that you understand what he's saying and are willing to discuss his opinion in a healthy exchange of thoughts and feelings, rather than in an argument
Step 4. Be willing to acknowledge your partner's point of view
Actively listening to your partner is only half of effective communication. The other half is acknowledging your partner's point of view, reflecting on his feelings and discussing possible ways to resolve the conflict. This could be an open discussion when you both talk about ways you can adjust each other's routines and schedules to accommodate each other, or it could be a way out of conflicts that you raise and then discuss with your partner. The important thing is to show that you respect your partner's point of view and are willing to work together to find a possible solution to the problem.
For example, your partner may not like you working late and not coming home until late at night. After your partner is done talking, respond by saying "What I get is that you prefer if I come home early at night and don't work very long so we can spend more time together. I also want us to spend more time together. I have to overtime because there's a deadline coming up but I'd like to take you out to dinner this weekend so we can spend the night alone." This response shows that you are listening to what your partner has to say and that you are providing a way to resolve the conflict. You take responsibility for your actions and are sympathetic to your partner's perspective
Step 5. Seek therapy or counseling if necessary
Sometimes, you may need to see a therapist or counselor to help open up some of the emotions and feelings that are threatening your relationship. Find a therapist or couples counselor you can trust and feel comfortable being honest about in their presence. Oftentimes, going to therapy together can be the first step in showing your commitment to saving the relationship.
You may also want to consider going to therapy alone if you are experiencing personal issues that could be affecting the relationship. Examining your own problems can help release feelings of anger, anxiety or stress that you are bringing into your relationship with your partner
Part 3 of 3: Spending Quality Time Together
Step 1. Come up with a quality outing together
One of the main reasons why couples have problems is that one party feels the other is not putting enough time and effort into the relationship. Make time for your partner and make sure he makes time for you by sitting quietly and coming up with plans for outings and activities you can do together. Focus on creating quality time when you both have the opportunity to interact, talk, laugh and work together in a fun way.
It can be as simple as spending a special evening at a classy restaurant or together on a hike to your favorite nature activity. Make an effort to combine activities that you both enjoy and be willing to try new or different things together. This will keep the time you spend together interesting and enjoyable for both of you
Step 2. Make a commitment to date once a week
If you are both very busy with your respective careers and schedules, you may need to pick one day of the week that is the official date night. That means, no matter what office events or work commitments you have, you're just doing something alone, with no one else around that night. Having a set time for dates will make it easier for you to plan events or activities and let both of you know when you will have a chance to spend time alone together.
Once you've agreed on a special night for the date, avoid skipping or skipping the date night. Committing to this time means that you are willing to set aside other possible activities for your partner and stick to the mutually agreed upon quality time
Step 3. Surprise your partner with a unique date
If you're trying to make your partner more interested in the relationship and renew your commitment to each other, plan a surprise date in a unique setting.
