If you have a sinking feeling that your relationship is in danger of failing, then it's time to reflect on your relationship and try to save it -- if it's worth keeping. If you want to know how to save your relationship, you need to re-examine your relationship and start fixing all your problems as best you can. If you want to know how to save your relationship, just follow these steps.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Meditation
Step 1. Think about what went wrong
Take time to go out for a walk or write in your diary to think about what went wrong in the relationship. Before you start talking about it with your partner, you need to take some time to really think about the length of your relationship, how things have changed, and what is putting the relationship at risk.
- This could be easy. There could be one big reason: maybe you or your lover was unfaithful, and that changed the dynamics of the relationship. Maybe your boyfriend is also so depressed that he lost his job that he can't give you the love you need.
- Most of the time, there may not be one exact reason you can find, but a number of reasons why it doesn't work. A lot of little things can start to add up -- for example, maybe he's spending too much time with his friends, or you never make time for each other, and you're both stressed at work.
- Maybe you guys are starting to get along. It is possible that you have been together so long that you become different people during the relationship.
- Maybe a lack of affection or passion. Maybe you and your boyfriend aren't passionate about each other anymore.
Step 2. Have an honest conversation with your lover
After you've taken the time to reflect on your relationship, it's time to sit down with your lover to discuss the course of your relationship. This possibility had been a problem for some time, so he wouldn't be surprised. In any event, you must find the right time and place to open a discussion about your relationship.
- Start by letting your lover talk. Let him say what he thinks has gone wrong or not, and discuss whether you agree or not.
- The methodical one. Even if it hurts, talk about all the things that went wrong.
Step 3. Decide if your relationship is worth fixing
Many relationships end for good reasons, and it's time for you to decide if you're still willing to work things out before you move on. Maybe you really love and care about each other and want things to get better -- or maybe there are just too many problems to deal with.
- If someone else's infidelity is the root cause, talk about whether your partner can really get over it. While many people can forgive a cheater, many others can never forget it.
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Decide if you see a future in each other. When you think about the future, is your lover in it? If you can't see each other together long term, then it might be time to leave.
Save a Relationship Step 3Bullet2 - Decide if you can go through external factors. Perhaps you are unhappy that one of you is recovering from a death in the family, the loss of a job, or the unhappiness of living in a new and unfriendly place. See if this will always be a big source of trouble in your relationship or if you can get through it.
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Decide if you two really care about and love each other. If you're still filled with love and affection and want to fix it, then it's time to start making plans.
Save a Relationship Step 3Bullet4
Step 4. Make a play plan together
It is important that this is a two-person process, and that both of you and your partner are committed to making a lasting relationship. Once you've both decided that you want to save the relationship, then you need to start making plans for moving forward. Whatever you've been doing is clearly not working, so it's time to find a new way to make your relationship work.
- Decide if you want to see a relationship counselor. This is a great way to have an objective view of how to make things better.
- Decide how you will begin to address whatever is at the heart of the relationship problem.
- Take time to work on the relationship. Incorporate “couple time” into your busy schedule and make sure to stick to your routine.
Method 2 of 3: Bridging the Communication Gap
Step 1. Learn to open up again
Many relationships fail because partners stop sharing their thoughts and details about their daily lives with each other. One day, you may decide not to tell your boyfriend about something wrong at work, and the next, you may start to feel like you have nothing to talk about anymore.
- Be honest. Learn to share your fears, anxieties, and insecurities with your loved ones once again. But don't forget to share the positive things in your life too. If you're really excited about a new career or a new friendship, don't stand still.
- Share down to the small details of your day. Gently let your loved one come back by talking about what you did that day, how your work week went, or what happened to your friends.
- Take time to open up. You should have time to open yourself up every day, whether at night, before bed, or even during a long midday commute.
Step 2. Try to compromise
Many relationships fail because both people feel it's better to be right than happy. But if you're going to save your relationship, you have to work on reaching common ground with your partner and discussing major decisions in a way that takes both into account.
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Make big decisions together. If you want to make things work, never make big decisions without considering your loved ones.
Save a Relationship Step 6Bullet1 - Have a rational discussion before any major decisions. Sit down and discuss your point of view, even making a list of your reasons for wanting to make a certain decision. Learn to balance your desires, and see if you can find a way that makes both of you happy. If your loved one gets in the way, understand why his decision is important to him.
- Make sure both know how to compromise. Don't be the one who always gives up, and don't be the one who always gets in the way too.
Step 3. Stop fighting
Many relationships fall apart because couples spend a lot of their time fighting over everything from which toothpaste brand to use to how they can spend time with each other. If you're going to be successful, you've got to learn to stop fighting all over the place, and handle disagreements in a calm manner.
- Don't scream. Raising your voice will never accomplish anything but make the other person angry.
- Learn to speak calmly and slowly. You'll be able to communicate your thoughts better if you don't rush.
- Learn to listen. Part of the reason people scream is because they feel like their side of the story isn't being heard. Take turns speaking and voicing your anxiety instead of speaking directly all at once.
- Don't invite a fight. Don't start a fight just because you feel angry about something. This will only make it worse.
Step 4. Don't be passive-aggressive
If something is really bothering you, then talk about it instead of holding it in. If you don't share anything that's wrong, you're only going to make it worse by getting angry, staying silent, and taking your anger out on your partner without him knowing why. While it may be tempting to be secretly angry because it's easier than having a conversation, it's not going to make it any easier for you.
- If you think your partner is passive-aggressive, ask him what's wrong. Be open about this, and expect him to tell you how he feels.
- Don't write your feelings down in a note or e-mail -- this is also passive-aggressive and avoids real communication.
Method 3 of 3: Reconnecting
Step 1. Find a new interest to pursue together
You need to make your old relationship feel fresh, and one way to do that is to find something completely new that you and your partner can do together to make you feel like you're slowly crawling out of your relationship rut.
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You can even find new TV broadcasts to follow; even if it's just a small step, watching it every week will give you something to look forward to, and you can hug each other while you watch.
Save a Relationship Step 9Bullet1 -
Find a new hobby to do together. Dance, paint or even a karate class, and have fun improving your skills together every week.
Save a Relationship Step 9Bullet2 - If you're the brained type, start your own book club. Read a new book every month and meet over dinner to discuss it.
- Physical exercise together. Go to the gym, hike, or go for a walk together to get your blood pumping while you reconnect.
Step 2. Make time for romance
Put "date night" into your schedule, and make sure you both look good looking, smell good, and feel healthy before going out together. You should try something new every week on your date night, and take some time to cuddle and let each other know how much you mean to each other. No matter how busy you are, you should always make time to put the spark back into the waning flame.
- Write sweet notes to each other telling each other how you feel at least once a week. Leave in an unexpected location.
- Part of making time for romance means putting the passion back into making love -- make an effort to make love more often, try new things, and make love because you really want to, not because you have to cross it off your to-do list.
Step 3. Go on a trip
While vacations aren't a long-term solution for every relationship, they can be a great way to get a new perspective on your love, find your passion in a new environment, and just get it out of your head. Go on the trip you've been wanting for a long time, or just take a quick weekend getaway to clear your head.
- Try a truly exotic location. The more you feel out of your comfort zone, the more you will rely on each other.
- If you're taking a long vacation, you can reconnect by just sitting down and planning all the fun things you'll do when you get there.
Step 4. Do something you enjoy doing together
While feelings can change, you should take the time to do something you used to love doing together, no matter how stupid it seems. If you used to love to cook Chinese food together, give it another try. If you've trained once for a half marathon but you're not feeling well now, commit to this challenge.
Maybe you just like going to your favorite bar once a week to share a beer and play billiards. Either way, give it another try to see how it tastes
Step 5. Take a trip down memory lane
Take the time to look at old photos, talk about old memories, or even laugh about the crazy person you used to know. If you have a favorite band that you haven't heard in a while, play your favorite song. See if you can have fun quizzing each other on the old memories you've shared.
- Go through the old keepsake box and talk about all the fun things you used to have.
- Read the old emails that you used to send to each other a lot when you were still feeling more enthusiastic.
- If you're feeling really nostalgic, take a trip to the place where you first met, or visit some old places. This will make your eyes misty over your old love.
Step 6. Start something new
Down memory lane and doing all the things you love will help you reconnect, but in the end, you can't just drag on from the past and have to work on making a new future together. Imagine what kind of person you want to be, individually and collectively, and work on building new relationships that can draw on all the old things that worked while overcoming the things that failed.
Tips
- Often the best way to solve a problem is not to put it into words but to do only what you know will help. That is, not approaching your partner and saying "We have a problem, let's discuss it and work it out." Make the effort before you say it. People often feel angrier when they have to face the fact that you two have a problem.
- Showing love and affection only helps.
