Of course it's going to be harder to get your woman back than it is to start a new story with another woman, but when you know you have an amazing relationship, you deserve it back. Even if the woman decides to break up with you, or you decide to break up and realize that it was a big mistake, here are some steps you can try to ignite the fire of your romance with your woman first. If you want to get him back, give him a moment, make him want you back, and avoid the same mistakes. If you want him back and really want to keep him, follow these steps.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Stay Away
Step 1. Give your ex a moment
If you want him to come back to you, the dumbest thing you can do is to call him all the time, text him every 2 seconds, or even follow him wherever he goes. Give him a moment, let him enjoy his solitude, and let his emotions flow.
- Your maturity will be seen when you can be patient by giving the woman a moment. The he will respect your decision more, and you can also do something else first while your woman is thinking.
- You don't need to completely cut off contact with him. You can still check on him every now and then, as long as you don't look like you're stressed out that you can't hear his voice anymore.
- If he invites you to interact, respond as usual but don't think that this is the right time to pursue him again or he will turn away from you again. Calm your mind.
- You don't have to completely stay away from him 100%, but you don't have to go to a place where you have a lot of memories with him. Think that this is the right time for you to gather with your friends before finally trying to catch up again.
Step 2. Reflect on what went wrong
If you want him back, then you need to think about whatever caused your relationship to end, and make sure you don't make the same mistake again. Whether you're too controlling, too distant, rarely call him, rarely give news, and others. Maybe it's something as simple as you can't get along with his female friends, or maybe he doesn't understand your hobbies. Whatever it is, now is the time for you to dig deeper to find out the root of the problem.
- Make a list of the problems that occur in the middle of your relationship. Then think about which problems have made your relationship end.
- You and your ex may have discussed the matter before you broke up, or maybe you think your relationship ended for some reason that had absolutely nothing to do with anything.
- When you know the root of the problem, make sure that the problem is a problem that you can solve. For example, if your main problem is differences in beliefs, or that you live in different locations that cannot be measured by distance, of course it will be difficult to overcome.
Step 3. Make a plan to solve the main problem
Before you finally decide to start talking to your ex again, you have to think of a way to talk it over with him. When you've found a way, you can start to improve slowly. If the problem is relatively easy, lucky you, but there are also some problems that will take a long time to solve.
- If you don't have the confidence to solve the problem, then you need more time to review and reflect on what you could do.
- If your problem is jealousy, then all you need to do is increase your trust in your partner and reduce your paranoid thoughts.
- If the problem is a lack of quality from your partner, then you have to think again about how you can accept these shortcomings, or how you can change them for the sake of mutual happiness.
Step 4. Improve yourself
Everyone can use self-improvisation, and when is the right time to do it? When you are away from him, you have to spend your time on self-development, so that you become more mature. This will certainly help you in your pursuit of him.
- You may not be able to finish it in a week, but at least you should start.
- Make a list of things you and your ex often argue about that you would like to work on together. See how many you can write down, or try to focus on the one problem you can most quickly fix.
- If your ex complains that you're a mess, then take the time to tidy up your room.
- If your ex complains that you are often late, then try to commit that you will always come on time when you have made an appointment with him or someone else.
Step 5. Enjoy your time
You don't have to spend all your “alone time” just to develop yourself to get it back. Instead, enjoy reading, practicing, or doing your hobby. If you are comfortable with yourself, then your ex will immediately find out when you are in touch with him again. This is important for you to do before you try to return to a more serious relationship later.
- If you look busy doing your hobby, your ex will definitely see that, whether he sees you reading your favorite book in a coffee shop, if he sees you doing something that makes you look comfortable, he will be impressed.
- Doing something you love will make you a pleasant person. When you get back with your ex, you will have a lot to talk about.
Method 2 of 3: Make him want you again
Step 1. Let him see that you are enjoying your solitude
If you want your ex to want you again, then he has to see you through to the end. After a long time, a few weeks, or at least it's time to return to his circle of friends. If he finds out that you're sitting at home miserable because of it, he's sure to dislike you even more than when he sees you having fun and laughing with your friends.
- Go to a place where he wouldn't think you'd be there. When you see him, stop for a moment and make a chat with your friend, but don't approach him. Instead, enjoy your chat and get him to join in on your fun.
- Whatever you do, make sure a smile always radiates from your face and you seem to be enjoying your time without him in the middle of your activities.
- If you know you're going to meet her, you should try to look a little happy without making her suspect that she's trying to hide your feelings.
Step 2. Get the hearts of his friends
Perhaps the main reason your relationship ended was that his friends thought you weren't trying to hang out with them, or they thought that you didn't care enough about your ex to make your relationship seem worth keeping. So, if you want to get him back to you, winning the hearts of his friends can help you to pave the way. Here are things you can do:
- When you meet his friends, try to appear friendly with them. Just for them to see how good a person you are, and move on with your life.
- You can even directly ask his friends about your ex. Let them know that you still care about your ex.
Step 3. Slowly approach the him again
After you finally try to "get close" to him, now is the time for you to really approach him. Start by talking to her, ask her how she's doing, and find out what's been on her mind lately. Let him know that you care for him without any intentions. Whether you meet him at the college library or talk to him at a coffee shop, slowly find a way to get you into his life again.
Whether you're talking to him on the phone or meeting him in person, invite him to just hang out with you. But make it like a regular invitation. When you've met him, do not show too romantic feelings. Just make him miss you without telling him how you feel
Step 4. Be hard to come by
If you really want to get back together, then you have to try even harder. It's true, you've taken him to a coffee shop, maybe a movie together, or even called him a lot in the last few days, but that doesn't mean you've always been there for him.
- If you are in a group, try to talk to another girl, just to make her a little jealous. Don't overdo it. You definitely don't want him to think you really have forgotten him.
- If he asks you to go out, don't immediately say yes to his invitation. Make a scenario as if you are busy and try to invite him to join you.
- If you are with your friends, try to text them once or twice. Make him guess who you are chatting with.
Step 5. Show the changes in your life
Now is the time for you to show the changes that have occurred in yourself. Don't do things that used to make him angry with you. If he is often angry because your car used to be dirty, now when you offer to take him home you can say, "Is my car clean now, right?"
- Do whatever it takes to show how much you have changed into a better person.
- Just don't change completely, always remember so that he can still accept your shortcomings and can appreciate it when you are with him again.
Step 6. Make sure he's interested
Before you shoot him again, you need to be sure that your plan to get back with him will work. You need to be able to read the green light signal, whether he just thinks you're a friend or he wants to get back together with you too. To do this, you need to read his gestures and words.
- Pay attention to his body movements when he is with you. Does he make eye contact, suddenly looks at the floor when he looks embarrassed and leans back when talking to you? If so, then he may want to be closer to you.
- Notice how he compliments your changes or is just a casual judgment. If so, maybe he wants to start something new with you.
- Also know if he is with someone, or if he is just close to you alone.
- Listen to her every word, whether she mentions her next date and when you take her to see her favorite movie.
Step 7. Express your feelings
If you are sure that he wants to get back into a relationship with you, then this is the time for you to express your feelings. Find a time where you are alone, whether it's when you're on a date or you've prepared your own scenario, say how much you miss him and hope to fill the void in your heart again.
- Show the struggle you have gone through to get his heart back, tell him that you have overcome the problems that used to make your relationship broken and it will not happen again.
- Tell him that you spent all this time just to be a better person. Let him see that you are trying to start something new with him.
Step 8. Start dating again
When the fire of romance that once went out has now rekindled, then now is the time to celebrate, but don't overdo it. Always remember to take things slowly, be a real man and use your time to maintain a better relationship. Enjoy your date, tell each other how you feel, kiss and cuddle, and spend time together creating new stories.
- Do not rush. Don't start something new by seeing him every day, but start by doing it once or twice a week. You definitely don't want to bore him with having to see you every day at the start of your new relationship.
- Go out together, compliment him on what he has, make him feel special, and let him feel how lucky you are to be in a relationship with him again.
Method 3 of 3: Take Care of Her Heart
Step 1. Start a new story
Don't look too much into your past story. Instead, try to start a new story and enjoy every second with him as if it were your first time having a story with him. Although of course you can still tell each other about the story you used to be with him, don't try to argue with him. Build the foundation of your new story with stronger mutual trust.
- If you spend time discussing the past, you will not be able to enjoy the future with the present.
- Even though you can now do the things you love together again, you'll also have to do something new too, survey restaurants that have just opened or go places you've never been together.
Step 2. Don't do old habits
Now you have started a new story, but of course you still remember the things that once made your relationship end first. If you suddenly fight again, are disappointed in your lover for some reason, or you have the same feelings that led you to finally break up, remember to look inside yourself and try to deal with it with a cool head.
Find a way that you can suppress the negative feelings. If you feel jealous again, remind yourself that you may lose your lover again if you can't control your feelings
Step 3. Don't think too much about it
It's important to avoid old habits, but don't waste all your time trying to make the same mistakes again. Find a balance between enjoying your new story and hopefully improving the quality of your current relationship. If you worry too much about bad things that might happen again, you are indirectly sabotaging your chances of being happy.
- Focus on your happy moments as you learn not to repeat the same mistakes.
- You must work together to maintain your relationship this time, trust each other and fill each other's shortcomings.
Step 4. Always be yourself
While it's very important to make a meaningful change in your relationship this time, don't go too far so you don't really change into someone else's personality. Your boyfriend should still like a lot about you despite his flaws, so don't forget to enhance the positive qualities you've learned so far.
- If you change yourself too much, then your lover will definitely say it. He should already know you inside and out and when you seem to change he will notice it right away.
- It doesn't matter if you admit your mistakes, as long as you can show the commitment to change for the better.
