Most people have had problems with their best friends, and sometimes those situations make you feel like you've lost your best friend forever. Fortunately, best friends usually make up because they care about each other. The situation may seem difficult, but try to stay positive. Regardless of whether you fight with him, he meets someone else, or he has to move to another place, you can get your dearest friend back.
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Method 1 of 3: Discussing the Problem
Step 1. Tell him how you feel
Like you, he may miss you too, but one of you has to express those feelings first. Tell him how much you miss him, and reassure him that he is an important part of your life.
- You can say, “You are like my brother. Without you, I feel like I've lost a member of my family."
- If he's been spending a lot of time with his new friend or partner, let him know that you want his time too. Explain that you understand that the new person is important to him and emphasize that you have no intention of separating them. You can say, “I'm glad you found someone who can make you happy. I just miss spending time with you.”
- Be honest with him even if you feel embarrassed. You could say, “I've been feeling sad lately because you're my best friend. Usually I chat with you every day, but lately I guess you're too busy to make time for me."
Step 2. Don't be prejudiced
There are several things that might make your best friend pull away from you. So don't feel like you're missing him just because he doesn't reply to your messages or can't spend time with you. Maybe he's going through a tough time or a time-consuming condition that doesn't have much time to socialize.
- Realize that he also has other activities or needs that have nothing to do with you or other friends.
- If he's been spending a lot of time with other people, think about things that allow him to fill the "emptiness" that you can't fill. For example, your best friend and new person may be both divorced (or divorced), share the same cultural background, or have to care for a sick family member.
Step 3. Apologize to him
If you did something wrong, apologizing is the first step to repairing your friendship with him. Saying "I'm sorry" is not enough. You must express your apology in detail and specifically. Even if you don't feel guilty, maybe you should take heart and be the first to apologize.
- Show him that you are aware of your actions and the faults of those actions.
- Say, “I'm sorry for forgetting your birthday. I know you are very offended because I too would be disappointed if you forgot my birthday.”
Step 4. Begin your question with the word “I”
Don't say anything to "represent" the two of you or project your feelings onto your best friend. You two may have different views on what's going on and your goals, and those differences don't matter. What's important is that both of you can share your feelings or opinions about the situation and understand each other.
Avoid statements like “You never listen to me!”. Instead, try saying, "I feel like you never listen to me, and that pisses me off."
Step 5. Take responsibility for your actions
When apologizing, resist the urge to explain the reasons for your behavior or behavior. Don't make excuses, regardless of how much you justify what you did and the situations in your life. There is no reason to hurt your friend, just as your best friend has no reason to hurt you.
- For example, don't say, "I'm sorry I forgot about your birthday party. I was very busy last week and didn't notice the time.” Even if they're true, they can weaken your apology by implying that you feel that your behavior has justification.
- Say, "I know what I did was wrong."
Step 6. Don't throw errors
Regardless of who started the fight or what sparked the argument, focus on making up. Think about how much you wish you had in your life, and remind yourself that pointing out who's at fault will only make the situation worse.
- Avoid questions like "I'm sorry that you feel that way" because it can throw the blame on him. The question seems to show that your behavior is not problematic, and the reaction is overreacting.
- If you feel like he's blaming you unfairly, try saying something like, “I think you feel that it's all my fault. Is that true?" If he admits it, you can clear up the misunderstanding or come up with a defense.
Step 7. Propose steps to resolve the issue at hand
Talking to him can heal the hurt, but it may not be enough to repair the friendship. Make suggestions on things to do together, including next steps. Restoring a friendship takes work, and your apology will feel more sincere and serious if you show him that you have a plan.
Invite him to watch popular movies together. You can spend time together without having to chat a lot. After that, you can have topics to discuss together afterwards, without feeling the pressure of looking for neutral topics
Method 2 of 3: Giving Him Space and Time
Step 1. Limit contact with him
If he says he needs to be alone, listen to his wishes. He may need some time to calm down, think things over, and recover from the hurt. Calling, sending messages and e-mails, and nagging him constantly won't fix things. Instead, you will make the situation worse.
- Show polite interactions. If you see him at school or work, accept his presence with a smile, a wave, or a nod of your head.
- Don't mistake this for coldness. Make sure you stay open and willing to give your presence for him.
- Don't ask other friends for information about it, and don't ask them to take sides.
Step 2. Don't rely too much on it
Let him make his own decisions about where he wants to go and the people he can be friends with. When you feel like you're about to lose a best friend, you may be tempted to shower them with lots of attention, but this can actually backfire. If you act as if he shouldn't have another person in his life, he'll pull further and further away from you and your attempts to control him.
- If he seems busier than usual, find other activities that can keep you busy so you don't become too dependent or "sticky" to him.
- If you are jealous of the new relationship, remember that eventually you will find a new partner or friend.
Step 3. Try a new activity
Instead of sitting and thinking about how much you miss your best friend, distract yourself by having fun and doing the thing you've always wanted to try. If you're running out of ideas, check your city's calendar of upcoming events or visit your local hobby supply store.
Step 4. Meet new people
You really shouldn't be in a hurry to find a replacement for your best friend. However, start making new friends. You also shouldn't "appoint" new people as your best friend or invite them to spend time alone. However, try to open yourself up so you can get to know other people.
- Join a specific club.
- Spend time with other friends.
- Have a party.
Step 5. Realize the right time to let it go
Sometimes, when someone asks for space or time, in the end he really wants to stay away from you forever. Even though it's hard to let go of the loss of a friend, you need to do it in order to get back up. Think of this as a lesson that will help you build better friendships in the future. Reflect on what ended the friendship, and “use” the lesson to choose another friend in the future.
- Cry. As with death, it's important that you grieve the loss of your friendship so you can get through it. Crying is a natural and important reaction so you don't have to feel embarrassed or upset to show it.
- Even if you don't get the final say from him, say hello by writing a farewell letter that you don't need to send. You can also do your own farewell ritual if you want.
Method 3 of 3: Rebuilding Friendship
Step 1. Ignore the rumors circulating
Gossip will only ruin your friendship. If someone is badmouthing your friend, ask him to stop. Don't listen when other people say that your best friend is badmouthing you behind your back. Even if it's true, rumors circulating will not help improve your friendship.
You can say, "I don't want to hear it."
Step 2. Forgive and forget
Restart friendship without revenge. Once the problem is solved, don't punish him, act cold, or bring up mistakes he made in the past as your "weapon". Forget it and get up.
- Focus on the future.
- If you're having the same problem as before, refrain from being mean to your friend instead of jumping to conclusions about it.
Step 3. Invite him to spend time with other friends
When rebuilding friendships, you may feel awkward. By spending time with other friends, you can enjoy being together more calmly when your emotions are still stiff.
- Invite your friends to have dinner together.
- Search for community and school events, and choose events that relate to things you both share an interest in.
Step 4. Understand that the presence of a new relationship is inevitable
If your best friend meets someone else, don't see it as the end of your friendship. One of you will find a new partner or best friend first. If he finds it first, it may be difficult for you to accept the new dynamic in the friendship, but realize that the same situation happens to everyone.
- Don't see it as a rejection. Your friend is not trying to replace you. He just found a new figure who also suits him.
- Your friendship may change, but it doesn't end.
- Interact with the new person. Have an open mind and try to get to know the new person. If the person is your best friend's new lover, be happy for her happiness and make her believe that she can share her feelings or complain to you.
Step 5. Find other ways to spend time together
If your best friend is in a new situation that has forced her away from you (e.g. a sick relative, the birth of a child, or work/school responsibilities), find other ways to make it easier for you to keep up with her schedule or daily life. Because his life changes, your moments together will change. However, show him that you are still valuable in his life.
- Visit him at lunch time.
- Join him in activities he regularly participates in (eg certain classes at the gym).
- If he's in a new relationship, remind him that you want to spend time alone with him too. Say, for example, “I know that your new boyfriend is a great person. However, would you mind having lunch alone with me this weekend?”
Step 6. Do a favorite activity
Take the time to rekindle your friendship by doing things you both enjoy (especially those that make your friendship unique). Activities like this will remind you of the good times you've had together, and will help you forget the problems you've had. For example, if you enjoy singing, try visiting karaoke.
Tips
- Show him that you really love him.
- Calm down before talking to him again.
- Keep in touch with him and remind him that he is your best friend.
- Make sure he knows that you're still thinking about him, even if you try to give him some time and space to be alone.
- If you're the one who started the conflict, meet him. Tell him the truth. Say that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings.
- Try to see the situation from his point of view.
- If he still doesn't want to be friends, let him go. Even though it's hard, it's all for your good.
- If you feel that he's angry with you, ask him how he's feeling or how he feels once, then leave him alone for a while. He may need to calm down a bit.
- Ask someone you can trust, such as a parent or sibling.
- If he makes a new friend, don't be rude or mean to his friend. Explain how you feel to him, and invite him to try activities that can be done together.
Warning
- Don't make yourself sound angry or jealous when dealing with it.
- Never intentionally make him jealous or envious.
- Being rude to your best friend's new friend or lover will only create new problems. If someone is with your friend, he is with you.
- Don't apologize, then just ignore your best friend.
