You and your partner may have been happy before, before doubt entered your mind. Then, you start to worry about whether you guys are really good for each other. Is your partner attracted to other people? If you don't address this issue, your relationship could fall apart. Overcome doubt in your relationship by approaching the source, your partner, and finding the confidence you desire.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Gaining Peace of Mind
Step 1. Express your fears
Holding on to your feelings will only fuel your doubts. Dispel doubts by expressing your feelings to your partner. Be honest with him and tell him what's bothering you.
You could say, "You never discussed our future and that makes me doubt how you feel about me."
Step 2. Ask for reassurance from your partner
After expressing your fears, ask for support and reassurance from your partner. You can even ask him to show you how much he loves you again, or ask for affectionate gestures, such as hugs and kisses.
- You can also ask for something like “I need to hear from you that I'm your top priority. Would you say it to me?"
- Be careful not to ask for too much reassurance so as not to appear possessive of your partner.
Step 3. Work together to find a solution
Determine the partner's behavior that causes your doubts. Then, think together to find a way to overcome it.
- For example, if you feel doubtful because your partner keeps putting aside important discussions to discuss your future, have an honest conversation and find a middle ground.
- If doubts arise after a big fight, try going into couples therapy and learning better problem-solving skills.
- Express how you enjoy sharing and receiving love. For example, some people like to do things for their loved ones to show their feelings, while others like to compliment and express their love for their partner. Everyone has their own “love language”, you both need to know that you love each other so that there are no misunderstandings.
Step 4. Prioritize time together
Doubts can run through the mind when the couple no longer spends much time alone and share affection. Taking more time to restore your intimacy and affection can help dispel doubts.
- Take a look at your schedule and decide on a few days or nights per week to spend time with just the two of you.
- Turn off your phone and let your partner know that it's time to be alone, to maximize the quality of your time.
Step 5. Give feedback on the partner's efforts
When your partner tries to change their behavior and make you feel more secure in the relationship, show appreciation for their progress. When you see him trying, say “I see you're trying to call back as soon as possible. Thank you so much, honey."
Show gratitude when your partner does something that reassures you without being asked. For example, “I thank you for letting me know that you will be coming home late. I'm glad you can still go home and feel I'm important to you."
Method 2 of 3: Overcome Your Doubts
Step 1. Review the situation that raised your doubts
Pay attention to what situations reinforce your doubts. Then, challenge your opinion of the situation by trying to see it from the other side.
For example, if your doubts grow when your partner doesn't answer the phone, dismiss the thought; maybe he's in a meeting or taking a shower. He doesn't necessarily have an affair just because he doesn't pick up the phone
Step 2. Immediately stop thinking when doubts arise
Doubt can interfere with your life and reduce focus and productivity. Shout “Stop!” in your mind and distract yourself with interesting activities.
Read a book, knit a sweater, or exercise
Step 3. Ask if there is any solid evidence to support your doubts
If it bothers you a lot, it's possible that this doubt could be a sign of trouble. However, you must find evidence before acting.
Maybe your doubts grew after seeing your partner flirt with someone else. Isn't this the first time you've been unsettled by your partner's glances at someone else?
Step 4. Determine if doubt is intolerable
Sometimes doubts in relationships are normal, but doubts that arise from frequent lying, cheating, manipulation, or blunders by your partner can be a sign that you should leave the relationship.
- Healthy relationships do not involve undue coercion, lying, infidelity, or violence.
- Doubt can also be intolerable if it grows because your partner doesn't support your values. If he doesn't value the most important things in your life, then this relationship isn't worth keeping.
Step 5. Discuss your doubts with a therapist
If you don't know how to move forward while harboring doubts, consult a professional. A therapist can help find the core of your doubts and determine whether the relationship is healthy or problematic.
- You can visit a therapist alone before taking your partner to a therapy session.
- Ask for a referral from a family doctor or HR personnel in the office to find a good therapist in your network.
Method 3 of 3: Think More Positively
Step 1. Identify the things that make you valuable outside of the relationship
Make a list that shows why you are a great person and have nothing to do with your relationship with your partner. For example, you are intelligent, athletic, animal lover, or good at cooking.
If your self-esteem is closely tied to the health of your relationship, you may feel doubts even over trivial matters. You can fight it by building self-confidence
Step 2. Use mindfulness to come to terms with uncertainty
Feeling fear or doubt is no fun, but a little doubt is actually normal and even healthy. Start practicing self-awareness to help you learn to embrace or at least tolerate uncertainty in your relationships and life.
- When this feeling arises, pay attention but let it go. Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Don't change your mind or act on uncertainty. Make peace with him.
- Practice self-awareness every day and you'll feel more in control and less bothered by nagging doubts.
Step 3. Stay away from negative and critical people
Opinions of colleagues, friends, and family can cast doubt on the relationship. If someone can only comment negatively on your partner and your relationship, stay away.
- Sometimes a loved one can offer well-meaning, but biased or self-serving advice. Reflect on how you feel about your partner and the behavior you see before letting the other person's point of view feed your doubts.
- Be careful about taking advice or discussing relationships with people who are overly judgmental or critical. Choose someone who is open-minded and supportive of you.
Step 4. Remove the words “must” and “required” from your dictionary
If your relationship is too rigid, you will be pushed into uncertainty. When these words are removed from your mind, you will feel more flexible and open-minded about your relationship.
- For example, if you think, “He has to answer when I call,” you will only make yourself angry when your partner is very busy and can't take calls.
- Don't immediately accuse "He must be spending the weekend with someone else" just because your partner isn't spending time with you.
