Long distance relationships are not easy relationships, especially if you are used to being together and then suddenly have to be apart for a long time. This situation may not be ideal for you and your partner, but with the right planning and attitude, long distance relationships can be managed and lived just as well as geographically close ones.
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Part 1 of 3: Doing Practical Things
Step 1. Have a discussion with your partner
All relationships, whether long distance or not, can always benefit from open communication. Before deciding to go into a long distance relationship, you and your partner should have a serious discussion to discuss how the relationship will be lived.
- What are your hopes and expectations for the relationship? What are you afraid of?
- How often will the two of you contact each other to ask how each other is doing? Will you communicate in a certain way every day?
- How often will the two of you visit each other? What can be considered realistic considering the budget and responsibilities (eg school/work schedule)?
- Will you relate to other people when you are separated or will you remain monogamous? How would you treat feelings of homesickness and physical need from afar?
Step 2. Make sure that you both feel secure in the relationship
You can do this by talking about the relationship as well as through everyday actions. One good way to do this is to share your daily activities with your partner, including the people you interact with.
- Sharing your daily experiences with your partner will help make them feel more involved in the world and in your everyday life. This will help him feel more secure in his important role in your life.
- Consider your partner's feelings when making a choice. For example, going out late into the night with a friend of the opposite sex or with an ex while your partner is on the other side of the globe can make even the most secure of couples feel a little worried.
Step 3. Think about your ultimate goal
Most likely you have the hope that one day you will be close to your partner again. Having a clear end goal will help you and your partner live a fully committed relationship.
- Talking about the ultimate goal of your relationship can also help ensure you and your partner have a common understanding. Maybe you're hoping to get married in a few years if all goes well.
- If the two of you are simply enjoying the interlude of a long distance romance, that's fine too. However, it's important that both of you agree on that, otherwise a situation will arise where one of you has high expectations of the other, while the other is engrossed in dating the other person. That is not fair.
Step 4. Make a plan
Even if this plan doesn't go as expected, talk about the future for both of you. Decide where you want to go with your partner and what will you do while you are there?
- Talking about the future can narrow the gap and make you feel more confident that the relationship has a purpose.
- Planning a trip together can be a fun activity. Create a shared Google document or Pinterest page that shows details about the things you want to do on the trip. You can even create an itinerary together.
Step 5. Determine the communication method to be used
People in long distance relationships are no longer dependent on regular mail and expensive long distance/international calls. Here are some apps that can make communication between the two of you easier and more affordable:
- WhatsApp, Viber, and Skype let you send messages and files, and contact each other no matter where you are as long as you have an internet connection.
- Couple, Avocado, and Kahnoodle also let you chat and send pictures and videos, but all of these apps are romance-focused and set them apart from other apps. You can “thumb kiss” your partner with Couple, send virtual hugs and kisses with Avocado, and “fill your partner's love tank” with loving actions using Kahnoodle.
- HeyDay lets you keep a journal while doing your daily activities. You can take photos and add captions, and can even track where you have been throughout the day, then share your day with your partner to help them feel like they're there with you.
Step 6. Make a commitment to ask each other how they are each day
Every relationship is unique, but this advice seems to apply generally: at least say good morning and good night to your partner every day.
No need for a long chat, just say "Good morning beautiful!" or “Good night!” it's enough. It's important to schedule one time each day to get close virtually, no matter how much time you spend on it
Step 7. Don't overdo it
Research shows that spending too much time with your partner online or on the phone while you're in a long distance relationship is actually damaging to the relationship itself. Keep this in mind when talking about what you expect from your partner.
Step 8. Make sure you have a good support network
Talk to the people closest to you, namely friends and family. Tell them about the situation you're in, and tell them how you feel.
- Maintaining a good support network will help you to stay strong when you are feeling sad and lonely, and are missing your partner. You can even talk about your feelings of insecurity with your closest friends and family members when you are feeling down and depressed.
- It's fine if you want to talk about your annoying insecurities with your partner, but try to avoid doing so, unless he's actually doing something that makes you uncomfortable. This will make the conversation lighter and more positive, which is important because both of you have limited time.
Step 9. Join a discussion forum about long distance relationships
Although friends and family are very helpful, they may not fully understand what you are going through. You can search online forums that suit your needs, a popular one is Reddit.
Forum visitors talk about their problems, fears and joys. They also share tips for keeping relationships warm and healthy
Part 2 of 3: Having the Right Attitude
Step 1. Don't be afraid
Long distance relationships may not be ideal, but research shows that these kinds of relationships can actually be lived as well as close ones. Here are some signs that indicate a high-quality and stable long-distance relationship:
- People who live it have a positive attitude towards long distance relationships and don't feel that their relationship automatically has bad luck just because of the distance.
- People who live it worry less and focus on the positives in the relationship.
- People who live it feel more confident in their relationship.
- Long distances seem to create long-distance satisfaction too.
- Each partner idealizes his own partner to some extent.
Step 2. Make peace with your new relationship
Whether your partner has to go away because of work or you're in a new relationship that is forged over the internet, you need to realize that you are separated by distance, for now. Take some time to reflect on this.
The hardest thing to deal with in a long distance relationship is the fact that you can't see or touch your partner whenever you want. You may be hurt, but you have to come to terms with this fact, otherwise you will feel miserable all the time which makes the relationship unhappy too
Step 3. Accept what you have
If you love your partner, be grateful for the fact that you have them, even if they aren't physically with you right now.
- Look for things you can be grateful for, rather than just focusing on the negative (like long distances). For example, a long-distance relationship might allow you to build stronger communication with your partner, and get to know them more deeply.
- By focusing on the positive things about your partner and the relationship you are in, you will fall in love with him more and feel more positive about the relationship, and that means you should increase your chances of staying together despite the distance.
Step 4. Build a positive attitude
Of course you'll feel sad that you can't be with your partner, but focusing on this can make it even harder to see the good things in your relationship.
- Being positive means trying to keep the conversation light when you talk to your partner, for example, by talking about the little things that have happened to you throughout the day.
- It's okay if you want to talk about bothersome issues with your partner. You have to be positive, but that doesn't mean you have to pretend everything is okay, when it's not. If your partner did something that hurt their feelings, it's important to let them know so you can both make plans to avoid the same thing happening in the future.
- Show a positive attitude about yourself too. Research shows that people feel happier and more satisfied in relationships when their partners keep doubts about themselves and the relationship to themselves. Don't be completely apathetic, but be careful what you talk about. Don't call yourself fat or stupid, for example.
Step 5. Be realistic
While being positive is important, being realistic is equally important. Being realistic about what you can and can't do in a relationship will help maintain a healthier relationship in the long run.
- For example, if you know that your financial situation doesn't allow you to visit each other more than twice a year, be honest and frank about this, otherwise it will cause problems in the relationship later on.
- Being realistic also means accepting the fact that there are times when you will miss your partner or times when you just can't talk to them when you really need them. Being realistic will help you feel less helpless in such situations. Having a good support network will go a long way in situations like this.
Step 6. Know your attachment style
Knowing your attachment style can help you figure out what's real and what isn't when you have doubts about your relationship, whether it's just how you feel or something your partner is doing.
- Research on “adult attachment styles” shows that if you feel secure in your relationship, you are likely to be more comfortable in a long distance relationship, while if you feel insecure, long distance is more likely to have a negative impact on you.
- If you and your partner have been together all this time, you may not notice any insecurities in your relationship until your partner is away. The absence of a secure attachment will make you feel anxious and depressed when your partner is not around you so that you may find it difficult to complete daily tasks.
Step 7. Trust your partner
Trust is the most important factor in the success of a relationship, whether it's a long distance or close relationship.
If you don't trust your partner, even though he or she hasn't done anything that could trigger that distrust, you most likely have a trust issue and need to work things out on your own. Visit a counselor. Don't let the trust issues you experience weigh on your partner
Step 8. Avoid the desire to dominate your partner
If you have a feeling that your partner may not love you as much as you do, keep these feelings in a journal or discuss them openly with your partner in a way that doesn't corner them, instead of keeping them to yourself and turning them into a desire to dominate your partner.
Step 9. Don't take what other people say
Many people may not understand why you would be willing to be in a long distance relationship. Perhaps many of them will say that the relationship will not work. Better ignore them. Only you know the relationship you're in, and if you're happy, that's all that matters.
Don't let other people's words discourage you, just do what you think is right. If you and your partner are happy with talking every night on Skype, go for it. Don't let other people ruin that happiness
Step 10. Demonstrate independence
You have to have a life of your own even if you miss your partner a lot too. Having a life of your own will give your partner more to talk about, and make you feel more fulfilled and happy.
Keeping yourself busy will also help your mind focus less on what your partner is doing or the fact that your partner isn't with you
Part 3 of 3: Having Fun Together
Step 1. Make a commitment to have fun together
There is no point in having an unhappy relationship. You can't change the distance, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun together. Why not watch a movie, play a game, or do a hobby together. In short, look for things that will allow you to bond regardless of the distance between the two of you.
Step 2. Plan a weekly date night
Many people in long distance relationships dedicate one night a week to spending time with their partner doing something special and longer. Maybe you can have a romantic video chat, or maybe cook dinner together. Do whatever makes you happy!
Step 3. Play the game together
There are countless online games and both of you can play them together. Scrabble and Minecraft are popular choices.
Step 4. Making things together
Write funny stories together using Google Docs facilities. Make a picture together with FlockDraw.
Step 5. Watch videos or listen to music together
There are tons of online apps that let you share a virtual space with your partner and watch videos or listen to music together. Google+, Rabbit and Gaze are popular apps for watching videos together.
- TogetherTube lets you enjoy music and videos on YouTube, Vimeo, and SoundCloud together while chatting.
- Web plugins (for example, ShowGoers for Google Chrome) can also help you sync your Netflix account making it easier for you to play your favorite movies or shows at the same time.
Step 6. Send gifts to each other
Send a book that you think your partner will like, along with their favorite cake. Or you can send cute underwear and ask your partner to wear it when the two of you meet. Dig into your creativity!
Step 7. Send love letters to each other
Find a book that talks about it, read the examples provided, and run a contest to see who can write the most ridiculous love letters. The following ideas can be used to make love letters more interesting:
- Spray the stationery with perfume or cologne.
- Put the dried flower petals in the envelope.
- Kiss the letter paper with lipstick or seal the envelope with a kiss.
- Use fancy letter paper and use attractive sealing wax and envelope stamps to seal it.
Step 8. Visit each other regularly
Visiting each other as often as possible can make the situation better. Being able to spend quality time with your partner in person is one of the best things about a long distance relationship.
Just imagine, you can look forward to meeting your partner and make the moments when you are together even more special. Make sure that when you're together, you make time to go outside and visit fun places, and do things together
Warning
- If you're meeting your partner for the first time, make sure you bring a friend or family member along just in case your partner doesn't live up to what he or she says.
- Don't be tempted to spend hours meeting online every day, sacrificing daily life/social life or work, etc. just to be together. The key is the quality of the time you spend together, not the quantity.
