The beginning of a relationship is usually a difficult time for a person to regulate his feelings. If you're also having trouble dealing with mixed feelings about your potential partner, that's perfectly normal. Try to evaluate your feelings calmly without rushing. Do you feel attracted to this person? Are you willing to make a commitment? Do you feel close to him? Take the relationship slowly, trying to get to the bottom of what you're feeling and why it's showing up? If in doubt, consider your own emotions. Is there a reason behind the mixed feelings you have? If so, what can you do to change this situation? With a little time and self-reflection, you will be able to sort out the mixed feelings in this relationship.
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Method 1 of 3: Tracing the Ins and Outs of a Relationship
Step 1. Take the relationship slowly
Patience is key if you're not sure how you feel, especially in the early stages of a relationship. It would be very risky to force yourself to start a commitment when you are not sure about your own feelings. In any relationship, it's important to let things develop at their own pace, especially if you have mixed feelings.
- Make your own schedule. If you're not sure exactly how you feel about someone, don't sacrifice a lot of your own time and needs for that person. While you're trying to determine how you're feeling, keep your hobbies and social obligations to yourself.
- If the two of you haven't publicly announced your relationship, there's no need to worry. Don't force yourself to make a commitment when you're not sure what you're feeling. There is no need to be ashamed if the relationship status is still hanging for a while.
- You also have to take care of yourself. Adopt a good diet, exercise, and get enough rest.
Step 2. Keep yourself busy doing the things you love
Make sure you can still be yourself when you're with this person. Stick to your hobbies and interests, and see if this person can adapt to your world. That way, you can also assess whether the romantic relationship that exists will have a future.
- Make sure you are valued as a person. If you'd rather spend time at home on Fridays and don't want to go out, invite your partner over. See how he can adapt to your life.
- Keep doing what you love. If you have a book club scheduled for two weeks every Friday, don't cancel it just because your partner is asking you to go somewhere else. Make sure your partner supports your interests and gives you the freedom to have fun and live your own social life. If he does, it's a good sign that this relationship can blend into your life.
Step 3. Try to have fun with your partner
In a romantic relationship, fun is an important aspect. It's hard to be with someone if there's no joy between the two of you. You and your partner should really enjoy each other's company. Try doing something fun with him. Do you feel happier and safer? Otherwise, it could be a bad sign for the long term relationship between the two of you.
- Everyone has a different definition of pleasure. Choose something you can enjoy together. For example, if you both like comedy, go see a stand-up show together.
- You can invite your partner to a social event with your friends. Notice whether the presence of a partner has a positive or negative effect on the group. Does your partner make the social event more fun? Can it adapt to your world?
Step 4. Avoid using sex to evoke intimate feelings
If you're still having doubts, there's a good chance you'll want to get rid of those feelings. Many people use sex as an attempt to evoke intimate feelings. However, sex does not guarantee the emergence of emotional intimacy that will last for this person. Don't rely on sex to get over your mixed feelings.
Step 5. Take a break if necessary
If you still have mixed feelings, even though your relationship with your partner has been around for a while, there's nothing wrong with taking a moment to be alone. You both may need to develop yourself outside of the relationship. Over time, you may find that the relationship is worth keeping.
- If you decide to take a break from the relationship, set clear boundaries. Explain to your partner how often you will see each other during this period if you wish, and whether you are allowed to try out other people and date during your break. Decide whether this break has a certain grace period, or will be left open as needed.
- Before deciding to get back with your partner after a break, try to evaluate your feelings carefully. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Do you really miss your partner? Are you saddened by his absence? Do you feel like you're growing as a person when you're not with him? If the answer is yes, continuing the relationship might be a good idea. However, if you feel freer and happier without your partner, it may be better to move on with your own life.
Step 6. Discuss your feelings with your partner
If you're in a serious relationship, but you're starting to have mixed feelings, it might be time to have an honest talk with your partner. Set aside some time to discuss the matter and try to find a solution that works for both parties if you both intend to continue the relationship. Let your partner know in advance that you want to talk about the relationship. Just say, "I'm having a very confusing feeling and want to talk to you about it tonight after you get home from work."
- When expressing yourself, try to focus on the present moment. Don't bring up things from the past, even things that make you confused. It's best to focus on how you're feeling right now. For example, “Lately I've been feeling uncertain about our future. I want to know how you feel about that.”
- Apart from talking, you should also try to listen. Give your partner a chance to share his feelings. Maybe he feels the same way too. If so, it's time for both of you to evaluate the future of the relationship. Try to understand what your partner is saying without any preconceptions. Ask questions to clarify the situation if necessary.
- Before the conversation ends, agree on what to do next. For example, you might decide to take a break. Or, you may decide to do couples therapy. It could be that you choose to end the relationship.
Step 7. Make a decision about the future of the relationship
Eventually, you'll reach a point where you decide what to do with the relationship. After weighing various factors, determine whether your feelings are genuine, and in this case, whether you want to continue the relationship. If you don't feel fully engaged in the relationship, it might be best to try to be friends.
Even in a healthy relationship, mixed feelings can occur from time to time. If you decide to move on with the relationship, there's no need to worry if you're having these occasional giddy feelings
Method 2 of 3: Evaluating Feelings for Your Partner
Step 1. Consider attraction
Attraction is a major factor in most romantic relationships. If you are in a romantic relationship with someone, eventually physical intimacy will occur. Take some time to consider the level of physical attraction you feel towards your partner.
- Think about how you feel about this person on a physical level. Do you feel attraction? Does he also feel the same attraction? If you both feel this attraction, the potential for a romantic relationship is enormous.
- Keep in mind that the interests of both parties do not have to be the determining factor. Friendships often involve an attraction to each other similar to romantic attraction. For example, you may miss that friend in his absence. Try to determine if your attraction to this person is both physical and romantic.
- Do you laugh and smile when you are with this person? Are you looking forward to dating or meeting him? Do you both have the same interest and love for something? If so, you both have a good foundation on which to build a relationship.
- If you have mixed feelings, determine if the pleasure of being with him has a romantic element to it. Friends usually share laughter and have fun together. If you don't feel anything romantic when you're having a good time, maybe a friendship is a better fit for the two of you.
Step 2. Think about whether you feel close to this person
The more time you spend with someone, the closer you should feel to them. You should be able to share your feelings, thoughts, and concerns with this person freely. If you don't feel that close either or just think of him as a close friend, he may not be a good candidate for a romantic partner.
Step 3. Find a common goal
In a romantic relationship, it's important to have a common goal because this is what separates romance from friendship. Friends are not required to have a common goal, while romantic partners must have the same goals if you are both really compatible.
- Think about long term goals. Do you and this person have the same ambition? Do you both envision a harmonious future for things like marriage and children? These things are important when it comes to romantic relationships. If your point of view differs in any of these aspects, it could be the source of the mixed feelings surrounding you right now. Maybe it's better to turn this relationship into a friendship instead.
- You should also consider the different views you hold. Do you and this person have the same views on politics, religion, and moral values? Romantic relationships are often characterized by differences of opinion, but it's important to have certain values that you both share. If you and this person have too many differences, this may be the root of the mixed feelings that are confusing you.
Step 4. Think about whether you are attracted to this person
A person who is involved in a romantic relationship usually thinks about his partner intensely. You may place him high in your mind and find his flaws and eccentricities endearing. You may think he has the greatest abilities, intelligence, and personality. In a friendship, you won't feel this kind of obsession with him. If you don't feel in love with this person, it might be best to just be friends.
Method 3 of 3: Consider Your Own Emotions
Step 1. Accept the fact that emotions are complicated
Often, people don't feel the need to thoroughly deal with mixed feelings. You may feel compelled to have only one feeling for someone. However, mixed feelings are common. In fact, most relationships are often colored with mixed feelings to varying degrees.
- Mixed emotions actually reflect maturity. Instead of classifying someone as good or bad, you can look at their good and bad qualities. Sometimes, you love your partner because of their spontaneous personality. Other times, you're annoyed that he's unpredictable.
- Try to accept the fact that mixed feelings are unavoidable in any relationship, even if to varying degrees. If you decide to continue the relationship despite mixed feelings, this is a good sign. You still want to continue the relationship and are willing to accept that imperfection and frustration.
Step 2. Evaluate your fears and insecurities
If you tend to have mixed feelings and indecision, there may be a reason for this. The fear or insecurity that resides within you can be the reason why you often doubt yourself.
- Have you been rejected by someone important to you in the past? If so, you may have a chronic fear of rejection. Frequent mixed feelings may be your mechanism for protecting yourself emotionally.
- Are you one of those people who often feel insecure? If you're afraid you'll be left behind and don't feel good enough for love or commitment, these feelings will affect everything you do. You may have mixed feelings about entering a relationship for fear of getting emotionally involved.
Step 3. Identify your own needs and wants
To decide if a relationship is right for you, it's important to know what you want. Know what you need and want from a romantic partner. Find out if this person can meet your needs.
- Think about your emotional reactions to events that are happening in your life. How can you get the best emotional support from someone? What do you need from this person?
- It may be helpful to make a list of the things that you consider important and that you expect from a romantic partner. Think about whether this person can fulfill it.
