Obsessions can destroy relationships. The desire to continue to be with your partner 24 hours a day, or not to let your partner "disappear" for a moment from your sight or mind can be the thing that really kills the love that exists. Ironically, such an obsession makes you lose touch with the person you are obsessed with. Learn how to overcome those obsessive challenges and find love that is real and pure.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Understanding the Abyss of Obsession
Step 1. Recognize the dangers triggered by obsession with other people
Obsessions prevent personal development and individuation. You can't get everything you need in life from other people. If you force yourself to do it, you are only torturing others and will feel dependent and helpless. Both are negative impacts that are felt, both by you and by others.
Step 2. Look for pure love
You love someone for yourself, not someone else. Other people can't fulfill what you don't have; only you alone can fulfill it. Falling in love is a choice, not something thrown at you as some kind of “rescue”. Love is not an excuse or a distraction from the challenges you face in life. Love is also not a "hiding place" from the process of self-maturation and the search for a way of life.
Step 3. Remember that obsessions can rule out many possibilities
When you're obsessed with other people, there's a good chance you won't be able to see the boundaries and peaks of your relationship. Meanwhile, someone who is actually more suitable for you may walk away while you are still stuck with an obsession with a one-sided relationship. By not obsessing over anyone in life, you free yourself to know that the relationship is right. If not, you can start breaking away from the relationship and looking for a healthier relationship.
Step 4. Remember that timing is important and everyone is not the same
Your partner may have life priorities that you don't understand. The obsession and hope that your mere presence is enough to change these priorities reflects your incomprehension and shows that you need to look at reality. A person who changes his or her life plans because someone else is pushing or pushing him or her will eventually become really upset with that person. At this point, the annoyance may not be shown yet, but it will eventually reflect his annoyance. This often happens when you truly feel that if you lose it, you will lose a part of yourself. Therefore, it would be better if you behave wisely with the possibilities that exist from the start rather than just fantasizing, persuading and forcing someone to love you.
Step 5. Try to be calmer
If you feel that someone is the right person for you, remind yourself that they may have a different view of your relationship. Instead of pushing things to go faster, calm down and be yourself. Adjust your steps. Not everyone falls in love at the same "speed" and if you're willing to be calmer, you'll feel better and (who knows) the person will want to make a more serious commitment to you.
Part 2 of 2: Overcoming the Obsession
Step 1. Admit that you have an obsession
By acknowledging it, you can give yourself room to work on it. You'll have a hard time dealing with it until you're willing to admit that your obsession is a problem.
Step 2. Love yourself first
Don't confuse self-love with self-preoccupation because the two are unrelated. Self-love includes respect for and support of self-worth, recognition and cultivation of talents, and fulfillment of needs and desires. Having an awareness of your purpose in life that fits with your identity also helps you love yourself, although some people need more time to recognize who they are.
In contrast, preoccupation with oneself is concerned with placing one's needs and desires above the needs or desires of others. Such people usually try desperately to gain acceptance from others and often do not have a favorable view or opinion of themselves
Step 3. Remind your loved ones that you are still trying to find yourself
The more confused you are with who you are, the greater the "burden" on you not to obsess over other people and to set clear boundaries in your relationship regarding your ongoing self-discovery. This is not the same as unwillingness to commit; This unwillingness is actually a form of "hiding" from reality. It has to do with how you tell others that you are still searching for who you are. You also need to let the other person know that you sometimes feel confused and ask them to tell you if you are starting to blur the boundaries of your relationship by relying too much on their support, love and attention instead of trying to be independent. Honesty can get both of you through challenges mindfully.
Step 4. Dedicate yourself to doing activities, expectations and goals that are in accordance with the identity
One of the signs of an obsessive partner is that he leaves everything and only does what his partner does, only loves what his partner loves and only focuses on what his partner is focused on. Things like that can sometimes be experienced when you first fall in love, but don't let it continue to make you change all the things you are interested in with the things your partner is interested in. Try to balance your participation in the things your partner is interested in as a form of curiosity, love, and hospitality with the things you are interested in in life.
- Keep doing hobbies and sports that interest you as usual. Occasionally ask your partner to see or follow what you are doing, but don't expect him to always follow what you are interested in.
- Do new things while you keep growing. Don't hold back on your maturity just because you're afraid he won't like it when you change or learn new things. A partner who feels or thinks that way is not a “healthy” partner; everyone develops and changes over time so change or development will certainly occur.
- Keep doing the things you are interested in. Your relationship is one of the passions you have in life, not an absolute substitute for all the happiness in life that you can get from other things.
Step 5. Keep in touch with friends, family and other community members
Don't make the excuse that your partner is everything that you should always be with him, until you leave someone else in your life. Even though the first few months of a new relationship are filled with just being together between you and your partner, it's not a good thing to continue for a long period of time. Try to get back to interacting and communicating with friends and family members you haven't had much contact with or seeing, and get back to doing activities in the communities you're following. In fact, it's even better if you don't lose touch with anyone right from the start. A good partner will see your commitment to others as part of who you are and respect it.
If your partner demands that you stay out of sight of other people and do nothing but spend time with them, you need to be very wary. This is a sign that he wants to control and can manipulate you into obsessing over him, and not letting other people into your life. In the end, you may convince yourself that you made the decision yourself. In fact, you've actually been manipulated by him
Step 6. Try to enjoy the relationship more
Obsessions destroy the fun in relationships and make everything a “burden” so that you will always worry about every word and action, and feel jealous of anything and anyone that keeps your partner away from you. That person may be your true love (or maybe not). Realize that “true love” is the kind of ideal that you are obsessed with. If the two of you make a great couple and have a happy relationship, it's because you both enjoy each other's company, spend time together easily and don't break up easily when apart. If your relationship doesn't work out, your obsession will never be able to bring together an incompatible partner.
Step 7. Keep your posts on social media short and fun
Don't overcrowd her timeline or wall with posts or browse her social media feed too far. Also, don't post annoying posts or whine about your partner's whereabouts, anyone they interact with on the internet or any hurt you feel. Anything you type and send will be displayed, and the more you show your obsession with it online, the faster it will be for your partner AND others to understand that you have unhealthy personal boundary issues. Instead, make room on the internet for each and send simple but sweet messages. Save deep conversations to pick up when you meet them in person.
Stop stalking your partner on Facebook or Twitter. Do you really have to know what he's doing all the time? Stop spending too much time on social media. Find other activities to distract yourself, such as reading a book or going for a walk in nature
Step 8. Don't just sit and wait for your partner to ask you out
Think about how you feel when he's not calling, texting or emailing. If you usually feel angry, resentful or angry that you don't do anything else to wait for it, and end up making excuses to explain why you're just sitting around and doing nothing. Don't ever think that he just sits and thinks about you. In reality, even though you are an awesome person, your partner may be busy living their life. If he is really interested in you, he will take the initiative to contact you first. Since he didn't call you first, it's possible that he's busy or thinks he's had enough interaction with you, or is doing something that doesn't require your help. Those reasons have nothing to do with you (or the desire to leave you). Remember that he is living a normal life.
Even if your partner isn't contacting you because he doesn't care or is doing suspicious things, like having an affair, that's no reason to obsess over him. This is actually a reason to look for a new partner
Step 9. Enrich the missing aspects of yourself
If you lack self-confidence, feel you have low self-esteem, are afraid of the future or are still dealing with emotional scars from wrong parenting, seek the right help. If you can't find a healthy outlet or a way to deal with the chaos in your mind, chances are you'll use your partner as a "representative" to make you feel more comfortable with yourself. Therefore, develop self-esteem, fight the loneliness that surrounds you, and learn to connect more with people outside of your romantic relationships. This way, you can build self-esteem instead of simply hoping to “get it” from someone else (of course you can't get it that way!).
- If you feel that you "need" a partner, use that need as a warning to look at yourself. No one "needs" a partner. All we need is healthy social relationships, supportive and loving people around, and a partner is not the only source of these aspects. Indeed, many people want the presence of a partner in life, but don't let the need for a partner be the motivation to bond with someone. Remember that love is a choice, not a necessity. Choose your partner wisely.
- Realize that ironically, the more you care about yourself and others, the more likely you are to attract the attention of someone you really love. Therefore, focus on being the best person you can be and show concern for people as these are both attractive traits that a person can have.
Step 10. Get up and start living again if you don't feel love in the relationship
You can't make someone else obsess over loving you more. The cliché “If you love someone, let him go; if he loves you, he will come back” is very relevant to a relationship filled with doubts. Make it clear that you love him, but you cannot accept cheap love, fakes, unkindness or other bad behavior and actions. Tell your partner to correct or correct their actions, without asking you to tolerate their bad behavior. If your obsession is fueled by his bad behavior (and the desire to "love your partner" so he loves you), it's going to be hard to give him some kind of "hard warning" and walk away. Obsessions like that can actually keep you "stick" to relationships that are clearly unhealthy. You don't deserve love that is incomplete (or just overshadowed by love). You deserve full commitment. Therefore, leave your partner and see what happens. If true love doesn't come, you are free to leave it.
Tips
- Prepare a notebook. Write down how you feel in the notebook. Over time, reread your notes and see patterns emerge. This helps you avoid unhealthy relationship patterns or habits.
- Don't have friends? Leave the house to do things and meet people who both have no friends. You all need each other and can support each other.
- Loneliness is the biggest reason for obsessions. To avoid this, fill your life with more presence of other people. If you don't know many people, you can volunteer.
- Build a support network or group of friends. Make sure there are always people you can turn to or call when you need support.
- Realize that no matter what you do, some people won't give you the attention you want. This can be a pretty big warning for you to consider whether the relationship isn't right, or you have different levels of needs with your partner. If it turns out that there are different levels of need, you can think about the consequences of each step taken to keep the relationship running smoothly.
- Doubt is the thing that hinders the course of life. Dispel doubts. Some things won't work (or won't work at all), but at least you should try. Experiencing failure is better than never trying at all.
- Talk to other people if you feel hurt by an existing obsession. Drowning in obsession is hard to get over, and you really don't have to go through it alone.
- Expect friendship at the beginning of the relationship. Friendship can be a more pleasant and kind thing than a troubled romance. Friendships also tend to last longer than romantic relationships.
Warning
- If your obsession is making you depressed and unable to carry out your daily activities properly, seek professional help. If you have suicidal thoughts, immediately call emergency services or the Ministry of Health's suicide prevention hotline at 500-454.
- Obsessions can become bad habits and reflex actions that can take away common sense. Therefore, beware of such tendencies.
