It's bittersweet to fall in love with a girl friend, but she just puts us in the friend zone. Going from being a friend to being a lover can be very difficult at times. We can't force someone to love, but there are ways to increase the chances and try to be that special person in their heart.
See the section When to Try? to know when efforts to turn friendship into love should be feasible.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Understanding Him
Step 1. Know his standard of conscious love
Some of the standards of a woman's love are clear. Maybe he wants to be with people who share the same religion, or are non-smokers. You don't have to meet all of these criteria, but don't go completely against it because you won't be one of his ideal potential partners.
Make a list of the attributes that the pair have in common first. More than likely, these attributes are his priority in finding love, and may be characteristics you need to develop
Step 2. Find out the unconscious criteria
This often has to do with his own personal characteristics. Many people are looking for a partner with the same positive characteristics, but also want a partner who has opposite qualities with attributes they don't like about themselves.
- Once you've identified some of the things he doesn't like about yourself, show him how you can complement his weaknesses with your strengths.
- You could say, "Sometimes I hate being so competitive. I think I'd rather learn to enjoy than always feel competitive. What about you? If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"
Step 3. Map out the love
Psychologists have found that as we go through life, we begin to create a "love map" or picture of a potential partner. Some aspects of the love map are conscious desires, such as wanting an educated partner. However, a love map can also be an unconscious preference, such as longing for a loving lover. By understanding his love map, you can fulfill what he needs. While there are many variables that affect a person's love map, look for the following criteria to help:
- The expectation that a romantic relationship involves commitment.
- Desired relationship duration.
- Belief that the "right" partner will bring satisfaction.
- Acceptable length of time before committing (e.g., saying “I love you”)
- The length of time between a breakup and a new relationship.
- An acceptable length of time to wait for a partner to commit.
- Level of agreement on the principles of life.
- Is an argument with a partner interesting or scary.
- Is the relationship of more than one partner acceptable?
- Expected time to be together is separate from friends, family, and social events/obligations.
Step 4. Meet his friends
Put on your best attitude because they will give you a glimpse into the life of this special friend of yours, which few know about. If you're serious, say that you have genuine feelings in order to earn their respect, and perhaps approval.
You don't have to pour out your heart completely and confess your love, but try to earn their respect by being a nice guy. Tell him that you see he is stressed and ask what you can do about it. Or, mention that he's a good friend and you want to do something fun, and whether they think he'll like it
Step 5. Reflect on how it relates in the past
Breakups, especially difficult ones, will make him revise the map of love, consciously or not. By showing that you are different from their ex, you can become a potential partner.
Step 6. Know what's upsetting him
Science shows that the chemicals released when two people experience fear together are very similar to arousal and attraction. The experience provides the right dose of anxiety, and creates the moment for the next stage.
- Roller coasters and playgrounds are great places to get your heart pumping without actually freaking him out.
- Thriller films also have the same effect although you have to avoid cruel and bloody films. Don't let him associate you with murder even if you really want his heart.
Step 7. Find out what kind of sport he likes
The physical response to exercise is the same as the body's response to arousal. By exercising together, he not only associates the high endorphins he feels with you, but also perceives you as more attractive.
Part 2 of 4: Winning Her Heart
Step 1. Take advantage of common friends
It may sound sneaky, but if the two of you are really compatible and he doesn't notice, your efforts to win him over can be helped by the support of trusted sources, such as his friends. If they think you're great, chances are they'll agree too. Their positive opinion will greatly benefit you.
Step 2. Use repetition
The more we hear something, the more we believe it is true. This fact also applies when you want to win a woman's heart. You don't have to call her every five minutes because she might get irritated, but being seen or around will make your presence seem natural.
Step 3. Create an atmosphere with soft light
Maybe it's overkill, and at this point you don't want to do something like a candlelight dinner. However, something in excess sometimes does not give the expected results. However, studies show that dilated pupils are a signal he will respond to unconsciously.
Dilated pupils are indicative of many things, but for your situation, they will dilate when experiencing physical or psychological pleasure. Going to the movies or a dimly lit coffee shop, as a friend, and looking him in the eye will send a subconscious signal that there's something special about your relationship
Step 4. Try to be mysterious
When we feel fit, we are usually very comfortable to talk about many things. It can be hard to resist the urge to share, but keeping a few details in check will make him want to know more about you, and that can lead the friendship to deeper feelings.
Step 5. Seduce him
This is indeed difficult because the level of comfort of women to seduction is different. Take lessons from past relationships. What appeals work? What's not? Remember, you have to respect the boundaries.
- Give directing praise. Instead of just saying she's beautiful, say, "If only I could have an awesome boyfriend like you." In this compliment there is a subtle indication that the two of you could make a great match.
- Find a way to be physically close. In all relationships. Closeness is a sign of comfort and intimacy. However, remember that some people need more space. Don't force closeness, but find ways to be together naturally and comfortably. In a quiet museum, whispering in his ear will seem natural.
- Touch him for a while. However, before that, measure how comfortable he is when touched because unwanted touch will seem pushy. However, physical touch releases oxytocin in the blood, which is sometimes called the "love hormone."
Step 6. Pursue him persistently, if it's appropriate
If she's the type of girl who relies on other people or something external to feel happy, chances are she'll be happy if you go after her. Do not exaggerate. Many independent women find the pursuit stifling, and to them, the men who do it are anything but attractive.
Part 3 of 4: Expressing Feelings
Step 1. Don't rush
He's your friend, and even if you've had a crush on him for a long time, don't make him uncomfortable. Strong emotions can sometimes be uncontrollable, but don't let them ruin your friendship.
- Writing down your feelings in a diary can help you avoid feeling claustrophobic, and you'll also be less likely to give in to the urge to make hasty emotional decisions.
- Write a personal letter. Letters help you put everything you want to say on paper, without actually saying it. So you can judge if the words are too much because you certainly don't want to scare him, especially if there is an opportunity for love.
Step 2. Estimate her feelings
Does he always want to be with you? Does he look at you a lot, or did he break up with his girlfriend for no apparent reason? These are all signs that he is interested in you as more than just a friend.
Step 3. Ask a friend
This is dangerous because sometimes friends make their own decisions which they think are best. However, if he has a friend who is also your friend, and can be trusted, you can read the situation by asking them if there is a chance for you.
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Make sure you ask clearly:
"Has he ever said anything about me? I actually wanted to tell him in person, lately I think we could be more than just friends."
Step 4. Choose the moment carefully
As a friend, you are more able to pinpoint the right time than anyone else. Pay attention to his work schedule, his life at home, and other factors that may add to his stress or make him unhappy. Don't let a bad mood affect your decision.
To increase your chances, you should ask on a sunny, comfortable day, when he's not too tired or stressed
Step 5. Accept your anxiety
Unfortunately, even if it's uncomfortable, this is the only way you can express your feelings. However, you can rest easy because everyone has experienced it.
For example, you could express your feelings by saying, "This isn't easy for me. I can't really express my feelings at all. I don't want anything to change between us, but lately I've been thinking about you and wondering if we could relate more from friend."
Step 6. Reassure him
If this friendship is so important to you, and you want to continue being friends with him even if he isn't interested in dating, you should say so.
For example, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, and I want you to know that no matter what happens, nothing will change from my side if you don't want to be with me. But I can't shake the feeling that there is something more between us, And I wonder if you feel it too."
Step 7. Express your feelings honestly
This doesn't mean paying musicians and singing in front of his house. Express your feelings in your own way. If he's the type who likes flashy gestures, singing might be a good option. However, remember that you are trying to change the shape of the relationship, and that alone is a big step. Be careful, don't say anything excessive or hasty because you will lose if you miscalculate.
Part 4 of 4: When to Try?
Step 1. Give it a try if you think he feels the same way
If you're pretty sure he also sees you as more than a friend, there's no harm in trying. If you can help him see you as a partner, friendship can turn into love, and that often does. If he's ever teased you, or said something that sounded like, "I can always be myself when I'm with you, I can't be with anyone else," be brave enough to open her eyes.
Step 2. Try it once if you're not sure how to respond
If he never flirts with you or hints at romantic attraction, you can still express your feelings. Even if you can't control his reactions, you can still be yourself and see if he considers the relationship more than friends.
Step 3. Be careful if you value friendship very much
He might just want to be friends. Expressing your feelings will change a lot of things. If he admits to having the same feelings, the relationship will change, if he refuses, the friendship will change too. The worst-case scenario is if he doesn't feel comfortable with you anymore, and can't be friends anymore like before.
Step 4. Accept the rejection
Appreciate the feelings and answers. No matter how much you love him, you can't make him love you back. He doesn't owe him anything. If you really love him, don't force yourself to "grab" his heart if he refuses.
Tips
- Be interesting, fun, unpredictable, and mysterious.
- Know what he likes, then give or do what he likes, but only a little. He will be curious and more attracted to you.
- Confidence is very important. Use clear body language and don't doubt yourself.
- Don't assume that money can win a woman's love. What he thinks a friend's kindness may be will harm you.
Warning
- There is always the possibility of a relationship changing when he finds out how you feel.
- Being mysterious and unpredictable can be difficult because he already knows you so well. Don't be afraid. Instead, take this opportunity to bring out the best in you, and perhaps an attribute he was previously unaware of
