Suffering from depression is hard enough without the added feeling of having to keep it a secret. Keeping your emotions in check is actually dangerous because it makes you feel even more isolated from the world around you. Instead of trying to hide your depression, see if there are ways of dealing with it that can help you connect with others and stay true to who you are. If you're feeling pressure from family or friends to keep your feelings under wraps, it's important to seek help from someone who will allow you to speak your mind.
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Part 1 of 3: Dealing with Depression Around Others
Step 1. Try explaining depression to those close to you
People who have never experienced depression may not realize how serious it is. They tend to think that you can "get rid of it" if you really want to. However, if you take the time to make them understand, they can be more sympathetic and supportive, or at least stop making pushy comments like “Smile!” or “Why can't you just be happy?” When it comes to family members and people close to you, it's best if you make them understand.
- In the past people did not discuss depression openly. However, the situation has changed greatly in recent years. Modeling famous people who dared to talk about their experiences with depression will help.
- You can also look for books and articles written from the perspective of a person with depression so that those close to you can have an idea of how you feel.
Step 2. Avoid hanging out with people who pressure you to be happy
If you've been trying to explain your point of view to someone but to no avail, don't force yourself to be around them. You won't be in sync with everyone, and that's okay. If you need to get away temporarily (or forever) from people who seem to want you to be cheerful all the time, do so. It's important that you don't put yourself in a situation that makes you feel bad.
- Spend more time with people who accept you, and less time with people who don't try to understand you.
- If you have to see the person often, try to limit the time you spend with them. Schedule time together and make sure there is a definite end. For example, you could have lunch together for an hour and try to only talk about neutral topics. After that, do something pleasant for yourself so that you can return to a peaceful state of mind.
Step 3. Don't force yourself to attend events that require you to fake a smile
You don't have to accept all invitations to dinner with a large group of people or get together at a party. If there are certain situations that don't seem to allow you to be yourself, you can turn them down. Organize social events that will allow you to feel comfortable. When battling depression, you may find that coffee gatherings alone or in small groups are more comfortable than large social events.
- If you have an event you must attend, such as a family member's wedding, limit your time there, and leave it in time. When you are depressed, you have limited energy. So don't force yourself to party late into the night unless you feel like it.
- Don't turn to alcohol or drugs as your social support. Getting stuck in the habit of using harmful substances to help you attend social events can lead to addiction.
Step 4. Prepare an answer for the person who asks, “How are you?
When depressed, this question feels like it has another meaning and is difficult to answer. Most people who ask how are you just want to have a conversation. If you've prepared an answer that feels honest and isn't too overwhelming, you'll find it easier to get past the small, everyday conversations that can drain your energy when you're depressed.
- Saying "good" might make you feel dishonest, but an "okay" or "good" answer is a better description of your situation. The answer is simple and neutral enough to escape the need to explain the real situation.
- When you are not feeling well, another option is to deflect the question. Instead of answering, say, "How are you?" or switch the conversation to a different topic.
- Another choice? Tell me how you really feel. If the other person is uncomfortable, that's the problem, not yours. Even if you're not feeling well, it's not your job to ensure the comfort of others by pretending to be different.
Step 5. Ask permission from work if you need it
If you're feeling so depressed that your daily tasks and productivity are dropping, it might be better to take a short break instead of trying to pretend that nothing's wrong. It's normal to want to try to hide depression at work, because a person's personal problems aren't always a desirable topic of discussion. However, suffering in silence can make your depression worse and also have negative consequences related to your work.
- If you don't think taking a few days off won't work, try discussing the issues you're having with the human resources department. Many companies have policies to help employees who are experiencing mental illness.
- If that's not an option, consider sharing your condition with your manager or someone you trust. Having one colleague who knows what you're going through is more than helpful than just keeping your feelings in check all the time.
Part 2 of 3: Learn to Be Yourself
Step 1. Don't try to be someone you're not
When you're depressed, trying to change yourself or become someone you aren't will only make your feelings worse. In fact, suppressing emotions can actually lead to suicidal thoughts. It's very important that you accept yourself as you are, along with your depression and all.
- Experiencing depression is nothing to be ashamed of. Depression can come and go throughout a person's life. Many people experience depression at some point in their lives. You are not alone.
- That's not to say you shouldn't seek help. You can accept the fact that you are depressed and keep trying to find ways to live with depression and make life feel better.
Step 2. Spend time with people who love you for who you are
Having someone who knows what you're going through and is willing to accept you completely is very important. Being depressed doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. You have to find someone who understands that and sees you as more than just your depression. Trying to hide who you really are from the world will take up a lot of energy and will make your depression worse. With people who care, you have nothing to hide.
- Maybe there will be people who care, but can't accept your depression. Some people are afraid of sadness. Even your parents might not be able to talk to you about this without blaming themselves or trying to “fix” things. That's why it's so important that you spend time with people who accept you for who you are.
- Find a relative or friend with whom you can be yourself. If you can't think of anyone, find a depression support group. You will be able to share your feelings with people who are going through the same thing.
Step 3. Engage in activities that you really enjoy
If you can sometimes stimulate yourself by doing some of the things you enjoy instead of forcing yourself to participate in activities you don't want to do, there's no need to pretend you're happy. Is there an activity that entertains or can temporarily distract you from unhappy thoughts? See if you can schedule more time to do what you love, and less time for things that only make you feel alone or different from the people around you.
- Maybe you like books or movies, and you enjoy talking about them with other people who share your interests. The more time you spend doing what you love, the less time you will have to spend pretending in front of other people.
- It may sound cliché, but volunteering can be a great way to train your talents and put your problems aside for a while. Volunteer work has been scientifically proven to increase happiness. Let's see if you can find volunteer work that's fun and suits your interests.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
There will be days when you feel tired and don't care about what you're doing, whether it's trying to be yourself or putting on a happy face for someone else's sake. Having tricks to bring joy is very important. Taking care of your body and mind can help you deal with the pain that comes with depression when the whole world seems happy. Here are some things to try:
- Take time each day to nourish your body. Eat foods that contain lots of vitamins, drink lots of water, and exercise. Keeping your body strong will help you deal with whatever comes your way.
- Have a diversion that can cheer you up on tough days. You can take your mind off watching your favorite television show or indulge in your favorite food to help lift your spirits.
Part 3 of 3: Seeking Help
Step 1. Share your condition with someone you trust
Having a familiar support system is very helpful in dealing with depression. Turn to those closest to you, tell them that you are depressed and ready to receive help. Knowing who you can lean on during tough times can be very helpful. It is very important that you have people who know what you are going through.
- Do you have friends or family members who have also struggled with depression? He might be the right person to talk to when you feel like no one understands what you're going through. When you ask for help from other people, they will usually do everything they can.
- If you don't know anyone who has experienced depression, talk to someone who is empathetic and compassionate. Tell them how you feel, and ask for their support when you get help.
Step 2. Be with other people instead of isolating yourself
When you're depressed, it's sometimes hard to force yourself to spend time with other people. Your energy levels are very low, and feeling around people who are on the same wavelength can be overwhelming. Meaning, just go and do what it takes to nurture relationships and involve other people in your world. Spend time with people instead of being alone all the time. The more isolated you are from other people, the more dangerous your depression will be.
- If you're feeling really down, find out if a friend or family member can stay with you for a while. You don't have to have a heart-to-heart conversation; even being in the same room helps.
- The human touch contains power. Schedule an appointment with a massage therapist if you haven't had enough physical contact with other people recently. Touching releases endorphins and helps you to be more connected to your body and the world.
Step 3. Seek help from a counselor or therapist in your area
When negative thoughts start to outpace positive ones, it's time to seek outside help. Talking about your condition with a counselor or professional therapist has great benefits for dealing with depression. Ask for references from people you know or do some research in the phone book or the internet for help.
- A general practitioner is the right person to ask if you are looking for a therapist. See if the doctor can refer you to a qualified professional in your area.
- It may take a few tries before you find someone suitable. If you don't feel comfortable with a therapist or counselor, perhaps because you don't like their approach to your problem or for some other reason, try making an appointment with someone else. You'll find a match in the end; the important thing is that you don't give up.
Step 4. Talk to a psychiatrist about medications that can help
Sometimes talk therapy isn't enough to fight depression, especially if you've been dealing with major depression for a long period of time. Medicine may be the best answer, at least for now. If you want to try depression medication to see if medication can make you feel better, make an appointment with a psychiatrist who can work with you to find the right medication for your needs.
- Keep in mind that depression medications usually take a month or more to start making you feel better. Medication won't help right away, but you should start to feel better gradually.
- The effect of the drug will be different for each person. The first few medications you try may not produce the results you want. Be prepared to work with a psychiatrist for several months before finding a suitable medication.
Step 5. Seek immediate help if you have suicidal thoughts
If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, or have already hurt yourself, seek help immediately. Don't try to hide your thoughts from other people; the thought will not go away, it will only get worse. If you already have a therapist or counselor, get in touch right away. Otherwise, call the suicide prevention helpline at (021) 7256526, (021) 7257826, or (021) 7221810. America has a variety of options for its citizens to try:
- Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
- Call or email (can be done anonymously) to The Samaritans suicide prevention center.
- Gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people can call 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564).
- Veteran members can call 800-273-TALK and dial 1.
- Teenagers can contact Covenant House NineLine at 1-800-999-9999.
- Look for a list of therapists in the phone book and then call by phone to then set an appointment.
Step 6. Seek emergency help if suicidal thoughts don't go away
If you feel you are in danger of hurting yourself then just talking won't help, you need to get yourself out of harm's way. Call someone to drive you to the hospital, or go yourself and register yourself. There are services to make sure you are safe until the suicidal thoughts subside.
- If there's no one to call and you can't get to the hospital yourself, call emergency services.
- Don't let the fear of expressing depression keep you from getting the help you need. Remember, lots of people are depressed and there are people who are ready to help you when you ask them to.
