Do you know how to respond to people who belittle you? Does his attitude make you feel inferior or belittled? If you don't know what to say or do in the situation, there are some effective and assertive ways you can respond to criticism. Learn how to talk to people who belittle you, prove them wrong, and understand what's going on when you have to deal with someone like this.
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Part 1 of 3: Talking to People Who Underestimate You
Step 1. Be assertive
Assertive communication helps you express yourself and maintain self-respect. In addition, you will also appreciate yourself and your abilities more. An assertive communication style also helps improve the way you see yourself because it reflects your thoughts and expresses your feelings. Finally, assertiveness makes others understand you better because you don't hide thoughts and feelings that make them wonder. If someone belittles you, stop the behavior by being assertive. Take the following suggestions to help you communicate assertively:
- Use the words "I" or "I" to express your feelings without blaming the other person. For example, you could say, "I am able to take on this new task with full responsibility," instead of saying, "You don't know what I'm capable of." By being assertive, you can express yourself without coming across as rude or confrontational.
- Prepare in advance what you want to say. Practice makes you more confident when communicating because you are prepared for what will happen.
- Practice dealing with less risky situations. Don't go straight to your boss to express your feelings. If possible, learn to be assertive with friends, family members, and coworkers first.
Step 2. Ask why
It's okay to ignore someone's words that make you feel belittled, but it may be helpful to listen to their critique. Use criticism constructively as a valuable source of motivation and information.
- For example, you could say, “I understand what you are saying. In your opinion, why am I considered unable to work well? This information will help me improve myself.”
- This method can be used to deal with people who look down on you but have no malicious intent, such as a boss who questions your ability to work because you've failed before. You don't have to reject or agree with his opinion, but you can take advantage of his criticism.
Step 3. Practice deep breathing
Inhale deeply until your stomach muscles expand, but your chest muscles don't move at all. This breathing technique is an easy and quick way to calm yourself down without much effort. Use this method just before you respond to deal with tension, provide a sense of calm, and build confidence when you hear someone criticizing your abilities.
Deep breathing techniques can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system which is in charge of regulating when your body should rest and work so that you feel calmer
Step 4. Prove it through action
One way to resist criticism that makes you feel belittled is to demonstrate success. If you are belittled, ignore it and focus on learning the task you have to do. This is a way of using humiliation as a source of motivation. However, remember that even if you have flaws, it's how you feel that matters, not anyone else's.
You can say, “You are free to have an opinion, but it is not up to you to decide whether I am capable or not. We'll see the results."
Step 5. Don't respond to rude behavior
If someone belittles you by behaving rudely, don't let them be satisfied with responding.
For example, if someone says that you can't do anything, ignore them or just walk away. You get nothing from people who talk like this. Prove by action that what he said was wrong, but you don't have to say anything to him
Part 2 of 3: Showing Fault by Proving
Step 1. Focus on your goal
Many people feel hurt by being belittled, but focus on the goal you're trying to achieve to prove the critique is misguided. Instead of being swayed by someone's words, use anger or sadness as a source of motivation to achieve your desires and fulfill responsibilities by working harder.
Do not be easily offended so that it negatively affects work performance. Focus on your own life ignoring criticism from others. You will become more creative and able to come up with new ideas by focusing on positive desires and goals. In this way, you will be able to prove the guilt of those who have underestimated you
Step 2. Set a rational goal
One of the biggest challenges in achieving success is setting achievable goals. Many people set goals that are impossible to achieve, for example by making a new year's resolution to want to exercise every day or not to make mistakes at work again. Setting goals that are too high will only lead to failure because when the target is not achieved, you will feel disappointed and give up. Setting concrete goals that are easier to achieve helps you make progress without worrying about perfection.
- Set concrete goals, for example: “walk 1 km/day” or “make at most 3 mistakes work/day”. Concrete goals will give you a sense of satisfaction every time you achieve them while continuing to work towards bigger goals.
- Reward yourself when you achieve your goals. This is especially useful if you're doing activities that don't pay off right away, such as writing a book, publishing an essay, or writing fiction. Delayed goals tend to make it difficult for you to associate them with positive feelings that you experience later. Therefore, give yourself a gift as soon as possible, for example: enjoying chocolate, watching a movie, or having fun with friends.
Step 3. Try to learn things that are challenging
Fixing weaknesses is sometimes better than taking advantage of the competencies you already have. Try to improve yourself by developing skills in new fields seriously so that you become a better person than you were yesterday.
For example, if you've always worked in sales and have excelled at providing customer service, but don't understand bookkeeping at all, take the time to learn how to record receipts and disbursements on the books
Step 4. Recognize and break the habit of self-criticism
Many people are self-sabotaging because of their beliefs that were formed since childhood. We are used to using negative perspectives that we learn from our parents, siblings, friends, or other people, and we even maintain that perspective unconsciously.
- Test the correctness of the message you get. For example, if someone says that you are not good at math, seek objective information to determine whether or not the statement is true. Were you not good at math before you heard statements about your abilities? Do you think that you are not capable or because your beliefs affect the way you approach math?
- Reject things that are not true. If someone says you're not good at math, but you think this is wrong, do something to prove them wrong. Take math extracurricular activities so you can learn and become a math champion. Take math courses online (via the internet) or with the help of a teacher. Don't let the negative words you've heard control your life right now.
Step 5. Make a commitment
Don't give up, even if you make mistakes or fail to do your job. Often times, we find it difficult to avoid mistakes and mistakes are sometimes needed in order for us to become better at certain things. Mistakes can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and life. Many successful people who achieve success are not instant, for example: Michael Jordan, Stephen King, and Albert Einstein.
- Make a commitment to complete the task while keeping the end goal in mind. Imagine that your life and that of your family will get better if you succeed.
- Remember that mistakes are learning experiences so you don't give up easily if you fail.
- Set clear goals. If you are belittled, respond by explaining your goals. Ambiguous goals are often associated with a lack of commitment. For example, if someone underestimates your ability in math, set specific goals for improving yourself, for example by answering 10 math problems every day. By setting clear, actionable, and concrete goals for achieving your goals, you will be able to fulfill your commitments when dealing with people who belittle you. Don't give ambiguous responses, for example: "become a better person at math".
Part 3 of 3: Evaluating Feelings of Humiliation
Step 1. Know what you can get from being belittled and criticized
Many of us feel disappointed when we are belittled and criticized. The sadness that arises can prevent us from seeing the available options, thereby reducing performance. Keep that in mind when you want to react to being humiliated. If you can't accept someone's words and feel disappointed, respond appropriately, for example by walking away from them. Even if it's not easy, try to control the feelings that arise because of his words.
Step 2. Ask yourself why someone underestimates you
An easy way to deal with criticism leveled at you is to find out why he did it. Many people try to accept their lack of self-confidence by thinking that other people are incapable of doing something. If someone considers himself incompetent, he feels it's okay to judge you as incompetent. Beware of people like this who easily put others down because they think they are not good. Don't be easily offended and try to understand that this mindset is fueled by insecurity.
Step 3. Accept yourself
If you have trouble ignoring criticism, try to love yourself. Perhaps in childhood you lived with people who did not believe in you. Do your parents or friends often belittle you and tell you that you can't achieve what you want? Recovering from the experience is not easy, but with dedication and self-love, you can build confidence in yourself.
Say to yourself, “I understand why I always blame myself. It's not my fault. I know that I am capable of loving myself.”
Step 4. Don't jump to conclusions too quickly
Many people are so easy to see the "lack" of others without doing enough observation. One error does not provide enough information to determine that you are unable. In reality, making mistakes or at least not being smart is not an indicator of your abilities. Smart people can also do stupid things, but stupid people sometimes do smart things. This means, mistakes are not the basis for determining one's abilities.
Don't make a big deal out of small issues and be wary of others doing the same to you. For example, say to your boss, "I've only done this task once or twice, so my work can't be used as a basis for giving a fair assessment."
Step 5. Don't demand perfection from yourself
If someone criticizes your abilities, take it as a challenge and try to improve yourself, but remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has their own strengths and certain aspects that need to be improved. Accept yourself as you are, instead of always trying just because you want to be the best. However, you should still try to improve yourself.
- Find a balance between improving your abilities and accepting yourself as you are. The desire for perfection makes people selfish, even causing problems with anxiety or depression.
- Challenge perfection by finding it within yourself. Ask yourself, "Do I often fail to meet the standards I set for myself?" or “Did anyone say that I set my standards too high?” or “Do the standards I set hinder other aspects of my life, such as socializing?” If your answer is “yes” to any of the questions above, you may be demanding perfection from yourself.
- Eliminate the desire to be perfect with realistic positive thinking. For example, while doing a task, say to yourself "No one is perfect" or "I can do my best, nothing more" or "If someone doesn't like me, that's okay".
- Challenge perfection by looking at the big picture. Ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" or “Does this thing still matter to me tomorrow? Three months? Another year?"
