Being humiliated, criticized, or ridiculed by others will not only hurt your feelings, but also be prone to making you feel worthless. To maintain your sanity and emotional health, make sure you learn powerful techniques for managing these negative situations. Also, make sure you take good care of yourself and don't let their words affect your quality of life.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Managing the Situation on the spot
Step 1. Don't react right away
When someone puts you down, try not to react immediately. In many cases, people who behave in a negative way are actually waiting for the victim's reaction. Don't grant her wish! Don't get angry or make similar negative responses. Make sure you don't say or do something that you will later regret.
- Calm yourself by taking deep breaths.
- Slowly, count to five to get your breathing rhythm and heart rate back to normal.
Step 2. Don't reply to his words or actions
You may be tempted to give a response or retaliation that is no less negative. However, if you do, what is the difference between you and that person? Such a response will only increase tension without actually getting to the root of the problem.
- By replying to his words or actions, you are also giving him what he wants: your response.
- Even if you are very tempted to do so, refrain from responding to disparaging comments on your social media pages with equally negative comments.
- Don't gossip about people who have hurt you. Gossiping about it will only make you feel better temporarily, but it won't contribute anything to solving the problem.
Step 3. Ignore the words or actions
Sometimes silence is the most powerful weapon. By ignoring him, you are not giving him the satisfaction he wants. After all, responding to such behavior will only waste your time and energy on something worthless; after all, people can also see more clearly who is really at fault in the situation.
- Act as if nothing happened.
- Keep doing what you are doing without even glancing at him.
- Chances are, he'll leave you soon after (though this doesn't apply to those who are completely shameless).
Step 4. Ask him to stop teasing you
This is the best way to get him to stop putting you down. If ignoring them doesn't produce any significant results (or if the behavior is very hurtful), just make your objections clear.
- Make sure you deliver it clearly, calmly, and in control. Also, make sure you always look him in the eye when you're talking.
- For example, if you are getting teased by a classmate, take a deep breath and say calmly, “Stop looking down on me.”
- If your coworker is doing it, try saying, “I don't like the way you talk to me and the way you talk about me in front of other people. Stop doing it."
- If it's your best friend who did it, and they don't really want to hurt your feelings, try saying, “I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. But in fact, what you said hurt my feelings. Please don't do it again, okay?"
Method 2 of 3: Strategy
Step 1. Understand the reasons behind his actions
There are several reasons that make someone look down on another person; sometimes he just does it on purpose and doesn't really mean to hurt you. Understanding his motives will help you determine how best to respond to them.
- Some people do it because they feel insecure or jealous. As a result, they feel the need to put you down in order to feel better.
- Some people do it because they want to attract the attention of others. One example is when your co-worker constantly criticizes your work in front of both of your supervisors.
- Some people even do it unconsciously; often, these people just have a hard time communicating their point. The simplest example is when your grandmother said, "Your clothes are good too, yes, your big belly is covered well.".
- Some people do it because they want to flirt, not to hurt your feelings. The simplest example is when your best friend calls you "dwarf".
Step 2. Define boundaries
There are comments that are annoying but you can still ignore. However, there are also comments that are so hurtful that you must act on them immediately. To manage the situation, you need to first define the boundaries you can – and cannot – tolerate.
- For example, your younger brother may like to tease and mock you. As annoying as it sounds, you know that he's not trying to hurt you. As long as the situation is under control, you may not need to make an attempt at confrontation.
- However, if your co-worker constantly insults your work and calls you useless, it's likely that he has bad intentions behind his behavior. If this is the case, make sure you report it to your boss or supervisor at work.
- If someone continues to make discriminatory remarks at you, it's a sign that he or she has violated your personal boundaries and should be reported to the appropriate authorities.
Step 3. Talk to your coworkers and peers
There are times when people who look down on you don't really know you. Most likely, they do have a negative purpose behind their attitude (or they just suck!). Show your objections maturely.
- If possible, get the person to talk in private. This method will prevent him from overreacting just to get the attention of others.
- You could say, “At the meeting, you made a hurtful comment about my idea. I appreciate constructive advice, not ridicule or insults. Please don't ever do that again."
- If he tries to put you down again, end the conversation and leave him.
- If the behavior persists and even gets worse, consider reporting it to the appropriate authorities.
Step 4. Be firm with your friends and relatives
Even minor temptations are prone to transforming into painful abuse. If the situation starts to bother you, ask them to stop doing it. State your request firmly, but in a calm and clear voice. To show your seriousness, don't smile or laugh when you say it.
- For example, don't say, “Hahahaha! Stop, Jungle Monkey!”.
- Instead, look them in the eye and say in a clear, calm voice, “Okay, that's enough. I know you think this is funny, but I feel really annoyed about it. So, please, stop.”
- If they don't stop what they're doing right away, say, "When I asked you to stop, I wasn't joking," and then walk away from them. More than likely, they will immediately approach you and apologize. Don't hesitate to show your seriousness because sometimes, people who are very close to you actually have a hard time reading your seriousness.
Step 5. Keep respecting people who are older than you
Sometimes, those who look down on you are people you respect, such as your parents, teachers, or office supervisors. If this is the case, politely explain that their words are bothering you and ask them to stop doing it. At least, your honesty will make them realize your feelings and their “wrong” all along. This is also an important step for managing the situation long term.
- If the person who is looking down on you is a supervisor at work, try meeting HR staff and asking for their opinion.
- Talk one-on-one with people who look down on you. Do this only if you feel comfortable doing it. One-on-one conversations feel more personal and don't make both parties awkward.
- Try saying, “I get annoyed every time you insult my work,” or “I know some of my work is pending, but please don't call me lazy. I feel disturbed when I hear it.”.
- If you don't want to talk to the person one-on-one, try asking another adult or HR staff in the office to raise your complaint.
Method 3 of 3: Take Care Of Yourself
Step 1. Don't take his words to heart
The words that come out of a person's mouth are a reflection of his character, not yours. If a person is happy, there is no way he would be willing to waste time just looking down on those around him. Most likely, you are not the only victim. If you let his words affect your life, then you have let him win too. Don't let his words and actions affect your quality of life and lower your self-esteem.
- Recall the various positive qualities you have by writing them down on a piece of paper.
- Also write down the words that demean you. For each sentence, write down at least three things that prove that the words are not true.
- Write down the positive things other people have said about you.
Step 2. Apply stress management techniques
Being harassed or belittled by others is prone to stress, especially if you experience these situations on a daily basis. Therefore, it is important that you learn and apply stress management techniques to restore your emotional health.
- Practice deep breathing and meditation techniques so you can stay calm when the person is around you.
- Practicing self-awareness meditation is also very useful for stress relief. It will even help you to ignore the person if he or she looks down on you again.
- Do light exercise such as jogging or swimming to release the tension you are feeling.
Step 3. Ask for support from those closest to you
Make sure you ask for external help if the situation gets worse. Remember, you can always talk to an authority figure such as a teacher, parent, or supervisor at work. Trust me, having a solid support system in this kind of situation will really help you. They can defend you when the situation reoccurs, and can even help you report it to the appropriate authorities.
- Share the situation with people you trust. Explain the situation in as much detail as possible so that they can understand what really happened. If necessary, ask them to help you deal with the person who has put you down.
- The help they provide doesn't have to be confrontational. Just being willing to accompany you when you encounter the person is very helpful.
- They can also help report the person to the appropriate authorities.
Step 4. Surround yourself with positive people
Spending time with positive people is the perfect way to manage the stress of being put down by others. Doing so will also reduce stress, distract your thoughts and feelings from negativity, and improve your overall health.
- Socialize with positive people who can make you feel more valuable.
- When socializing, don't just be busy complaining about the harassment or ridicule you've received. Do fun things with these people!
Warning
- If you experience harassment related to sensitive issues such as age, gender, sexuality or disability, make sure you document all the harassment and report it to the appropriate authorities.
- If you feel threatened or physically hurt, immediately report it to the authorities.
