In life, we are often faced with difficult decisions. Making the decision to do something new usually makes us sacrifice something else. That's what makes this process difficult, there are losses to deal with as well as the uncertainty of the future. However, we often overestimate how much impact these decisions have on our happiness and well-being. By making decisions with a healthy mind and remembering that rarely anyone gets caught up in the decisions that have already been made, it will be easier for you to make decisions for yourself, even the tough ones.
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Part 1 of 3: Developing the Right Mindset
Step 1. Write down your doubts
If you feel stuck and unable to make difficult decisions, write down the reasons that weigh you down on paper. Ask yourself if you are unable to make a decision because you are afraid of the outcome. If you feel this way, remember that we usually overestimate how decisions affect feelings. This is called "affective forecasting" and in general, humans are very good at it.
However, the decisions you end up making will likely have less of an impact on your overall happiness than you might think, once you get used to it. Somehow, use this opportunity to help put aside the fear of making decisions
Step 2. Compare what you know and what you should ideally know
Consider both sides of the issue at stake in the decision. For example, if you're thinking about finding a new job and one thing that attracts you is a raise, think about whether you know how much of a raise you'll get.
- If you are short on information, learn about the topic by searching the internet for information and checking the average salary information (Google search "average salary + X", where X is the position you want), asking colleagues for salary information, and if necessary. the time is right, ask the prospective employer directly.
- You can also gather information by asking people who have made similar decisions, or who have been in the same predicament. For example, if you know someone who has landed the job you are considering, ask how their experience was. Make sure you consider and compare the circumstances to yours.
- If he really enjoys his new job and enjoys moving to a new city, but he's single while you'll be leaving your partner for a year or more, your level of enjoyment in changing jobs may not be the same as his.
Step 3. Think about whether someone is holding you back
Sometimes we are afraid to make decisions because we worry about what other people will think. If you put your happiness first and want to determine your own path in life, remember that ultimately you have to make the decisions for yourself.
- Before you act, think about whether you often worry about what other people will think. If so, other people may be able to get in the way of your decision.
- If fear of social disapproval is holding you back, think about how you feel about the decision. However, try not to think about people who might judge you for the decisions you make.
Step 4. Map out the final effect of the decision
Sometimes we hesitate to make a decision because we think that the decision cannot be undone. To be sure, sometimes that's true. But often we can overturn a decision, completely or partially. So, it's true that decision-making shouldn't feel like a huge burden causing emotional turmoil.
Consider the final effect of your decision carefully. For example, you might ask yourself the following questions about your new job: Are you going to be stuck there forever or can you apply for your old job again or another job where you used to live? Can you apply for the same position in another city if you find that you don't like the city where you work?
Step 5. Check for depression that may be present
When you feel confused, decisions are certainly difficult to make. Our cognitive abilities feel drained and even the smallest tasks or simple decisions feel overwhelming.
To find out if you're feeling depressed, think about how often you feel disorganized. If you've been feeling it for a long time (longer than two weeks), or if you feel like you're not enjoying what you used to like, you may be depressed. But keep in mind that the only correct way to diagnose depression is to see a mental health professional
Step 6. Take a break
Sometimes we can't identify all the sources of difficulty or make a successful decision, and that's normal. Take a break and remember that your subconscious may still be working on solving problems even if you're not aware of it.
Step 7. Let go of the belief that there are perfect decisions
Perfectionism creates an unrealistic view of the world and can lead to anxiety and disappointment because you set unreasonable standards. Whatever your decision or environment, there will always be difficult things and would rather not be faced if you could. If you're unsure because you're waiting for the perfect choice to come along, remember that the perfect path probably doesn't exist.
To achieve this, remind yourself that no decision choice will be perfect, that there will likely be some flaws in every major decision you make
Step 8. Try to find alternative options
One of the reasons why decisions are so hard to make is that we often limit ourselves to just two choices. For example, if you're contemplating a new job, your thoughts might be something like, "Take a new job that I don't really like or stay where I'm stuck in." However, if you look for alternative options, you will find that these are not the only two options you have. You may have other options, such as taking a new job and continuing to look for a better position, or turning down the job and continuing to look for a better one.
Studies show that if you can add even one alternative option, you're more likely to make a good decision. This may be because you don't think in limited situations and are inflexible so you're more open to possibilities that other situations wouldn't consider
Part 2 of 3: Weighing Decisions from Both Sides
Step 1. Make a list of pros and cons
Sometimes difficult decisions are overwhelming and you can't see the facts, pros and cons clearly. To reduce confusion, write everything down concretely.
Create a two-column table, one column for the pros list (everything that would or might go well if the decision was made) and one column for the cons list (everything that would or might go badly if the decision was made)
Step 2. Estimate the certainty of each item of pros and cons
Not all good or bad things in that decision will be the same. Consider this (exaggerated) example: if you have the opportunity to move to Hawaii but you are afraid of a volcanic explosion, and because the probability of that happening is very small, it should not be taken into account in the decision-making process.
- For example, if you want to decide whether to accept a new job, items that could be entered in the pro column include a new environment, the opportunity to make new friends, and a raise.
- Things you can write in the counter column include having to move, having trouble starting a new job when you are comfortable with the old job, the future is more uncertain than now.
Step 3. Pay attention to the subjectivity of the pros and cons you wrote
Some people may feel that moving to a new city is a pro, while others would prefer to live in the same place and would not like the move.
- When assessing the uncertainty of each item on the list, keep in mind that you may be in for a pleasant surprise. For example, you may find that moving to a new city is not as negative as you thought.
- You can weigh item uncertainty in the following way. For the pro list, you will definitely be in a new environment (100%).
Step 4. Weigh each pros and cons
Rate how important each of the pros and cons of each item is to you on a scale from 0 to 1.
For example, if you feel that the new environment is only moderately attractive, you might assign a value of 0.3 to the level of importance of that variable
Step 5. Calculate the value
Multiply the uncertainty of the variable by how important it is to you to get an idea of what the item's "value" is.
- For example, since you are bound to live in a new neighborhood if you change jobs, and you rate 'new neighborhood' 0.3, multiply 0.3 (value) by 100 (certainty) to get 30. So, the value of living in the new neighborhood is +30.
- Another example, if the certainty value of making new friends is 60% but it is very important for you to develop a network of friends, you might rate the importance of 0.9, then multiply 60 by 0.9 and get 54. In this case, even if you haven't you will definitely make new friends and given that it is important, you should place more emphasis on this when making decisions.
- Then, add up 30 + 54, plus the other pro item scores, to get the total score on the pro side.
- Then, do the same for the counter side.
Step 6. Be careful before deciding
Making a list of pros and cons is not always the best option for making a decision because there are a number of drawbacks. If you choose to make decisions this way, make sure you don't fall into any of these drawbacks.
- Make sure you don't overanalyze the situation by coming up with pros and cons that may appear good or bad to the outside but aren't really things you personally care about.
- In keeping with this idea, don't ignore your instincts when making lists. Sometimes our instincts are so hard to put into words that they can't be put on a list, but feelings are real and should be considered and assessed carefully.
Step 7. Don't process too much information
Sometimes too much information can actually hinder the ability to make decisions. For example, a very complex list of pros and cons makes it difficult for you to keep track of all the variables involved and all their judgments and complexities. Being overwhelmed by too much information can actually make the decision-making process more difficult.
Consider starting with 5 pros and 5 cons. When you consider the two, you don't need a lot of grain to make a decision
Step 8. Decide by value
If the pro side value is greater than the cons side value, you can choose to make a decision based on that value. If so, it seems better to make a decision than not.
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Common Mistakes
Step 1. Watch for confirmation bias
This type of bias is very common. This happens when you are looking for information that confirms what you already know (or think you know) about a situation. This may lead you to take the wrong decision because all relevant information is not considered.
A list of pros and cons will help, but only to that extent because there is a tendency to ignore information that you don't want to pay close attention to. Ask for other people's judgments and opinions to make sure you've taken everything into account. You don't need to base your decisions on other people's thoughts, but taking their views into account can help fight confirmation bias
Step 2. Don't bet
Bias occurs when you expect past events to influence or recreate future events. For example, if the front of a coin is face up 5 times in a row, you might start expecting that the next will come out front again, even though the odds of each coin toss are actually 50/50. When making difficult decisions, make sure you take past experiences into account, but don't let them influence your perceptions incorrectly.
For example, if you are trying to decide to marry someone and you have failed at marriage in the past, you may be letting that get in the way of your decision. However, here you have to consider all the data. Is your current self different from what you were in your first marriage? Is your partner different from the previous partner? What kind of relationship are you in now? All of that will help you make a well-thought-out decision
Step 3. Beware of mistakes because of the money that has been invested
In the process of making a difficult decision, you may be caught in a mistake because you don't want to lose. This happens when you focus too much on what you have invested in an unseen situation while it would be wiser to just let that option go. Economically this is usually called “spending money on problematic options”.
- For example, if you bet $1 million in a poker game and your opponent keeps playing, you may not even notice that your cards are bad. You keep raising the stakes because you have invested a lot of money even though your cards are no longer the strongest.
- Another example, let's say you've bought opera tickets. On the night of the show, you feel sick and really don't want to leave. But since the tickets are already purchased, you still go. Because you are unwell and don't really want to leave, you can't enjoy it. Go or not, the money has been spent. So, perhaps the better option is to stay home and rest.
- If you feel you are leaning towards one side of a decision because you have “invested” a lot of time, effort, or money into it, reconsider the decision. While committing to a choice isn't a bad thing, don't let this mistake keep you stuck in a decision that isn't really profitable.
