Feelings of sadness and longing are natural reactions when we lose a loved one, perhaps because he or she is traveling, disconnected, died, or moved out of town. Although difficult, there are several ways to overcome this problem so that you feel calmer, able to accept reality, and understand that the feeling of loss can be overcome without forgetting the person you love.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Waiting for Someone's Return
Step 1. Count down day by day
Every day that passes, mark the calendar while congratulating yourself on a well passed. Live life in peace. Many things will change in everyday life when loved ones are not at home. Try to live your day to the best of your ability while waiting for the return of your loved ones!
Step 2. Focus on other relationships
Take advantage of precious time by contacting people you haven't paid much attention to, for example: spouses, friends, and relatives who don't live in the same house.
If you have free time because you don't have to take care of children who are in college and living in boarding houses, it's time for you to carry out the plans that have been delayed
Step 3. Pay attention through gifts
Prepare a gift package and send it to your loved ones. Use shopping time as an opportunity to pay attention to him, do something for him, and send love through gifts. If you have children, invite them to use their free time in the evenings once a week to make arts and crafts creations and then put them in the package.
Step 4. Fill in the time by doing activities
Doing various activities at home will distract your mind in a healthy way and make the atmosphere at home feel more comfortable. Even though your daily life is not always pleasant, time will seem to pass faster if you are always busy with activities at home, for example by doing the following things:
- Rearrange the furniture in the house when the couple is on a business trip for a few days so that he feels happy when he comes home. Even if it's just cleaning and tidying the house, you're still making repairs. Thus, there is something you can do and benefit from.
- Put plants in the house as a source of energy that makes your life more enjoyable.
- Clean windows and curtains so everyone can enjoy the view clearly.
- Paint again the fence that has started to rust.
- Repair creaky door hinges, leaky faucets, or take damaged items to a repair shop.
- Tidy the yard and sidewalk in front of the house. Place colorful plants in the yard or pots with beautiful flowers on the terrace to make your home look more attractive.
Step 5. Do activities that take up a lot of time
If you have to wait a long time and have free time, look for activities that require a lot of time and energy so that they are not finished while you wait for your loved one to return. That way, you can live a happy life because there is something both of you look forward to.
- When your partner is on duty abroad to help victims of natural disasters, tell them about your plans for activities, for example: building a bamboo gazebo in the backyard.
- If you have children, get involved in work so that they and you can get through the waiting period together.
- Start arranging the garden you've always wanted.
- Hold events that support the couple's activities, such as raising funds for victims of natural disasters. Report the progress of the activities you are doing so he knows that you miss him, love him, and miss his presence at home.
Step 6. Make an agreement to communicate regularly
You can communicate via Skype, email, or send letters and postcards. This method is very useful because it makes you always want to communicate and feel closer when writing or receiving a reply. Positive feelings that always radiate make it easier for you to live alone.
Method 2 of 4: Moving on with Life After a Breakup
Step 1. Try to recover your emotions
If you and your lover recently separated, especially if the relationship is serious enough, it may be difficult for you to get back to your normal life. You can cry, get angry, and express the emotions that are building up in your heart.
- Everyone has a different emotional experience. Maybe you don't want to cry for long and prefer to write down how you feel. Other people feel emotions and deal with them in different ways.
- Don't socialize for a while. Find a friend or family member you trust. There are people who prefer to keep their feelings to themselves and this is understandable.
- Write down everything you think about to determine the feelings that made you feel hurt.
- Don't be shy about feeling disappointed, for example, because other people don't think your relationship is serious. Other people don't know the suffering you are feeling because you are the only one experiencing it.
Step 2. Feel sad about the ending relationship
Many people are taught how to gain something, but very few learn how to accept loss. This makes many people unprepared for various forms of loss in everyday life, such as the loss of a loved one, job, physical ability, or trust in someone. Sadness is a complex emotion and everyone expresses it in different ways. Whatever the cause, work to identify and address the issues that are triggered by grief.
- If you don't deal with it right away, the grief of losing someone can make you even more helpless.
- Know that someone who is experiencing sadness will usually go through several stages, namely: denying, feeling lost and devastated, bargaining, depression, anger, acceptance. Each stage can be used as an indicator to understand the sadness that is being experienced.
- Everyone who is sad will live it as a personal experience with a different process.
- While going through certain stages, you may need more time than others.
- You don't have to rush to get rid of your sadness and don't let other people force you. Give yourself time to feel sad because this is very beneficial in the recovery process.
Step 3. Save anything that triggers sadness when you're ready
Seeing things that remind you of the person you miss is likely to trigger emotional baggage. Put his belongings in a box and return them, throw them away, or keep them out of sight, as well as the things you own. Loss is easier to deal with if you don't see these things in your daily life.
- If you really need a certain item because it has a special meaning, save it for a while.
- Ask a friend for help if you're having trouble doing it yourself so you feel more confident about the future after your breakup.
- Answer this question: would you be able to overcome the feeling of loss if you still have a large photo of your ex-girlfriend at your bedside?
Step 4. Never interact with him again
You'll have a harder time coping with the loss if the two of you are still chatting or seeing each other once in a while after the relationship ends. Even if it's difficult, don't ever see him again because you will experience emotional stress that makes things difficult.
- Don't call or text to ask how he's doing because it will make you even sadder.
- If the two of you have to meet at school, at work, or elsewhere, greet them by saying "Hi!" or “Hello!” then leave immediately. Meetings tend to provoke emotions and trigger feelings of loss, but these feelings are only temporary. So, persevere and keep trying.
- Block his account on social media. When you look at photos of your loved ones, memories of the past that you have shared together will come back and make you feel lost.
Step 5. Say goodbye and disconnect
We perform various ceremonies to end certain things, for example by attending graduations, funerals, or closing ceremonies. Holding an event as a sign of separation will overcome the sadness and reduce the feeling of loss.
Write him a letter, but don't send it. Share all the emotional experiences you've had. Say thank you for the good and bad experiences with him. Express your anger by writing: “I don't want to continue to suffer because of being separated from you. So, this feeling I return to you. Goodbye."
Step 6. Explore the possibility of dating again
Consider whether you want to find a new date, but make sure you're fully prepared first. You'll feel even more lost if you start dating right away, hoping to get rid of your sadness. After the end of a serious relationship, you may not find a replacement within a week.
- When you meet a new date, you will be reminded of the kindness of your ex, so that you feel even more lost.
- If you're not ready, your new date won't be able to fill the void you feel.
- Spend time with fun friends.
Step 7. Change your daily routine
Stop the activities you've been doing together or remind you of your ex. Don't eat at a restaurant on a first date or go to a favorite location in the park. Buy coffee or bread at another store for a few weeks until you feel more comfortable in the morning. Find new activities to deal with loss, don't give up all old habits.
- Start doing fun things that you haven't been able to do because he doesn't like it, for example: climbing mountains or learning to make potato chips. Find ways to deal with loss so you can be yourself and live independently.
- If you and your ex are in the same social circle, avoid the places he used to go and find pleasure in other ways.
Step 8. Rely on friends
Hanging out with friends is the best way to help yourself. When you spend time with friends, you will appreciate the care and support they provide. Plus, there's someone you can rely on when you're having trouble.
- If possible, meet a few friends a week so you don't think about your ex.
- While friends can't give you advice on how to get over your sadness, your company with them can change the mood.
Step 9. Work on developing yourself
When you're alone, maybe you don't have time to develop yourself personally. Make the most of your time to be a healthy, happy, and successful person. Set a goal to win a marathon, write a novel, not be obsessive, or do the activities you've always wanted to develop yourself.
Determine the properties you need to improve. It may be that certain traits make you feel unhappy, for example: excessive anxiety or lack of assertiveness
Step 10. Focus on developing your career
Dedicate yourself to doing positive and useful activities. Coping with loss is much easier if you have a career that excites you to get up early. Ask for feedback from coworkers as a way of self-evaluation to improve the quality of your work.
Step 11. Get busy and stay active
Don't lock yourself up at home or relax all day. Do activities outside the home, hang out with friends, or find activities that you enjoy to keep your schedule tight enough and have something to look forward to.
Take advantage of this moment by finding a new hobby, for example: practicing yoga, playing volleyball, playing the guitar, or learning to cook
Step 12. Focus on the positive
Disharmonious relationships tend to keep you focused on the problem. Try to look at the positive aspects of your past relationships, what you've learned and the benefits. Value your experience.
Being grateful for the things you experience and the benefits it brings to your life will improve your mental and physical health. Good health gives you the ability to control the feelings that come with losing someone
Method 3 of 4: Overcoming the Loss of a Loved One
Step 1. Give yourself time to grieve
When you have just lost a loved one, give yourself a chance to grieve and understand how you are feeling. You will still feel lost if you don't take time to calm down, express your emotions, and grieve the loss of a loved one.
- As explained above, everyone will go through a different process when grieving. If you want to be alone for a while, send a message to friends and family members: “It's so hard to accept this painful reality, but I'm going to work on it. I want to be alone for a while, I don't know how long. Only I know what I'm going through and feeling."
- If you're feeling lonely because you've been alone for too long, find a friend or family member who's willing to hang out with you every once in a while.
- Start journaling. Through a journal, you can express your feelings, see photos of loved ones who have died, or cry to your heart's content. Don't feel guilty if you don't cry because everyone expresses sadness differently.
Step 2. Respect the habits of loved ones who have passed away
Reminiscing and continuing his usual habits will make it easier for you to accept your sadness and move on with your life. Share his kindness with friends or family members and maintain the habit he has been doing, for example by volunteering in a community, reading stories to children, or listening to music he likes.
- If these things make you sad or lost, change your daily routine for a while. Once you are able to overcome the sadness, do the things that he enjoys again. That way, you won't be too sad when you reminisce about the good memories you had with him.
- Instead of forgetting or not wanting to think about a loved one who has passed away, try to remember all the good things, feel the experience with them again, and accept reality with a wise attitude.
Step 3. Talk to people who share the loss
Avoiding everything that reminds you of him or not mentioning his name again is not a good way to deal with sadness. However, you can do this for a while until you are ready to talk about things from his life again. Reminiscing about humorous words or actions can reduce grief and speed up the recovery process.
Relive sweet memories with him so you can accept the fact that he is gone. Even if he or she isn't likely to come back in your life again, sharing wonderful experiences with your loved ones will allow you to recover faster
Step 4. Know that your relationship with him doesn't end, it changes
Relationships are formed from two aspects: physical and emotional. Even if the two of you are physically separated, the emotional connection continues. So, never forget it.
- Overcoming the feeling of loss does not mean betraying it. If he loves you, he will be happy that you are trying to overcome the sadness and move on again.
- Forgetting loved ones who have passed away is impossible, especially on birthdays, holidays, or other important moments that you have shared together. Instead of ignoring the loss, say to yourself or someone else, “Today I lost _. He really liked this event. Let's make a toast to the _ we love." This is an acknowledgment of his role in your life and a moment of appreciation for him that is useful to support the recovery process.
- It's normal to feel lost every now and then, but you need to enjoy the present, instead of dwelling on the past.
Step 5. Spend time with family and friends
They are ready to provide support and accompany you when faced with difficulties. In addition to supporting each other because they share the same sadness, they also make you feel loved, cared for, and involved in activities together. Making time to gather with those you love to share love and affection will reduce the feeling of loss.
- Friends and other family members can never replace a loved one who is gone in your heart and makes you forget him.
- If a friend or family member seems to get over the loss more quickly, don't be frustrated. Everyone needs a different amount of time and you don't know how they really feel.
Step 6. Explore the possibility of pursuing therapy
Seek professional help to make it easier for you to recover. Before deciding, find the most appropriate therapy by sharing your problem with a professional therapist. Seeking help to overcome life's difficulties takes courage and strength.
Be proud of yourself that you want to seek help in maintaining your health through therapy, instead of feeling ashamed or weak
Step 7. Write down what you think
Journaling is a way of controlling your feelings so they don't overwhelm your mind. Keep a journal every morning or evening to communicate with yourself and relieve stress. In addition, you can immediately record every thought that comes to you. Choose the most appropriate way.
- Write him a letter, but not to send it. Say thank you for the joys and sorrows that have been experienced together. If he's ever annoyed you, express it in a letter, for example: “I don't want to hold on to my anger anymore. So, I release the burden of my feelings through this letter. Goodbye."
- Read the letter aloud to yourself or people you trust and burn it in a safe place. Fire is one of the means to cleanse the energy that frees a person from suffering.
Step 8. Get into healthy habits
Losing someone tends to make you sink into sadness and think about it so much that you ignore yourself. To overcome the feeling of loss, start doing a daily routine that makes you feel more comfortable, for example: getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night every day, eating three meals a day (even if you are not hungry), and exercising for at least 30 minutes every day.
- You may have doubts whether regular eating and sleeping will help with grief, but it can prove to be very beneficial. Good health makes you stronger so that you can overcome adversity in a more effective way.
- Avoid things that trigger stress, for example: traffic jams, noisy concerts, excessive work responsibilities, or negative friends. Even if you can't get rid of stress yet, try to relieve it.
- Meditating or practicing yoga for 15 minutes every day puts your mind and body working more in sync so you feel calmer throughout the day.
- Take care of your health. According to research, one in three people who lose a loved one after the end of a serious relationship experiences physical and emotional suffering. Don't ignore your own needs, even if you feel anxious, depressed, and don't want to do anything about it.
Method 4 of 4: Coping With Loss Due to Relocation
Step 1. Maintain good relations
If your lover or partner has moved out or moved for a few months, keep in touch with them. Make an appointment to chat on the phone or Skype once a week to keep yourself close and less lonely. The habit of communicating regularly will be something you look forward to because you can talk to him.
If you can't see each other because of the distance, send an email or use a communication facility to send a message. Communicating regularly makes you feel connected to him, instead of feeling more lost
Step 2. Don't chat too much
Avoid the habit of chatting every day or texting all the time. That way, you can enjoy life in the present and be ready to leave your comfort zone to do new things or make new friends.
- If he likes to chat, explain that you will stay in touch with him, but you don't want to be a codependent person.
- Don't forget to call your lover or partner before you make a big decision or an important event, but find a friend who is ready to help without the constraints of distance.
Step 3. Plan to meet, if possible
Plans to meet up will be something you look forward to and relieve the anxiety of thinking you'll never see him again. If the two of you are going to be seeing each other in a few weeks, you'll probably be talking to her less often and not feeling lost.
You both have personal lives. If you see each other too often, you will miss out on socializing opportunities. Try to maintain a balance between personal life and social life to get rid of the impression you want to be alone with him. That way, other people don't forget about you when you're having a social event
Step 4. Write him a letter
Sending a letter every few weeks is one way to control your thoughts and feelings to reduce the urge to call or text all the time. In addition to being a fun means of communication, this method is able to overcome the sense of loss.
Writing a letter like you're having an intimate conversation makes you feel closer to him, even if you're far away
Step 5. Do new things to pass the time
The sense of loss may make you want to shut up. In any case, try to keep yourself busy by finding new activities, for example: playing bowling with new friends or learning to play the guitar. The void of time that you usually spend together will trigger a sense of loss. Fill it with new activities and meet new fun people.
- Choose a sport you've never done before, for example: running or playing basketball.
- Take up a new hobby, for example: photography, painting, or cooking.
- Sign up for courses organized by your community or school, for example: book writing workshops or herbal concoction courses.
- Find a love for literature. Read all the books that you still have with you.
- Do new fitness exercises. In addition to passing time, biking, hiking, or practicing yoga can make you feel happier.
Step 6. Open your heart to make new friends
Be friendly to people you don't know. Invite friends to get together. If you're shy, there are some easy ways to make new friends. Start by smiling, greeting in a friendly manner, and showing a friendly attitude to the people you meet.
- Get to know someone by asking general questions. Tell me a few things about yourself or talk about fun things. If you keep trying, you will have more friends and less sense of loss.
- A lover or partner who is away is irreplaceable because he is very important to you, but you still have to keep socializing by making fun new friends to make your life more dynamic.
- Give other people a chance to be your friend. Instead of being skeptical, interact with people you don't know. Maybe you both share common interests and can become good friends after getting to know each other.
Tips
- Laughter is the best medicine. While it's normal to mourn the loss of a loved one, keep the spirit alive and make friends with positive people.
- Divert your mind by having some fun once in a while.
- Crying is a good and healthy way to express emotions. So don't be afraid to cry.
- Look at photos or reread letters and messages he's sent you, but limit yourself so that you don't waste your time on these things.
- Be positive, instead of thinking about fights or unpleasant times with him.
- If you don't want to remember it anymore, say to yourself, “That's enough. I don't want to think about you right now because there's a lot of work waiting for me." Try to free your mind by not thinking about it all the time.
- If the two of you are separated by distance, remember the fun things you've had with him and make plans to see each other again.
- You can't go back in time and repeat what happened. Focus on thinking about a bright and happy future.
