We've all experienced how difficult it is to deal with certain moments in a relationship that's not harmonious, a work environment that is problematic, or just a family affair that really upsets you. At those times, there are times when we can no longer control our emotions and the situation becomes very chaotic. Even though we assume that emotions are not ours and whatever the conditions we experience, remember that the control over emotions is always in the hands of each of us because we will only experience what we want to feel. Read on for some of these ways to practice calming yourself so you can stabilize your emotions in any situation.
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Part 1 of 3: Fixing Emotional Reactions
Step 1. Practice the reappraisal technique
Contrary to popular belief, people who are able to maintain emotional stability are not people who ignore their emotional state. What's more, they are also not people who easily dissolve in emotions and place emotions as the most important thing. Recent research has concluded that people who practice reinterpretation techniques have the best emotional stability because they are able to actively choose what they want to think about and can always think clearly.
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It's easier said than done, right? So that you too can use the reinterpretation technique, ask yourself the following questions:
- What is the positive side of this situation?
- What other perspectives can I use to understand this situation? Am I looking at this situation from an objective point of view?
- Can I view this situation as a challenge rather than a problem?
Step 2. Realize that your emotions are not the same as the weather
Many people think that emotions and emotional changes are an unavoidable aspect of life. While there is some truth to this assumption, this assumption ignores the fact that you actually have control over your emotions. Believe it or not, you won't experience a certain feeling if you don't want to experience it. So the next time you experience a feeling you don't want, realize that your mind is already making its own decisions without you knowing. You have veto power over the decision and can choose other ways to determine your own feelings.
For example, someone at work laughs at the way you laugh. Your old self may feel offended, shut yourself off from socializing, and stop laughing for fear of being humiliated and humiliated in public. Maybe you will feel these things, but if you can reinterpret these feelings, you will think, " There is no such thing as a "bad laugh." Who is this person that he feels entitled to judge others? Why should I care about his opinion? " The emotional stress you feel will go away and be replaced by a more pleasant attitude of indifference and emotional stability
Step 3. Stabilize yourself thoroughly
Some studies suggest that you will feel happier if you can experience positive emotions, positive social relationships, and physical health. In addition, these three things must be able to influence each other in such a way that by having one aspect, you can have other aspects. In other words, if you want to stabilize your emotions, don't neglect your friends and your physical health. Your desire for complete change is impossible if you only pay attention to one aspect of life and ignore other aspects. Instead, see this opportunity as a way to create "life stability," not just "emotional stability."
One way to take care of yourself is to eat well, exercise, and do the things you enjoy, alone or with other people. You have to make time for yourself every day so you don't get stressed and stay in top shape
Step 4. Don't be weak in life
Emotionally stable and strong people are usually more resilient and persistent. They do not want to give up and always fight with all their might. You may face problems by constantly complaining, bemoaning life, and feeling sorry for yourself. But with strong determination, and whatever you have to face in life, you will still be fine because you actually already know that you will be okay and all this will pass.
Do some introspection. Do you complain easily without trying to realize what you've done? Do the little things that go wrong piss you off to the point where you can't see the big picture? What can you do to become aware that you are being controlled?
Step 5. Study the "emotional stability" scale as a guide
Scientists still have a hard time defining human emotions. They have recently developed what is called the "emotional stability" scale and define aspects of the human personality. Of the following conditions, which one can create stability and which one will cause chaos?
- Pessimism vs Optimism
- Anxiety vs Calm
- Aggression vs Tolerance
- Dependency vs Autonomy
- Emotion vs Logic
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Apathy vs Empathy
If you continue reading the next steps, you will probably see that we are discussing these things. If you want to know your rank, try consulting a psychologist who can do the test for you.
Part 2 of 3: Changing Your Mind
Step 1. Learn how to sort through thoughts
Emotionally stable people are very good at sorting out their thoughts. In other words, they are very good at keeping their stressful lives from contaminating their pleasant lives to the detriment of all that is already going well. So if your work is annoying, don't take it home. Realize that if one aspect of your life isn't going your way, that doesn't mean your whole life should be affected.
Look inside yourself and think about what's upsetting your emotions and trying to bring you down. You can't isolate stress if you don't know what causes it
Step 2. Change your memory
There has been a great deal of research that has been done on memory and all of them lead to one common theme that memory can change every time you recall it. What's more, memories can change because of how you remember them. What does it mean? In order to understand this, let's say that you are going back in time and remembering an ex-lover who once hurt you. Try to imagine your ex-boyfriend is currently sad, lonely, and a little mentally disturbed. If one day you are reminded of him again, this thought will arise. In just an instant and as if by magic, your original memory will be erased and replaced by the memory you just thought of.
For example, you are asked to paint a garden with several trees in it, a dog chasing a cat, and a family having a picnic while enjoying rice wraps on a mat. The weather conditions are currently summer, the sun is shining brightly, and the wind is blowing gently through the leaves. One week later you are asked to paint again the same garden, but this time it is rainy season. Your mind will immediately prepare a new image according to the request and the first image will change automatically. This example is a simplification of course, but these are the basics of how the human mind works
Step 3. Think positive
You will find it easier to think logically and control negative emotions that arise if you can think more positively and feel happier. While you may have to try hard at first, this will work itself out once you get used to it.
For example, at this time your relationship is in trouble so you are a bit upset, feel not free, and can't be yourself. Instead of being afraid to face the fact that you are scared, focus your attention on the learning process. What needs to be improved in this relationship in order for you to be happy? How can you be better at communicating? Would it help if you went to therapy and could there be a bigger problem?
Step 4. Calm down
People who are aware of their emotional state are usually more emotionally stable. They can calm down because they have the ability to accept their feelings and realize that it's usually no big deal. This is what psychologists and scientists call "calm" which can be achieved by trying to be aware and understand yourself.
You can achieve serenity by meditating. Focus on your breathing pattern while trying to keep your mind off other things until you feel calm. This exercise is a way to get out of your daily routine so you can gain a broader understanding of life
Step 5. Think flexibly, accurately, and thoroughly
The human mind has an amazing ability to see, hear, and think about what it wants, regardless of what reality really is. Keep this in mind the next time you feel an emotion you don't want. You are the one who shapes the reality you experience, so you can definitely change it!
Another example: you're out with your boyfriend, then a text message comes in on his phone from an unknown number and you can't help but read the text. The message was, "Hi! I had a lot of fun last night. Call me quickly, okay?" You immediately assume that your guy is cheating on you and get ready to break up. For several days you feel restless, do not eat and do not sleep, until you finally meet him while venting the anger that has built up because this problem is so big for you. Turns out the text was from his older sister and your guy even proved the truth by calling his brother. If we look back, at that time you should have taken a breath first, admit that you read the SMS, then ask calmly what was really going on. There are many ways to interpret a situation and don't jump to conclusions on your own
Part 3 of 3: Changing Habits
Step 1. Build social relationships
You know the term "hand in hand?" You will be able to control your emotions better if there is strong support from the group that will help with your problem. Any problem will be easier to solve if you believe there is always someone you can rely on, even without their help.
Storytelling therapy can be a very effective way of dealing with emotional problems and you don't have to see a therapist to recover. Speak up if you feel trapped in an emotional situation you don't want to be in. At the time of speaking, your emotions can also be channeled
Step 2. Get together with people who are emotionally stable
Having a large social network is a very good thing, but when you're in it, you also have to be able to keep things positive. It's best not to socialize with people whose moods are volatile or unstable and make new friends. Drama is usually very contagious.
If you often hang out with people who are emotionally unhealthy, you will get used to their condition. Anxiety, mutual distrust, and even fear have become normal for them. Sometimes it's hard to notice an unhealthy relationship if you're used to being in a negative environment. If you have some friends that make you gloomy and uncomfortable, they may be friends who are not emotionally healthy
Step 3. Practice tolerance
Maybe you've heard the words "no one can make you angry but yourself" or other phrases that mean the same thing. This statement is true because you are the determinant of how you feel, not someone else. Just because someone overtakes your car doesn't mean that it has to make you feel a certain way. You must have your reasons for experiencing certain feelings, but this has nothing to do with the tiny receptors working in your brain. So the next time someone makes you angry, calm down first. The more tolerant you become, the more stable you will become.
There are a myriad of reasons that can make us angry ranging from someone standing too close in line to hypocrites and bickering who are stubborn and can't think straight. We have all experienced moments that we cannot accept, for example when someone does something wrong or we are blamed. Wait for your next moment which is coming soon if you are just like everyone else. Try taking deep breaths if you feel like getting angry. Avoid bickering and don't insult other people. Think again before you act and stay calm
Step 4. Do it yourself
When we have to face obstacles, it is better if we have anticipated and prepared ourselves. But in reality, we try to dodge and feel completely helpless. Dodging is not the main issue, but rather our powerlessness in the face of obstacles. This makes us lose control so that our emotions are unstable. And even though you can't avoid the slightest problem, you can still control your life. The more autonomy you have, the easier it will be to maintain emotional stability.
For most people, life's obstacles are inevitable. We all experience problems in terms of finances, relationships, and everyday life, but one thing we can do is never rely on other people to make you feel valued and recognized. As long as other people are still in control of our lives, surely we will not feel calm because we have no control over ourselves. If someone else has been controlling your life or controlling your emotions, it's best to stop immediately. Only you can make yourself happy, no one else
Step 5. Take care of yourself
You won't be able to keep your emotions in check if you don't eat well, don't get enough sleep, and don't take care of yourself. Meet your primary needs before going any further to change bad habits formed by your superego (the part of your personality that deals with ethics, moral standards and rules). You can't run if you can't walk, can you?
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You must get enough sleep because your mind can only work properly if your sleep needs are fulfilled. With better thinking skills, you will be able to think logically and maintain emotional stability.
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Eat healthy food. A bad diet will make us feel bad. If you always eat healthy and good food, your ability to think well and healthy will also improve.
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Exercising. Maybe you already know that exercising will make our bodies secrete endorphins, hormone glands in the brain that provide a sense of happiness. If your heart is sad, try walking briskly. Usually the feeling will go away after you walk for a while.
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Step 6. Be kind to yourself
Many people put the habit of doing good to others as a priority. In addition to being kind to others, you must also be able to do good to yourself. So if you're feeling sad or having trouble controlling your emotions, take some time for yourself to experience the kindness that your friend did. Take this as a signal that you need to go to a concert or enjoy ice cream.
Little pleasant things can help us to be more calm, patient, and aware that everything will be okay. Life may not be perfect, but you always have a reason to be positive by being kind to yourself
Step 7. Be patient
While the advice given here doesn't make a difference once you put it into practice, it's worth remembering that our growing up years are often marked by emotional turmoil and a lack of security. In other words, your emotions will become more stable with age. The older the wiser and the calmer. So if you're young, don't push yourself too hard. Friends your age may be facing the same problem.
