Are you an introvert and very shy person? Believe me, that kind of self character is not only owned by you. While being shy isn't a big sin, there are times when it will make it difficult for you to approach a woman you like. Don't worry, as long as you are willing to fight shyness and increase your confidence in front of others, surely approaching the woman of your dreams will no longer be as difficult as moving mountains!
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Method 1 of 3: Involving Others
Step 1. Practice how you interact with the people you meet at the supermarket
An important step in overcoming shyness is to increase your level of comfort in interacting with other people. There are many scenarios you can practice to interact with strangers in relaxed and fun situations; surely after that, your confidence in social circles will increase significantly.
- Approach someone from customer service and ask them to help you find the product you need. You can also ask for his opinion on certain products.
- Greet the store cashier who served you and ask how he was that day.
- Be polite but not long-winded. Remember, your goal is to enhance the experience of interacting with strangers, not conversing as long as possible.
Step 2. Move on to light and simple interactions
After improving your social skills with the help of strangers, try to have light interactions with the people you meet. Once you get used to interacting with other people, you won't feel pressured when you have to interact with the woman you like; especially since you should no longer be haunted by the risk of possible rejection.
- Approach people other than the women you like at events you both attend; practice your interaction skills with these people.
- Involve other people in the conversation by commenting on certain topics. For example, approach someone and say, “This song is great, isn't it. Do you know who the singer is?”
- Approach someone at your office or school. Start the conversation by discussing general topics such as office work or schoolwork; Once the conversation starts to flow, try moving the conversation in a more personal direction. For example, try saying "Actually, last night I was working on it, but suddenly my favorite television show is showing, please!".
- Learning to converse in a less stressful environment can help you overcome your fear of rejection. In addition, in the future you will also feel more comfortable when you have to interact with other people.
Step 3. Smile and make eye contact
Regardless of who you're talking to, smiling can make you appear more friendly and approachable. Making occasional eye contact will also show your confidence; but be careful, don't stare at him all the time if you don't want to be seen as weird or scary.
- Learn to smile and look other people in the eye when introducing yourself. It will be difficult at first; but believe me, it will make you look much friendlier and more confident. Both are positive characters that can attract women's attention, you know!
- Smiling will also make you feel better in any situation. Research shows that smiling can produce chemical reactions in the brain that make people feel happier and more confident in an instant.
Method 2 of 3: Approaching the Woman You Like
Step 1. Don't approach her if she seems busy or unfocused
Remember, the environment will greatly affect his desire to interact with other people. If you approach him while he's busy doing something, chances are your attempts at introductions won't be met with a positive response.
- If the girl you like seems to be talking to someone else, busy with something, or wearing headphones which is a sign that she doesn't want to be disturbed, don't force yourself to stay close to her.
- Places like bars, coffee shops, bookstores, or gyms are perfect locations to establish conversation with someone. Most of the people go to such places to hang out and establish social interactions with other people.
Step 2. Approach him as soon as you make eye contact
If your gaze crosses, immediately approach him. Don't keep staring at him without wanting to approach him if you don't want to scare him or make him feel uncomfortable.
- Constantly watching someone from a distance but not getting close to them can make you look scary.
- Your conversation should sound natural rather than planned; so make sure you look him in the eye first to show that you'll be interacting with him soon.
- Approach and greet him, then introduce yourself like what you've been practicing.
Step 3. Make your conversation purposeful
Don't just introduce yourself and let the conversation not continue afterward. Show a fun and friendly attitude to keep him interested in continuing to chat with you!
- You can be straightforward by saying, "I saw you from the other end of the room and felt compelled to introduce myself to you."
- You could also say, “Hello, I'm a new employee and don't know anyone here. Can I talk to you for a moment?”
- If the two of you already know each other, try mentioning a class you're in together or a party you've been to.
Step 4. Admit your shyness when talking to him
No matter how often you practice, chances are that the nervousness will remain. If you're feeling shy and nervous, don't try to cover it up because she'll definitely notice. Instead, acknowledge the embarrassment and nervousness before talking further with him.
- Try saying, "I'm always nervous when it comes to chatting with new people.".
- If you want to compliment her, you can say, "Duh, I always get nervous when I talk to beautiful women.".
Step 5. Ask questions or observe things around you to keep the conversation going
Human knowledge is limited so it's natural that at some point the two of you will run out of topic; remember, this doesn't mean he (or you) is no longer attracted to each other. Whenever the topic of conversation feels stuck, try asking him a question or building a new topic based on things around the two of you to fill in the gaps in the conversation.
- Ask him to elaborate on his statement. If he recently moved to your city, try to mention his old place of residence by asking, "The food in your old town was delicious, wasn't it?". His response will help you find out his favorite food or type of restaurant, you know!
- Try discussing interesting things that are happening around the two of you. If you are at school, try mentioning the name of a teacher and ask if the teacher has taught him. After that, give your opinion about the teacher. Try saying, “You didn't teach Mr. Thompson, did you? I think he's okay, but he's got a lot of work to do!”
Step 6. Be yourself
You may be tempted to lie or be someone you aren't in order to appear more confident or cool in front of them; but remember, a relationship based on lies will not last long.
- If he doesn't seem interested in you, you're more likely to feel hurt. But at least you didn't show a fake identity in front of him, right?
- If he responds positively, at least you know that you can be yourself around him; believe me, this is a good first step to start a romantic relationship!
Step 7. Ask how to contact him
If he also seems interested in you, chances are that the communication process between the two of you will develop rapidly after that. Take advantage of the opportunity by asking if you can call him or be friends with him on social media.
- In general, asking for a woman's cell phone number does seem flirtatious. So if you're not sure if he's interested in you too, try asking him if he's allowed to be friends on social media instead of asking for his phone number right away.
- Try asking, "Can I call you sometime?".
- If you prefer to use social media, try asking what type of social media they use. For example, you could ask, “Do you have Facebook?”. If he confirms your question, respond like "May I add ?"
Method 3 of 3: Fighting Shame
Step 1. Deal with shyness as you would any other problem
Shyness is an emotional disorder that you can overcome with intention and effort. If you want to lose weight, of course you will make a diet and exercise plan, right? As in the case of losing weight, you also have to devise an effective plan to deal with shyness.
- Make a specific plan to help you overcome your fear of having to talk to the woman of your dreams.
- Use the plan to set short-term goals such as making yourself more comfortable when approaching them.
Step 2. Practice at home
The first step to overcoming shyness is to get used to being more involved with those closest to you (like your immediate family at home). Make yourself comfortable saying things out loud, such as when introducing yourself or greeting other people.
- If you want to practice regularly, sooner or later your brain will adjust to the way you interact with it; As a result, the next time you will do it more naturally because you are used to it.
- Practice in front of a mirror in order to improve the way you present yourself and interact with others.
Step 3. Reconstruct your ideas about rejection
Shyness is generally rooted in the fear of accepting rejection; consider rejection as something personal is a natural thing, but that does not mean you can get used to it. Instead of seeing rejection as a personal failure, try to view it as an experience that you can learn from in the future.
- Chances are, the rejection you receive doesn't even have anything to do with you. Most likely, he turned you down because he's in a bad mood, he's not having a good day, or he's emotionally disturbed.
- Rejection will not kill you. In fact, rejection won't even hurt that much if you're willing to change your perspective. Instead of seeing it as a failure, try to view rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience and understand how to better interact with others.
Step 4. Stop predicting the future
Fear of rejection generally arises because you are too busy predicting the possibilities that exist before you even experience them. Humans' ability to imagine worst-case scenarios is actually one of their weapons for survival; however, this habit will generally still appear by itself even if the situation is not dangerous.
- Don't keep thinking about bad scenarios that might happen when you're approaching a woman.
- If you can't stop imagining the possible interactions, try to focus on the positive things that might happen. Undoubtedly, this will increase your confidence and make you feel more confident in yourself.
