Breaking up from a relationship is a difficult thing. If you are planning to break up with your lover, you may feel nervous or unsure. Before talking about it, think back on the reasons that made you want to end the relationship and practice what you need to say. When you're ready, state your wishes in person if you can. State your intentions clearly and don't make him interpret what you mean differently as this will give him false hope. Try ending the conversation with a kind or positive statement before you finally officially part with him.
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Part 1 of 3: Choosing a Time and Place to End a Relationship
Step 1. End your relationship right away
You and your lover have been through a lot together. The best way to respect your relationship and your lover is to cut off the relationship in person. If distance is a barrier, make plans to video chat. If that's not possible, calling him could be another best option.
- Don't end the relationship via text or instant messages. Apart from being impersonal, it is also painful. Only use letters or e-mails if you have previously tried to end a relationship, but he managed to change your mind.
- If you're in a relationship filled with violence, you can cut ties by phone, email, or letter. Your safety is the most important thing.
Step 2. Meet him somewhere quite private
Take him for a walk or meet him at the park (or something similar). This way, after you break up, you can separate. If you invite her over to your house, it will feel awkward and she may not want to leave after that.
- If you're not sure about his reaction, hold the meeting in a more public place, like a coffee shop.
- If you're afraid he'll react badly, invite a friend to come with you. He can sit out of sight, but close enough to you if you ever need his help.
Step 3. Consider choosing the right time
Choose a time that allows both of you to talk privately without any distractions. Instead of talking to him in the morning before he goes to school or work, wait until the afternoon (after school or work). If possible, see him on the weekends so you can both organize or calm feelings privately on the weekends.
Step 4. Don't rush or cut ties right away in the middle of an argument
When things heat up, it's easy for you to say things you don't really want to say. Take some time to think things through before breaking up with him. You may find that you want to solve the problem at hand, or that your perspective on the situation changes.
Take a few days to think things over so you can be sure that your relationship with him really needs to end
Step 5. Don't wait too long or avoid the situation
While it's important for you to think things through, don't put off the conversation if you're sure that you really want to end the relationship. If you procrastinate, you will only burden it for a long time. In addition, your plans may also be leaked by other people, and your lover actually finds out from that person.
Part 2 of 3: Telling Her How You Feel
Step 1. Practice what you want to say beforehand
Think and practice what you want to say to your lover with someone you can trust. You can also practice in front of a mirror. Anticipate his reaction and prepare your answer based on what he might say.
- This exercise helps you avoid stammering or saying things you'll regret.
- Keep in mind that no matter how well prepared you are, he may react differently and unexpectedly.
Step 2. Don't beat around the bush
Breaking up in itself has been a difficult thing. Once the conversation starts, there's no longer any reason to procrastinate on your decision. Let him know that you need to talk about something serious. You could say, for example:
- "I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time."
- "I've thought about our relationship and I've made my decision."
Step 3. Make it clear that you want to end the relationship with him
Show sensitivity, but make sure you stay firm so he doesn't interpret your wishes as something else. Don't give her other possibilities or false hopes. Usually, it's best if you make it clear right away that you want to end the relationship. As an example:
- "So this is it. I want to break up."
- "I want us to remain friends, but I don't want to be your lover anymore."
- "I'm not happy in this relationship."
Step 4. Clearly explain why you want to break up with him
Don't say things that are not clear or go around in circles. It would be better if you explain why the relationship is not going well honestly and frankly. You could say, for example:
- "I'm not ready to date seriously right now."
- "This relationship doesn't feel right. I'm not happy."
- "We fight more than we have fun."
- "There are other people (in our relationship/liking)."
Step 5. Don't lie to make her feel "better" about herself
Saying something like "I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now" isn't appropriate if there are more serious issues that prompted you to end the relationship. This can lead to misunderstandings. He may keep in touch with you in hopes of getting back into a relationship with you.
Step 6. Apologize to him if your decision hurt him
Even though you need to make your point clear, it would be better if you apologize because the situation was painful. Try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he might feel. You can say:
- "I'm sorry if my decision is hard to hear."
- "I'm sorry if this hurt you."
- "I know this is hard to accept and I'm sorry."
Step 7. Listen to the explanation
Usually, your ex-boyfriend will have a response after you've expressed your wish. Respect and listen actively to what he has to say. Let him say what needs to be said, but if he starts pleading or tries to change your mind, reaffirm your decision. After that, tell him that you have to go.
If he's being rude, try saying, “I'm insecure about your behavior. I have to go now." While away, call your friends and tell them what happened
Step 8. End the chat with a kind or positive statement or saying
Finish the conversation quickly, but try to end it on a positive note. Try to say something that you honestly feel, rather than just saying something to sound "friendly" or just walk away. You could say, for example:
- "I will always remember the special moments we spent together."
- "Anyone who will be in a relationship with you must be lucky to have someone like you."
- "I know we will always care for each other."
- "I'm glad we got to know each other."
Part 3 of 3: Rising from a Breakup
Step 1. Cut off contact with him
After parting, limit the possibilities for contacting each other. Return the items immediately so that there is no reason for you (or him) to contact each other. After that, delete their contact information from your phone and unfriend them on social media.
Make sure you completely cut off contact. Don't be tempted to talk to him again to make him feel better. This actually makes him think that he still has a chance to get back into a relationship with you
Step 2. Give him time
If you want to remain friends with him, give him some time before going back to talking about friendship (or approaching him to be friends again). You can't just expect him to be friends again right away, especially if he's "blind" by the breakup. Besides that, it's a good idea to avoid places he often visits, at least for now.
Step 3. Make sure your interactions with them are short and nice if they are unavoidable
If the two of you need to stay in touch, you should still take your steps carefully from the start. Excessive contact or interaction makes him feel that there is an opportunity for him to rekindle the "fire of love" that had been extinguished. Therefore, make sure your interactions with him are short and straightforward.
- For example, if you see him frequently in a group (eg class), you could say hello, then sit next to another friend to limit his opportunities to talk to you.
- Make sure you don't ask about his personal life or tell him how you're doing when you interact with him.
Step 4. Get support from family and friends
Just because you're the one who decides to end the relationship, doesn't mean you don't feel hurt. Spend time with supportive friends and share how you feel. Express your emotions if necessary. Your family members can also be a source of support after your relationship ends.
- For example, you can spend the night watching a movie with friends. Choose light films or comedies to keep your mood up.
- Go to lunch with your parents or siblings. Share your feelings if you need to, or just take some time to get to know yourself again.
Step 5. Change your routine with activities and the presence of new people
The end of a relationship can leave a void that used to be filled by your moments with him in everyday life. Change your life by adding new activities to your daily schedule and trying different things.
- For example, if you used to walk to class with him, now you can try walking to class with new friends.
- Try joining a club or organization. Visit a new restaurant or park. Fill your schedule with interesting activities and social events.
- Spend more time on hobbies, or do something new that you've always wanted to try. For example, you could take cooking classes, recreational sports, or drama auditions.
Step 6. Don't rush to date again
After ending the relationship, you need to take time to "cry" the relationship that has run aground before finally moving on to a new relationship. Take this moment to take care of yourself, evaluate the mistakes in previous relationships, and prepare to bounce back. It's not fair to your ex-girlfriend if you go back to looking for love too soon in a state that hasn't really "recovered".
