Breaking up with the man you love can be tough, but with the right attitude and confidence, you'll be able to say goodbye. You must be willing to prioritize your own health, happiness, and future. If the future does not involve him, it means now is the time to end the relationship, even though deep in your heart you are still in love.
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Method 1 of 3: Making the Right Decision
Step 1. Ask yourself why you want to separate
Breaking up with someone is tough, and it's even more difficult if you're actually still in love. However, sometimes the road relationship is in place, getting more and more tenuous, and difficult to maintain because of time or distance apart. Even if you are still in love, you may feel like starting a new chapter. If you are considering ending a relationship, ask yourself the following questions. If most of your answers are no, maybe it's time to find your own way.
- Do you just want to break up because of a recent event, such as a fight or financial problem? If not, is it a long term problem?
- Have you ever hesitated to break up, or have you been convinced for weeks on this decision?
- If your partner asks for a second chance, will you give it?
- Will you be able to see the partner in your life six months from now?
Step 2. Write down a list of reasons you want to break up
This can be difficult, but if you put your reasons down on paper, it will make it easier for you to convince yourself. Don't worry about whether you will hurt anyone's feelings, this paper is for you alone. Explore why you want to end the relationship by considering the following reasons:
- You can't give him the love he deserves. Maybe you have to move for a new job, want to spend more time with your family, or find it difficult to make ends meet. If you really love him, but you know you can't/don't want to be with him, the relationship has to end.
- You fall in love with someone else. Unfortunately, you can't really control who you love. If you have deep feelings for another person, you should end the relationship with your current partner before starting a new relationship.
- You can't imagine a future with him. This is especially important if he is planning a future with you. End things right now rather than hoping to change your mind because it's unlikely that will happen.
- You are not happy. If the sad times outweigh the good times, and you keep thinking about relationship problems every day, it's time to find another way. This problem is not only a phase that must be passed, but because the relationship has begun to be bitter.
Step 3. Look again at the list of reasons a week later
Read it again and feel if it still feels right. Did you just list those reasons out of a momentary irritation, or are you still feeling it seven days later? If you're still sure you want to break up, then that's a valid reason.
Step 4. Imagine the freedom you will have after the breakup, not the temporary pain that will result
Many people stay in relationships for fear of the emotional loneliness of living alone. You may already know that you'll be better off in the long run, but the short-term pain of breaking up seems unbearable. However, the bandage still needs to be removed, and it's easier to keep the following things in mind:
- You will not be alone forever. Being single doesn't mean there won't be love anymore, even if right now you feel like you'll never find the "perfect" man.
- Freedom will make you stronger. Living alone can be tough, but it forces you to develop in unexpected but important ways. You don't need a man to be strong and happy.
Step 5. Remember why you love him to make sure you make the right decision
This may be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you are determined to end the relationship, but you have to weigh the pros and cons. Write down why you love him, why you were with him, and the good times you had with him. Remember, you will always have these memories, no matter where the relationship ultimately leads. If you've searched through happy memories, but still believe that breaking up is the best course of action, you'll know that this is the right decision.
Remember, breaking up even though you're still in love is still the best move. You just have to make sure that the downsides outweigh the benefits
Step 6. Prioritize your health and happiness
Usually the last obstacle to breaking up is worrying about the other person. What will friends think? What will parents think? How do we solve this problem? Especially, how will he feel? However, all of these worries are insignificant when compared to your own happiness and emotional well-being. Although it sounds selfish, this kind of thinking is actually the wisest. If your relationship is not going well, you and your partner will often fight and argue. Friends and family may be brought in, and relationship concerns will be dealt with alone and kept secret from others. When you are ready to end things, all that matters is your decision to separate. Other details will adjust accordingly.
Sometimes a hunch (“This relationship won't work”) is a perfectly acceptable excuse. Remember that this decision is for yourself, not for anyone else
Step 7. End the relationship as soon as you make a firm decision
If you don't cut ties right now, and keep procrastinating, the situation will only get worse in the future. You'll regret not taking action while you still can, and end up wasting time in a meaningless relationship. It might hurt right now, but once you get past it, you'll be grateful. Both parties would only be able to continue living after this initial pain had passed.
Remember, it's better to be happy alone than to suffer in a relationship
Method 2 of 3: Disconnecting
Step 1. Call him and ask him to meet in a quiet and quiet place
Make sure you choose an area that allows open and honest conversation. Say that you need to talk about the relationship, but don't say anything on the phone. However, naturally you still have to show seriousness so that he is ready.
Don't break up with him on a date. You have to choose a special time, not say it on a supposedly fun night
Step 2. Say that you want to break up immediately after greeting each other
Don't talk in circles because that will only make it harder for you and add to the tension. You may lose your nerve and change your mind. The 30 seconds it takes you to say goodbye does require intense and extreme courage, but it's still only 30 seconds.
Take a deep breath and count down to three in your head. Specify that once your count reaches "zero", you must speak
Step 3. Use clear and unambiguous language
You have to make it clear that you want to end the relationship. Don't make him guess or open the door for a chat. If your decision has been made, it is time to move forward. Make sure he knows that you still love him and want to be friends, but that the love relationship can't continue. There are a number of opening words you can use to end a relationship, but it's best to use simple and direct language, for example:
- "I want to continue living outside of this relationship."
- "It's about time we met someone new."
- "I think we should break up."
Step 4. Don't get emotional, point out, or blame
Disconnecting is difficult enough, there is no need to add to the fight or argument. You may have a number of reasons for breaking up, but that doesn't mean you have to go over the flaws and problems in the relationship one by one. It will only add insult to injury, and lead to a fight or argument that leaves both parties equally screwed ("What do you mean I never supported you, I always supported you!" or, "It's not my fault, it's your fault you moved!"). However, he will ask why you want to break up, and it's best to prepare a calm, honest, non-judgmental answer.
- "I realized we were drifting apart. We've been together a long time, and I'm grateful for that, but now I have to grow and develop in my own way."
- "I don't think we respect each other as much as we used to. Some of it is my fault. But we need to find someone else who will treat us the way we want."
Step 5. Stand up for your decision, no matter what he says
If he still loves you, he may ask for a second chance, propose a temporary separation, or convince you to change your mind. However, once you make a decision, you have to stick with it. Remember, what he says now is not going to fix the relationship or the problem that made you want to break up.
- "I see, but I think we should go our separate ways."
- "I don't want a temporary and uncertain separation. I want a real separation."
Step 6. Go after you've said what to say
To soften the blow, give him a little hug and walk away. Don't linger or wait for what the reaction will be. Don't get wrapped up in the emotional effects of this breakup. Realize that it does hurt, and there's no way to make it easier or make it better. Neither of you will be happy with each other's presence after this talk, no matter if you linger or whatever you say. The best option is to leave politely.
Method 3 of 3: Getting On With Life After Break Up
Step 1. Remember why you broke up if you miss him or her
Breaking up is not easy. However, know that your reasons are right and that the problem is not with you, but with him. Rest assured that you have done the right thing. Even if you've managed to get out of the relationship, there may still be pain and anger. This recovery process depends on how much love you have, but don't worry, you'll feel better soon enough.
Missing won't change anything and isn't the reason you should get back together. The bigger problems that led to the end of the relationship will still be there
Step 2. Move away from the possibilities you can already see
After leaving your loved one, you will definitely be sad. You will often miss him, feel you made the wrong decision, and want to ask him for advice on your next steps. However, you must resist the temptation to text, call, or see him. You can forget him and move on with your life, but only if you have strong willpower. Resist the urge to talk to him, and try to manage your own feelings. It will be difficult, but you can do it.
- Maybe you'll be able to befriend him one day, but that day is far ahead. By now you should be able to forget any lingering feelings of love for him, and the only way is not to see each other.
- To start the recovery process, get rid of photos and items that carry painful memories.
Step 3. Try something new
Breakup is painful, but it also comes with a sense of freedom. You no longer need to make decisions for two people, you can decide anything yourself. You'll suddenly notice that you have more free time, and that events and activities that were once difficult to find time to are now easy to do. Don't spend time dwelling on your feelings, go out and try something new. Enjoy your new freedom and explore the world of single women.
Do everything for yourself. Take this time to care for and take care of yourself
Step 4. Seek support from friends and family
The presence of other people will remind you that even if you don't have a lover, you are not alone. Enjoy your time with your loved ones to help heal the gaping hole in your heart.
- When you want to call or text your ex, call your best friend. Say, briefly, that you are still trying to get rid of the old habit of chatting with your ex.
- Most people will be happy to help you recover, but that doesn't mean they want to hear complaints and stories about your ex all day. Avoid the topic of your ex, instead replace it with another topic.
