When you find evidence that your husband is cheating on you, it's natural to feel angry and sad. However, you're having a hard time coping with your raging feelings and don't know what to do. Accepting the harsh reality is not as easy as turning the palm of your hand, but you are still strong if you rely on faith in God when you are experiencing difficulties. Also, share the burden of feeling with people who are ready to provide support, rather than bearing it alone. This wikiHow provides helpful tips to help you accept reality and be free of negative emotions.
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Method 1 of 13: Feel all the emotions that come up
Step 1. Give yourself time to feel negative emotions
People who rely on God does not mean they have to always be strong. Instead of harboring negative emotions, cry when you feel sad. If you are angry, admit that you are angry while feeling it. The suffering you are experiencing may be part of God's plan to help you by teaching you a valuable lesson through this event. Pray that you will be able to learn from this incident and draw closer to Him.
- For example, if you are quick to anger, God wants you to learn to be patient by always relying on Him in times of trouble.
- If you sob while confiding in friends, God wants you to be grateful because there are people who always support and care for you.
Method 2 of 13: Rely on God as a source of comfort
Step 1. Ask God to strengthen and bless you
The world feels like the end of the world when you find evidence that your husband is having an affair. Right now, you can't decide whether you want to stay with him or get a divorce, and you don't even know how you really feel. No matter how difficult the situation is, turn to God at a time like this. Let God's grace guide you to be able to make the right decisions.
- Sometimes, very serious problems make us feel distant from God. Even though faith is wavering, keep communicating with God to find the best solution.
- Psalm 46:2 reveals God's way of helping His people who are in trouble: "God is for us a place of refuge and strength, as a helper in adversity is very evident".
Method 3 of 13: Ask your husband to explain what happened
Step 1. Don't just find out trivial things that only trigger heartache
It's a good idea to ask for useful information about the affair, such as who the woman is, how long they've been in a relationship, and when she cheated on you. Don't force your husband to tell you in detail because this incident is hard to forget. Pray to God for wisdom so you can determine the information you need and ask the right questions to get it.
- For example, ask him, "So far, have you always used a condom when you have sex? How many people have you cheated on? I'm wondering if I need to consult a doctor to make sure I don't get a venereal disease."
- Have the conversation in a calm manner. Don't talk to him if you're still angry.
- It's a good idea to have a mediator accompany you both, such as a marriage counselor or an older church activist.
Method 4 of 13: Ask your husband to explain why he cheated on you
Step 1. Whatever the reason, cheating is wrong, but at the very least, this step will help you get an explanation as to why he cheated on you
Adultery happens for a variety of reasons. Even if the explanation is hard to accept, you can control your emotions if you understand why the two of you are having problems.
- For example, ask him, "Has our relationship been unsatisfactory so far?" or "What you didn't get from me, but you got from him?"
- You both need to communicate to find out why he cheated on you. Consider consulting a spiritual leader or counselor for solutions.
Method 5 of 13: Don't beat yourself up
Step 1. Remember that you are innocent
Even if you caused your husband to feel disappointed in a husband and wife relationship, he must be responsible for his actions because he himself decided to have an affair. If not, he can be sure he will have another affair if he feels disappointed.
When you reflect on this incident, you realize that you need to change, for example to become a wife who pays more attention to and understands her husband. You still can't be blamed for cheating on your husband, but these thoughts can be taken into consideration when dealing with problems
Method 6 of 13: Share how you feel with a supportive person
Step 1. Share your feelings with your husband and people you trust
Instead of harboring negative emotions, you have the right to tell your husband how painful his actions were. However, a husband cannot be a good listener if he is embarrassed or tries to deny it. Try to find a supportive person to share what you're going through. A reliable interlocutor allows you to accept reality and recover.
- Go to a person you greatly respect at a place of worship for advice and spiritual guidance according to your beliefs.
- See a counselor who provides faith-based consultations to help you recover faster.
Method 7 of 13: Be kind to yourself
Step 1. Don't expect the hurt to go away in an instant
Betrayed by a partner can be a very traumatic experience and lead to post-infidelity stress disorder that is very similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. This problem makes it difficult for you to cope with negative emotions and affects your ability to carry out daily activities in various aspects of life. Avoid this by keeping faith in God. Also, rely on support from a supportive group even if the process is longer.
Try to fulfill responsibilities by doing the best possible daily activities, such as working in the office and taking care of the children. Be nice to yourself if you haven't come to terms with what happened
Method 8 of 13: Write down everything you feel
Step 1. Keeping a useful journal speeds up the recovery process
You can decipher your confused thoughts and feelings by expressing them on paper. Don't worry that other people will judge your writing because this activity is personal.
Write down a few scriptures that will give you peace of mind when you are facing life's storms like this. When you are really down, read a journal while praying to God that you will find comfort in that verse
Method 9 of 13: Pray for your husband to repent
Step 1. Channel God's blessings even though the heart feels heavy
The husband is involved in the affair because he failed to face the temptation. Even if you have never cheated on yourself, remember that anyone can fall into temptation. Even if you're not ready to forgive him yet, pray that God will keep him from sin. One day, you may realize that this experience is a testament to God's goodness and love.
Don't stop praying for him even if you want a divorce. Jesus said to his disciples in the Gospel of Luke 6:28: "… pray for those who abuse you."
Method 10 of 13: Stay somewhere else if needed
Step 1. Tell your husband that you want to separate for a while if you need to be alone to find out how he responds
Maybe you need a lot of time to get over your heartache and can't seem to trust your husband after this incident. It's a good idea for you or your husband to leave the house for a while so that you can live your daily life in peace. During the separation, talk to your husband often to find out his reaction. Does he feel guilty, apologize, and want to mend the relationship to restore trust between the two of you?
Watch his actions, not just his words. If he is trying hard to prove that he wants to improve the relationship, for example by keeping all his promises and being transparent with you, this may be a good sign to accept him back
Method 11 of 13: Determine the next step
Step 1. Consider carefully before stating your position
Don't be in a hurry to make a decision, especially if you both have children who are not yet independent. Before deciding, consider what happened and the triggers. You also need to determine what is needed to maintain emotional health so that the marriage can be maintained. Pray that you are able to make the right decisions and have time to discuss with loved ones, but don't ignore your conscience.
- If you want to stay with him, think about what you need to do to make the two of you closer and closer. Set clear boundaries so he knows what you can and can't do while you're recovering.
- If he tries to defend himself and doesn't regret what he did or you don't trust him anymore, consider getting a divorce. In the Bible it is explained that adultery is a valid reason for divorce.
Method 12 of 13: Ask for support from a support group for victims of infidelity
Step 1. Make an effort to reach out to someone you trust and is ready to be a good listener
You should express the burden of feelings to people who have been victims of infidelity. For that, find out if there is a support group in your city. Start looking for information by contacting the board of a civic organization or religious community.
If the location is very remote, use the internet to find a support group. If you live in the United States, join an online support group, such as Infidelity Survivors Anonymous or the Infidelity Recovery Institute
Method 13 of 13: Consult a counselor so you can forgive your husband
Step 1. One aspect that plays an important role when recovering is forgiving your husband
In the Gospel of Luke 6:37, Jesus said, "… forgive and you will be forgiven." Even though it is very difficult, try to accept the fact that he is an ordinary person who is not free from mistakes so that you are free from heartache. Remember that God forgives our sins and asks us to forgive others. If you are not successful in dealing with this problem on your own, consult a counselor who does therapy to deal with emotional disorders by providing spiritual guidance.
